The Keep: The X-Files Interval Workout

The X-Files Interval Training Workout (cycling)

Approximate time: 65 - 75 minutes

(includes a 5-minute warm-up before the show)

Back when The X-Files was a cult phenomenon and a Friday night show, and before cycling aerobics classes, some friends of mine and I would commandeer the little-used stationary cycles in front of the tv at the gym. Walkman headphones in place, we'd cycle and watch our favorite show, reacting with gasps, laughs, and advice to the characters loud enough to be heard over the rock music station that blared throughout the empty gym. The staff dubbed us "The X-Girls." Always looking for a challenge, we started adding stipulations about how to change the intensity of the workout based on how the episode unfolded. Eventually the rules evolved into a game. Here, then, is the legacy of "The X-Girls."

You will need:

a stationary cycle
towel
LOTS of water
an X-Files episode

RULES
1. Whenever an event below occurs, do as instructed in the list header. 2. Percentages refer to maximum capacity workload, which is defined as the flywheel setting where standing up and pumping as hard as you can barely moves the wheel. Intensities are expressed in percentages since max capacity varies from individual to individual. 3. Spin fast enough at 15% or greater between events to maintain your target heart rate. 4. A new event does not supercede the current event. If something on the lists below happens when you're already in the middle of the instruction for a previous event, finish the event you're currently doing.

RULES

1. Whenever an event below occurs, do as instructed in the list header.
2. Percentages refer to maximum capacity workload, which is defined as the flywheel setting where standing up and pumping as hard as you can barely moves the wheel. Intensities are expressed in percentages since max capacity varies from individual to individual.
3. Spin fast enough at 15% or greater between events to maintain your target heart rate.
4. A new event does not supercede the current event. If something on the lists below happens when you're already in the middle of the instruction for a previous event, finish the event you're currently doing.

15-second sprint @ 30% when:

1. Mulder says something funny.
2. Any recurring character smiles.
3. A mutant/alien/monster kills someone.
4. Mulder and/or Scully show their badges.
5. Any reference is made to a conspiracy.
6. Mulder and/or Scully asks the other, "Are you okay?" ("Are you all right?" counts, too).
7. Someone uses the words "federal agent" to identify themselves.
8. A strange smoke or fog appears.
9. Someone uses a word from any language other than English.
10. Scully does a voice-over.

20-second sprint @ 30% when:

1. Mulder and/or Scully launches into an awkward-sounding explanation of some historical/scientific/principal fact.
2. Mulder or Scully go in a dark place alone.
3. Someone dies a gory death.
4. Mulder and/or Scully refer to an inside joke.
5. Mulder and/or Scully calls the other on the cellular phone and the first thing the other says is "Hi, it's me."
6. Mulder and/or Scully asks the other, "Where are you?"
7. Scully says, "Mulder, where are you going?" and he comes back with a flip reply.
8. Somebody cries for help.
9. Somebody makes growling noises.
10. Mulder and/or Scully uses a computer.

40-second standing hill climb @ 80%, when:

1. Mulder and/or Scully gets kidnapped (agentnapped).
2. We see Mulder or Scully's dreams.
3. Mulder and/or Scully cries.
4. A flashlight used is so bright it must use a car battery.
5. Somebody fools Mulder and/or Scully and he/she believes it.
6. An animal kills someone.
7. Scully uses a pen.
8. Skinner or CSM appears.
9. Mulder talks to a secret contact.
10. Scully looks scared, with that far-away look in her eyes and her mouth makes little rabbit movements without actually saying anything.

45-second sprint @ 40% when:

1. Mulder is addressed as "Fox."
2. Mulder looses his temper.
3. The Internet is mentioned.
4. Somebody directly threatens Mulder and/or Scully's life.
5. An alien appears.
6. Mulder mentions his sister's abduction.
7. Someone knows about Mulder's sister and wont tell him about it.
8. CSM smokes around a visible non-smoking sign.
9. Mulder and/or Scully is sick.
10. Mulder and/or Scully gets in a fight.

60-second standing hill climb @ 80% when:

1. A space craft appears.
2. An important person dies.
3. Mulder gets nauseous/seasick.
4. Mulder and/or Scully is in jail.
5. Scully believes that something is/might be paranormal, and Mulder doesn't.
6. Mulder and/or Scully gets into a fight, loses gun and wins fight without the other's help.
7. The numbers 11-21 or 10-13 show up anywhere.
8. Mulder and/or Scully exercises.
9. Mulder and/or Scully are wrong about something and are embarrassed by it.
10. Mulder and/or Scully wear sunglasses.

75-second sprint @ 35% when:

1. Mulder and/or Scully goes on a date.
2. Mulder and/or Scully are seen in swimsuits.
3. The credits say something other than "The truth is out there."
4. Mulder is called or referred to as "Spooky."
5. Mulder eats sunflower seeds.
6. Mulder and/ or Scully wears a hat of any kind.
7. A recurring character is naked.
8. Anyone says: "Trust No One", "Deny Everything", "I Want To Believe", or "The Truth Is Out There."
9. A recurring character dies.

...and if Mulder and Scully kiss, there's an extra 20 minutes added to your cardio workout.

Have fun!

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