TITLE: For you

AUTHOR: Gabriele Schulz

EMAIL: [email protected]

RATING: NC-17 (Violence, not sex! It's probably only R, but I don't see why people who aren't allowed to read some nice graphic sex, should read stuff like this.)

DISTRIBUTION: UCSL, CordySlash, Cap. Others please ask first.

SPOILERS: up to Passion, set just before that

FEEDBACK: I'd be thrilled. (Thanks for not flaming ;-)

SUMMARY: Angelus captures Willow and Cordelia. How will this event affect them and the others? C/Willow and B/G

DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights.

NOTE: I thought about how difficult it is to write a convincing Cordy/Willow story (as opposed to B/G), because there's not much on the show that you can begin with. Of course you could write your own little moments, and then a story that built on these moments, or you can just force together, what belongs together (at least in the twisted mind of a UC fanfic author). To put two people in small space is a good start, but it needs a story to work well. I don't know how the story of "For you" developed in my little brain, but it turned out to be a lot more than a necessary means for UC shipping. It also shows the emotions of the other characters, so much in fact, that I could throw in Buffy/Giles as well for all friends of that 'ship. That wasn't originally planned and the main focus is still on the Cordy/Willow part, but I hope this is still worth reading for you B/G Shippers (if you can stand also reading C/W that is). Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks to Lily, my new beta-reader :-) DATE: 5/2-3/99

I Captured

It was very dark. Willow closed the door after thanking Cordelia for driving her home from the Bronze. Cordy drove off and Willow started for the door of her home, when she heard the car stop. She turned around to see whether she had forgotten anything or Queen C wanted to tell her something. But Cordy was getting out of her car and approaching a small body that Willow hadn't noticed before. It seemed to be a child lying half on the street, half on the sidewalk. She had just started towards them when she saw a figure coming out of the shadows of the trees.

"Cordelia!"

Cordy looked up, only to see a cloth pushed into her face before she fainted.

Willow hesitated for a second before running towards the house, at the same time trying to get a stake and/or a cross out of her jacket.

< There! >

She was about to turn around and fend off her attacker, when his hands came around from behind her pressing a soaking cloth in her face. Then everything went black.

II Ordinary Morning Talk (well almost)

"Heeeyy, Buff!"

He jumped up behind her.

"Xander, whatever you want to say or do, save it for later. For some reason a couple of our undead friends decided to play hide and seek the whole night. I got about 3 minutes of sleep and Giles has a special round of training planned for this afternoon, so... just don't."

"Hey, I'm not doing or saying anything." He lifted his hands in defense. "But you sure missed something last night at the Bronze. I mean, Cordy and Willow had a little too much to drink and what shall I say, soon enough they were in a brawl over me. I really..." Buffy gave him a look.

"Not now, got it! Where's Will?"

"I don't know. She isn't here yet."

"Probably some last minute work on that report. I mean I practically had to drag her to the Bronze in the first place. And she insisted on bringing her books." He rolled his eyes.

"Hey, that could have been tactics. I bet they made good weapons against Cordy."

He looked puzzled.

"The brawl over you?"

"Oh, yeah."

The both laughed and went inside.

III Realm of Darkness

The only source of light in the small building was the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling that was as filthy as everything else. Old steel drums were scattered below the stairs that led from the entrance, located just below the ceiling, down to the ground. Angelus was in a deep sleep on the mattress that he had brought as his makeshift bed for the next couple of days, until he would let Buffy know where to find them. A few meters from him there was a small locked extra room that was totally dark except for the little light that shone through under the iron door. There Willow and Cordelia lay chained to the wall, still unconscious.

IV Dawning fear OR An empty chair

Buffy watched the empty chair next to her, as she had for most of the time. Willow hadn't been late. She hadn't shown up at all and Buffy was beginning to worry. Willow was not the kind of person to skip class for *anything*, except saving the world of course. But if something had been going on that needed world-saving, it was a job for the Slayer. Giles would have informed her.

The bell rang and Buffy just told Xander to try and find Oz or anyone else who could have seen her.

Xander went without protest or xanderism and that made her worry even more, while she was heading towards the library to ask Giles whether he knew anything of Willow's whereabouts.

V Entering OR Let the games begin

On the table located next to Angelus' sleeping-space his "tools" were waiting to be used: A dagger with an elaborately decorated hilt, paper and a pencil as well as an envelope, a quill-pen and a Polaroid camera. Angelus obviously wanted to give the achievements of the modern world a try. But right now he grabbed a piece of paper and the pencil, walking past the table, where at the edge Willow's yellow rucksack was smiling as he opened the heavy door to his sleeping captives.

VI Last night... OR Unlikely Coincidence

Giles was trying to calm Buffy down, assuring her that there were thousands of reasons for Willow not being at school, all of which would probably make her laugh at why she had been so worried in the first place by the end of the day. But Buffy wasn't the slightest bit convinced. And when she saw the faces on Xander and Oz as they opened the door, she saw her worst fears confirmed.

"Nobody has seen her..."

She could see that there was something else and she wasn't the only one, because Giles asked, "And...?"

"Cordy seems to be missing as well."

"Oh, God."

"Let's not jump to conclusions, Buffy. M-Maybe they... they..."

"What Giles? Do you think, they skipped class to go shopping together?"

Buffy was right. He knew that wasn't likely. The phrase "when hell freezes over" came to his mind, but he didn't want to panic. Not yet.

"Maybe they are just at home sick."

"At the same time? Now, that's quite a coincidence!"

"But it's a bright sunny day outside. I don't see how..."

"Oh, God," Xander and Buffy said at the same time.

"What?" Oz was calm as ever but worried.

"Last night..." Xander started.

"Didn't you accompany them home?" Giles asked Buffy.

"There were a couple of vamps chasing me around town. I never made it to the Bronze."

"Then...?"

"Cordy drove me home first. I wanted to tease Willow a bit. She had been whining about wanting to go home, so I asked Cordy if she could drop me first. I didn't know..."

Buffy and Giles looked at each other, their own fear mirrored in the other's eyes.

VII Irritants OR Iron, dust, skin and an ever-perceptive Cordelia

Willow felt the pressure of the chain on her ankle. She moved, moaning at the pain. Her whole body hurt from sleeping on the stone ground but it was nothing compared to the torment she felt in her ankle where the iron tied her to the wall.

"Cordy?"

She tried not to move her leg as she groped for anything around her. She was careful, trying to be prepared for whatever Angel might have left her with: Spiders, snakes, or... < Oh, God, please not that! > frogs. But when she finally felt something other than sandy dust, it was human skin. She moved her hands up Cordelia's body to her shoulder and shook her. She whispered her name as loud as she dared.

"Cordelia!"

"What... Willow?"

"Shh!"

She lowered her voice.

"What happened?"

"Angel."

"*WHAT*..."

Willow put a hand on her mouth.

"Shh."

When Cordelia nodded in agreement, Willow removed her hand.

"What will he do?"

"I have no idea."

"Great! Buffy's ex-love-interest-vampire-turned-evil-torturing-monster-vampire kidnaps us and I didn't even have a chance to change. I don't know, why I let you lot get me in these situations. My shoes are killing me."

She moved trying to put them off, then let out a scream, when the pain of the iron on her ankle went through her.

Willow tried to hush her but in a second the door was opened. They shielded their eyes from the light and Willow thought she heard the noise of a photograph being taken.

VIII Angel? OR Other wounds

"And you're sure, they're not at home?"

"No." Buffy admitted in answer to Oz' question.

"Then why don't we call?"

"If we call, their parents will know, they're not at school. What if they really just skipped class, for whatever reason, and we go and spill it to Mom and Dad."

Giles was about to say something, when Jenny Calendar entered.

"Rupert, we really have to talk."

They all looked at her, except Buffy who stared at the ground.

"Is something wrong?"

"W-Willow and Cordelia are missing."

"Oh. Is there... can I help in any way?"

Oz and Xander looked away from her. Buffy looked up to Giles, who caught her glance and quickly answered.

"No."

"I just... Do you think it is Angel?"

They all looked to her again. Even Buffy, who quickly looked back to Giles, who returned her gaze and kept his eyes fixed on Buffy as he said, "Thank you, Ms. Calendar, we'll manage alone."

The computer teacher hesitated only a second before saying, "I hope they're fine" and leaving them alone.

Giles looked at the swinging door and back to Buffy, who was clenching her jaw not looking at anyone, afraid of the blame she was sure to see in their faces.

IX Affliction OR Cutting

When their eyes finally adjusted to the light, they saw Angel who was looking at the photo, waiting to display the scene he had just shot.

"Isn't it amazing what modern technology is capable of? Just a minute and here you go. But I have to say it's almost too accurate. As an artist you always have room left for interpretation. And you really look at someone, when you paint him. Not just click and wait."

He smiled as the figures on the photograph clarified.

"Very beautiful. That will make a wonderful gift for Buffy. But generous as I am I will also leave gifts for her friends. Hhm. Let me think, who... I think Xander will be the lucky first."

Willow and Cordelia exchanged a look before turning their eyes back to him.

"I already have the content and the package, but I guess something is missing to put emphasis on the message."

"What..."

"Ah, I think we have a volunteer."

"No."

"Angel, please."

"Willow, you should be smarter than to think you could talk me out of this. And you! Get up."

"No."

"Cordy..."

"Yes, Cordelia. Don't try to resist. It won't help and it would just hurt much more. Not that I'd care..."

He grabbed Cordy at one arm and dragged her out, until she screamed as the chain drove into her ankle, holding her back. Willow moved.

"You! Stay where you are." He stressed every syllable.

"Please, don't hurt me. What do you want? Money? I can get you money..."

He drove his fingers in her cheeks, effectively silencing her.

"Oh, Cordelia, you are so shallow. Are you aware of that? Or do you just run through life, thinking about how great you are? You have no idea how the others just laugh about you."

He released her jaw and she looked at him shocked and hurt.

"What did you think? Just because they let you play with them, they respect you? Oh, Cordelia. Such a pretty goose. Or was the word I am looking for petty."

He laughed and Cordelia's face turned red with anger.

"You..."

"I what?"

"They'll find us and then you'll pay for this."

"Will I? Well, the one thing I agree upon is that they'll find us. I'll show them the way and then when I have Buffy where I want her, I'll throw a little party for her. And of course for you, Willow."

He turned to the figure in the door.

"And Xander and Giles of course. We won't want to leave out any of Buffy's friends. Unfortunately that doesn't include you."

He smiled at Cordelia, who's only visible emotion was fear now.

"But don't worry, we'll have our own little party now. And maybe I'll leave you alive to see what I do to your... ehm, not-really-friends."

He turned around and got the dagger from the table. Cordelia stood frozen as he lifted the sharp edge to her face.

"Don't worry, I only want a little something to... accentuate my gifts. And remember to not move. He started to cut her cheek and when tears were rolling down he added."You weren't that pretty anyway."

Cordelia closed her eyes as he proceeded a couple of centimeters more.

< Oh, my God, > Willow thought, not able to look away. Her own eyes were filling with tears. She couldn't believe that anyone could be so cruel. And this was Angel. Or it had been. She remembered the day he had come to her house, because he had been worried about Buffy. But the person who cared about Buffy and them was gone. This was Angelus, and his lack of feeling for them (or was it hate, because that would be a feeling, wouldn't it?) was more evident in what he was doing right now to Cordelia, than she could have ever cared to see. She felt helpless anger rise in her. If she were Buffy, she would have gladly strangled him with her chain. As it was she could only hope that he would stop soon enough so that Cordelia's scars wouldn't be so deep that they could never heal. Both the inner and outer ones.

X Not yet OR Helplessness in waiting

"We have to call them."

"Yes."

While Buffy talked to Mrs. Rosenberg for what seemed like an eternity, Oz, Xander and Giles exchanged worried looks. The thought, that it could have been Angel had crossed all of their minds, but to hear it out aloud made it somehow more real, more threatening. Giles was glad that Oz and Xander didn't know what Angel was capable of. It was worse enough that he couldn't keep pictures of Willow and Cordelia entering his mind. He knew that he could do things to them far worse than death. And the thought of what all of this was doing (and would continue to do) to Buffy made him shudder. Her back was turned to them, while she was talking. He understood her. He knew about the fear of expecting blame in the eyes of the ones you love, especially if you deserved it. Not that he blamed her, of course not.

But he knew that he could, and that Buffy was afraid of it. Because it is usually easier to forgive someone you love than yourself. He knew that from experience. He felt bad for his behavior towards Jenny. He had forgiven her already, but right now the most important thing was to save Willow and Cordelia - and Buffy. And to reconcile with Jenny at this point would mean to betray Buffy, and he could never even consider that, no matter what.

Buffy put down the receiver, but hesitated a moment before turning around to face them. When she did, the result of the call was clearly visible in her look.

"She is not at home." Xander stated a fact not a question.

"No. Her mother thought she was at school."

"Did she come home last night?"

"She doesn't know."

"I'll call Cordy."

The call Xander made was only very short.

"Well?"

"Miss Chase is at school." He quoted.

"Let's not..."

"Giles! What are we going to do?"

"Maybe they *did* just skip class."

"Alright. Then where could they have gone."

"I know where Cordy would go."

"Okay, you go to the mall. Oz, perhaps Willow's gone to your place. I'll check anyplace I've ever gone with her. Giles, you stay in the library, in case they appear or call or whatever. Research something."

They all agreed and the three students went out, leaving Giles wondering how well she was taking it. Enthusiasm was good, so was the hope. Unfortunately he was very aware of the fact that after they had checked the places they were heading for now, there would be very little left they could do. They would be condemned to do what Buffy had ordered him to do now. Wait and see. And even though he knew that it was hard for him, he also knew that it was nothing compared to how "well" Buffy could handle helpless waiting.

XI Deafening Silence OR Close Comfort

Willow waited. After cutting Cordelia's cheek he had shoved her towards the table out of her sight. She hadn't dared to move and overheard him, ordering Cordy to not move. It had been silent except for her sharp intake of breath once in a while. And then he had suddenly screamed.

"Can't you stop crying. Look at that. You ruined it. *Look*. Open your goddamn eyes or I'll scratch them out and push them down you throat."

Cordelia had cried even more for Willow had been able to hear her weeping. But that was soon replaced by her screams as he started hitting her.

"*NO*. *Please*."

"No wonder Buffy complained so much about you. You are such a worthless piece of filth."

Willow had winced at the words. It had stopped a while ago and now she could hear nothing but Cordy's irregular breathing. Neither she nor Angel made any other noise. Then Cordy was shoved inside the door that closed immediately behind her, so that Willow couldn't take a look at her.

"Cordy?"

She knew she was standing right in front of her. She got up and felt for Cordy's shoulders.

"Cordy? Are you all right? I mean... Can you say something? Anything?" Cordelia didn't react at all and Willow started to panic.

"Please, just give me a sign that you can hear me."

Willow felt Cordy's hand on her own, before she slid down the door to the ground.

"Oh, God. Cordy."

She got down to her knees and not knowing what else to do, she moved her arms around the figure crumpled in front of her. She hesitated, not sure where Angel had hit her, not wanting to hurt her any more than he had, but when Cordelia weakly lifted her right arm in return she took her in her arms and rocked her.

"It's gonna be okay, Cordy. They will find us and we will be fine."

Cordelia shifted slightly in her arms and managed a "Shh".

Willow understood. She didn't want her to talk. < God knows I'm not good at lying. > So she just held her in her arms and stroked her hair until Cordy's breath became regular and they both fell asleep, arms around each other as if their life depended on it.

XII Who to blame, what to feel and when to stop OR Xander finds his gift

"They probably have run away. That happens a lot in Sunnydale." He didn't know whether to laugh or cry about that statement. The police hadn't been very helpful, once informed by Willow's and Cordy's parents. Their search had been fruitless and Giles had convinced Buffy that there was nothing they could do at the moment. The guilt was riding her quite a bit, he imagined and he was not the person to help her out with that. It was her fault after all. < Stop that, Harris, > he told himself, not wanting to think that, but he couldn't help it. Killing Angel would have been the right thing and they all knew it, including Giles and Buffy herself. And the terror Willow and Cordy were probably facing right now could have been prevented. But blaming Buffy wasn't going to help. And she probably blamed herself more than anyone else (including himself) ever could.

He was her friend as well as Cordy's and Willow's. He should be there for her now. After all he had done his own share of mistakes, including the love-spell-incident that had turned Buffy into a rat, nearly killing her as well as Cordelia and himself.

And still he was angry. Buffy had slept with Deadboy, who had turned into the monster that Xander had always suspected he really was. Then she had let him get away so that he could capture Willow and Cordelia: The two single people in the world that he not only loved, but who also returned his love in some twisted way.

He knew that if something happened to them, he would never be able to look into Buffy's eyes without accusation and even hate, no matter how much he loved her or how little she could have done about it or how much she blamed herself.

Buffy had insisted on accompanying him home, but he had persuaded her to go with Oz, after assuring her that he would let Giles drive him home. He had asked him to drop him half a block from his house to catch some air and Giles had given in after taking a look at the empty street and telling him to look out.

Now he was turning entering the path to the door, a stake in one hand, a cross in the other. He looked around once more before putting the stake back in his jacket and looking for his keys. When he looked back up he froze. Grinning at him from the door was Willow's yellow smiley-rucksack. Added to the curve of its smile were two reddish- brown vampire teeth.

XIII Invitation

"It was nailed to the door together with this."

He put a pencil sketch of Willow and Cordy next to the rucksack that he had earlier placed on the library table. On the back of the painting Angel had written the title and a dedication in what seemed to be blood.

"The sleeping loved ones. For you."

Giles removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Buffy just stared at the words. The lower line of the 'y' in 'you' was blurred by a drop of some liquid. < A tear. > She covered her eyes with her right hand at the thought. She didn't dare to hope that this was the blood of a dead victim, Angel had spared to be used as ink.

"Anything else?"

"Else?! Giles, I come home and find this nailed to my door and you ask if there is anything else?"

"I just... I-I was just wondering whether he left a message for Buffy."

"How do you know this isn't for me?"

"I-I think this... this dedication indicates it's for Xander. Maybe there's something in the rucksack. Have you checked?"

Xander shook his head and Giles picked it up. The others watched him afraid of what he would find. When he brought out an envelope they both sighed, relieved, but when they saw Giles' look as he looked at the envelope, they were worried again. Giles handed it to Buffy, so that they both could read the word written on it in the same color and handwriting as the dedication on the picture: "Buffy"

She took it, opened it and took out the Polaroid showing Willow and Cordy raising their hands to shield them from something Buffy could only guess. The caption was:

"They are waiting..." She turned the photograph around.

"FOR YOU"

XIV Looking and Loving, Laughing and Loathing, Liking and Leaning OR Confessions

The door opened, and he put down something next to them.

"Don't waste it."

He closed the door the moment Willow had adjusted her eyes to the light. It had been just long enough to take a blink at Cordelia's swollen face. < Oh, no. > Cordelia hadn't opened her eyes, but she was obviously awake because she asked, "What did he bring?"

"I don't know."

She felt for the thing he had put down and found it.

"I think, it's water."

"Thank god."

Willow wasn't sure, but she thought it had been almost a day by now. They had used the other corner of the room as a makeshift toilet and she feared that dehydration would make Cordy's condition even worse. He didn't seem to have broken anything, but the glimpse she had just gotten from her face was worse than she had imagined. She handed Cordelia the bottle.

"Don't drink too fast."

Cordy just took one gulp and exhaled, feeling refreshed as if jumping into a pool. < So much for the theory of relativity. Just put me in a cellar hole, beat me up and let me starve for a day and a sip of water tastes better than any champagne ever could. > She laughed weakly.

"Everything all right?"

"As right as it can be."

She handed Willow the bottle, who took a gulp herself and then closed the bottle.

"Ahh."

"Good, isn't it?"

"Yep."

Although Willow could see nothing but the crack under the door she felt Cordy's face getting serious.

"What do you suppose they're doing right now?"

"I don't know. Looking for us. Trying to sleep. I'm not sure what time it is."

"For you."

"What?"

"They'd be looking for you."

"Cordy!"

"What?"

"He only said that to hurt you. As if the beating wouldn't be enough."

"Looks bad, huh?"

"Ehm..."

"It sure feels bad."

Willow took a few steps and sat down next to her leaning her back on the wall. "I'm sure it will heal. You'll be as beautiful as ever."

Cordelia laughed weakly.

"You will be. And even if you don't, we'll still be your friends."

"I'm not sure, you ever were."

"Cordy... I know that you are not our best friend, but you still *are* a friend. You're part of the gang. Even if your ideas sometimes are a little..."

"Stupid?"

"...not well thought out. You help us and you even talk to us in public, that's quite a sacrifice!"

She smiled, but stopped, when she realized Cordelia couldn't see her. "Is that how you see me?"

"No, I was just... There is no reason to believe what Angel said."

"But I sometimes feel it. I feel left out. I'm not Queen C any longer, but I'm also not a real Slayerette. I sometimes feel so alone. Sometimes I'm not even sure if Xander likes me or just... I just wish someone would love me for who I am - including the shallow mall-loving part."

Willow couldn't see whether she was smiling, but felt it was important to know.

"Are you smiling?"

"A sad, but genuine smile."

"Then I'm smiling back."

Cordy laughed a little at that.

"I don't know if this is helping but I guess, if Angel really thought you meant nothing to Buffy, he would have just killed you."

"It's not really helping."

There was a short silence, then Willow spoke again.

"I cannot speak for the others, but as much as I sometimes loath you and your stupid ideas and as little as I can understand what you say and what you do most of the time, I like you. And I consider you a friend. And if I could take away some of your pain, I would gladly do so."

"That does help."

Willow moved her right hand from the ground to Cordy's shoulder. Cordelia moved from the wall, so that her friend's could slide to the other shoulder holding her. She moved further to Willow and leaned her head on the redhead's shoulder. Willow's other hand moved to Cordy's face and stroke the hair out of her face. Then she leaned her head on Cordelia's hair and softly said, "They'll find us."

Cordelia shifted to put her arms around Willow and soon they were once again asleep, arm in arm.

XV Logic according to Buffy OR Giles' turn to give in (and sigh characteristically ;-)

"I have no choice, Giles."

She had obediently (if not without grumbling) gone home last night and hadn't skipped class this morning, but enough was enough. The only place she could hope to find information, was the warehouse and he knew that as well as she did.

"Buffy..."

"I will go and nothing " (this accompanied by a sharp look at him) "will keep me from doing it."

"But I won't let you go alone."

"Fine."

"Now that 'we' decided to go, what exactly is 'our' plan."

" 'Our' plan is that we go there and have a little talk with whoever we'll find."

"And you think they'll just let us walk in, chat a little and then say 'Good afternoon. Hope to see you again soon.'"

"Well... why not?"

Giles sighed and started packing his weapons.

XVI On foreign territory OR Chatting with Spike

They couldn't see anyone.

"I guess they're sleeping. This is not their time of day."

They went on when suddenly a figure rolled out of the dark.

"Why, what a nice surprise. I cannot recall inviting you, but now that you're here, maybe you want to stay for dinner."

"Where are they?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Don't you want to take a seat?"

Other vampires appeared but Spike lifted a hand to indicate they shouldn't come nearer.

"Angel took Willow and Cordelia. He sent me a little message that they are waiting for me. Unfortunately he forgot to mention the location, so I thought you might help us out with that."

"Why would I do that?"

"How about I let you live."

"How about, if you kill me, I can't help you."

"How about, it will still be fun."

He laughed.

"Listen. I have no idea, what Angelus is up to and frankly, I couldn't care less. I wouldn't mind if he just stayed away."

"Oh, Spike, you know that he'll be back after he delivers his gifts." Drusilla came up behind him. She then addressed Buffy.

"Or did you already get it?"

"Only the invitation."

Giles was getting really nervous. It had been stupid to come here in the first place. Why on earth did Buffy think Spike or Drusilla would tell them anything?

"That's my Angel. Always so thoughtful. Are you staying for dinner?"

"No," Giles quickly said, beginning to drag Buffy away out of the building. Buffy stopped him after a few steps to tell Spike one last thing.

"If you see him, tell him he'll beg me to kill him."

"I will. But frankly, I think you'll see him sooner than I do."

XVII When night is falling OR Wooing Willow and Crashing Cordelia

"Wake up."

Willow blinked her eyes open. Angel was standing in the door looking down at them.

"How cute the two of you are."

He smiled sweetly, but then his face turned to icy stare.

"I hate cute."

Cordy had opened her eyes as well and they looked at him, keeping their arms around each other.

"Get up."

He pointed at Willow, who slowly got up, telling Cordy it was okay when she didn't want to let her go.

"Yeah, Cordelia, it's gonna be okay. We had so much fun together yesterday, and we don't want Willow to feel left out, don't we."

Cordy winced at the words. Angel looked at Willow, who was standing in front of him now.

"We are going to have a different kind of fun, though. The kind of fun Buffy and I had shortly before..."

Willow's eyes grew with terror.

"Hey, don't be afraid. Buffy liked it. Well, of course, there is one part she didn't like, but that won't happen again, so you might as well look forward to it."

Willow took a step backwards.

"Where do you think you're going?"

He grabbed her arm and at that Cordelia sprang up on her feet to hold him back.

"Leave her alone."

Her tone was vicious and prompted Angel to let go of Willow's arm and turn to Cordelia.

"Oh, look. I guess someone didn't get enough yesterday."

He grabbed her by her throat and hit her against the iron door.

"No!"

Willow tried to loosen his grip, but he shoved her to the ground with his free hand, before turning his attention to Cordelia again.

"No tears today? I bet you'll cry, when I'm through with you." A single tear escaped from her left eye. She was still pressed against the wall. With one move he pushed her away from the door against its frame.

"Oops, sorry, I'm so clumsy."

He shoved her to the ground out of the room.

"Oh, did you fall, I'll help you up."

Willow started crying, but he didn't react. Instead he kicked Cordelia. Tears were rolling down her cheeks now, but her gaze was empty. No sound escaped her mouth. The only thing she heard was Willow's weeping and inwardly she smiled a sad smile.

XVIII Answers without questions OR Rationalizing Irrationality

"Buffy..."

She had been silently pacing the library since their return. Xander and Oz where still gone, looking around town for any sign, not really thinking they'd find something, but not able to just sit and do nothing. Because that was the only thing they could do at this point.

And with the waiting came the thinking and this was what was nagging at Buffy right now, he suspected. The overwhelming guilt and that she could do nothing to help them.

She hadn't stopped pacing around so he got up and got into her way.

She stopped in front of him, looking down. She was not crying, but he could see, that it wouldn't take much at this point. "Buffy..." he began softly, putting his hands on her shoulders, but she shook his hands off and took a few steps towards a wall of books, then she turned around to him and looked at him, desperate.

"No, Giles! We both know what he's capable of. Even if we find them before he kills them, nothing will ever be the same. Their whole lives will change forever and it will be my fault."

He started towards her.

"Buffy..."

"No."

She took a few steps backwards until she touched the books behind her. Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"It's not only, that he became evil because of me or that I couldn't kill him, when I had the chance. Giles. He is doing this only because of me. He uses them to torture *me*."

She slid down into a crouch lowering her face on her knees.

Giles got down on his knees next to her and took her in his arms.

She didn't object and even put her arms around him crying on his chest. He stroked her hair.

"Oh, Buffy, my poor Slayer. I wish I could take some of you pain."

She looked up at him, her face a mess, but lovely as ever.

"You just did."

He suddenly felt the irrational urge to kiss her, because it would confuse her so much that she'd be able to forget at least for a few seconds. But he just took her into his arms again. His face was in her hair and he could smell her sweet scent. He closed his eyes and pressed her closer to him starting to cry now himself. Then he felt her hand in his hair, stroking him gently.

"We'll find them. We have to."

Her voice was very calm now. He wanted to tell her that she was right, but the only thing he could say was a whispered "Buffy".

XIX No more doubt, no more hope OR Always and Never

She quietly closed the door. They hadn't noticed her entering. When she had seen them she had decided to just put the book on the counter and leave them alone. She had always known that his position as Buffy's Watcher was more than a job, it was a calling and he took it very serious. But she had somehow believed that there would be enough space next to that, enough space for her. She had thought that he could have a part of his life that was as important to him as the one dedicated to his Slayer. But if his behavior towards her since her connection with Angel had been revealed hadn't shown her already, the picture she had just been confronted with in the library had done so. There was no doubt, that Buffy would always mean most to him - if not everything.

She sadly wondered, whether he knew it and realized that he probably was as blind about his feelings for Buffy as she had been about her feelings for him, until it had been too late.

"I wish you just the best, Rupert," she whispered before leaving the school building and walking into the bright sunny day.

XX Doing what we have to, want and can OR Sharing

"Angel."

He didn't hear her. He was holding Cordelia's head with one hand slapping her with the other.

"*Angel.*"

He turned around to her. When he saw the naked chest, she covered with her hands he dropped Cordy to the ground.

"Oh, Willow, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Take what you want, just leave her alone."

"God, I never knew Cordy and you were so close. You know what, you're right. She's had enough. At least for today."

He looked at her relishing the fear in her eyes. He stepped towards her and stroked her cheek.

"Oh, Willow, I am really looking forward to this, but it's late, and I have to bring Buffy and Giles their gifts."

He kissed her and picked up the T-shirt and her bra from the ground.

"You don't mind?"

She just shook her head, confused that he let her go (even if only temporarily).

He went out and she was about to pick up her pullover, when he came back.

"And..."

She looked up covering her breasts. Click!

"Thank you."

The photograph rolled out of the camera and he returned to the table. She put her pullover back on and started towards Cordelia, who was still lying outside, eyes closed, not emitting any sign that she was conscious.

"Hey."

"I just wanted to..."

She looked over to Cordelia.

"Yes. But I'll need her to write my message."

He smiled generously.

"But you can hold her if you want to till I'm done."

XXI Building Helplessness, Hostility and Fear

"Nothing, and you?"

"Spike and Drusilla weren't in the mood for talking. At least not about Willow and Cordy. Or Angel."

"But we found a spell to revoke Angel's invitation. That way he won't be able to enter our house."

"Great."

"Xander!"

"Hey, I never invited him in my house. You were the trustful..."

He stopped at Giles sharp look and looked down.

"So what are we going to do?"

Buffy and Giles looked to the ground, so Oz answered.

"There is nothing we can do, is there?"

"I am afraid not."

There was a long silence before Xander finally spoke.

"So we'll try to get some sleep, while you two do that revoking-spell-thing and we'll meet tomorrow."

"Yes..."

They could all sense, that Giles wasn't finished, but it was Buffy who said it. "...unless you find another... 'gift'."

XXII Unbroken OR Believing - yet crying

The door was shut and they were alone again in the dark. Willow took Cordelia in her arms stroking her hair. After awhile she whispered, so that Cordy wouldn't wake up, if she was asleep.

"Are you awake?"

She felt her nodding.

"I'm so sorry."

Cordy just put an arm around her.

"Do you think anything is broken."

"No."

She was surprised to hear her speak. Cordelia's face had bled in so many places that it had been the main source for Angel's 'ink'. But her voice was very clear. Willow spoke coldly: "When Buffy comes and beats him into a bloody pulp we'll ask her if she'll leave something for us."

"I'll write a message in his face he'll never forget."

"Yes, you will."

"How do you suppose they'll find us."

"He'll make a mistake, or if he doesn't... I mean he'll want Buffy to find him and if she knows where we are, nothing will stop her and the others. Even if he expects her. I think he has no idea what *she* is capable of for her friends."

And then Cordelia started crying, sobbing into Willow's pullover.

"It's okay, darling, let it out."

Cordy's weeping increased, as did her grip on Willow, who calmly kept stroking her head.

"He can destroy our bodies, but not our souls."

She kissed Cordelia slightly on the head and then continued to soothe her.

XXIII Fear prompts a confession and Giles finds his gift OR The whole world - for you (For Buffy)

"Here."

She laid the T-shirt in front of Giles on the library table. After revoking the invitation she had gone into her room and had found the T-shirt on her bed, a big sign in the front, written in what she knew was blood.

"What does it mean?"

"I think it might be ancient..."

"I don't want to know the language! I just want to know, whether it says anything about where they are!"

He walked to his office and came out again with a book, but instead of opening it he looked at Buffy.

"And if it tells you where they are?"

"Then I'm gonna go there and kill him."

"Buffy, he'll expect you!"

"I know, and I don't care. I'll just have to risk it. I have to kill him, if it's the last thing I'll ever do."

"NO!"

She was confused.

"What are you talking about? He's a vampire and I'm the Slayer. It's my job to kill him."

"But it's not your job to commit suicide."

"I'll die sooner or later, but I swear I'll take him with me."

"Buffy..."

"Giles, we both know, that it's not easy, but you send me out every day, not knowing whether you'll ever see me again. Why is it so hard for you this time?"

"Because... Buffy, you don't have to fight him, we can wait for him to place another gift or to feed and then we can free them."

"Do you even realize what you just said? I should let him go to kill some people, just so I won't have to fight him. I will have to anyway. Or God knows how many innocent people will die. Giles, the lives of hundreds of people."

"I'll trade them any damn day for you!"

She stood opposite him, gazing, her mouth open.

"Giles..."

"Buffy, I didn't mean it the way it came out. I... I know, that you'll have to fight him, I just think that to follow his invitation would make it too easy for him to kill you."

She ignored his explanation.

"Giles, I never thought, I meant so..."

"You do. You do mean so much to me, more than you probably should. I guess I should be able to send you to death if I have to, but..."

They looked at each other for a long moment before he continued.

"I'd trade the whole world, any day - for you."

He looked down and opened the book. Buffy just stared at him, not knowing what to think or say. She didn't notice the change of his glance as he found the page he was looking for in the book. It was his "Oh, my God" that made her look at the book.

In the middle of the page a photograph of Willow was making her blood run cold. She was apparently naked shielding herself from the view of the camera (and probably not only that.)

There was no caption, but he turned the picture around, sure to find a message.

"I left a little something in your desk, you sure wished to touch in quite a few wet dreams."

He rushed to his desks and found it in the third drawer he opened.

"That bastard."

Buffy waited for him to come out.

When he did he held Willow's bra out in front of him. Written on it was in the now horribly familiar red-brown: "From Willow. For You."

"Would you trade them for me any time, too?"

His face turned from angry to sad.

XXIV Forcing Screams OR More

"Here."

"But it's all we have left."

"Drink it. You have to drink."

Cordelia took what was left in the bottle in one gulp.

"He'll give us more."

"I'd like to think that he gave us more than enough already." Willow didn't know what to say. Cordy had every right in the world to be cynical. She had taken all the beating (literally) while the only thing she had suffered, was a little embarrassment and fear of things that hadn't come. Yet.

As if he could read her mind Angel opened the door.

"Good morning. Or should I say Good afternoon."

"Our water is empty."

Willow said hesitatingly.

"Of course."

He went out and gave them a new bottle, he went away again and presented a large pizza, when he came back.

The two girls looked at each other and then took the pizza, gulping it down.

He watched them almost fondly.

Willow couldn't stop glancing up at him, fearing that this was only a prelude to something a lot less pleasurable. Cordy didn't look up from the pizza at all. Willow was glad. Seeing her eat so heartily meant that she had still some strength left and could regain what she had lost. Angel's smile was worrying her. She wondered what gift he had planned for Buffy today, while she was eating her last slice. When they were both ready, Angel took the box away.

"Full?"

They both nodded.

"Okay. Then we can get to the business."

Cordy looked down, while Willow looked from her to Angel.

"No volunteers today? Hmm... I think... I think I'll stick with Cordy."

"No!"

"Willow, I'm afraid it's too late to volunteer. Besides it will be much more fun to play with you while the others are watching. And Cordy still owes me a little for yesterday."

He stepped back and opened the door wide, indicating that she should get out.

Cordelia got up, never looking up, and walked past him.

Willow got up and put a hand on Angel's arm.

"Listen. Please, she's had more than enough. You can do to me, whatever you want to do to her."

"Sorry, but I can't do that."

He went to Cordelia who stood, her back to him, looking to the ground.

"Today, I want to hear you scream again."

He took her arm and bent it on her back.

"Scream!"

He moved her arm even more and then Cordelia did start to scream.

"Louder!"

He increased his force and when the arm broke Willow started to join Cordelia's screams.

XXV You feel, you think, you choose OR Evading

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing they could do and it was driving them crazy. Buffy and Giles had hesitated to tell him and Oz of the picture and his 'gift'. Giles had been embarrassed. Xander thought, there was no reason for that, even if Giles did dream about Willow in that way (which he doubted) it had nothing to do with what Angel was doing to them. Angel's gift had just been another way to torture them. Especially Buffy, who was increasingly monosyllabic and that wasn't a good sign. The guilt was written all over her face and Giles' assurance that they all knew it wasn't her fault didn't help, even more as neither Xander nor Oz, nor Giles himself had been able to look at her, when he said it.

He and Oz had gone out again looking for nothing, just killing time and silencing the thoughts that came up in their minds. They went home early today. It wasn't dark yet and that at least meant that he didn't have to be afraid. Of Angel or of any gifts. But it also meant that he would have time to think about them. He had hardly slept for the last days and when he did he had nightmares of Cordy and Willow, or actually parts of them. He shuddered. But the worst was that none of his nightmares could ever be so cruel, that Angel wouldn't do it to them. He didn't know exactly what Angel had done to his other victims, but the looks Giles and Buffy exchanged were enough to assure him that if there was anything more terrible than his nightmares, Angel would think of it.

He hated him. He had always done so, but the intensity of his feelings were so overwhelming right now, that they left little place for anything else. Even the love for his friends. But maybe that wasn't so bad after all. He preferred thinking about Angel to thinking about Cordy and Willow. It was easier.

XXVI A reason for living (For Willow)

He shoved Cordy into Willow's arms, so that she was sitting on the ground holding the bleeding figure. Willow waited for him to close the door, but he left it open. He collected his stuff and went up the stairs, knowing that they could reach nothing that would help them to escape. The keys to the chains hang on the wall opposite to the room, clearly visible for them.

But Willow didn't even look at them. When she was sure he was gone, she turned her attention to Cordelia. Her naked chest was exposed, the cuts clearly visible in the light.

< Oh, God. >

He had scratched the words into her, when she had still worn her bra. Willow supposed that was his next gift.

"FOR YOU" the words said and Willow thought they were addressed to Xander.

And Buffy. Every gift, even if addressed to Xander or Giles, was also intended for Buffy.

< Poor Buffy. >

She knew that Buffy was tormenting herself with guilt right now. She didn't blame her. No. Angel was the monster in this scenario. And what a monster he was.

She looked down at Cordelia, her broken arm lying in Willow's lap. She wondered how anyone could take what Cordelia had taken the last days. Physically and emotionally. She carefully moved her left hand to Cordelia's head, trying not to shift Cordelia's arm.

When she touched her hair Cordy started in fear.

"It's Willow, don't be afraid. He's gone."

"He'll come back."

"They'll find us."

"He'll kill us."

"No!"

"I wish he would."

"Don't even think that."

She shifted to look into Cordy's face and moved her arm, causing Cordy to wince in pain.

"Sorry. But you shouldn't think that. You will live."

Cordy used her right arm to support her as she slid towards to wall leaning against it. She looked at Willow who sat next to her legs now, watching her.

"What for?"

"What for?"

Willow moved towards her, looked at her in disbelief and then took her into her arms careful not to touch her broken left arm.

"God, Cordy, there are thousands of reasons to live."

"Tell me just one."

Willow moved to look into her face. It displayed bitterness. She thought about it and then spoke (the insecurity showing trough).

"Xander."

Cordelia laughed a short cold laugh.

They looked into each other's eyes. In Cordelia's Willow read her last sentence < 'Tell me just one.' > And then she also saw the answer.

"Me," she said softly and bent down to kiss Cordelia's forehead.

Cordelia nodded and started crying, letting the first tears of that day roll down her cheek. She lifted her right arm and put it around Willow at the same time burying her face in her red hair. Willow kissed her shoulder and started stroking her hair.

"Never give up."

"I won't. I'll live."

Her next words were so faint, that Willow wouldn't have heard them, if her ear hadn't been so close to Cordelia's mouth.

"For you."

XXVII Necessary luck OR So close

"What if he goes to Oz?"

"We can't be everywhere. And something tells me that the next 'gift' is for Xander."

They were in the bushes in Xander's garden, waiting for Angel to bring his latest message. The idea had hit Buffy after going through the conversation with Spike again. He had said that she would probably see him before them and he had been right of course. It was useless to look for Willow and Cordy. They would never find them without Angel.

But to find Angel couldn't be too difficult. After all his turn at Santa Claus wasn't a surprise anymore. She cursed herself that she hadn't thought of that earlier and hoped that Angel didn't think the same and would send the next gift by mail. If he did bring it himself, there was still the question of where he would place it.

Buffy didn't know, why she was so sure it would be Xander's house again. Giles thought it could be Oz' or his own home, as Angel hadn't gone there yet. But Buffy felt, that it was Xander's turn again. She had the hunch that torturing Xander was a special pleasure to Angel.

"Sorry."

Giles had touched her stomach. After all they were standing so close, there was little space left between or around them for anything.

"Stop saying that."

She was fed up with his manners and grabbed his hands putting them around her, so that he was pressed against her back, while she had her hands on his, which she had placed on her belly. She turned around and looked up at him smiling.

"I could really laugh at this situation, if it wasn't..."

Her smile faded and she looked out on the street again. He released the breath, he had been holding since she had put his arms around her. He had to force himself not to lower his head into her soft hair.

< God. > Ever since yesterday he had felt the urge to take her into his arms. He wanted to feel her close. Compensating for the possible loss, he thought. ['Yeah, right', the reader thinks ;-) ]

She was still holding his hands. Maybe that hadn't been a good idea. His revelation had caused mixed emotions in her. She was glad that he had spoken his feelings out loud, but at the same time she knew, that he shouldn't feel this way about her. It was not good to love the person you have to send to a possible death each day. That was the reason she didn't tell her mother. But still she didn't regret his words. She knew that they had a special relationship, that they loved each other in one way or another, but it was one thing to know and a totally different to say. She wanted to lean into him, but knew that she had no right to do so. This whole situation was awkward enough. She should try to lighten things up.

"Hey, your tweed is really warm."

"Eh, yes."

"Maybe I should get a..." He put one hand on her mouth and pointed at the street with the other before releasing her.

A couple was walking along the sidewalk arm in arm. When they were gone she moved a little away from him.

"I just hope he doesn't let us wait all night."

"Yes. I haven't slept for the last two days. I'm really looking forward to a long calm night of preventive research, when I'll just fall asleep with my head on a book."

"I'm sorry Angel ruined you every-day-fun."

"Buffy, I didn't mean to say..."

She turned around and put her right hand on his mouth. They looked at each other, not concentrating on the car that was slowly driving by. When it was gone Buffy still had her hand on Giles' mouth not able to pull it away yet. When she did, she traced her finger along his chin and neck. There were standing inches apart, Buffy's head turned up towards him, while Giles had his bent down towards her.

They looked at each other and slowly closed the gap between their faces. When their lips were less than an inch away from meeting in a kiss Buffy turned her head around. Then Giles heard something and looked at the source of the noise.

It was Angel approaching the front door, where he put down the package he had brought. He looked around before turning and disappearing into the dark.

XXVIII Don't! ...yet. OR A first kiss (and a second and third :-)

They heard the door close and looked around the corner. When they didn't see him they approached the door.

"I have to go inside."

Giles nodded. Angel didn't expect her now. The advantage was on their side. It was their best chance to get Cordelia and Willow out, without any of them harmed. Or more harmed than they already were. Buffy moved towards the door and he held her back, holding her left arm. She turned around and they looked in each other's eyes for a long moment.

"Just in case I don't come back."

She dragged his face to hers and kissed him. They put their arms around each other, never wanting to let go. The kiss became more passionate and Buffy slid her tongue into his mouth, giving herself up in the kiss, knowing this could be the last one as well as the first. When they finally let go, she said "I love you."

"I lo..."

She stopped him with another kiss.

"Save that for when I come back."

She smiled and kissed him once again before going inside.

XXIX Getting (in, out and away) and Taking (a picture) OR Unforgettable

She could see him standing next to an open door looking down at something.

"How sweet."

He turned around and went to the table to get the camera. He crouched down to get a closer shot of Willow and Cordy, who were sleeping arm in arm except for Cordy's broken left arm that was just lying between them. He got so close that their faces, cheek to cheek, eyes closed filled the picture. Click!

The picture came out of the camera and he turned around saying "Another one for the family album. I should really get paid for that."

"Don't worry, you will."

He went to the ground crashing the camera, while the picture flew into the air to land on the ground next to him.

"And you'll never forget your payment."

Buffy started kicking him and sent him flying to the wall next to the dangling key.

When Buffy attempted her next strike he was faster, grabbing her arm and dragging her towards him into the wall next to him. He turned around and pushed his knee into her stomach, but she managed to push him away. She tried not to look at the bloody knife on the table, but it was too late. He grabbed her by the throat and sent her to the ground forcing her to stay there with the weight of his body.

"Hello Buffy. I didn't expect you so soon. Are you alone?"

"No."

Giles swung an empty ton into his face.

"Are you okay?"

He knelt down next to Buffy.

"Look out!"

She kicked the ton that was flying towards Giles' head away, so that it only hit his shoulder.

"Ahh!"

"Giles!"

He held his shoulder, his face a grimace of pain. She saw Angel run past them up the stairs, but didn't follow him.

"Are you okay?"

"Thanks to you I'm not decapitated."

He managed a smile and she smiled back.

She looked from him to the open door of the little room, where Willow and Cordy had to be. She slowly got up and went towards it. When she was standing in the doorframe and looked down at them she covered her face with her hands and started crying.

Giles rushed towards her fearing the worst. They seemed to be alive, but he understood why Buffy cried. Willow seemed to be unharmed, but Cordelia looked... like nothing he had ever seen, and he had seen a lot over the years. Her face was covered with bruises in different shades ranging from blue to red. Blood had dried in various places.

Her exposed chest displayed Angel's last message and her arm seemed to be broken. There were also other bruises visible and he was sure they couldn't see all of it right now. He turned around to look for the keys to the chains. When he saw them, he left Buffy to get them. When he came back, she was kneeling next to Willow and carefully shook Willow's shoulder.

"Willow."

She woke up, momentarily confused.

"Willow, it's me."

"Buffy?"

"Yes."

"Buffy!"

She lifted her left arm to drag her towards her.

"Oh, Buffy, I knew you would find us."

She let Buffy go and softly shook Cordelia.

"Cordy. Cordy, they found us."

"What?"

"Buffy. She's here."

"Buffy?"

"Yes. I'm here."

"Thank God."

Willow looked up and saw Giles. She smiled at him. He smiled back, tears filling his eyes. He crouched down and removed the chains.

"Thank you, Giles."

He forced himself to look into her battered face and returned her smile.

"You're welcome."

"Giles, her arm is broken. I think you have to carry her."

He removed his jacket and put it on her chest. Then he put one hand behind her back and the other under her knees. He carried her out, while Willow held her hand and stroked her cheek.

"I told you everything would be okay."

"Yes, you did."

They went up the stairs and Buffy looked around once more. Before she followed them she picked up the photograph Angel had been taken, before she had hit him. She wiped the dust off and put it in her pocket.

XXX In the dark revelations shine bright OR A heart so changed

Willow looked out of the window. She couldn't sleep. Not without her. She had held her hand all the way to the hospital, before they took Cordelia away from her. Then Xander had come and shortly after him their parents and the police - and Oz. She smiled. He had just taken her in his arms not saying anything, not asking anything, knowing that they'd have time to talk at a later point. When they were told her condition was stable, Cordy's parents had insisted on flying her to a better hospital. They had nervously placed one call after another, while Xander had been sitting next to her holding her hand and kissing and stroking her.

She had watched it from the door at the same time listening to Buffy and Giles, who explained to the police that the kidnapper dropped the keys of the chains so that Willow had been able to escape and call him. He had injured himself when he fell down the stairs. The light hadn't been on.

She didn't take her eyes off Cordelia, but Willow could imagine Giles' face. He wasn't a very good liar and tended to become overeager. But the police had accepted his story and asked him to lead them to the crime scene. Willow was glad Giles had told them, she was in no condition to speak to them. She knew it had been no problem for her to talk to them, but she wanted to stay with Cordy as long as she could. When they had rolled her out to get her on the helicopter their gazes had met and they had looked at each other until the door closed behind her.

It was dark outside. She had no reason to be afraid. They had performed the spell revoking Angel's invitation and Cordelia was going to heal completely. At least physically. And emotionally? Willow thought how in just three days Cordelia had changed in her perception from a person, with an emotional range from disgust at someone's fashion taste to delight at a price reduction in the mall to someone with feelings similar to her own. The insecurity and loneliness were something Willow could relate to. Even if she knew that she was loved, she sometimes longed for her friends to express their love.

Cordelia's words had stirred her heart like nothing had ever before. That she could be the reason for someone to live. For Cordelia. She had never felt so loved in all her life. And the fact that it was Cordelia who loved her didn't disturb her a bit. She suddenly realized, that there was no one she'd rather be loved by. Not Xander, not Oz. Not Buffy, Giles or her parents. No.

With every scar Angel had left on her beautiful exterior, she had found more of the inner beauty of Cordelia. She was fragile, yet strong. She had been able to smile, when Willow herself would probably have hidden inside her own world, shutting her out.

Cordelia had let her in and she never wanted to be shut out again. The thought that things could turn back to how they had been before was unbearable to her. She wanted Cordelia to share everything with her, just as she had in the last three days. And she was willing to share everything with her in turn. The realization was surprising but also comforting.

She loved Cordelia.

Of all the people in the world, Cordelia had managed to touch her in a way that nobody else ever had. They had been united in a way impossible to explain. She knew that she never would give that up. Not if she didn't have to. For the first time in her life she didn't feel shy about her feelings. She would tell Cordelia and deal with the reaction instead of worrying beforehand. And until then she could dream.

XXXI Lives saved OR Unforgiven, Unforgotten, but Loved (For Giles)

"Will it ever stop?"

"The guilt? No."

They were in Giles' house, standing next to the door.

"How will they ever forgive me?"

"They already did."

"I know. But how can I forgive myself?"

"You can't. But you'll learn to live with it."

"Will I?"

"I have to know. Years of practice."

He smiled weakly.

She didn't return the smile.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the sight of them."

"I think no one of us will ever forget this."

She looked at him.

"But the world keeps turning nevertheless."

"That's hardly a consolation."

"I know. Maybe the fact is, that you probably saved their lives. Theirs and countless others. That's more than I can say for myself."

"First of all you did save countless lives..."

"With your help or other's."

"You saved *me* only a few days ago."

He looked at her not knowing what she meant.

"That day in the library, after we went to the warehouse. I really considered killing myself, thinking that if I'd be dead, Angel would have no reason to keep them."

"Buffy..."

"I know that sounds totally absurd..."

"It doesn't."

"... but when you took me in your arms, I knew that I couldn't kill myself, because it would have killed you, too. I knew that I had to go on. For you."

He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms, stroking her hair.

"Buffy, I..."

He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.

"I love you."

She finally smiled, but it was a serious smile.

"I know."

XXXII Expectation OR Unafraid

She was sitting on her bed in her room. She had come back in the morning and hadn't wanted to see anyone but Willow. But she hadn't come. Xander had come together with Buffy, Giles and Oz, but she had let her mother tell them, that she'd rather not speak to anyone right now, except Willow. She had hesitated about the last part, not wanting to force her, when she didn't want to come, but the need to see her had been stronger.

She hadn't spoken to Willow since they had arrived at the hospital and she hadn't sent a letter or any other message (except for the get-well-card that all the Scoobys had signed). Why didn't she want to see her? Cordelia was afraid that she knew the answer. She was embarrassed. At what had happened between them, the change in their relationship. A change she didn't want. But she didn't believe that. Of course it could be that Willow really wanted things to be like they always had been, but in her heart she knew that things would never be the same again and that Willow knew it too.

Their captivity had brought them together in a way that was... undeniable. Unfortunately this didn't necessarily include the love she felt for Willow.

Yes, she loved her.

She had realized so on the flight to the hospital. The only thing her parents had cared about was whether she'd be as pretty as before. But that hadn't mattered at all to her.

Not anymore. She realized that her looks weren't important. Not to her and not to Willow. Willow had seen who she was. Without her make-up. With a beat-up face. In the dark. And still she had been there for her. Had cared about her. Had let her know that she was there for her. Had begged Angel to take her instead of Cordelia.

She never thought anyone would do something like that for her. But Willow had. She had offered herself and when Angel had beaten the will to live out of her, Willow had put it back. She had wanted to live. For her. Not for Xander. Not for her parents. Not for herself. Only for Willow. To feel the love she had felt when she had stroked her hair and kissed her.

She loved Willow. And she wasn't afraid that she didn't reciprocate her feelings. She wanted to see her and find out what her feelings were and then she would either be happy or become the person she had been before Angel had pressed the chloroform in her face. She wasn't sure.

But she also wasn't afraid.

XXXIII So happy an ending for a tale of terror (For Cordelia)

She knocked, but didn't wait for an answer before opening the door. Cordelia looked up and got out of the bed, standing up. She looked better, although the bruises were still visible. Willow closed the door behind her.

"They told me you wanted to see me."

Cordelia looked to the ground.

"I would have come anyway," Willow added quickly. "I just wanted to see you alone. That's why I didn't come with the others."

Cordelia looked back up into her eyes.

"You look better."

"I feel better."

"So do I."

Cordelia frowned worried.

"I missed you."

Cordelia's face brightened. She returned Willow's serious smile.

"I missed you, too."

"I couldn't sleep without you."

"They drugged me, so I had no choice. But I didn't want to sleep without you."

Willow gazed seriously into Cordelia's eyes before telling her, what she had come for.

"I love you." Cordelia took a deep breath, opened her mouth to answer, then took another breath.

Willow smiled.

"Are you all right?"

"As right as I'll ever be."

Then she moved forward and they kissed a long sweet kiss, before Cordelia moved away long enough to say "I love you, too."

As the kiss became increasingly passionate they moved to the bed lying down, Willow on top of Cordelia. After a while she stopped to gasp for air.

Cordelia laughed.

"Aren't you afraid, this is just a love without future, caused by an extreme situation."

"I'll risk it."

She bent down to kiss Cordelia again. But she soon moved her head up once more to look into her new love's eyes. And before going on Willow added:

"For you."

The END