Title: Rivers of Dreams
Author: Adalisa
Email: [email protected]

Feedback: I love it. It's inspiring... and let's face it, it's the only real reason to keep writing.
Distribution: Chelle's site, Xander Slash site, WwoMB, My site, anyone else, just ask I never say no, but I want to know where else I can read Xander fic :)
Web site: http://members.tripod.com/luxshine/

Summary: Someone thinks about Angel.
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss owns the boys, Fox makes money with them. I just let them play and do what they really want to do. Content: X/A, A/Other
Warning: This has m/m. You should know that already, since you found this.
Spoilers: 1st season.
Notes: I was not going to write anything more in this universe, but after re-reading the series, I realized something was missing. So here it is, the epilogue of the Oceans of Times' series, which curiously is set at the same time as the first story. Hope you enjoy it.

He is looking at me...

Our eyes meet... and for a moment, I think he knows.

But he cannot know.

Not now, since he didn't know then.

It was 1890 when I saw him for the first time... I remember it just as if it had been yesterday.

"Mister? Are you ill?" For some it might sound like a formality question, the kind that one does for the sake of conversation, but he looked so pale, so miserable, that I was asking out of concern. He turned to see me, and my whole world turned around.

He was gorgeous. I knew that if my father heard me talking like this about another male, he would have my head on a stick in less than it takes to tell the tale, but that didn't stop my heart from skipping a beat. The dizzy, pale stranger had the most beautiful brown/greenish eyes I had ever seen, and his dark hair shone under the stars with a silky texture I didn't believe possible. His features were stern, filled with sadness... but that only helped to make him look even more handsome.

"No... Just a little seasick." His voice was deep, and I could tell he was attempting a joke.

"Oh, you too?" I couldn't help but follow it. I might have been awe struck, but my mouth didn't got the message on time. Which was for the better. I really didn't want him to know that I couldn't take my eyes away from him. And I laughed. Because I had been so worried about the pale man, thinking about all the creatures I had seen under my father's training, and that maybe this man had been a victim of them. "All this movement has made me almost regret my wish of seeing the world..."

"I've been regretting that for a long time." His answer was cutting, and it was obvious that he wanted to be left alone, but something told me that I had to stay at his side. So instead of leaving, I offered him my hand.

"LaVelle. From France."

"Angel. From Ireland." I was surprised to hear that, because the name sounded familiar. But I dismissed that unease and kept smiling at Angel.

"Is LaVelle your first name?" he asked, curious.

"No, it's my surname... I hate my name. It's too long." I chuckled, wondering what would he think if he knew my full name, and suddenly he was laughing too. I liked the sound of his laugh, even when it seemed that he hadn't been happy in a long time. "You want to get something to eat? I'm starving..."

He was going to accept my invitation, I am sure of it. But then, as always, she had to come and ruin everything. "LaVelle! Your father needs you, right now!"

I turned around, and shrugged. Been there, done that. Every time I had the chance to meet a friend, either she or my father came to drag me away. So I smiled at Angel, as I walked away. "Never fails. Seems like I'm destined to never have a good time...See you around, mate."

That night was bad... Maia decided that the best way to insure that I could not go away was to pound me senseless, and thus, I could not move in a week. I used the time to think, to keep up with my studies... And think about Angel.

My father always told me that my problem was that I never question my first impression, and that I trust people too easily. And if he could have seen my mind then... he would have said that I was an unworthy fool. But I couldn't keep the Irish man out from my thoughts. Mother... she would have understood. I knew she would.

Maybe that was the reason why I had that gift for Angel the second time we meet. It was exactly a week after our first meeting, I rushed to the deck as soon as I could move. And when I saw him, all my pain was worth it.

"Angel! I thought I wouldn't see you again!" I'm surprised I could manage that cheerful tone, I was still sore...

"I'm more of a night person." As he did not smile, I assumed that he had guessed that I had stayed up on the day... and that maybe he missed my black eye.

"I know. My sister is like that too..." I said... and suddenly, I felt the terrible need of baring my feelings in front of him. "If I fall asleep again in one of our training sessions, she'll kill me."

"Training?" Now he was curious, and that made me feel better. "Is that how you got the black eye?"

"I know, I know." My courage failed me, and I tried to cover it up with a joke. I'm good at that." A girl beat me. That's embarrassing." Then I decided to tell him why I was looking for him... but couldn't quite face the words if I was looking at him, so I turned my eyes to the sea. "If I were you, I would be more careful in America. Nights can be dangerous."

"What do you mean?"

"I cannot tell you. You wouldn't believe me anyway. Just be careful, o.k. They prefer young people... Try not to be outside at night." I babbled. I couldn't stop myself... He got me nervous... there was something about his eyes that made me lose my courage. And so, I took off my mother's crucifix, placing it on a white handkerchief. "Here... I know it's not fancy, but it will protect you"

"LaVelle!! You useless boy, where are you!?" As always, my father interrupted me. I sighed and started walking towards him, barely having time to wave a good-bye to Angel... wishing that I were an orphan or something. "What kind of Watcher will you be if you cannot do a simple research? Can't you understand that you are not to have any free time!?"

Just like I suspected, my father had another nice session of training with Maia for me, just to make sure I understood the lesson. And I began wondering if he knew what did it mean to have a 'secret identity'. So I could not see Angel again in the whole trip... that simply depressed me. But even so, every night I went up to the main deck, to watch the stars and think about him.

Two years later, I was having my hands full. While helping Maia and my father during patrol two vampires caught me. Even when I am good at fights, I could not truthfully said that I could hold my own against two undead creatures. My strength had always lay on research. And Maia didn't even turn around to try and help me when they threw me into an alley.

I was sure I was going to get killed when I could not reach my stakes... when without warning, a third vampire appeared, freeing me. That gave me enough time to dust my attacker... and almost die of shock when I recognized my vampiric savior... it was Angel.

How could I not recognize him when for two years, I had been only dreaming of him? In dreams, our talks were never interrupted by my father, Maia or anything... In my dreams, we meet again in a myriad of different places. But never like this. Never when he showing his true nature.

"You're a vampire." So I had a gift for understatement. And was too curious for my own safety. "But you helped me now... Why?"

He was going to answer, I'm sure of it. But as always, Maia got here just in time to interrupt. Life is never fair with me. "Alexander... You did managed against those two, right? Now we have to go and help your father... and this time don't make me loose my time." That's the real reason I hate my name... I always hear it as part of a reprimand.

"I have to go now... I won't tell her that you are a vampire... but if I were you, I would be very careful. Maia is very hard to beat." So my heart was breaking, but I could not even say it.

"Maybe I can help?" When he asked I could have sworn I was dreaming... and without even thinking that he was a vampire, I handed him a stake.

"I must be insane..." He began following me, and soon I felt his eyes on my back. "Stop looking at my neck."

Three more years later, my life had taken a 360 degrees change. I left my father, Maia died... I was thrown out of the Watcher's guild in disgrace because of my friendship to Angel... And no one even knew. That always surprised me.

I was sure I was transparent.

Almost all my dreams came true in those years. We fought against vampires, demons and other evil things, always together. We moved together to Chicago, and many days flew past me when I just stayed looking at him, while he slept.

But I don't think he ever knew how much it meant for me that he was there. More than once, he asked me if I wouldn't have preferred to stay with the Watchers, to have a Slayer protecting my back. Every time he asked me that stupid question I answered with the truth. There wasn't a place on Earth were I would have rather be.

My place in the world was at the side of my vampire avec ame.

Even when I never told him that I believed that story. I liked to tease him about that.

But my happiness only lasted one more year.

I don't regret it. The four years that I had at his side were wonderful, and if I had the time to do it all again, I would do the same thing. From the day we meet, to the day I closed my eyes, looking at his vampiric face.

We had been captured by a satanic cult, who threw us in a cage... There was a beautiful window, that was facing East... if we didn't escape, Angel would die at dawn... And I was sure that I was not going to survive that long.

And he couldn't open the door.

"I... told you... to eat before we left..." I managed to say, before coughing up blood.

"Don't talk LaVelle... I will get you out of this..." His promise sounded hollow... I knew that he was only trying to humor me... But I was not going to let him do that.

"You can't open that, unless you have feed before... And with more than the animal blood that you take." I took off my jacket, feeling my arms as if they were made of lead. He noticed... he always noticed everything, but one thing. "LaVelle.. What are you doing?"

"The way things are going, Angel... we're both going to die..." It was not pretty to say it out loud, even when there were no other choices. I had no time to loose. "I'm going to die anyway... And that is very stupid." My strength was failing me, but I had to continue. "So what you're going to do... you're going to feed from me... before I die. Then you will be able to escape from here."

"LaVelle... Don't be stupid. We can think of another plan..."

"There's no time, Angel... I'm dying... and we both know it..."

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

"You don't know?" Hearing that, I couldn't stop my chuckle... Finally, I managed to gather the courage I had been missing for four years. "And I thought I was the dense one." I kissed him, and smiled when he looked at me as if he had never seen me before. "I love you, Angel... and I wish we had more time."

"LaVelle... I... I love you too, please, don't die... don't make me kill you..." He was crying. The sweet man I loved with all my heart was crying... and I could not stop his pain if I wanted him to live.

"Alexander... " I whispered, pulling myself closer to him. It was time for the truth. "That's my name. Angel... And I have loved you since I meet you in that ship, that's why I gave you my cross... it was my mother's and... well, I won't bore you with that story... so I really don't mind, dying to save the man I love... Please bite me and promise me that you won't die. That you will be able to escape and go along. Because... maybe... we will meet again... I just hope I could tell you when..."

I was babbling. I was about to die, and I was babbling in my love's arms. But he finally agreed. And I exposed my neck to him, waiting for his bite.

I closed my eyes for the last time, feeling the only caress I was going to ever feel from my bienaim�.

The dreams had been more and more insistent every time...

Especially since I meet Buffy's mysterious man...

Especially since I recognized the Angel of my dreams.

He is just like in my dreams. So much, that I start to believe that they're not just dreams.

But it could not be. Not if he did not even recognized me, even when for all I know I still look the same I looked then. There were many mirrors in my dreams.

And he cannot be looking at me as if he knew. Not now.

"Stop looking at my neck."

"What?"

"You were checking my neck, I saw that!" I repeat, wondering if I suddenly decided to go mad.

"No, I wasn't"

"Just keep your distance, pal." A last barb. I really don't want to know that he does not remember me. I don't want to know that the dreams I've having all my life are only figments of my imagination.

"I wasn't looking at your neck." But how can I forget that I looked into Giles' registers and diaries just to find that there was an Alexander LaVelle in the Watcher's guild, who was expelled on 1893... And thus, I cannot help myself. The words came out before I can stop them.

"I told you to eat before we left." And he lifts his face, meeting my smile.

Now I know that he knows.

I think...

"LaVelle?"

I know.

"Is my second name. And I hate it... too long." I turn around completely, and lean down to kiss him. "Later, Angel. This time...We'll get out of this, together."

And now, I am sure of it.

My bienaim�.

The end.