quoted by manson in the book
Homosexuality
My philosophy about sexuality is that i dont have a problem with andthing that anyone does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit having it done or wanting it do it. But Just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (unless you break rule #3).It's not that I am against being gay--I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note that this list only pertains to guys: All women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things striaght (no pun intended)-if you meet any of the qualifcations below, you are gay.
1.....If you get someone else's sperm on you.
2.....If you've ever owned a smiths album.
3.....If you get hard while sucking another guy's dick.
if you don't, you're straight --Unless he gets sperm on you.
4.....If Micheal Stipe is in the room with you and your having sex with a woman, You're bisexual.
5.....If your at a gay bar, you're not gay. But if you're at a striaght bar and you talk to another guy longer than you talk to a girl, you're gay.
6.....If you tap your feet to a Smiths song.
7.....If you discuss are for more than 45 minutes.
8.....If you have ever worn a beret.
9.....If you kiss a guy and he has a hard-on, you're not gay unless you have a hard-on too.
10...If you have ant kind of sex- with a male or female- To the Smiths, you're gay.
11...If your only purpose in life is to get girls pregnant so they can have more girls to have lesbian sex together.
12...If you Jack off and you get cum on yourself.
13...If you get a boner watching Gilligan's Island.
14...If you don't get a boner watching bewitched.
15...If there's a smiths song on in a bar and you're in the bathroom with your dick in your hand.
16...If your name is Richard and you go by Dick.
17...If you're friends with anyone named Dick.
18...If you don't cheat on your wife, you're only using her as a prop to make people think you're not gay.
19...If your friends with a model.
20...If you fuck a girl who likes the Smiths.
21...If you don't eat meat because the Smiths album Meat Is Murder had an impact on your life.
22...If you do anything spiritual.
23...If you fuck a pregnant woman and she's carrying a boy, you're gay. If you get sperm on the amniotic sac, the baby will grow up to be gay too.
24...If you've ever had a haircut like Morrissey.
25...If you've ever had a haircut while a Morrissey or the smiths album was playing in the room.
26...If you've ever talked about or owned a crytal-especially if it's crystal meth.
27...If you've ever but Band-Aids on your nipples as a fashion statement.
28...If you've ever spent more than a week on South Beach.
29...If you aren't thinking about tits right now.
30...If you still liked Juadas Priest after you heard the rumor that Rob Halford was gay.
31...If you get a hard-on while taking a shit
32...If you know what sperm tasted like (especially if it's your own).
33...If you kiss a girl with tounge after she's swallowed your cum.
34...If you get hard while reading this.
35...If you know the names of anyone who's ever been in the smith's besides Morrissey and Johnny Marr.
36...If you are a male model.
37...If you get choked up listening to "Boys Don't Cry"
38...If your a clothing designer.
39...If your first, last, middle, or only name is Morrissey.
RULES I'VE BROKEN: 1, 2, 12 ( This probably makes us all gay), 20( most likely unintentionally), 26, 30, 33, 38 ( I design my own clothes)