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Somebody drops a stage light on Ellen Jason while she's rehearsing a song, and (unfortunately) misses. Kris latches onto Ellen's bitter ex-husband Frank, later joining the cast of his musical production Sweet Misery. Kelly watches some old film and learns that an actress named Norma Friedrick died in the same soundstage. Sabrina tries to buddy up to their Ellen Degeneres-lookalike son, Larry, who acts like a big drama queen and runs away, but he's like 30 so nobody really cares. Somebody tries to kill Kris after a dress rehearsal, and they run around with guns for a minute but can't find the would-be killer. Kelly learns that Anton Metzger, a stagehand who witnessed Norma Friedrick's death, has an apartment across the street, so the whole gang breaks in and discovers that it's a shrine to Norma. Apparently Metzger has become sort of a lame, mute Phantom of the Soundstage for reasons I still don't fully understand. They decide to re-create the moment of Norma's death, which flushes him out and probably does wonders for his psychological problems. After a commercial break, Larry sulks back in and the Jasons resolve their family squabbles via song and share an awkward family hug.

MY TAKE: 2.5 of 5 stars

Most of this episode is highly fast-forwardable. Kris's musical number is fun, unfortunately you have to live through about 20 minutes of the other woman belting out some really bad songs. The family issues were completely unrelated to the actual bad guy, and I could have done without one or the other. Still, there is some good inter-angel banter, and if Kris is your favorite, you'll probably like this one despite everything else.

NOTES

COVERS

Kris joins the cast of Sweet Misery. Sabrina, Kelly, and Bosley don't use any covers.

WARDROBE

Kelly and Kris get to play dress-up with a couple of Norma Friedrick-esque dresses. As part of her musical number, Kris gets to wear that same pair of glasses that they always wear when they play secretary. Then she takes off the glasses and lets her hair down and turns all sexy. (Discouraging to those of us who already have our hair down and glasses off, and have nothing more to offer.) Otherwise, nothing special to see here, standard turtlenecks and whatever.

MUSICAL KRIS ALERT

Yes, that's really her voice! Cheryl sang her way into show business and has released multiple albums - visit cherylladd.com to give her a listen. She also showcases her singing talents in Angels in Vegas (#47).

LYRICS (as far as we can decipher)

"If Only We'd Been Together Then"

If only I’d been six,
When you were seven.
You would have been my beau,
Would have been heaven.
And when you hit your teens,
Sweaters and faded jeans.
So curvy, cute and prancy.
Would I have struck your fancy?

If only you’d been there,
When I turned thirty.
They'd said a handsome pair
And ain’t she purty?
We would have been a riot,
Time and again.
If only we’d been together then.

Forgive me if I strut,
I’m feeling strutty!
And then one look from you,
I turn to putty!

And when you kiss a lad,
He sure can get it bad.
Moonstruck and feeling silly,
Oh honey, you’re a dilly!
I’ll be right here at hand,
And if you're hurtin,
I’ll kiss your tears away
And one thing's certain
We're gonna go first cabin,
I'll tell you how.
If we are smart or whether,
We flip and slip our tether,
We're gonna stick together now!

"Words"

Words, words, where are the words?

Where, where is the rhyme?

Did we throw them away?

Out of sight, out of time?

When we speak, do we hear?

When we look, do we see?

When we touch, is it really you?

Is it really me?

Two, two, that was our number,

You plus me.

Now one is such a lonely number,

must we be?

Looking still, never seeing

Living still, never being

How absurd.

All we need are words.

Where are the words?

Where, where is the rhyme?

Did we throw them away?

Out of sight, out of time?

When we speak, do we hear?

When we look, do we see?

When we touch, is it really you?

Is it really me?

Two, two, that was our number,

You plus me.

Now one is such a lonely number,

must we be?

Looking still, never seeing

Living still, never being

How absurd.

All we need are words.

Only words! Only words!

"Where is My Lady?"

Where is my lady?

Oh, how I need her today.

Did I put her in uncaring hands,

And send her away?

Where is my lady?

We were an elegant pair.

Love the sound of her laughter,

I loved her elegant flair.

I can see

She's not part of me.

If it must be told,

Love has made her bitter and cold.

I need my lady.

Without her, there's nothing of me

And any fool can see,

Get her back in my life

And life is a natural high.

Without my lady,

Where are you?

What are we?

Who am I?

I can see

She's not part of me.

If it must be told,

Love has made her bitter and cold.

I need my lady,

Without her, there's nothing of me

And any fool can see,

Get her back in my life

And life is a natural high.

Without my lady,

Where are you?

What are we?

Who am I?

GOOFS AND CURIOSITIES

- In the opening office scene, Charlie's speaker is on top of a box, but in close-ups, it's sitting right on the desk.

- When Kris and Frank Jason are walking in the parking lot, you can see the cameraman's shadow on the ground.

- Kris looks in her rearview mirror and reads the license plate on the car that's tailing her, even though there is no license plate on the front.

- Inside the soundstage, Sabrina takes off her earrings and hands them to Kris. When she's outside running around, she's wearing them again.

- When Sabrina pulls out her gun, she drops her purse and runs away without it.

RANDOM DETAILS

- Sweet Misery apparently won 4 Tony awards.

- At the races, Kris bet on a winning horse named Reverential because she liked the jockey's colors, which were pink and white. The sweater she's wearing while she says this is also pink and white. Brilliant betting system, or stock footage coincidence? You decide!

- One of Kris's first professional jobs in junior college was playing "Sweet Misery" in stock. Her part was Jenny, the same part she ends up playing with Frank.

- Kris continues the family tradition of almost getting killed by falling stage lights - Jill survived a similar attempt in I Will Be Remembered (#20).

- In one shot you can see that Jaclyn's finger is bandaged. I wonder what happened?

BEHIND THE SCENES

- Ed Lakso wrote all 4 of the songs in this episode, music and lyrics. Mercifully the fourth song, "Ballet Theme", was only instrumental, and played behind Norma Friedrick's dance.

- The exterior shots of Stage 8 are from the 20th Century Fox lot, where much of the series was filmed.

- Does that theater with the green seats look familiar? It should - the angels did some more film research here in Dirty Business (#16).

QUOTES

Kris: Somebody tried to drop a stage light on her.

Frank: I'm sorry to hear that.

Kris: You still care.

Frank: No, I'm sorry that somebody's been so stricken with blindness that they missed her.

Sabrina: Sweet Misery, starring KRIS MUNROE and others. I think it's got a nice ring to it.

Bosley: You're not serious!

Kris: Like I said - Frank's idea, totally!

Kelly: Well, I think I should call him and tell him you simply refuse.

Kris: You do, and I'll break your arm.

Bosley: They're very serious.

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