INTRO:
Today is 9-1-1. FIRE FIRE FIRE!
Peetage has just completed our first and second games of the
season. 2 close losses at Ford Field
this past Thursday bring our record to 0-2.
A fine game was played by all, although the Wintergarden ball wackage
was off the charts. They just out hit
us and out drank us. Time to see what's
in this weeks mailbag. Giddyup!
MAILBAG: This
letter comes to me from Chris “Nad bag” Mazzara on
8-2-1: “To:
[email protected]
Hey boss man-
What's going on?
College life is good. It's weird
knowing that there is a
Peatage game in a few days and I won't be there. Well here's one for your
column: Is
there anything I can do to promote Peatage up here? A broad fan
base equals more support and a championship. Get back to me
-Nads”
What
heart shown by our rookie! Nads has the
attitude to go straight to the top in our illustrious organization. Well to answer your question Nads, team
members Matt and Casey have promoted Peetage in the past. What they chose to do was write www.peatage.com on everything they came in
contact with. Placemats in restaurants,
those boxes that you get apartment guides from. Even money, as illegal as it probably is, was used to promote our
team and website. Even a 3x5 card on
your school bulletin board with the words “For monkeys, pirates, and Carl, go
to www.peatage.com” can really bring in a
new audience. Good luck at school and
rock on axeman!
PLAYER NEWS:
Tim Orow: The man with the cats. The team so totally appreciates Tim
continuing to play despite his hectic work schedule. Tim came out swinging this past Thursday and shows once again
that he’s a major threat to our opponents.
Even more of a threat than his house full of trained South American
circus lions!
Scott Krimm is back from his
summertime shenanigans in Iowa and he’s carrying one big stick! Scott went 7 for 8 and leads the team with 6
RBI’s in our first game day to carry Peetage closer to victory. Scott is yet another veteran that could be
in the running for an MVP award.
Jason Krimm has been filming
shenanigans with his brother, Carl, Jason, Matt, and Casey at the APA. Jason helped develop a new on ice game
called sockey which combines the sports soccer and hockey. Somehow the use of tires is also
incorporated into the game! Those crazy
Krimms.
Damian Krimm has been wacking the
puck around at the APA and pursuing some major on ice training. No one is working harder to bring Peetage
into the spotlight than the Krimms.
Coach Casey O’Neil made some nice
catches in our last game. Casey was
another creative mind behind the game sockey.
His on ice training also includes curling with radial tires while Jason
Buntine quickly sweeps a clean path in front of that tire.
Jason Buntine: The mastermind of sockey and second
base. Is there anything this young man
can’t do!
Matt Marken started off the season
with a double and a homerun in the first game!
The second game Matt was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately he can only attend 2 more weeks of baseball later
in the season due to a night class.
Matt recently worked a 20-hour shift at the APA and now thinks he’s a
hummingbird of some type!
Carl Buchin: how convenient that today there is a full
moon and Carl is nowhere to be found.
As a full time team member Carl and his guns pose a huge threat to our
opponents this season. If Carl can
develop a slightly more level swing there’s no telling the damage he can
do! Check out “Peetage Survey” or the
survey on the homepage for more Carl chaos.
Anthony Ciatti has returned to
bring Peetage back into the limelight.
Up on his mustard horse, he’s ready to conquer yet another season. Goldberg has some competition this year with
Randy Dell’s orange light sabre!
Mike “I don’t eat cheese that’s
given to me on my birthday, I just shove it in the fridge” O’Neil has taken his
usual leave of absence during the football season. Don’t worry, Mike does plan on laces up the cleats for a few
games this season.
Philippe’s making babies and the
baby was probably born on August 31st, 2001. We haven’t heard from Philippe just yet
about his newborn but details will be known soon. We of course wish Philippe and Legh a safe and healthy delivery.
Bill Marken: Odd fact; all 3 Marken boys have Thursday
night classes in the fall. Bill will be
completing an associate degree in Fire Technology to compliment his Bachelors in
Business. Does anyone really read this
stuff?
Tim “freeze sucka” Marken is
finally off probation as of August 24th. Tim is unable to play since Carl has taken his mitt and Tim’s too
scared to ask for it back.
Jim Bradow is not currently on the Peetage roster for
the fall season. He’s still working
hard at Wayne State and we hope to see a return next season.
Chris “Nads” Mazzara like Jim and Mike will not be
playing in the fall. Hopefully after he
completes his first year at CMU, Nads can return and be better than ever. With his promotion of Peetage up at school
we’ll soon be ready to take over the world!
Nads is also now an official lead guitar player for Backseat
Rhythm! GO NADS!
RANDY DELL: Do
NOT, I repeat DO NOT play the circle game with Randy! Trust me, you’ll go home covered with bruises. Other than him hitting people, Randy has
proven to be a fantastic pitcher.
Side note:
Don’t play the circle game with Carl either. If he sees your circle and you hit him, he hits you right back,
hard.
Jeff Wade is back and is currently playing third
base. Jeff is always in good spirits
and is great to have with our team.
Also, all that stuff about him working on the Barney show was a vicious
rumor spread by Jose.
By the way, where’s Jose?
PEETAGE
SURVEY: If Carl were an animal, what kind of animal
would he be? There are several quite
humorous options on the poll. Although,
I don’t quite see Carl as a butterfly.
Currently 43% goes to “Carl is no animal, he’s a machine.” This is probably the one selection that
won’t make Carl hit you so hard that blood will come out of your head. There’s nothing you can do about it, he’s a
madman!
CONFIRMED
PEETAGE RUMORS:
Rumors
that the Ford Field 2 benches were built to accommodate infants are true.
Rumors
that the Krimm’s like to film shenanigans are true.
Rumors
that former team member Jimmy Moore and Anthony Ciatti may be bunking together
are true.
Rumors
that Randy Dell is the artist formerly known as George “the animal” Steele are
false.
WWF NEWS: Tazz will guest on the new
"WWF Excess" TV show Saturday night.
Busy
week for The Rock as he will appear Wednesday on Conan, Thursday on Howard
Stern and Friday on Rosie. The Rock is scheduled to host the fall premier of
"MADtv" in late September, as well.
Gangrel
and the Federation have parted ways, and Chaz' contract will not be renewed
when it expires in January. The WWF certainly wishes both talents the best in
the future. Each man is very fundamentally sound.
The
WWF have agreed verbally to terms with female grappler Jazz this week. She has
very sound in-ring skills and they look forward to her joining the company. Scott Steiner is still
coveted by our company; unfortunately, he is still injured. The other "big
names
Lita is hot
FAN OF THE WEEK: Our last 2 fans of the week are Legh
Burney and Alan Brandemihl! Legh is
Philippe’s wife as mentioned earlier and Alan is dating Emily, another Peetage
fan! It’s great to see some new faces
in the bleachers. Thanks for all your
support!
To ALL our
sexy fans we send a big thank you out to!
Where are they
now?: Jim
Moore is currently seeking residence anywhere except for my street. I wish him the best of luck.
Matt
Ritzer: just as quick as he made it
back to our roster he fell back down to the “where are they now” section with
the rest of the has beens and never heard of’s. Matt apparently has a schedule confliction which prevented him
from playing in the fall season. Maybe
next time Matt….maybe next time.
Brad Macdonald likes bagpipes
Kyle
Galan: horny.
Lorne: I’ve never even heard of this guy.
Gary
was in attendance at our opening day!
This further proves that Gary rules.
Machine
Gun Craig Kelly gets scared if you sneak into his garage and video tape a
Peetage member sitting in his chair.
Trust me, I know.
Jeff
Ellsworth: I really need to contact
this old friend
Scott
Matuisky who purposely threw a Peetage game:
what a dickhead.
Random crap: MESSAGE
BOARD: Since Nads is promoting Peetage
we want to see and hear from all of our new fans. Casey has put up a new message board. This is not nearly as schpedoinkel as the old ones but it gets
the job done. Let’s keep it real homies
and just post good ol fun.
MVP
VOTING: for those of you who haven’t
already voted you can send your 3 picks for MVP to [email protected].
EMAIL: Emails, feedback, suggestions, nude
pictures of Lita, and crap can be sent to
Tipin the
hat and signing off, this has been Notes from under the blue hat.
Disclaimer: Everything you just read is a complete lie……SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!