INTRO:
Today is 8-14-1. The regular season is over and Peetage had one of
the best seasons in a long time. We
also had a lot fun. Isn’t that what
it’s all about? Now it’s the off-season
and time for summertime shenanigans!
Giddy up!
MAILBAG: This
letter comes to me from Jason Krimm on 8-2-1:
“Are we skating tonight or what?”
Oh
it’s true. The Krimm bros, Matt, Carl,
and occasionally Casey, Jimmy, and Jason without skates are going back to the
hardcore on ice training at the APA.
Also spotted at the APA recently was Amy who was showing off her zamboni
skills in the parking lot!
PLAYER NEWS:
Jimmy “airwolf” Moore is
up to summertime shenanigans at the APA as well as trying to find a place to
live. Jimmy will not be leaving for
Arizona or anyplace far away anytime soon.
He’ll be attending the Univershity of Michigan Dearborn and he hopes to
find a good place to live out there.
Tim Orow still lives in
a zoo. He had a fantastic season tying
Matt for homeruns at 3. In his old age
Tim is really becoming a HUGE asset to our team. Tim’s summertime shenanigans include further exploration of the
continent South America, and exploration of new animals to add to his house aka
“Wild Kingdom.”
Scott Krimm is back home sweet home
from his breadman business trip. Team
member Matt spoke with Scott recently and he’s all ready to conquer yet another
Peetage season in the fall. Scott’s
summertime shenanigans seem quite violent.
Apparently he likes to put his twin sons in a chicken wire cage and let
them battle it out to which twin truly is “amazing”.
Jason Krimm as mentioned earlier is
perfecting his figure skating skills at the APA. The twins have quite a routine going and the pink skating dresses
really bring out their eyes.
Damian Krimm has been up to no
good. If I mention what he has done,
Matt Ritzler would shoot him.
Coach Casey O’Neil has been hauling
buns for Taystee/EarthGrains/Sara Lee Food Company. His shenanigans include taking out once and for good that fat A
hole umpire broad by what*ver means necessary, bringing Randy Dell back to
action using what*ver means necessary, and he hopes to find a way to control
Matt Ritzler…he carries guns now.
Jason Buntine’s shenanigans are a mystery
to us all. He has disappeared and
rumors are that he’s in a heavy duty training camp called “Carl’s dungeon”
where he gets 5 meals a day, a 14 hour work out, and the torture of watching
Carl have his way with his women in front of him.
Matt Marken’s eating tequitos and
having a lot of fun this summer. He’s
skating quite a bit, working too hard, yet still living his rock and roll
lifestyle to the fullest. His summertime
shenanigans will go unmentioned. 3
words though…………purple monkey dishwasher.
Carl Buchin has been found on ESPN
participating in the worlds’ strongest man competition under the name Hans
Momen. Carl apparently can pull a
120boxcar train with his Peetage pecker.
That's just amazing Johnathon....I mean Carl.
Anthony Ciatti has been bulking up
at IHOP and is ready to take on those Jimmywackers in the fall. His summertime shenanigans include
delivering letters via tricycle and reading his new English to Ghetto
dictionary.
Mike “I love cheese” O’Neil is
gearing up for football season. He’s
enjoying his shenanigans involving father-son bread delivery and achieving his
goal of a 10 on the snoring meter.
Philippe’s making babies.
Bill Marken seems to be asking for
tequitos at random parts of peoples conversations. He will make a return with his sons next season and be back to
giving baseball tips to people who don’t want to hear him.
Tim “you got a problem” Marken has
only a few weeks left on probation.
That hasn’t stopped his summertime shenanigans though. He continues to not come home at night and
redefine what it means to be a hooligan.
Jim Bradow is a wild and crazy guy. His shenanigans include stealing sugar
packets from IHOP and riding his bike all over the city. Not to mention he’s one mean zamboni driver!
Chris “Nads” Mazzara is rocking out after breakfast at
the Marken home. His amazing guitar
talents and Matt’s off beat drumming is really working out great. Some band photos may be on the site
soon. Inquire at [email protected]. SheNADigans of his include wacking his balls on the golf course
and oiling his balls in the bowling ally.
Matt Ritzler has made his way from the “Where are they
now” to the “Player news” section on summertime shenanigans from under the blue
hat. We welcome him back and hope he
doesn’t shoot anyone. Rumor has it that
someone is hiding a gun under third base…….Carl, I’m looking in your direction.
RANDY DELL IS BACK!
Who woulda thunk it? What else
can you say? It’s going to be great to
see Randy again. In his own words in a
recent press conference on his return, Randy stated “Get the crap about me off
the history page, I’m back!” His
shenanigans include leaving his job in another state to return to the team, and
he recently got married. Congrats
Randy!
Jeff Wade has also found his way back into the
lineup. This little sport provided some
outstanding infield ability last season and it’s great to see him back. Summertime shenanigans include the return of
Jeff, Randy, and Matt! What a reunion!
PEETAGE
SURVEY: Right
now 53% of our fans think the biggest surprise of the season is Matt’s stellar
play despite lupus. In second place is
Carl showing the guns and the lack of bench clearing brawls. Carl’s guns have finally been unleashed
shadowing over Matt’s guns. Since the
guns issue has been around so long we might just end it by posting the photo!
CONFIRMED
PEETAGE RUMORS:
Rumors
that Peetage fan Pat drinks boysenberry syrup with parmesan cheese and pepper
are true. We have the photographic
evidence.
Rumors
that the old message board has lit up with very entertaining messages are true.
Rumors
that Damian Krimm would be traded for Damian Easly are false.
Rumors
that Jimmy Moore will be traded for 50 cents and an Arby’s coupon are true.
WWF NEWS: Peetage member Matt Marken met Lita and it was the greatest day of his
life.
Triple H – Rehab for torn quadriceps
tendon progressing well. Has been focusing on rehab and not attending TV
preparing for hopefully a Nov.1 return.
Rikishi – will meet with Dr. Jim
Andrews next week for an update. Shoulder seems to be healing well.
Chris Benoit – rehab for neck
injury/surgery proceeding very well. Return still projected for Spring 2002.
Trish – Beginning rehab following
ankle surgery. Projected to need a few weeks of therapy until she can return to
physicality. Was able to film a Stacker 2 commercial Wednesday.
Lita is hot
FAN OF THE WEEK: Our fan of the week is currently
Anthony’s mom. If there is no change in
our fan of the week section then this lucky lady will hold her fan of the week
title until late August. Congrats!
To ALL our
sexy fans we send a big thank you out to!
Where are they
now?: Brad
Macdonald – No sighting
Kyle
Galan is a pretty boy with a pizza face.
Lorne
is still some guy no one has ever heard of, but I bet he’s up to shenanigans
too.
Gary
still rules for holding WWF pay per view events in his house. Gary is also a great guy for inviting
Peetage members to his killer condo in Bellaire. Thanks Gary!
Machine
Gun Craig Kelly has been very comical as of late. He’s teaching us well how to smart off to your wife. His shenanigans include things that are just
too vulgar to be printed in the notes.
For
those who remember him, Collette Peetage member Jeff Ellsworth is studying
forestry at Michigan Tech. Shenanigans
include me still including him in the notes.
Scott
Matuisky who purposely thew a Peetage game is still holder of the bogart
award. Scott was last in contact with
the team December 25th 2000.
I bet he’s still alive though.
Random crap: This
week’s random crap is about none other than shenanigans. Now after reading this column you’re all
probably sick of that word by now. But
what shenanigans are must be defined.
Shenanigans are all about having fun.
It may be pulling jokes on one another, or goofing around in an ice
rink, or drawing on your friends faces with a green marker when they fall
asleep, but what it all comes down to is having good clean fun. Having fun especially whether you win or
lose. Peetage had a fantastic
season…one of our best. So it’s not
right to look at the mood we were in during that last game. And of course IHOP makes us all feel
better! Now in that place we pulled
some shenanigans! So no matter who
plays in this upcoming short fall season, have fun, hit some dingers, pull some
shenanigans, and win one for the gipper!
EMAIL: Emails, feedback, suggestions, nude
pictures of Lita, and crap can be sent to
Tipin the
hat and signing off, this has been Notes from under the blue hat.