Notes from
under the blue hat
INTRO: I get wet without even trying – Andrew W.K.
Today
is some day in July. This is the July
edition of the Notes from under the blue hat.
As if you didn’t know that.
We’re 9 games into the season with a record of 2 and 7. We really need to sign Karl Malone. Also, check out the new feature in the Notes
called “Counter”. It’s basically just
to draw more attention to what people might miss. Peetage has a 2-week break due to the Livonia Spree on 6-27 and
our countries day of independence on 7-4.
During this time off we can properly prepare for the clash of the titans
on 7-25 at 7:25. Come on now, we all
know this is going to be the biggest day of our lives. Let’s start the insanity:
Duff man never dies, only the actors that portray him. Oh Yeah!
The
magic jacket holds the answer to many questions. Duffman’s immortality is one of them.
This
email was sent to me from the man with the IV bag, Caseyo4, and to him from
[email protected]:
Greetings,
My name is Jackie. I live in
Pennsylvania and I LOVE your site. Do I love it enough to be made fan of
the week? Yes, you see, I've spread it around. Me and my
friends LOVE your site. It's the funniest thing ever. I have not
attended a game, for obvious reasons, but you never know. Ok, I guess
that is all.
2
states down, 48 to go.
This
email was sent to me from the brick wall at 3rd base, Guy Jeffrey
Wade:
Garbage day, it is a
shame it only comes 52 times a year.
He’s not on drugs, seriously
folks.
Finally,
one more from Jeff Wade in regards to the “Peetage Plan” on 7-25:
Are you going to send the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees
in their
mouths that shoot at you when they bark.
That has been cut from the plan……..for now.
PLAYER NEWS:
Stanley
cup champion Carl Buchin may finally get his very own baseball glove. That glove that was left at the field weeks
ago that’s in the possession of Matt Marken has still gone unclaimed. Carl has also been working out and is bigger
than he was the last time you saw him!
He’s not taking 7-25 lightly.
Who knows what can happen now?
The 313 claim that they have revealing photos
of Brian Prince sunbathing topless on the roof of Coach’s Corner. I dismiss such rumors. Brian is as wholesome as Glen Danzig. Just read his 20 Questions Rewind
interview. Please check him out and see
what he has to say about Peetage in his online journal. http://www.livejournal.com/~maxsoul9.
Mike
“Don’t you think I’ve heard that one before” O’Neil pitched one heck of a
game. If you remember, Peetage went up
5-0 in the first inning. Then we lost
10-8. Anywho it was a pretty good
game. In preparation for 7-25 Mike has
been sitting in his chair watching old superhero movies.
Jason
Krimm hits a ton. Our homerun leader in
my eyes will most defiantly win the most improved player award. Do we even have one of those? Jason is playing some fantastic baseball and
is preparing for 7-25 by drinking beer.
Casey “Dizzy C” O’Neil states “Many changes are coming for this team, very positive ones. I
am currently working on some very interesting projects to revitalize Peatage” in the news section of our
website. This can only mean bringing
some old names up from the farm club…..that our he’s throwing the 313 a curve
ball, no pun intended.
Tim
“The Catman” Orow. Need I remind you
that Tim is an original Peetage member and Livonia league veteran? We have much to learn from someone that has
been around as long as Tim has. He’s
preparing for the 7-25 showdown by sacrificing a live cat in the left center
field area.
Scott
“down incognito” Krimm. Where did this
guy even play last game? I don’t
remember. Wait, it was 1st
base I think because Jimmy B was at 2nd. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was 1st base. Scott Krimm’s job would be so much easier if
we threw the ball right to him. We like
Scott.
Peetage creator Matt “Too fast to
live too young to die” Marken recently scored his first triple. Other than that, he’s been sniffing too much
paint fumes at the FHIA. He’s preparing
for The 313 battle by studying the team closely while playing for them……. I’m actually bringing the organization down
from the inside…….
Philippe
Burney and the ever so lovely Leah Burney were in attendance at the Poison
concert last Friday and also have an anniversary coming up on 7-25. There is no word on if Philippe popped his
top, but go check the message board for Leah’s post show commentary. Did I mention that the Krimms were there
too? No I didn’t. Philippe will make his return on 7-11 and is
preparing for that by making more babies.
Congrats on number 3 you crazy kids!
Are you going to name this one “Peetage” or what?
Damian
Krimm was in row TT for Poison, came over and said hi, then drank 47 beers. He’s preparing for the 7-25 massacre by
doing push ups like his brother and meditating on the meaning of Peetage.
Bill
“Whatcha gunna do when the 51 year old pythons and all the little MarkenManiacs
run wild on you!!!!!!!!” Marken has severely bruised the back of his knee after
hitting home plate in his last game. I
don’t know how he did it either. You
can catch Bill from time to time at the fire fighters tent at the Livonia
Spree. Just don’t eat the pizza. It made Nicolette threw up.
Timmy
“sunshine and lollypops” Marken just spent every penny he owns on a purple
non-street legal dirt bike. I knew he
was a dirty boy, but not this dirty.
What can I say, he still hasn’t grown up. I’ll give you the injury update in next month’s column. AIM Timmy Poopers at timsnovass2fst4u.
Randy
Dell. Happy birthday you hot stack of
pancakes!
Chris
“Nads” Mazzara did not make the game against the Donnely boys. I think he was stunk in the line for the
Raptor at Cedar Point at the time.
Jim
Bradow is Nick Burns. If anyone of you
need a little RAM, this is the guy to ask because he really helped me out. I can’t believe it was only 30 bucks too. One time fee, long time gift. I’m obviously talking about my computer you
sick sickys.
BIRTHDAYS:
July 3nd: Randy Dell turns 33.
July 14th: Original Peetage member Kyle Galan turns 21.
July 14th: Our oldest living Peetage member Mike O’Neil
turns 58.
Some
current members do not have birthdays on their profile. Some former members do not even have a
profile. So if your birthday is not
mentioned that’s the reason.
COUNTER: 13,469
PEETAGE POLL:
What should the 2002 Peetage theme song be?
ANDREW W.K. won. Somebody suggest a new poll!
Email this guy with your poll suggestions. [email protected]. I can’t wait for the next one.
PEETAGE RUMORS:
Rumors
that Scott Krimm’s brother in law will be the next player to get a Retro Review
is true.
Rumors
that Chad and Rob Walker will be getting a 20 Questions interview because they
both played for Peetage are probably false.
Rumors
that 7-25 will be more devastating than 9-11, 6-6, and 6-13 all put together
are true.
Rumors
that 7-25 will also break the record for the most fans are also true.
Rumors
that Jackie is a fictional character are true.
Rumors
that “Summer catch” was a fun and enjoyable movie are false. Freddie Prinze couldn’t act his way out of a
nut sack.
FAN OF THE WEEK:
Jackie
the sock puppet.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?:
Jeff
Wade has set a new goal to have the most entries in the mailbag. He electrified the crowd at the Livonia
fireworks Friday night as well. And
what’s up with Mary giving me the finger?
Jason
Buntine is still racking up the wins for The 313. The spree was quite fun my friend. Next time throw the darts at
the balloons! He will be signing his
new autobiography “So you want to be sexy” after the game on 7-25.
Anthony
Ciatti and Matt Marken took over the streets of Detroit on 6-13, saw some boobies,
ate at Steak n Shake, and good times were had by all. I can’t even explain what he’s doing to prepare for the big game
later this month!
Jimmy
“Airwolf” Moore is still in Arizona. He
will not be flying back to rejoin the team anytime soon.
Matt
“bang bang” Ritzler doesn’t play softball anymore.
Brad
MadDonald is still in France……..or is he?
Kyle
Galan. Happy Birthday and don’t drink
too much kool-aid junior.
Lorne
Trupiano. If there is one guy that is
more estranged from this team than Lorne I’d like to know whom.
Gary
Ushiro rules. Check out his stats on
the roster page and talk to him at Longdriver300.
Scott
“Bogart Award” Matuisky. 4 games
played. 4 balls dropped. 4 gotten.
Craig
Kelley is becoming a big hit down at the bingo hall.
Scott
Krimm’s “1.000 club” brother in law is almost as estranged as Lorne Trupiano.
Mike
Mess. F him. [email protected] http://hometown.aol.com/mjmies11/ he’s a real “cool dude.” I hope you’re all harassing the crap out of
this jerk.
Ryan
Molloy has a sexy apartment, guitar, and back safety manual.
Don
Sollars was at the girl’s game. It’s
good to see him again. Don’s HUGE!
Pat
Morgan eats lard.
RANDOM CRAP:
Retro
Reviews: If you haven’t read about this
in the Notes yet, please do. Check the
message board for more shenanigans.
I told you the Red Wings would have another
Stanley Cup under their belt by the next update.
Have a safe and sexy 4th of
July. Celebrate the independence of
your country by blowing up a small piece of it.
July 25th game. Peetage – 7:25 – Bicentennial 9. The 313 – 7:25 – Bicentennial 9. This is one game you’re not going to want to
miss.
Emails, feedback, and crap can be sent to [email protected]. (How bad do you want to be in the mailbag!?)
Tipping the hat and signing off, this has been Notes from
under my melanoma.
Disclaimer: Everything you just read is a complete lie……SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!
Complaints about my crappy column can be sent to [email protected]. Complaint count: 1