INTRO:
Today is 6-1-1. Can you
believe that? Lets see what’s in the mailbag!
MAILBAG: This
letter comes to me from Carl Buchin on 5-31-1:
“Hey Matt, before the game today
I’m going to cause a huge accident on 5 mile road to delay the other team and
we can score a quick victory. We can’t
keep relying on you to carry the team through the whole season. You’re our dinger man, golden glove in the
outfield, and I just wish I could be more like you. Anyway, later, Carl”
Thanks
Carl, you’re the best. Indeed the
forces of Carl kept away several of the other team members and we scored
ourselves a quick and cheap victory.
Remember though, they don’t ask HOW you win, they ask IF you win.
PLAYER NEWS:
Jimmy “airwolf” Moore’s
where abouts were unknown this week.
Jimmy is usually with the team, but I heard he was on a 48-hour Gold’s
Gym binge while eating only sushi and not taking bathroom breaks. We don’t know how he does it and we don’t
want to know. This young rookie is
HUGE!
Tim Orow still owns 24
house cats, a lynx, and another little rodent with no hair on it. Luckily Tim was not sent to St. Louis at the
last minute and was able to be with the team for our scrimmage. In honor of his cats, Tim hit well, ran the
bases, stopped to take a break between 2nd and 3rd, ran some more
and scored.
One member of the Krimm family was
on hand for the game this week. Scotti
too hotti Krimm performed very well and had a lot of fun Thursday. Not even Scott knows where the “Brothers of
Destruction” Jason and Damian Krimm have disappeared to although they were
spotted days earlier in a bar in Plymouth by Peetage big gun Carl Buchin.
Coach Casey O’Neil was at the game
also after missing last week’s game to a massive diarrhea infection. His butt problems have cleared up and he was
back in action this week. Letting
everyone rotate and play several positions was a lot of fun.
Jason Buntine is one dirty
SOB. Once the other team needed players
he ran to the other bench as fast as he could.
Not because he likes helping people but because he secretly wanted to
slide into Philippe spikes up and take him out of action. Betrayal is one thing, but having such anger
that only runs through the veins of Carl is something that should be
rewarded. He’s the most brutal,
vicious, and most ruthless champion ever!
Matt Marken played with a severe
case of lupus Thursday night. Even
though the game didn’t count he gave it his all. The doctors are pumping him so full of pills that while trying to
play left field he busted into a one-man rendition of the 80’s cartoon theme of
Fraggle Rock while spinning in circles in foul territory. This guy needs help.
Carl Buchin returned to action this
week as well. Number 23 is pumping up
the guns and can’t wait to take on Homoz.com next week. Click on NEWS under the HOME link and read
all about our next opponents. If anyone
would like to see a bald picture of Carl Buchin from his dark past, go to http://www.emich.edu/public/hockey/team9900.html. Before he kills me for doing this I would
like to say it was a pleasure playing ball with everyone this season and I’ll
miss you all. See you on the other side.
Mike “Did you hear the one about…”
O’Neil pitched a few innings for the team and was a hoot to have on the
bench. Inquire about his joke of the
week.
Anthony “thelastword” Ciatti
accompanied by his raging lover Ryan had a great time at the game with Ryan
working 2B for the other team. Both men
bring a lethal dose of attitude and mystery to the plate. We don’t know much about Ryan yet but he
seems to fit in well in the Peetage family.
By the way, Philippe accompanied by
his wife and little Sam were at the game.
As you can see in the team photo, little Samantha is a future fan of the
week.
Also “Fire Marshall” Bill Marken
played almost every position on the field.
The ball seemed to find its way to him in each inning. Those old people in the bleachers didn’t
just wander to the field to watch Peetage in action. They were actually the 76-year-old parents of Peetage member Bill
Marken.
Tim “Bottoms up” Marken turns 19 on
June 3rd. Let’s pray that
this jabroni doesn’t O.D. in Canada. He
was also missing in action this week.
He was working out with his former cellmate Mike.
NUMBER 69 Jim Bradow represents all
that is right and good in the world.
Our third baseman had some great hits and was a lot of fun as usual
PEETAGE
SURVEY: Right
now 63% of our fans want Carl to show the guns. He can’t deny the fans what they want any longer. I have the feeling the guns may bust out at
any time. Once again that link for
Carl’s big bald head is http://www.emich.edu/public/hockey/team9900.html. I’m so totally asking for a beating.
CONFIRMED
PEETAGE RUMORS: As this is
being written, Peetage coach Casey OOOOOOOh yeah is on the phone with Chicago
Emily. They are working out the dates
for the shooting of the Peetage movie/documentary and are going over details
she needs for her film class. Depending
on everyone’s schedule we’ll see how this goes. I’m sure it will prove to be a lot of fun.
Rumors
that Tim Orow would be traded to St. Louis or Argentina are true. Fortunately he couldn’t get anyone to house
sit and watch over his zoo so he played with us this week. Let’s hope we can sign Tim and have him on a
permanent basis.
Rumors
that Philippe’s baby Samantha was hit with a baseball bat are true. She got a little too close to the action and
one Peetage member accidentally made contact with her little face. But a fearless Peetage girl she is, and with
the spirit of Carl in the air, she sucked it up and didn’t cry. What a trooper!
MOJO: Mojo doesn’t come to any forfeits I guess.
WWF NEWS: Grand Master Sexy stopped at the Calgary
International
Airport at which time
they found, one-tenth of a gram of methamphetamine,
one-tenth of a gram of
marijuana and half a gram of cocaine. However, even with
the charges dismissed,
Christopher will not be welcome back into the WWF anytime
soon. Jason Buntine has recently ordered a too
cool shirt.
Lita is hot.
FAN OF THE WEEK: Our fan of the week is Max and
Laurel Marken. They were mentioned
earlier as those old people in the crowd.
Coach Casey and Max go way back.
They were involved in the tiger game/awkward-belching incident a few
years ago. (Inquire by email). We thank you and all our great fans! You’re what really makes Peetage work.
Where are they
now?: Since
leaving the Peetage roster, Brad McDonald has been found face down in the
gutter. He hit rock bottom after
leaving the team. The Peetage success
went to his head and unfortunately he couldn’t handle it. We wish him well.
Matt
Ritzler shoots people in the city of Pittsfield. Rumor has it he gets a tattoo every time he knocks someone off.
Kyle
Galan is still flipping burgers somewhere.
Randy
Dell’s where abouts is still unknown
Lorne’s
back pain has finally heeled although he will not be coming back to the team
anytime soon. Apparently we forgot all
about him and the new players have no idea who he is.
Gary
still rules and he’s still working on computers and flipping burgers at Laurel
Park.
Machine
Gun Craig Kelly and where is he now?
That’s a good question. The team
was excited when they heard “Gunner” as we called him, was returning for our
previous game because several Peetage members were out of action. It turns out that that was a cruel hoax by
his angry wife Linda “poopers” Kelly.
Jeff
Wade has been fired from the children’s show Barney. While shooting a live show Jeff was fired because the director
said, “Trees don’t dance around and sing I wanna rock.”
For
those who remember him, Collette Peetage member Jeff Ellsworth is studying
forestry at Michigan Tech.
Scott
Matuisky who purposely thew a Peetage game is still holder of the bogart award.
Random crap: *61
the movie was reviewed by several Peetage members. It seems that only Casey’s legs and Matts arm made it into the
movie. Matt’s major “walking down the
isle and being seated by an usher” scene was cut.
Also,
Chicago Emily and her boyfriend Dave will be spending a weekend here in Detroit
rock city. They will come to our game
to shoot the scenes she needs for her class and hang out with the Peetage crue.
EMAIL: Emails, feedback, suggestions, and
crap can be sent to
Tipin’ the
hat and signing off, this has been Notes from under the blue hat.