Notes from under the blue hat
8/1/99 -
8/1/02
INTRO: This is the end, my only friend, the end – Ray Manzarek.
Today
is the morning after. 7-26. At the time of THIS writing, it’s the month
of August and our season is over. The
smoke has cleared and after being destroyed by The 313, Peetage can now look
forward to close out the season with the Stevenson alumni crue that is Remax. We just did, and got annihilated. Peetage finished the season 2-11 In more news, it has been announced that
Casey has decided to unplug the Peetage machine for at least the fall
season. What will our Peetage mates be
doing with this break in the action?…..Keep reading. Get this,
there are 13, THIRTEEN, 13 entries for the mailbag this month. Let the madness begin:
Do you want to hear the horrible truth? OR DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME
HIT SOME DINGERS?!?!?!
If
I must choose only one, I will choose the dingers.
This
email was sent to me on June 4th from the man who bats over .700,
Guy:
We don't have to have sex.
Yes we do, the fortune cookie said so.
This is
in regards to……..ahh you don’t want to hear about this.
This
email was sent to me on July 14th from the homerun leader for team
Peetage, Jason Krimm:
I heard a good joke and I thought you'd enjoy it.
Q: Whats harder than getting Matt Marken to
do a shot
of Jagermeister?
A: Finding a Benny's player that can count.
Put that in your mailbag and
smoke it!!
Salute!!
It’s funny cause it’s true. Jason finally fulfilled his dream of getting into my bag. Good job buddy.
Here we
go with this guy:
Now for the part you all tuned in for....hardcore
nudity.
This is in regards to what we
can expect on 7-25. We all went home
happy.
Let’s kick it with some Jeff
Wade:
Disco Stu doesn't advertise!
I had no idea.
Let’s see what Brian Prince has to
say. He always finds a cheap way to get
into the mailbag. Gotta love him.
did u happen to tape raw? if so, may i borrow it?
Yes I did and yes you can, let’s keep going.
GJW:
This is the most frajulant case of false
advertisement I've had since the
case of The Never Ending Story.
Jeff Wade’s response to a possible
Peetage/Bennys merger.
Number 8:
Jim Bradow.
Dear Jim
James Bradow is testing you! How much do you know about James Bradow?
Find out now!
Take James Bradow's test: My Test for ya'll and see how you compare to the rest
of James Bradow's friends, family, co-workers, and relatives!
If yall want to take the Jim Bradow test,
email him at the link above for the questions!
It’s good fun.
Mailbag entry 9: 7-25 in the eyes of Jeff Wade:
Now I have seen some teams that suck before, but
they were the suckiest
bunch of sucks to ever suck.
That’s not very nice. Funny though.
Mailbag entry number 10: Sent to me from the spankalicious mustard
lovin’ jet flyin’ limousine ridin’ son of a gun, Aciatti8.
Directions
for your softball erection
275
south to ford road.
east
on ford road (left)
ford
road, past Newburgh, on the right, behind the city hall building.
thats
it
313
4 life
What could this be about?
11: For the
final Notes appearance……Jeff Wade
It is my
lucky bat
Oh man, I have an enchanted jock strap.
Just when
you thought it was safe to ask him what his secret is.
12: To answer that long and troublesome question
of “A cone is formed with an arc length AB equal to
20 cm. As the cone is formed from a sector of a circle with angle 72 degrees,
determine a) the radius of the circle from which the sector is taken, and b)
the radius of the base of the cone formed by sector ABC” which has shown up in
several 20 Questions interviews, we have team rockstar Matt Marken.
a) circumference = 2Pi*r arc length = (x/360 degrees) *
2Pi*r 20 = (72/360)*2Pi*r r = 15.915 cm
b) circumference = 2Pi*r base of cone = circumference 20 cm = 2Pi*r
r = 10/Pi r = 3.18 cm
Was that so
hard? Your mom thought so.
13: Finally, we have Peetage mountain climber
Philippe Burney:
Just got off the mountain, sounds good to
me. I'll bring a check Thursday.
See you then.
PLAYER NEWS:
Carl
Buchin is hanging up the cleats and putting on the skates. For who knows how long, Carl will be
displaying his talents for EMU. Check www.emich.edu/public/hockey for more bald photos. He’s made his mark for Peetage and he may
return one day. He closed out the season
by not even putting forth the effort to show up to the last 3 games. He sure must have had enough of
something. Carl is now and forever shall
be a sub for The 313. For future
contact, or just for a guy that will beat someone up for you, his email address
is [email protected].
Brain Prince has announced his retirement from
Softball. He had a good run, made some
new friends, and had loads of fun. I
still have your signed Danzig CD dude.
If you want it back, the high big on it is only 5 bucks. Check Ebay!
Please check him out and see what he has to say in his online
journal. http://www.livejournal.com/~maxsoul9.
You all know how to contact Brian.
Go to City Club, Trish Stratus’s house, or email him at [email protected].
Mike
“Nolan Ryan” O’Neil pitched another great season. Our oldest surviving Peetage member is still
getting his Nolan Ryan on on the mound.
He is our rolling stone. By next
spring Mike may spread the magic for another amazing season. Give him a jingle at [email protected]
Jason
Krimm closed out the season with his pops at Coach’s Corner. Good times were had by the Krimms, Matt, Nads
and Amy. Jason is this season’s Dinger
award winner. The torch has been
passed. The torch has been blown out,
but it has been passed. Congrats Jason. In one week we’ll be seeing the Amazing
Jonathon! (No relation to Carl’s Penis,
circa 2000). Thank him for blessing this
team with his shenanigans at [email protected].
He checks his email once a month.
Casey “Unequal Equilibrium” has shut the
Peetage doors forever. A new team with a
new name may arise sometime in the future.
Anything can happen. By the way,
what happened to the “Big news” in the coach’s corner column? With the hey man all stars departing the
team, Casey will have to find some new talent to fill the very large shoes of
such gems as Matt Marken, Carl Buchin, Brian Prince, Tim Orow, and Philippe
Burney. Amazingly, every player left for
the same reason.
Tim
“Motor City” Orow has signed a contract with The 313 as recent as August 1st. Management finally gave in and let him have a
5 cat minimum on the bench next season.
The talented Timmy O WILL play fall ball. Although, there will be no Diary of a Catman
article anytime soon. Giddy up. [email protected].
Scott
“Coach’s Corner regular” Krimm played outfield in our final game. I think.
Who cares? Scott likes food and
beer and has a lot of fun. Ask Scott what
he’ll be doing in the off-season this winter or if he’s playing fall ball. [email protected].
Peetage creator Matt Marken had a
stellar season and finished above .500.
He’s departing the team and there will no longer be a team Peetage until
he makes one at a date TBD. Matt has
found a new team, family, and home all rolled into one big orange ball of
skill. The Dinger Man will swing
on. [email protected].
Burney
news: Philippe A. Burney and Leah D.
Burney were in attendance at the Dokken/Ratt/Warrant/Firehouse/L.A. Guns show
out at Pine Knob with fellow Peetagite Matt Marken. We weaseled our way into row 14, saw some
boobies, and a few girls makin’ out.
Philippe was nuts and that family sure knows how to party! Ahh, the stories, the fights, the
dirtyness. I love it. Dinner with Kelly was rad. Samantha Burney rocks too, she put a barrette
in my hair. CeCe. B. just whines and rolls around in the dirt
right now, but that’s what crybabies do. [email protected].
Damian
Krimm was playing hockey during our last Peetage game so his absence was
excused. It’s cool though. 3 unexcused absences equal 1 Carl. Damian sure brought some good times to the
Peetage bench. He’ll be sorely
missed. [email protected].
Bill
“Whatcha gunna do when I yell at you!” Marken closed out the season with a few
hits and some good plays at 2nd base. Bill Marken plans to alternate as a sub for
The 313 with Captain Crunch. [email protected].
Timmy
“I told you he’d fall off that dirt bike in last month’s Notes” Marken just
walked into my room as I was working on Bill’s section of the notes to show me
his 1 hour old scrapes and bruises.
Apparently Poopers hit a 90-degree angle ramp (makes sense right) and
now he says he feels that he got ran over by a truck. He’s right here for his post injury
commentary. “I feel like I sprained my
wrist. Look at my back and arm.” (Incoherent babbling) “Buh buh buhhh.” What else?…….
He walked out. In softball news,
Poopers never played 1 game nor did he show up at all. AIM Timmy Poopers at timsnovass2fst4u and he
might just ask you what the hell you want.
Of course you can still reach him at the classic email address of [email protected].
Randy
Dell. I have no idea what this guy is up
to. He missed so many games such as our
final one. Email him at [email protected] to find out where he’s hiding.
Chris
“Nads” Mazzara closed out the season by eating a plate of nachos at CC that
must have weighed more than him! Good
times were, are, and WILL be had when we rock the house later this week. The rumors are true; The B Rhythm boys are
getting much much better. [email protected].
Jim
Bradow made the lineup for the last few games.
He also helps you with anything you might need. What a guy.
He states that Peetage will not retool, but start from scratch in the
spring. What that means I can’t tell you
because I don’t know so ask him at [email protected].
BIRTHDAYS:
August
24th: Number 51 Bill Marken turns 51.
August
32nd: Scott Krimm’s brother
in law turns 69.
Some
current members do not have birthdays on their profile. Some former members do not even have a
profile. So if your birthday is not
mentioned that’s the reason.
COUNTER:
With the website being killed by the unplugged message board, the
counter has been going backwards and is currently at -86.
PEETAGE POLL:
Who will be defecting to The 313?
The answer is Anthony Ciatti,
Jason Buntine, Jeff Wade, Shawn Begley, Brad MacDonald, Don Sollars, Ryan
Molloy, Pat Morgan, Rob Walker, Illegal Chad, Matt Marken, Carl Buchin, Tim
Orow, and Philippe Burney.
Email this guy with your poll suggestions. Seriously.
This needs to be updated. [email protected].
PEETAGE RUMORS:
Rumors
that Scott Krimm’s brother in law will be the next player to get a Retro Review
are now false.
Rumors
that Peetage only won 2 games are true.
Rumors
that The 313 fans are hot and not related to the team are true.
Rumors
that rumors are stupid are true.
Rumors
that Matt Marken and Justin Shaw will race their Zambonis down 8 mile while
wearing unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts are false, but we could make it happen if we
wanted to!
Rumors
that Captain Crunch is on The 313 are true.
Rumors
that Jeff Wade and Rachel Wade are related are also true.
Rumors
that Hurricane Helms will wear an orange cape are false. He doesn’t need any f’n cape. His talents are of THIS world.
FAN OF THE WEEK:
Those
baby makin’ Burneys’. Who else?
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?:
Jeff
Wade has a giant mountain dew trough.
He’s also preparing for his new home away from home, the 3rd
base area, for the fall season by bench pressing Don 8 times a day. [email protected].
Jason
B and Nicolette P reminisced about old times last Thursday with a new team
member of theirs. Good times were, are,
and will be had by all from here on out.
[email protected].
Anthony
Ciatti and Matt Marken overtook city hall and are planning an invasion of some
type in a nearby city. The coach of the
top ranked 313 has big BIG plans.
Anthony also cranked out a homerun in the bottom of the 7th
inning to put The 313 over the top. The
score was 15 to 15 and he pulled through just like he did many times with his
former team. Goldburg 4 life. [email protected].
Jimmy
“Airwolf” Moore is here! On my
street! Asking me to do stuff! A, I just might. Jimmy also took part in some message board
shenanigans before the messages were all erased. [email protected].
It’s either yahoo or hotmail. Are any of you really going to email Jimmy?
Matt
Ritzler is auditioning for the part of Orko from Masters of the Universe. [email protected].
Brad
MadDonald is retiring. [email protected].
Kyle
Galan. [email protected].
Lorne
Trupiano. If there is one guy that is
more estranged from this team than Lorne I’d like to know whom. [email protected].
Gary
Ushiro, the long time fan of the week winner still rules. [email protected].
Scott
“Bogart Award” Matuisky. I can’t believe
this guy still acts the way he does. [email protected].
Craig
Kelley. If one man has contributed more
to this team than Craig Kelley, I’d like to find him. Craig is our hardcore champeen. The title was even named after him. He responds to his IM’s too. [email protected].
Scott
Krimm’s brother in law. He always brings
a tear to my eye. Word on the street is
that this guy still has his 20 Questions that Jason and Damian printed out for
him. Either he’s lazy, he doesn’t care,
or he lost his hands in a horrible petting zoo accident.
Mike
Mess. F him. [email protected] http://hometown.aol.com/mjmies11/ he’s a real “cool dude.” I hope you’re all harassing the crap out of
this jerk. We’re so totally getting that
table back. I’ll be able to harass him
in person about his 20 Questions and why he sometimes deletes them and
sometimes reads them. If I get stabbed,
it will still be worth it.
Ryan
Molloy runs. Good luck. [email protected].
Don
Sollars pitches like no other. He’s big
I tell ya. How big is he? Don lit and dropped the Livonia fireworks
last month.
Pat
Morgan ate my arm and we will soon have the photos to prove it. [email protected].
RANDOM CRAP:
Retro
Reviews are no longer.
The
message board is no longer.
End
of season party: Who knows where or
when?
It
was a long hot summer. Sometimes we had
fun. Sometimes we didn’t. That goes for every team. It is about fun, which is why getting
together the people who have the most love for baseball will create the maximum
amount of fun for all involved. Such a
lineup would leave no room for weakness.
This puts an all-star lineup on the field. We now have a common vision that will take us
down a new path with a destination unknown.
Some people leave their birth countries for a better life. Likewise, some people leave “teams” they were
born into for a better everything. Maybe
the people in that country are just not making things right. Would you want to be around a communist
dictator that puts you down and thinks that there is none higher than him? Or would you rather hang with equals and
people that treat you well instead of the Czar of ass? There is reason behind it all.
My
thoughts can best be expressed in a monologue using the words of Andrew
WK:
“Don't
knock it before you've tried it. And once you've tried it, try it again. And
again. And don't ever stop trying. Don't ever stop trying to be as alive as
possible. Don't give up. Don't let things get the better of you. Don't let
yourself get the better of you. Be stronger. It is not all or nothing. You have
nothing unless you try and do it all.”
“There's
no one setting any limits on what you can enjoy, how you can enjoy it, why you
should enjoy it, or what you should do except yourself. I look at what I have
here as a miracle that we're alive in the first place and thank God for every
breath I take.
“DO
WHAT EVER YOU WANT! NEVER LET DOWN! LIFE IS TOO SHORT! NO REGRETS! LIVE HARD!”
Emails, feedback, and crap cannot be sent to [email protected]. This is the end.
From what I hear, many of yous enjoyed this column and I’ve
enjoyed bringing the news and a few laughs to you all. Tipping the hat and
signing off for the very last time from this particular website, this has been
the Notes from under the blue hat.