| "A Million Ways" by Xena's Little Bitch |
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| Xena's Little Bitch... Welcome to The Amazon Sweat Hut! |
| What else is there to say? The Overlord has arrived!!! After recieving permission from XLB, I dove right into her story archives to seek the sleaze. Yes, I have put off doing the review. But now is the time because I was so up to my ears in beautiful/loving experiences that I actually miss seeing the word CUNT jumping off the page. Ahh, yes... Sleaze is good. Even if it's just a little. I was almost disappointed while reading "A Million Ways", You see, I have heard XLB's "Xena Mad Libs" and was expecting an all out slippery, sloshy, hand pruning, knuckle cracking, phallus strapping, whip smacking, whitewash the fence with the palet left on the bedroll, fuck fest. <did I get it all?> But to my dismay, not one mention of "...And then they fucked like wild rabbits." But XLB holds a little more class than that... Right? With that said, Let's move right on to The Moist Review!!! "A Million Ways" is a short PWP? and classic first time Xena and Gabrielle story set (as stated in the disclaimer): "I figure it takes place just after "Eternal Bonds" or something, as Xena isn't pregnant but she's still wearing the black leather pants. I guess they got a baby sitter for Eve or something...I don't really care...and in this story, neither does Xena." We are looking at the world through Xena's sexually frustrated eyes while she fantasizes about a certain bard and isn't able to keep her mind on anything else. So what's a Warrior Princess to do? Well, for one thing, we find out why Argo has the shiniest coat in the known world. I'd like to know how Xena explains away her frequent disappearances for hours at a clip to Gabrielle? Alien abduction? Checking the perimeter? Oh wait, that's when they're at a campsite. Sex Scenes: I had to break this story down and differentiate the scenes from Xena's fantasy segments and the real thing. Here goes it. Xena's Fantasies: 3 In The Flesh: 1 Moist/Moisture: None. But don't despair there's lots of soaking and dripping wetness to go around! Climaxes: Overall: 4. Broken down respectively, Xena alone: 2 and a trip to the forest but we aren't given any inkling as to how many times she may have climaxed in the few hours she was there (and if we use our twisted imaginations collectively, it would tally up to more times than Debbie has done Dallas). Then we have the actual Xena and Gabrielle climax: Xena: 1. Gabrielle: 1. Kink Factor? Nah. Unless you feel that the first time they are having sex is in the middle of a Bacchanal fair. Euphemisms? XLB doesn't go overboard with the euphies. She stays within the realm of breasts and throbbing clits. She started out strong with a thrusting cunt, but slid down The Sleaze-O-Meter (TM) to a throbbing pussy and dripping mound. "It seems as if all I think about these days is all the different ways I want to fuck her." -- What a way to open a story! This should clue you in real quick to what you'll be in for. "...all I can think about is pulling Gabrielle up from her chair, and bending her over the table, pressing her naked stomach against the sticky, ale-covered wood." -- Then try peeling her back off of it. That'll leave a mark. "...moving my hand down under the drawstring of her pants, slowly creeping down to cup her musky--" --Musky what?! Beaver? Snatch? Pleasure bowl? Seething grove? Wet center? Smoldering hole? "I lie naked by a lake and touch myself" --Why thank you very much! I now have that damn Divinyls song, "I Touch Myself" screaming through my head! And now, so do you <g> "Her legs wrap around my waist and as I continue to thrust into her I imagine her voice telling me she loves me and I come, I hope quietly" -- And if Gabrielle woke up? Try explaining that one away Oh Mighty Warrior Princess. "The palms of her hands cup my ass and and push me forward against her vibrating tongue." -- Not only does Gabrielle have the hands of a sailor, but she seems to have learned a thing or two from their lewd gestures. "Gabrielle pulls my pants up and laces them as we kiss. She whispers into my mouth, "Can we go back to the room?" "Oh, yeah." --And they fucked like wild rabbits. The End. Well, well, well. We are at the close of yet another Moist Review. Give Xena's Little Bitch a round of applause <palm fronds slap furiously from within the walls of The Sweat Hut> And now, it's time to check in for the final score... <the door opens and a rock with a note tied to it is launched from within and the door closes> OUCH! Umm. OK. Here we go... "A Million Ways" by Xena's Little Bitch enter's The Amazon Sweat Hut with an |
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