| OK! Feedback is now in order! Well, you done did good here on your first attempt. Not only did you successfully create a sex scene, but you have gone above and beyond the call of duty by going straight for the bondage card! Bravo! Now you have all of the classic makin's for a sex scene: Moist/moisture: 4 (1 being a possible typo) Stroking, hardened nubs, nipples, ample breasts, mounds and mounds of juices (also known as "passion nectar" or the stuff moisture is made of), and lots of moaning. I forgot, 2 women in a bedroom bored out of their skulls. I would like to mention how you just go for the gusto with the toys! Cuffs, a feather, rope, nipple clamps, and the good ol' trusty vibrator. Now one thing I'd like to ask is, is how large was that vibrator? Because you can really kill the moment when Jordan was "burying it inside her (Stephanie) to the base of it" especially if some of us are left to the devices of our twisted imaginations. Who knows, the fucker coulda been a foot long with the girth of a forearm-- that would've made us think differently of Stephanie and what kinds of things she can hide up there. The uber equivalent of the bottemless saddlebags. And setting it on "highest power", you could elaborate a little more. As in the above, we don't know if the thing is AA, C, D battey, Dry Cell, Construction site generator, or "needing a car jump" powered. So we don't know if Stephanie is getting the mild buzz or having the teeth chattered out of her skull. Once again, back to the devices of our imaginations. But remember, model numbers work great for product identification so that the reader can relate to what you are trying to portray in your work-- That you write what you know. They will always respect you for it. I can find a website or two for ya so you can shop around for yourself---I mean research. And don't be afraid to pull out more wild cards like produce, other various inanimate objects, farm animals.... Use your imagination, or just dive into full scale research. Just don't spend too much time checking out the zucchini and cucumbers at the supermarket-- they might get suspicious And, oh yeah, Bob? Well I gotta give ya credit on the use of "safety words" which no bondage session should be without (public service announcement). Which I might add, you never really come across the use of them in a playtime/ bondage scene, usually the author either doesn't know their kink or they just get caught up in the moment. On the MOISTURE scale of 1-10 (1 being dryer than a bad lay and 10 -- sticking to your seat and making a suction noise when trying to get up) A wonderful first try by Xenafan911 rates in the Amazon Sweat Hut at ... |
| BY Xenafan911 |
| Xenafan wrote this little piece when another member of our little bard list challenged her to write a PWP?. Bear in mind, this is her FIRST TRY at writing this sort of smut. And I, of course, just had to sink my hooks right into it. This was also my first ever "Moist Review" Hence, the spawning of this site. This story will always hold a special place in my heart... |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|