Salutations Schleprock Jones!!!

        Today is a very special day. Then again, so is everyday. A few years ago I found out that I was being stalked by a HOT little nurse. In two days from now, I'm going to make her my wife. (Did I mention that she's HOT!!??) Miracles do happen.

        I know that your all wondering how a nut like me could find a wonderful, and HOT!!, woman to fall madly in love in with. Well, the answer is simple.

        I sold my soul to Santa Claus.

    Santa and I are old friends. We used to hang back in the day and party. Santa was a nut! He used to get all smashed and ride his reindeer through the carwash. Nekkid! Anyways....

     A few Christmases ago Santa and I met up at the local coffee shop after his shift at the mall. We had a few too many javas, and he asked what I wanted for Christmas. Normally, he brings me a box full of problems and a new red Speedo. This was the first time he had asked me what I wanted since we were cellies back in the day. So, needless to say, I jumped at the chance to tell him what I wanted. My answer was, 

   someone to lovingly torture for the rest of my life, and a pint of Easter Bunny Stew.

      Here I am. A few years later, and wackier than ever. I have that special someone to torture, and the soup was delicious. I am getting married. I truly love my wonderful wife-to-be, and am dumbfounded that she has willingly chosen to love me back. My Heather completes my world and accepts me for the insane wackadoo that I am. I have followed Mr. Frog's lead and went a courtin' myself. We have had good times and bad, and I have found humor in it all. This Sunday we begin to write the next chapter. 

          All this I owe to my man Santa. And, I owe big time! Remember, I said that I sold my soul to him and that was not a lie. I am now endebted to him for all eternity. Any time he feels like calling in sick, or spending a weekend in Atlantic City, I have to go watch those naughty little elves. You have no idea what a pain in the *** they are. And you would think that Mrs. Claus would get off her butt and help. Nooooo!

            But I digress once again. That is another story for another day. I want to end today by expressing my gratitude for being giving a gift beyond compare. I now have my own HOT little nurse to torture and tease for the rest of my life. I truly am the luckiest man alive.

                 Till After the Honeymoon...

                          Later,

                         Tim

P.S. I love You Heather!! Thank You for Being My Muse.