I was thinking the other day about high school and I was terrified to realize that it's been over 6 years since I graduated.  I can't believe it.  It seems like it was just yesterday.  The scarier part, however, was when I realized that I only have 4 years until a likely 10 year reunion.  I'm not ready for that!  I haven't done enough yet.  I don't have a great job to brag about or pictures of kids to show off.  I do have a wonderful husband, but I want to be able to walk in with my head held high.  I know, 4 years is a lot of time, but it doesn't seem like it.  I lost weight my senior year of high school, so when I graduated, I looked better than I ever have.  After I got married, I gained it back.  I don't want to look worse than I did when I graduated.  I want to look better.  Maybe I should quit worrying about what people in school think.  Maybe I should just be happy to have what I have and not worry whether anybody else has it better or worse.  I know that's what I should do, but it's so hard to reprogram your brain to think differently.   I just thought that I'd have a whole lot more accomplished by now.  Oh well, I guess I just have to kick butt for the next 4 years.
Journal Entry 1   September 2, 2002
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