I sit on my bed, feeling alone and miserable. As usual. I had hoped that by spending time alone, I would be able to unburden my soul more easily. Instead, it only complicated matters.

I haven�t been able to eat, sleep, or make any decent friends. And I really want to make a friend.I deserve a little peace after all the trouble that I�ve lived through, right? So what�s stopping me from spilling my secrets?

Fear, mostly.

Fear because sharing my secrets mean that I�ll have to trust someone. Fear because I�ve never lived in one place long enough to have this problem, and now I�ll be living here until Voyager returns to the Alpha Quadrant. Fear because when I finally share my secrets, I�ll have to move on with my life. And living the way I do now is familiar, even if it is lonely.

Lieutenant Tuvok tried making a connection with me again this week, the third time since his field training class ended. While I appreciate his efforts, I�m afraid that he�ll give up on me like everyone else has. Well, nearly everyone else. Commander Chakotay never really gave up on me; he just gave me the room to deal with my troubled heart as I see fit. And Kenneth Dalby still tends to look out for my welfare, but it�s mostly done discreetly, when I�m not likely to become aware of it for some time. Not that I mind, I guess. I just wish that things were different. And to do that, I have to be willing to open up.

I�m not sure that I can.

Who would I share my experiences with? Tuvok? No, mostly because I�m not quite ready to trust the man who betrayed Chakotay�s crew. I can�t tellChakotay because it would mean that Janeway would find out, and I don�t want her to know. Dalby�s kind to be there for me, but he�s not someone I�d be willing to share my secrets with. But just maybe there is someone that I can tell. Mariah Henley seems like a gentle-hearted woman who I�d be able to trust. And she seems to understand my distance with nearly everyone on Voyager. Maybe in time I�ll tell her, but not tonight. It�s time for bed.

I just hope that the nightmares of losing my entire family won�t find me tonight.

~Finished