Ice -- February 18, 1999

Ice
is it possible to feel
so cold inside
that nothing 
shows without?

Is it possible to
freeze all your
emotions
yet
live without?

There is a wall of ice
that surrounds me
holding abay
that which would 
probably kill me...

Ice
is what keeps me alive
yet deadens me inside;
if you cannot feel,
you cannot hurt,
you cannot weep,
and most importantly,
you survive.

Surviving 
is not living,
that is something else
altogether.
Surviving
is living 
without 
hope.
without
love.
without
life.

There is this fist
that clenches
around my heart
what little left there is...
it clenches each time
to ensure that
I continue
to breath
to see
but 
not to live.

Ice
is the only shelter I have
against the winds
buffet around me.
It is the shield that
would make me and
break me in the same day
- shelter against the winds
but leeching my meager life.

Ice is the one constant
in my days;
none other can pierce so cleanly
the frail bit which is my soul.

Water is soft
yet hard at the same time
for does it not form ice?
and does it not surround you 
with warmth 
and coldness 
at the same time?

Ice
is the only anchor
within the ocean
of emotions
that I travel
that I have
that I end with.