Emptiness -- July 11, 1998

The emptiness that engulfs me,
that roils and turns over
like a restless beast from
the depths of darkness.

I feel nothing: no joy,
no sorrow -- no feeling
but this soul-wrenching emptiness.

I will sooner kill myself
than reveal this terrible face to the world.

My anger,
rumbled in a urge
for release but
I cannot let it go.

It protects me
from the hurt that would
surely follow upon the
feelings of defeat.

I must school myself --
say nothing, express nothing,
just do.

Every time
that I have said something,
I recieved nothing
but defeat in return.

Every time
that I have expressed something,
I have recieved only
scorn and mockery.

This has come to an end,
I exist no longer.

From this day forth,
I no longer walk
upon this Earth.

The soul that once was,
has left the husk
that held it.

No one mourns the loss
of something that never was.

Do not mourn my loss
for I have set myself
free.

The soul, if not the body,
has joined within
the greater Dance of Life.

No more does it
limit itself to a frail
corpse that could not
dance.