Deserve - December 30, 2005

Deserving what they strove for,
deserving the promises and rewards
once thought to be an entitlement.

A quest for forgiveness
stonewalled by the refusal 
to offer a release of any sort,
forcing an unending burden of guilt
that consumed the better part of fifteen years.

Waiting for the day
where the question asked:
what does she want of you -
yielded no more answers but more questions.

Where the need to be deserving
of the gifts received
was brushed aside
by the expectations of others.

When does it become:
deserving what we get
or getting what is deserved --
the two notions wrapping themselves
like a conundrum
against an enigma.

The public life ends
in a torment of fury -
wet against the winds,
but for a history predetermined
by something Unnamed.

Too much is left unfinished
and untold - like a doll
abandoned in a fit of pique --
no explanation given
on the vagaries of life.