letter19

Dear Family and Friends,

Okay, okay, I know it's been practically CENTURIES since I last wrote to all
of you, but, to tell you the truth, I have been incredibly busy lately. My
world has been SPINNING as I finished training, sweated through a language
test, said my oath ("So help me God") to be sworn in as an official United
States Peace Corps Volunteer, and then moved to a little town called
Samokov. And in the midst of all of that, I had to balance a social life,
which I knew would practically dissipate once I moved to site! It all
happened so fast, and, now, here I am. Training is over, we've all
scattered throughout all of Bulgaria, and I am struggling to maintain my
sanity once again. Whew!!!

Anyway, let me tell you about my big move. My counterpart (the only other
English teacher at my school who is, for the most part, "in charge" of me
while I am living here) came to Panagyurishte for a "counterpart conference"
and the swearing in ceremony, and then she left one day before I did with
all of my baggage. So, I enjoyed one final Na Gosti with my Bulgarian
family and said my final goodbyes to my Peace Corps family. Then, the next
morning, I hopped on a bus bound for Sofia, where I would catch another bus
bound for Samokov. Once in my new town, I would see my apartment for the
first time.

When I approached the crumbling communist structure called my apartment, I
have to admit, my stomach heaved at first. I am living in a large cluster
of communist blocks, with apartments that are stacked so precariously on top
of one another. I think half the town must live in these block apartments,
as the neighborhood was alive with activity. I fought an obstacle course of
litter, cigarrette butts, stray dogs, cracked cement and dirty children as I
made my way to the metal entrance, marked blatantly with a graffittied,
"Block 16, BX D." I huddled against my landlord and the director of my
school like a victim of a concentration camp, my teeth rattling and my eyes
growing larger with each timid step. We stepped into the dark, cold cement
cooridor and I shivered in spite of myself. Then, we crammed into the tiny
Bulgarian elevator, which seemed ready to buckle at any moment, and, after
struggling to make it work properly, we rose higher and higher until we
reached the 4th floor.

When I entered my apartment, I was surpirsed by what I saw compared to the
outside structure. I was pleased with all of the space in the living room,
bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. The stove leaves something to be desired as
it is a small, rusted appliance with two burners and an oven that refuses to
work. So, I settled in to my solitude, posted pictures that Iva had painted
for me on my bedroom wall and situated all of my clothes, books, framed
photos, and odds and ends to my liking. Then, I sat, and stared at one of
my walls, turning around an hour later to stare at another wall, and then
turning once again to stare at a third wall. The quiet of my apartment
seems to ooze from every crevice and wrap it's smothering arms around me
until I gasp and choke in it's grasp. I listen to the same CD's, watch the
same 3 DVD's, and read the same books until my mind begs for mercy. I have
been alone before, but never in another country. With time, I will adjust,
but, right now, I remain a stranger in a strange land. It's especially
strange when I have been surrounded by Americans for 10 weeks, and now I am
responsible for my own survival. Talk about a sudden surge into complete
independence! Thus, is the reason why, if any of you get the obscene urge
to send me books, DVD's, cards/letters, or various other goodies, they are
more than welcomed by a lonely Peace Corps Volunteer. For now, you can use
the same address that is on my website (the office in Sofia) because I want
to be sure that I recieve anything that is sent to me. Also, if any of you
get the obscene urge to call Bulgaria, I will then refer to you as my best
friend. I don't have my phone number with me currently nor do I have it
memorized yet, but my Mom has it and I will have her send it to all of you
ASAP.

To add icing to the cake, I was exploring my new apartment the other night
when I came across a closet that my school director and landlord had
coincidentally told me not to open. So, what did I do? I opened it. BIG
MISTAKE. No sooner had I opened the door, than I saw a flash of gray dart
through the rubble and debree in the little closet. I quickly closed the
closet door before the fat gray rat could escape and my heart raced as I
listened to the endless clawing at the door, as the filthy animal begged to
be freed from it's dark prison. At first, I was upset and unnerved by such
a site. Rats, in my apartment?!!? The American in me refused to believe
such fate had befallen me. And then I remembered where I am. I'm in
Bulgaria. I am living in what would be "slums" or "poverty" in America,
that which is not so poor in a poor country called Bulgaria. I figure, as
long as the monster in my closet stays IN my closet, I can learn to live
with it. Atleast he makes my quiet apartment not so quiet sometimes! I
just have to remember that that closet is off limits! In the depths of my
boredom, I even gave the creature a name and posted a sign outside of his
home saying, "Rudy's Place." Yes, I will adjust to my new life with time.

So, I am pressing on slowly but surely in my new environment. My
counterpart went on vacation for a week (yes, my first week here), so I am
stuck to rely on my own wits this week. Today, was a better day, as, I am
sure, every day that I am here will get a little bit better. I came into
town today to begin to buy the necessities for my apartment, so I am
balancing a clothes hamper, a trashcan, and a few kitchen supplies
throughout Samokov, obviously looking totally like an alien. But, I am also
learning to enjoy the solitude and fully wrap my arms around the sites,
sounds, and smells of my new town. Bulgaria is full of stray dogs and I
sometimes feel like one of the pathetic, dirty animals as I roam the streets
of a land that I don't fully understand or comprehend, but I think it's just
a matter of time before I, too, find MY place in this new world.

Love Always,
Chantel