Please be aware that "The Scoop" is not directly associated with Cork Bowl in any way. He actually pays Cork Bowl to have his articles posted each week. Please do not think that these ramblings are the same views that Cork Bowl maintains. November 13th- - The "Scoop": The Best in Investtigative Sports Reporting Chris Cork and President Elect Connected at the Hip!
For years, Chris Cork has been known as Mr. Right Wing. Most Cork Bowlers always assumed that this referred to his political position. However, after some recent investigating on the wiley old vet, some new info has come to light. It turns out that the right wing on Chris Cork's license plate actually refers to the soccer position he played while in elementary school. After talking to several of Chris' friends from elementary school, we found out that Chris never really enjoyed football, basketball, or baseball. Brian Garrard was said, "Chris' real love has always been soccer. He always talked about being a right winger for AC Milan. However, since his family and most all of America considers soccer a wimpy sport, he decided to ignore his inner longing to play soccer."
Now, ever since most of us have known Chris, he has been a huge fan of C-SPAN. He has always appeared to be very conservative and definitely a staunch Republican. After hacking into his computer, I was able to determine that he has secretly been supporting the President Elect's run to the White House. According to his computer, he has donated almost all of his Cork Bowl earning over the last 4 years to support the President Elect. Approximately 18.8 million dollars of his 19 million dollars have been donated to the cause.
"I don't know what you are talking about. I support all things conservative, including the National and State Parks.", replyed Cork when asked about this discovery. "There are a lot of poeple out there who have nothing better to do than stalk me. I don't know why people can't mind their own business. If I find out who wrote this article, I'll beak them right in the sternum.", said Cork.
After bugging his phone however, he was heard telling Vice President Elect, "I'm going to have an amazing Cork Bowl this year and I'm going to really show my support for you guys with a touchdown celebration. You'll want to be watching, I won't disappoint!"
I recently contacted the President Elect and asked him about Chris Cork. "Chris Dork, never heard of him." was their response. He sounds like a real dork..............get it dork...............cause that is his last name!"
Well, obviously, we should all look at Cork in a new light. Every man is entitled to his opinion. However, if we can't trust Cork's previously stated beliefs, can you trust him as a team mate? I know I wouldn't.
Signing off,
"Scoop"
November 19th-
- The "Scoop": The Best in Investtigative Sports Reporting Whatever Happened to Stompers?
Well, with Cork Bowl coming up this weekend, the whole world waits with anticipation. Our President elect and his crew will be strongly supporting Chris Cork and his team as we all know. However, I'm not here to write about a football game. I here to discuss a much more important topic:
Whatever happened to Stompers?
Does anybody else remember Stompers. Yeah, the little 4x4 battery powered trucks. They were awesome. They had a high and a low range. The had all these little accesories to go with them. I remember I had a pulling sled for my Stompers. My brother Cornbread and I would have pulling contests with our Stompers.
My favorite Stomper was kind of an orangish red color. I don't know why, but it was a really good puller. I also remember having an off road course for our Stompers. They had a little hilly area and some fake logs for the Stompers to go over.
The other cool thing about Stompers is that when you turned them on, their headlights would work. I thought that was a nice feature. After awhile, there were many imatators to the Stomper. I bought this imitation once. I looked really cool. It sat a lot higher than the Stomper and had a high and low range too, but it just wasn't as good. There is never anything like the original. I also remember when McDonalds was offering a Stomper with their Happy Meals. However, these Happy Meal Stompers didn't run on a battery, you just pushed them. One time, our family was coming home from someplace and I threw a fit so we could eat at McDonalds and I could get a Stomper Happy Meal. My family didn't like McDonalds and then I didn't even eat the food. My family was not happy with me.
Why don't they still make Stompers? Kids today would still love them. Perhaps, Cork Bowl could even help Stompers make a comeback. Maybe Stompers will make it big and become a huge sponsor for Cork Bowl. If I was the Commisioner I'd check into this.
Signing off,
"The Scoop"
P.S. - Just a quick Stomper update. I checked on ebay, and there are lots of Stompers avaliable. They even had the Stomper pulling sled that I used to have. It also reminded me that I once had a Stomper semi. That was awesome. Those little old Stompers are bringing a pretty penny too, so use your Cork Bowl checks to buy an awesome Stomper!!!!!!
P.S. #2 - As of 1 minute ago, I just saw the exact same McDonald's Stomper that I got from the Happy Meal that caused a family fight on ebay. Needless to say, I just bid $1,000,000 dollars on it!
November 20th-
- The "Scoop": The Best in Investtigative Sports Reporting Well, after reminissing about Stompers last night, I decided to do a comparison of the players this year to some classic toys. So, here you go, I'll try to keep it to toys that you've heard of for everyone's sake.
Willy Truitt= Willy is like the classic slinky. Why, I'm not really sure, but I definitely feel like we needed to get the slinky in there. I remember one time when Willy stretched a really long ways for a first down. Slinkies can stretch a long ways too.
Jeff Henney- Henney is like the classic Wacky Wall Crawler because the Wacky Wall Crawler was sticky and could stick to things. Henney is very sticky on defense. He sticks to his man like a Wacky Wall Crawler. Unfortunately, the stickiness does not stay on his hands.
Patrick Cork- Patrick is like the classic Big Wheel. Always functional, always awesome, but not always safe. Patrick broke his collarbone a few years ago. NOT SAFE I SAY!
Chris Cork- Chris is like the Rubic's Cube. Nobody except for really, really smart people understood the Rubic's Cube much like only really, really smart people understand Chris Cork.
Josh Williamson- he's like one of the all time greats...................LEGOS................................only LEGOS that were cool and didn't come in those silly little kits like they do now. Instead, he's like the classic LEGOS that had all of the pieces and you could build anything!
Evan Woodard- don't know him, never seen him play, but he looks kind of like one of Greg's all time favorites..................THE CABBAGE PATCH KID!
Reggie Truitt- I compare him to the boomerang because when you throw a boomerang, it always comes back. Reggie's throws are much the same, he throws and the ball always comes back the other way!
Brooks Wilson- Brooks is the epitome of the WHOOPY CUSHION!!! Why............because he is full of hot air just the same way as the WHOOPY CUSHION! That being said, the Whoopy Cushion is probably one of the top 5 toys of all time!
Greg Howard- Greg is like a Go BOT. For those of you who don't remember, the Go Bot was basically a generic TRANSFORMER for those of you like me who couldn't afford Transformers. Greg is the GO BOT but Kirby Newell was the original Transformer. The original is always the BEST! Greg trys to be a power player, but he can't compare to the POWER that NEWELL brought to the table.
Kevin Ryan- Kevin is a TONKA TRUCK, but not a modern day plastic TONKA. Kevin is the original all metal Tonka Truck that you could cut yourself on! He's not fast, definitely not pretty, but he keeps going just like an original metal Tonka Truck.
Jake Hoalt- I compare Jake Hoalt to the old Micro Machines. I don't know if you all remember them, but they were tiny toy cars. They were cool because they had lots of details much like Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. However, they were tiny and you could sneak them into class much easier. VERY COOL and VERY TINY.......Just like Jake.
Robert Trimble- Robert, Robert, Robert is the same as a puppet. Why a puppet you may ask? Puppets are controlled by other people. Robert has been controlled by other people since he was in high school. Now days, Reggie Truitt is pulling the strings.
Well, as a special bonus, I've decided to compare Coach Cork, this years announcer, to a toy as well.
Coach Cork is comparable to the very first toy that man kind has ever known..............the stick. Yeah, its not really a toy, but is often times used as a toy. Sometimes it is used as a bat, or a pretend gun or a pretend sword. Other times it is used as a cane or a staff. It was used as a toy by cavemen. It is used as a toy today. Coach was alive with the cavemen and he is still alive today. Therefore, Coach-a-Cola is like a stick in my mind.
That does it for this comparison. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.
Signing off,
"Scoop"
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