Please be aware that "The Scoop" is not directly associated with Cork Bowl in any way. He actually pays Cork Bowl to have his articles posted each week. Please do not think that these ramblings are the same views that Cork Bowl maintains.
August 10th - The "Scoop": The Best in Invesstigative Sports Reporting That's right ladies and gentlemen, Cork Bowl is still a long ways away but it isn't to early to ponder some questions. Here are a few that have been racing through my mind as well as some rumors I've heard. Questions: 1) Does Coach Cork have any idea what he is talking about? I've checked into it and Medicare doesn't cover football injuries. The fact that the old man thinks he can still play is riduculous. Seriously commish, give a proven young gun like Chad Veenstra a second chance after having served his suspension. Coach is going to get hurt and then we'll all have to hear about it for years. 2) Is Reggie Truitt going to be married by Cork Bowl 2002? My sources say not to bet against it. Although nobody has ever actually seen Reggie with his girlfriend, nobody has seen him anywhere and he always says that is where he's been. If Reg is in fact with her and getting married is the case, don't expect much from him. Of course, we never do. 3)Are Greg Howard and Josh Williamson really lovers?? Magic 8 Ball says, Most Definitely!! 4) Is Chris Cork through being an impact player? After last years performance you've got to wonder. I mean the guy is the 2nd oldest player in the game (as well as the whitest). However, if he gets that hunger he used to have as a child and will just demand that the quarterback "Gives him his bone" then I think he'll be just fine. Here are a few of the rumors that I've heard first hand. 1) The big news this offseason is that Kirby Newell, still recovering from a major leg injury has been training to become an all-time flag football quarterback. Newell was quoted as saying, "I once made Ryan Tomlinson and Josh Williamson look like all-pro receivers. If that isn't the mark of a great quarterback than nothing is!!!" 2) Another rumor floating around is that Patrick Cork has lost his desire after being married for almost a year now. An unidentified source stated, "Patrick has always been soft. I mean, we used to call him Charmin in the locker room. But now that he has somebody pampering him at home I can't imagine him getting any tougher. I think he'll stink the joint up this year." Big words from an awfully small and gay man. 3) Speaking of stinking joints, is has been rumored that Ryan Tomlinson has been smoking enough joints that he will be unable to pass this years mandatory drug test. Message for two smaller muscle men, sterioids are illegal. Peace out and have a Scoopalicious day!! September 22nd - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting I know that it's been awhile, but I'm sure that you all have missed me. The good news is I'm back. The bad news is that there is some saddening news relating to Cork Bowl this year. "The Breakup" The breakup is not referring to any of our married players: Patrick and Holly Cork, Reggie Truitt and Jodi Macoroni (that's not how it is really spelled but Scoop's not very smart), Tony and Judy Cork, and of Jeff Henney and "friend". The breakup isn't even of announcing team Kirby Newell and Tony Cork (Newell tells me he's thrilled). The breakup is of long time lovers Greg Howard and Josh Williamson. Yes, we all know that they've had "spats" in the past but the ball has finally been dropped. Which, is not suprising if you've seen those two recieve passes. It turns out the Howard was caught stealing Williamson's steroids. Josh told me that he had no problem sharing his steroids if Greg would have just asked. Greg told me in a rather high and squeaky voice that he wasn't taking steroids. He also said that he felt like he needs to wear a bra because his pecs are getting so big. Go figure. It will definitely be an interesting matchup when those two go at it.....on the football field. "Love is in the Air" Despite the previous story, many current Cork Bowl participants are falling in love. As we all know, bachelor Patrick Cork is no longer on the prowl, having tied the knot last November. This year, it appears that there could be more tying the knot in the near future. Reggie Truitt, whom has always been soft, appears to be getting even softer now that he is in love. One former Cork Bowler was quoted as saying, "I haven't seen Reggie this starry eyed since he dated that young red-head from the Rock." If Reggie gets any softer, he will be considered Charmin toilet paper! Jeff Henney is also rumored to have been looking for love in all the right places. I don't know many details on this but I've heard that he bought dinner at a sit-down resteraunt. If that isn't love, what is? Ryana Tomlison is also rumored to be in love. He is in love with a liquid substance that rhymes with malcohol. So Tomlinson, at least you've got that going for you. Finally, since the breakup of the two dwarfs, they have both turned straight and are both rumored to have girlfriends. First of all, I can't believe that. Since most all women prefer that their men be taller I guess that these two are either dating Smurfs or 2nd graders. Either way, I don't want to know anymore information. "Copy Cat" Robinson Daily News Sports reporter Tim Brooks is being sued by former/current/retired/old/weak Cork Bowler Tony Cork. In the September 21st edition of the daily news Mr. Brooks stole Tony Cork's token phrase of "quagmirish" and used the term in his article. Cork was reportedly so upset that he stormed out of his house to give Mr. Brooks a good "what for". Luckily for Mr. Brooks, Tony Cork forgot what he was upset about by the time he got to the Daily News and reported some late Cross Country Scores. Well, that about does it for today. I will be back on occasion. However, I have a busy schedule this year and will not have quite as much time to report on happening. Please report any new info.!!!! "AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP" September 30th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting Dear fans, Since I've been so busy and have not had the time to pay the proper amount of attention to the biggest game of the year, I have an announcement to make. I've decided to give the fans what I want. I will make an appearance at the Cork Bowl pre-game show. Yes, I talked to my dear friend Kirby Newell yesterday and he convinced me to show up at the pregame show and confront my detractors (aka the Truitts). Mr. Newell and I will be discussing such Important Topics as Greg Howard's preferences, how love is affecting the game, and of course, KIRBY NEWELL and his amazing career. Not to mention the latest and greatest rumors. Once again, I apologize for not writing more articles, but this is a busy time of the year for me. Thank you for your patience and I look forward to seeing you all come December 13th. Sincerely, Scoop October 4th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting Well fans, the time is drawing near. The biggest game of the year is just a little over two months away and people are getting antsy!! After reading about the "Old Coast Offense" I was intrigued and did some investigating. Here's what I've found!
1) Coach Cork is even older than previously thought. Although no numbers were given, I was recently having breakfast at Hardee's (the old folks hang out) and heard a man estimated to be at least 100 years of age talking about his old track coach..............TONY CORK.
2) Putting the onus on the receivers could be a wise decision. However, when Josh Williamson, aka Buns of Steel.....or I mean Hands of Stone, is the one doing the catching you have to wonder. Kevin Ryan has proven that he can get the job done, but has also proven that he can drop passes with the best of them (the best of them being Ryana Tomlinson, Josh WIlliamson, and Colonel Sanders).
3) Coach's arm strength is better than he is given credit for. I was watching some old game footage recently and I saw Coach throw at least 5 passes of 7 yards or more. Most people believe that he can't get the ball past three yards, but that is not the case at all.
Now, other observations:
1) Where in the heck did the names Meerkats and Hartebeests come from? Why not be the Beer Cats and the Hardee's Beast. Or, maybe the Hardee's Star??
2) It has been rumored that this may be Reggie Truitt's last game as a player. Is that because he's old, he sucks, he feels like he's slowing down, or his wife won't let him?????
3) Willy Truitt may not be as focused as usual. He will be graduating soon and has a lot of worries about graduation and getting a job. Truitt is in a contract year so expect him to put the ball in the air a lot. However, expect him to make some bad reads due to the extra stress he is under.
4) Ryana Tomlinson will stink it up again. However, rumors are afloat that Tomlinson has transformed himself from a 170 pound center/slot receiver to a 210 pound center/bump on a log. Tomlinson was quoted as saying, "I've worked hard to get this body. I've been on a strict diet of beer and ding dongs." Tomlinson is also rumored to be under investigation by the Troy Police Department for peeing in the coffee of aggravated old people at his employment place of "The Cracker Barrel" in Troy, Illinois.
5) Greg Howard....I could rag on this guy all day but it is just too easy. Besides, he's proven himself to be worthy the last few years.
6) Coach Cork will get hurt and then make a big deal about it for the next 10-12 years.
7) I've changed my mind about Greg Howard. He still sucks and will make at least three crucial plays that will help his team lose.
8) It is rumored that the half-time meal at this year's game is going to be filet mignon and baked potatoes!!
Well, that about does it from the home office. I hope everyone is training hard and having a good off-season!!!
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
October
9th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting 10 Things to Expect from Cork Bowl 12:
10) Coach Cork's completion percentage will be a smaller number than his age. Then again, nobody's ever completed 110% of their passes.
9) Chris Cork won't have a tan.
8) Greg Howard will be wearing some kind of shirt to show off his muscles. Unfotunately, he'll also be showing the marks from where he shoots up on his "roids".
7) Kevin Ryan will drop as many passes as he scores touchdowns.
6) Coach Cork will throw at least one interception due to watching a baby on the sidelines.
5) Reggie Truitt won't be able to see the ball because of the little hearts that are covering his eye lids.
4) Willy Truitt will break at least 3 records in this year's game: Completions, touchdowns, and missed tackles (held by Tomlinson).
3) Jeff Henney won't have a repeat performance of last year's dominant game.
2) Patrick Cork will hurt himself. He's already dealing with a sore shoulder, sore back (from carrying his team last year), and sore ego after last year's woeful loss.
1) The league still misses the legendary Kirby Newell!
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
October
19th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting The "Scoop" Goes In-Depth About Cork Bowl 12:
Well people, Cork Bowl 12 is quickly approaching. After reading the official Cork Bowl website page, I've decided to write my own preview.
Teams: First of all, what is up with the team names? Who are the ad wizards that came up with those names? Please.......I think Team Cork should be the tortoises because they are old and slow and Team Truitt should be the Tin Men........because they have no heart! Well, Reggie doesn't. I think the rest of their team does except for Tomlinson.
Player preview
Meerkats:
Tony Cork: He's old and not as good as people think. He will throw to either Patrick or Chris 9 out of 10 times. His arm strength is in question as is his durability. Really, the only thing not in question about Coach is his mouth. It works great!
Chris Cork: "Once the most feared receiver in Cork Bowl"? I don't know where that opinion came from, but it wasn't anybody who knows anything about football. The most feared receiver in Cork Bowl was and always will be Kirby Newell. Then, probably Patrick Cork. Chris caught a lot of balls but never did anything with it after he caught it. OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH that's SCARY stuff. A great receiver gets some YAC. Chris is a wonderful possesion receiver and effective in the red zone, but FEARED? Okay, he is on the downside of his career too. He's older, slower, fatter, maybe even whiter. He'll put up good numbers this year because Coach will throw to him about a gazzillion times. Defensively I think you need to attack the old guy.
Patrick Cork: Patrick is probably the best remaining player in Cork Bowl. No doubt really. He puts up good numbers but seems to consistently have a superior team. It's almost like he chooses the teams or something. He and Chris are on the same team every year? What's the deal with that? I would want to go at my brother, but then again I'm not a panzy? Anywho, Patrick will again lead the game in catches and probably be offensive MVP. He's slowing down too however, and is softened by marriage. Look for him to have about 16 catches. Defensively he is solid, but then again he covers Reggie Truitt every year. Who wouldn't be solid covering Reggie?
Josh Williamson: I'm not sure I know who this guy is? Oh wait a second, he's one of the guys who is going through the breakup. He'll suck. He does every year, why would this year be any different. His hands are made of stone and his heart is made of cheese. Greg Howard will rip out his heart and eat it!!!
Kevin Ryan: Kevin consistently drops passes. I'm a big Kevin Ryan fan because he cares so much and tries so hard. He doesn't have the luxury of practicing the way some of the others do. He'll be solid this year on both offense and defense. If I was Coach, I'd make sure and get the ball to Kevin. Tackling him wears down the defense. Plus, I love watching people get run over. That's the way football should be played!!!!
Hartebeests:
Willy Truitt: Willy is arguably my favorite player in Cork Bowl. He's very creative on offense and funny looking too. He makes the great throws and has protected the ball much better later in his career. He's mouthy too, and I like that. Look for Willy to have great numbers against a suspect Meerkat defense. Defensively Willy struggles, but has improved here as well. Willy will have about 8 tackles and won't help or hurt his team.
Reggie Truitt: Arguably the most disappointing player in Cork Bowl. Reggie is solid year in and year out, but doesn't dominate. He played high school football for pete's sake. He he is relatively sure handed, but not a big play kind of guy. He is solid on defense but not spectacular. Reggie will tell you to look at the numbers. Well I did, he has 42 receptions in 8 years. I'm not a math teacher or anything, but that calculates up to 5.25 catches per year. Now, he has QB'd a lot. However, he's been benched in favor of his brother. You make your own deduction from that. Reggie is the Curtis Enis of football. Lots of promise but he never lives up to it. Maybe he should follow in the footsteps of his idol and retire!!
Jeff Henney: Jeff is a player. I don't think he's a great player, but he is a player. And I'm not talking about with the ladies. He is just solid all the way around. Fast, strong, sure-handed, and makes big plays on both offense and defense. I say get the ball to Henney. He is the Hartebeest version of Patrick Cork. I'd get him the ball often and match him up on Patrick. He'll make plays.
Greg Howard: I question a lot of things about Greg. His hands. His speed. His trash talking. His cheap shots. His listed height of 5'4. But I don't question his heart. Howard wants to win and plays so hard. I like to watch him play. Not only because he plays so hard but because he often times does the completely wrong thing. However, Howard has improved so much over the years that you kind of have to cheer for him. A late bloomer, Howard is now the most dominate defensive player. I say Greg is going to have a big game again.
Ryan Tomlinson: The X-factor. I'm sure the Hartebeests wish they could X Tomlinson off of their roster. Has there ever been a player who showed so much promise early in his career? He is the Rick Mirer of Cork Bowl. Quite honestly there isn't anything positive to say about the kid. I take that back, he does do a nice job snapping the ball. Tomlinson has the lowest football IQ I've ever seen. He doesn't know the difference between a punt formation and a goal line offense. However, Tomlinson is the funnest player in Cork Bowl. You can laugh at him the entire game and pregame too. I love Tomlinson off the field, he's a great interview. However, he is the kiss of death as a teammate.
Prediction:
Well, I think it is going to be a shootout. I don't think either team will stop the other one as long as the wind isn't a factor. In the end, I just don't know what to think. Overall I like the Hartebeests better. But, they have Tomlinson. That is like having the plague. He just hurts your team in more ways than I can explain. I'll still take the Hartebeests in a squeaker. But, if Tomlinson doesn't have at least 8 catches and 8 tackles, look for the Meerkats to pull the upset.
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
October
24th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting Scoop Addresses Criticism and Truitt Brothers
What is the problem people? Saying that I am harsh, what is that all about? I call em' like I see em'. I know that you all say that you don't like me, but it is very obvious that you all read me! Controversy gets ratings. That is the way it is. Terrell Owens can't get any P.R. for his play, so he signs footballs with the pen in his socks?? Hey, I don't agree with it but it made the news. Now, people say they don't like me yet Greg Howard is stealing my material. They say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. I never thought I'd be flattered by anything Greg Howard does, but I guess I am. On second thought, no I'm not. I think it has more to do with Greg's lack of imagination than flattery. However, in Greg's defense, his trash talking has improved immensely.
Also, Willy Truitt is defending Reggie. That's great - it is brotherhood at its best. However, is Reggie unable to defend himself? I think that Willy is a standup guy. We all love Reggie, but seriously, can he not type? I think Reggie will have a solid game once again. Willy says that the reason that Reggie has never won an MVP is because he hasn't demanded the ball. Willy is exactly right! Reggie hasn't won an MVP because he hasn't demanded the ball in the crunch. Great players do that. Scottie Pippen and Chris Webber don't. They are excellent players, but not finishers. I hope that Reggie can FINISH this year and get that monkey, no make that an overgrown gorilla off his back.
Remember, wear a jock strap and always brush your teeth before playing football.
"Scoop"
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
October
26th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Answers Patrick Cork's Criticism
Well, well, well, somebody finally grew some testicles and decided to fight back! I'm almost in shock. Patrick Cork of all people is taking at shot at me. It is welcomed.
First of all, let me answer Patrick about Coach. At no point and time did I ever say that Coach shouldn't pass to his sons. If you read CLOSELY you would see that. I said, "Coach will throw to Patrick and Chris 90% of the time." Now, in the last minute of a football game, Joe Montana would throw to Jerry Rice 90% of the time (not that either Patrick or Chris is Jerry Rice). I'm just letting people know that is what the QB will do. That is what people do in preview articles. They inform those who may not know what a player's tendencies are. For example, in the SI NBA preview, they state that Kenyon Martin is a solid scorer and rebounder but tends to get into foul trouble. Hmmmm, maybe we should all let the writer of that article know that his comment was uncalled for.
Secondly, I never said that it was a bad thing to have the ball thrown to you. What I did say is that Chris will have the ball thrown to him a number of times. That makes sense, he'll put up good numbers. It is hard to catch the ball if it isn't thrown to you. Next, Chris Cork was not feared. Possesion receivers are not feared, they are extremely important, but not feared. Tom Waddle was unbelievable, one of the most sure-handed receivers I've ever seen. But, he was not feared. So, what is wrong with those statements?
Thirdly, if we take a survey of all the players in Cork Bowl lore (excluding Patrick and Chris of course), I bet that you would see that 80% of the voters would agree with me that Patrick's team tends to be better on paper. This year I'm not so sure. I think the teams this year may actually favor the opposite team. But, one year doesn't break a trend. We've had wet springs for the last 5 years. If we have one dry spring next year, is the trend off? It depends on what happens the next two or three years. Just because your team lost last year doesn't mean that you didn't have a better team. The better team doesn't always win.
Finally, Ryan Tomlinson is the kiss of death. I said that the Hartebeests would only win if Tomlinson put up good numbers.
I would like to thank Patrick for sharing his opinion. It is great to hear reader feedback. Sometimes I think that our readers need to take a little bit more time and not jump to conclusions. If I want to say that somebody sucks, I'll flat out say it. I won't speak in political talk. If you don't believe me, see Josh Williamson and Ryan Tomlinson in the preview article. Please feel free to express your opinions more in the future.
Signing off,
"Scoop"
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
October
29th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Discusses the "Ryanna Ratio"
After a weekend of relaxing, I'm back at it again! After doing some camoflauging, I was able to get close enough to the Truitt/Hartebeests training complex to see some of their complex game plan. Here is what I've found.
1) Attack Coach Cork as often as possible.
2) Play to our strengths, aka the Ryanna Ratio.
After doing some research, I've discovered that the Ryanna Ratio is very similiar to the Randy Ratio used by the Minnesota Vikings. However, I feel that the Ryanna Ratio will be much more effective. It is a very simple plan. The Randy Ratio involves throwing to Randy Moss on at least 40% of the plays. The Ryanna Ratio is pretty much the complete opposite. The Truitts feel that in order for their team to be successful, they need to throw the ball to anybody but Tomlinson on about 95 to 98% of their plays.
I feel that the Ryanna Ratio is a very effective game plan. However, Tomlinson is a player that needs the ball often. He is thought to be one that will pout and stop playing hard when not given the ball. I would propose that the Truitts try to get Tomlinson the ball a few times early in the game. If he is successful, you can scratch the Ryanna Ratio. If not, go ahead and follow it to a T. If he is unsuccessful he will not perform later in the game anyways. I say congrats to the Truitt brothers for coming up with a wonderful strategy!!!
"Scoop"
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
November
14th - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Talks About Greg Howard and More
Okay people, so I've been gone. I know that you miss me, but please don't make a big deal out of it. I wasn't killed in a cow milking incident as has been rumored. I have in fact been on a sabbatical (I'm not sure what that is, but I think that is what you would call it).
Anyways, what is all this talk about Greg Howard being an international sex symbol? Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one? Seriously, did the gay pride federation vote on Cork Bowl Sex Symbol? And if they did, how come Josh Williamson didn't win? Perhaps it was the National Federation of Small People who voted for the Cork Bowl Sex Symbol award. And, if they did, how come Josh WIlliamson didn't win? Perhaps it was Greg Howard who voted himself as the sex symbol??? But, if in fact it was Greg who voted, how come Josh Williamson didn't win??????
Another interesting question revolves around the Kevin Ryan aquisition. Willy Truitt is quoted as saying, "We had to choose between Henney and Kevin. We feel that Tomlinson will step in and fill Kevin's shoes." Seriously, I would have taken two mid-level players and taken my chances before signing a possible superstar in Henney and a team cancer like Tomlinson. At least with two mid level players you have two guys who will help your team. With Henney, you have one guy who can carry your team and then you have Tomlinson who will probably accidently trip Henney?????
Chris Cork recently made a good statement. He said something along the lines of, "When Kirby Newell played, you never questioned who your leader was, maybe that is why all of the bickering has started." That isn't an exact quote, but it is close. I couldn't agree more. I would have to say that Willy Truitt is the leader. Then probably Reggie, even though he isn't real vocal. Henney is still considered a possible fluke, Tomlinson is...well...he's Tomlinson and I wouldn't follow him into a McDonalds let alone a war zone. Then there is Greg. He believes he is the leader. Greg may very well be the emotional leader, but do you really want somebody with his temperament going out for the game winning reception????
Finally, there hasn't been much to report from Camp Meerkat. However, it is rumored that Coach Cork has been cleared to play by Medicare. Also, he is rumored to have actually remembered that he said he would play. However, there is a great chance he will forget before game day.
That about does it from here. I know that you have all missed me, but I'll be reporting back on occasion. Peace out yo'.
"Scoop"
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
November
21st - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Discusses Rumors Surrounding Cork Bowl 12
Hey, I've been reading some things and hearing some things and viewing some things from afar. Here are a few thoughts that I've come up with.
Here are a few commercials that go with Cork Bowl Players:
Ryan Tomlinson: If only everything were as dependable as a Chevy!
Greg Howard: "Have you looked into Bowflex?"
Chris Cork (from McDonald's): "Grimace, together we could own this city!"
Coach Cork: "Osteoperosis is a serious ailment which must be caught early in order to be treated."
Recent Rumors:
Willy Truitt has supposedly been working on his arm strength so that he'll be able to put the same velocity on the ball in the 4th quarter as he can in the first. I find that laughable. Willy is a great player but has never been known for his arm strength. He is more of a Joe Montana/Rich Gannon type than an Elway/Favre type of QB. Willy, if I was you I'd be taking ginseng so that your mind can stay focused. It's going to be a shootout and mental mistakes will be costly.
I've also discovered one reason that Coach Cork has been such a solid player over the years. Many people say that great players forget that last play. My goodness, Coach can't remember his wife's name, do you really think he'll remember his last intereception???
Cork Bowl attendance is expected to increase 10909090 fold after a rumor that one Calli Cox is going to be attending the biggest game of the year in her hometown!!! I know of a short little ex-flame of hers that is going to be putting on a show!! (Go get er' Carlos!!!)
I read where Ryan Tomlinson has his best supporting cast ever this year. Somebody needs to check their roster sheets. You must realize that it doesn't matter how great your supporting cast is, if one of the main characters in your movie is Hulk Hogan, you aren't going to win many Oscar nominations.
Finally, Patrick Cork and Reggie Truitt have both been keeping mum about their match-up. Truitt has supposedly said that he will shut Patrick down this year, that he's got a few suprises for him. Cork of course responded with, "What the butt is he talking about???" Stay tuned for more on this story, or they may have to settle it like real men.........on the field.
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
November
23rd - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Responds to Willy Truitt's Harsh Words
What the %&*&%^ is Willy Truitt talking about??? Questioning my credibility. This is coming from a man who has all but said that Ryan Tomlinson is a superstar!!! He also says that Jay Jared is a crediable source. This from a man who has long been a Packers fan. Also, since when has being compared to Joe Montana been a slam? Favre has 1 Super Bowl ring. Hmmmmmm, I think Montana has a few more. Finallly, Coach Cork says that you are slinging the ball. You've got to realize, Coach Cork has a very weak arm. Weaker than yours. Slinging the ball to him is throwing an 18 mile per hour fast ball. Anywho, I've said before that if you are a duck, then quack. Don't try to howl like a wolf. You figure out what that means Willy.
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
November
23rd - The "Scoop": The Best in Investigative Sports Reporting "Scoop" Gives His Final Thoughts and Predictions for Cork Bowl 12
Well, someone finally did it. Someone finally really pissed me off. Yes, that person would be Greg Howard. Lil' Greg is upset because he never has anything nice said about him. Well, being as though I'm a reasonable man, I've decided to say some things about Greg.
Greg Howard is a very nice young man. He is a good cross country runner. I think he has REALLY BIG muscles. He gives a very good effort everytime he is out on the football field. I think he is without a doubt the best Cork Bowl player ever under 5'6" tall. Pound for pound, he is the strongest guy on the field. Greg always gets up after being pummeled. Greg Howard is the Greatest Cork Bowler ever.................sorry, I had to stop laughing.
Now Greg, Kirby Newell can't play anymore because he was hurt while working. I know that you don't know anything about doing REAL work. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are a lot of fatal injuries while loading groceries and stocking shelves, so I don't mean to say that you don't work. However, Kirby Newell was helping his father. He was doing this because he is an excellent young man, and a model son. Then, he got hurt. While having a compound fracture of his femur, he stopped on the way to the hospital to help some people in a burning building. Instead of mocking him, you could learn from him. Grow up (and I don't just mean in height).
Now, for my final prediction, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is going to be closer than I first thought. This is mainly due to the fact that Jeff Henney recently got engaged. I don't think he'll have the same concentration that he had last year. With the proper amount of trash talk I believe he could be completely taken out of his game. But, I still think the Hartebeests have a little too much offensive firepower.
That being said, you can never count out the Meerkats when they have the Cork Trifecta. You know that they'll score some points as well. My big question is how will they stop anybody from scoring? Also, Kevin Ryan and Josh Williamson are solid tacklers, but can they cover anybody? We all know that Coach can't. I think that Patrick and Chris will do a solid job on their men and the rest will depend on the defensive scheme being used by the Meerkats.
My final prediction is: Harteebeest 124, Meerkats 112.
I hope that everyone has a safe and fun game. I also hope that there aren't any cheap shots like there were last year. I'm not mentioning any names, but two young men whose names rhyme with "freg" and "thris" need to play a clean game this year. I'm sorry that announcer extrordiaire, Kirby Newell, will be unable to attend this year's game. He is going to be busy speaking at a graduation ceremony at the University of Michigan. He will be greatly missed this year.
I hope you all have a great game and remember to have a super duper good time!!!!
Signing off,
"Scoop"
"AND THAT'S THE LATEST SCOOP"
|
