Scott Boras Weighs in on His Client Willy Truitt

September 23rd - In a recent visit with my client Willy Truitt, it was evident to me that Mr. Truitt is even more focused this year then in years past. He realizes that he is approaching several milestones in his career that will cement his spot in Cork Bowl lore for decades to come. He needs just 14 passing TD's this year to reach 100 career passing TD's. With the old rushing rules being reinforced, he sees no reason not to reach that milestone by halftime. His second milestone will be reached at the end of the game, and that is four straight Cork Bowl championships. After discussing these milestones with my client and the return of Tony Cork, I asked Mr. Truitt when he thought his playing days may be over? He insisted, as in the past, that he would be willing to sign a lifetime contract with the Cork Bowl front offices at any time. He loves the game and environment, and could never walk away. While he appreciates the accomplishments he has had, he still is not satisfied. As I quote him, "Sure 100 passing TD's is great, 3 straight Corkbowl championships is great, but why not 500 passing TD's, why not capitilize on the opportunity this league and my teamates have given me"? then adding, "The support and success has been overwhelming, but it's the moments when I have dropped the ball that continue to drive me. When I have had to walk off of the field in dismay. For example, the Corkbowl 8 team, I mean we had the legendary Kirby Newell, Reg, and myself... thats one heck of a core and we just didn't put it together, I regret that one to this day. I would trade in all my other rings to have that one. That one stings."

---Scott Boras---

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Greg Howard Begins the Trash-Talking

October 18th - So, I've been thinking that someone needs to end the silence. We haven't had this little trash talk since I've started playing Cork Bowl. So to start the ever classic battle, here we go. First, let me talk about the "Scoop". Who is this guy? I wish I knew because he is one smart dude. As for his appearance at Cork Bowl, all I can say is that I'll have my pen in my sock so I can sign all my touchdown balls over to him. Second, what's up with the "Meerkats"? I mean what kind of a name is the Meerkats? That sounds really scary - oooohh watch out for the Meerkats. Not to mention the fact that an actual meerkat seems to be quick and agile which describes none of the players on the Meerkat team. If I was on that team I would have tried for "the Seacows".  Yeah, that sounds like a good description of their players' speed and agility - the Seacows. Third, staying with the toppic of the Seacows, what's with this whole "old coast offense?" It's not going to matter what kind of offense you guys have because the Hartebeest defense is going to destroy it.  It's going to be hard to execute any good offense when you have only two receivers to throw to. Kevin Ryan and Williamson are going to be taken out of the game because they'll be too busy blocking me. Lastly, I would just like to say that I think that this year is going to be the year of the Tomlinson (at least I hope it is). I've heard that Ryan has been working out and even cutting back on his favorite hobby. Apparently being hungover all the time isn't as fun as he figured. I am calling it now - Tomlinson is going to be the decisive factor of the game, and with coach covering him, how could he not have a good game?

--Greg Howard

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Patrick Cork Speaks First for Meerkats

October 19th - To answer your question about our team name, Meerkats are very proud and honorable animals.  In fact, I found that they are a very unique animal after doing some extensive research.  All italicized print comes from my research with my comments in (parentheses): 

A group of meerkats is known as a "mob" or a "gang".  These gangs of Meerkats are very territorial and will fiercely defend their homes.  (Let that be a warning to you Hartebeets that think you can invade enemy territory whenever you choose. You will surely be met by a gang of angry Meerkats.)  

Meerkats vision is outstanding.  They have a dark band around their eyes which reduces any glare from the sun.  (Obviously we won't have problems seeing the ball, even if it is bright outside.  The same can't be said for a Hartebeest - see below).

One Meerkat always seems to be a sentry and stands guard to keep the gang safe.  (In our case, we have a couple of sentries named Kevin Ryan and Josh Williamson that plan to keep the rest of the gang - namely Tony Cork - perfectly safe throughout the day).

Meerkats are known as the "solar panel of the animal world" because they use their dark-skinned, sparsely furred bellies to warm up on cold mornings.  (Although Meerkats are found in the desert, because we are able to warm ourselves with ease, the colder temperatures in December should not cause any problems for us.)

Each gang of Meerkats has an alpha male that dominates over the rest of the gang.  (Luckily for us, we have a number of alpha males that can dominate at any given moment.)

Now, as for the Hartebeests, they don't quite have as many favorable characteristics.  Here's what I found on this animal:

The hartebeest is a large, fawn-colored antelope that at first glance seems strangely misshapen and less elegant than other antelopes.  Clumsy in appearance, it is hump-shouldered, with a steeply sloping back, slim legs and a long, narrow face. (Wow, need I say more?  That pretty much describes all of your teammates to a "T" (especially the part about clumsy = Ryan Tomlinson) All you Hartebeests should plan on living up to your namesake by having long faces at the end of the day on December 14th after your demise.)

Hartebeests sense of smell and hearing are very good which makes up for their poor eyesight.  (Obviously a poor-sighted creature will have problems catching a projectile hurled in its direction.  Hey at least you'll be able to hear us celebrating after each and every score.)

As for the "it's going to be hard to execute an offense when you only have two receivers to throw to" comment, when those two receivers are Chris and Patrick Cork, does it really matter?  I don't remember Joe Montana whining that he only had Jerry Rice and John Taylor to throw to.  Poor Dan Marino sure struggled getting yards with only Mark Clayton and Mark Duper as receivers didn't he? If you'd look at the career stats, it's not hard to see who the best two receivers to ever play this game are.  Add in the most accurate passer this game has ever seen and  we might have to hire an electrician to change the light bulbs on the scoreboard at halftime.

"I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball..."

--Patrick Cork

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Chris Cork Responds to Greg Howard

October 20th - It's hard to consider some of the comments that have been printed "trash talk". I'm more inclined to call it "delusional rambling". 3 examples. "The Year of the Tomlinson" - I would have to say that would be the Meerkats dream. Yet somehow this is supposed to cause them fear? Yeah, I don't see that happening. By the way, who came up with that fantasy projection of 2 tackles? That's going to require an official scoring error of about 2 tackles. "Seacows" - It's pretty questionable to be deriding someone's mascot when your own is the ugly duckling of its animal classification. And who would pick a sea creature as a mascot in a land war? We've had some pretty questionable names (think: any Kirby Newell team), but let's maintain some grip on reality. And back to Tomlinson: "cutting back on his favorite hobby" - This may be the most outlandish of all. I had to laugh when I read it. Who has ever seen Tomlinson turn down the chance to eat someone else's food? I mean, any kind of food. At any time. For any reason. That's what I thought. When you start suggesting that now Ryan T has curbed his favorite activity, you are jeopardizing any remaining credibility you may have had.

--Chris Cork

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October 22nd - Well, Well, well isn't this exciting? All the talk has started again. This is what Cork Bowl is all about. First, let me address Chris Cork. Tomlinson's little hobby that he has decided to cut back on wasn't that he eats other people's food - it was his love affair with a certain substance that rhymes with malcohol. But enough about Tomlinson. Second, a meerkat might have really good eyesight and what have you but that doesn't rule out the fact that you're still slow. The fact that one would ever call Josh Williamson and Kevin Ryan "alpha males" is just ridiculous. It's still being investigated if either one are really males or not. As for the name of my team, I was not behind that one. I also am asking the question of who were the ad wizards behind that one? My guess would be Willy or Reggie since they apparently run everything for this team anyway. Maybe we could have some response from the originators of the name to defend it? On that note I'll end this segment. 

--Greg

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Patrick Cork Has Some Words for the "Scoop"

October 24th - It looks like the "Scoop" has struck again with his preview of Cork Bowl 12.  Since the "Scoop" enjoys taking jabs at all of us, I decided to take a few at him.  I used to think the guy was really smart and good at what he does, but this preview he wrote is making me think twice about that.  Maybe his heart is aching because a certain lady friend has left town - I don't know.  But let me address a number of areas of concern that I see from the latest ramblings.

1.  "Tony Cork is not as good as people think.  He will throw to Chris or Patrick 9 out of 10 times."  - As if that's a bad thing?  Of course he's going to throw to me and Chris often. Why wouldn't he? We have both proven that we catch everything thrown our way, and we are the top 2 pass catchers in the history of the game. He would be a fool not to look our way as often as he could.  You give the ball to your best players as much as possible.  Why did the Rams start 0-5 this year?  Because they didn't let their best player touch the ball enough. Why WILL the Meerkats win Cork Bowl 12?  Because they'll put the game in the hands of Chris and Patrick Cork.  It's hard to believe Coach would take heat for giving the ball to the money men on the team.  And by the way, he IS as good as people think.  A new completions record is just begging to be set.

2.  "Patrick Cork seems to consistently have the superior team."  - Now this is just foolish.  Any sane person that looked at the rosters last year could see that the Ermine were at a major disadvantage.  We had Tomlinson AND Helton on the same team?  Has there ever been a more handicapped team in Cork Bowl because I can't remember one. However, the confidence I had in my teammates allowed me to take them both.  I have had Justin Massey or Ryan Tomlinson on my team for 4 of the last 5 years.  That fact alone means my team can't be superior.  The "Scoop" said it himself - "Tomlinson is the kiss of death as a teammate".  As for this year, the Hartebeests have almost the exact team that won last year, while the team that lost last year is without one of their best players (The Colonel) who was replaced by a 54 year old man.  To add to this argument, the "Scoop" picks the Hartebeests to win.  Wouldn't you think the "superior" team would be favored?  This argument is questionable - at best.

3.  "Chris Cork will put up good numbers because Coach will throw to him a gazillion times." - Again, why wouldn't he?  He's got as good of hands as anyone in the game.  Since when did giving the ball to your best players become a bad thing?  Am I missing something here?  The "Scoop's" friend, Kirby Newell, sure didn't complain about getting a bunch of balls thrown his way...or should I say forward lateraled his way? Is his legend tarnished because he was thrown to 25 times a game?  I think not.  Chris Cork is a possession receiver no doubt.  He was feared because he caught a ton of passes every year.  How many players have had consecutive games of 17 or more receptions?  The answer is 2 - Chris and Patrick Cork. That's it. Not even Kirby Newell put up back-to-back games with 17 or more catches.  In fact, Newell (the self-proclaimed best receiver ever to play) only caught more than 15 passes one time in his career.  Fear is not only the ability to take the ball into the endzone every play.   

Maybe I'm just being too hard on the "Scoop".  We all have our bad days, so it's understandable that even he would have one himself.  I'm still waiting to see if he shows up for this year's game disguised as Ross Massey like he did last year because that is the stuff legends are made of. 

--"I'm out like Mo Vaughn trying to steal second base."

--Patrick Cork

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Reggie Truitt Finally Speaks About Cork Bowl Preview

Recent Rumblings

October 31st - From Hartebeest receiver Ryan Tomlinson - "I was reading the Bible last nightt and there is a little known Proverb in there that says, 'Any team with a man of 150 must lose.'  I'm pretty sure that's a reference to Coach Cork."

Also from Tomlinson - "I'm excited that the tenacious duo of Howard and Tomlinson will be able to win together,  just like it should be."

From Meerkat tight end Josh Williamson regarding printing t-shirts for the players - "I think that we will have to have them printed separately because on the back of my team's shirts it needs to say "Cork Bowl Champions," while on the other team's it needs to say "Cork Bowl Participants."

From Meerkat receiver/cornerback Chris Cork - "I am going to dominate on defense.  Charles Woodson is going to be in 'shutdown' mode."

From Meerkat receiver/cornerback Patrick Cork - "I kind of feel bad for our team's practice squad because they aren't getting many opportunities to catch any passes with me covering them.  They just keep saying, "Throw anywhere but here.  I've got 'The Blanket' on me."

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Ryan Tomlinson Joins Trash-Talking

November 2nd - Alright, I know you've all been waiting to hear what I have to say about this year's Cork Bowl so here we go with a little question and answer session. I'll be asking the questions and.....well I'll be answering the questions too.

Q:  Who is the "Scoop" and why does Patrick feel that he must print his meaningless comments on the webpage? 
A:  I don't know or care. I just don't know.

Q:  Why is Coach Cork playing? 
A:  Doesn't he know that after you turn 100 your bones start decomposing and you become more likely to break something.  I mean I'm just looking out for him here. 

Q:  Why is Willy Truitt such a good QB? 
A:  Let me answer that with one statement - he eats his Wheaties. 

Q:  Why has Greg Howard emerged as the league's sex symbol? 
A:  It is true some have called Howard very "Jason Sehornish" but the real answer to this question is he's darn tootin' sexy. 

Q:  How am I going to play? 
A:  I only play one way and that is hard. I have had some set backs and injuries in the past, but I will silence my critics this year by playing both sides of the ball and sacrificing my body. My mind, body and hands will be ready. Just give me the ball. 

Q:  I have often been asked who is going to suck more - Chris Cork or Josh Williamson? 
A:  Well the answer to that is quite simple, they're both going to suck pretty bad, or is it good? Either way it's bad. 

Q:  Who is going to win? 
A:  Hartebeests. Even if they were going against Coach Ditka. 

More later, 
Ryan T

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Greg Howard Adds More Insight

November 4th - It's been awhile since I've said anything and I know how all of you are just so anxious to read what I have to say.  In response to Tomlinson, I would like to say that it is going to be great to finally team up with him, and since he is on such a great team he will be able to win a ring this year.  I know people doubt him but that's ok.  There are always critics out there and we're just going to have to shut them up I guess. As for "the scoop" I would just like to say that I use some of his material because it's good, and I want to pay tribute in a way to him.  I know some people dislike the "scoop" and therefore don't read his articles, so I'm just trying to show some love.  However, since he insists on ridiculing me I will no longer show that love because, after all, I'm just trying to help other people like a guy who is incapable of being liked, but not anymore. SCOOP SUCKS! 

Moving on to Chris and Patrick Cork. Of course you guys have all these impressive stats...whoop-de-doo. That's all on paper. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter if you have 24 catches or 4 catches - all that matters is who wins at the end. So what if I had 4 catches last year? They were all TD's and my team won. Winning is winning bottom line. One last thing - I hate to talk about my teammates, but I read somewhere where Willy stated that Reggie doesn't ask for the ball. When was this? I've been on Reggie's team the past 2 years, this will be my third, and I don't recall him ever shying away from asking for the ball.  According to him, he's always open.  I'm sure this year will be no different. 

"Don't remove tag under penalty of law" 

--Greg Howard

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Hartebeests Comment on Loss of Kevin Ryan

Championship Bandicoots (present-day Hartebeest) sad to lose tight-end to free agency

November 6th  -- Team representative Dave Meggett expressed remorse in his team's inability to resign tight end Kevin Ryan. Contract negotiations broke down in late summer, resulting in Ryan joining the Meerkats.

Meggett mentioned the team's constrained budget due to the slow economy as a reason for the failure to resign Ryan. He also reiterated that Kevin's superb performance last year drove the bargaining price up above what was expected. He stated, "Kevin came out last year and played like we knew he was capable, but in the end we had to decide between Jeff Henney or Kevin Ryan."

It is believed that the deal struck with Henney is a team high, which includes incentives such as free lunches, underwear, and pain killers. This left the team with such a reduced payroll that it was left with only one option. Enter Ryan Tomlinson.

Offensive coordinator and team QB Willy Truitt is not at all discouraged by the addition of Ryan Tomlinson. He mentioned, "I have played with RT before, and we had some success. I think the tools are there, the desire is there, and we are looking to build off of what we have accomplished in the past."  It is believed that both Willy Truitt and Reggie Truitt had to defer contract payments to make room for both Jeff Henney and Ryan Tomlinson. Team officials would not speculate on such matters.

Team Hartebeest will take the field in a challenge to repeat, December 14th at Corkelstick Park. Team members include Willy Truitt, Reggie Truitt, Jeff Henney, "international sex symbol" Greg Howard, and Ryan Tomlinson.

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Willy Truitt Unhappy With Team's Attitude

November 6th - There is sure a lot of trash being flung around this league, and I believe it is time for me to address it.  I don't feel it is necessary to name names, because you all know who you are.

#1. Our team name:  Yes - I picked the team name. Direct all criticism towards me. But, before you criticize, where were your ideas? Leading to my next area:

#2.  Another criticism from a team member who will remain nameless "my guess would be Reggie or Willy because they apparently run everything for this team anyway"... figure out who wrote that one yourselves.  No - we don't run everything, but there DOES have to be LEADERSHIP.

#3.  I thought I put this to sleep, but evidently not. Some believe that Reggie is selfish. Well I have been on a few of Reggie's team as well and I am the QB and he has never criticized me or demanded the ball. Telling me that he is open on certain routes or in certain situations is called.... anyone..... anyone...... STRATEGY.

Furthermore, when Reg was on teams with me in the past we also had the legendary Kirby Newell, so he didn't have to demand the ball. If last year he did in fact ask for the ball, maybe it was because he was on a team with someone who only posted 4 receptions, an inconsistent Kevin Ryan, and an unproven commodity in Jeff Henney. Therefore, he would be the go-to guy.  I cannot speak for teams that I was not on, but I can speak for teams I played on, and if you were on the team with Reg... maybe it was something you WERE NOT doing, that put him in a position to do SOMETHING.

#4. Lastly, I hope that we can put this behind us and achieve our dream-another Cork Bowl championship. CERTAIN team members should look to team members Reggie Truitt, Stud... I mean Jeff Henney for inspiration.

This will be last time I address conflict within our organization. I hope you all follow the trend.

Best Regards,

Willy Truitt (champion)

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Hartebeests Being Labeled "Team Turmoil"

November 7th - The Hartebeests may have to set a Cork Bowl record this year if they are to defend their title. They would be the first team to ever have to win two battles just to prevail in one Cork Bowl.  Are the Hartebeests planning on competing against the Meerkats this year or against themselves?  At this point it's hard to tell.  It's difficult enough to win a Cork Bowl championship by itself, but to try to do so with internal problems is almost impossible.  The Minnesota Vikings, er, Hartebeests have been bickering with each other recently, and that could spell disaster for their chances of winning Cork Bowl 12.  It would seem that there may be too many egos on the team.  Every player thinks he is the team leader, but nobody has the respect of all his teammates to pull it off.  There don't seem to be enough footballs to go around either.  Reggie Truitt was deemed this year's MVP by brother Willy, Jeff Henney is out to prove that last year was no rookie fluke and Greg Howard wants to redeem himself for only catching 4 passes last year. That doesn't even include newcomer Ryan Tomlinson who was quoted last week as saying, "Just give me the ball."  Too many selfish players to say the least.  "They may change the spelling of Hartebeests to Hart-I-Beests since the original team name didn't contain an "I", remarked Meerkat receiver Chris Cork.  

"I had to double-check the schedule to be sure we weren't playing the Oakland Raiders," added Cork.  "I'll do almost anything for my team, but I ain't cut-blocking Sam Adams."  Some believe the Hartebeests are feeling the pressure of returning nearly the same team from last year that won Cork Bowl 11.  "It's tough to win back-to-back years with the same team," added Patrick Cork.  "Teams make adjustments and find weaknesses they didn't find before.  However, I never thought I'd see a team fall so far so fast.  They seem to be falling apart right before our eyes. I can't wait to hear what the "Scoop" has to say about this."

"They weren't the team that signed Jeff George, were they?" added Chris Cork.  Patrick Cork replied, "You would expect more from a team with that many veterans.  It appears that a number of them think they are bigger than the game.  Nobody, I repeat, nobody is bigger than the game.  They have to realize that before December 14th comes around or it's going to be a long day."

"They're a bunch of primadonnas," added former teammate and current Meerkat tight end Kevin Ryan.  "I saw the warning signs last year.  Reggie and Greg were hoping to dominate, then Henney comes in and steals their thunder.   Now they don't know what to do.  I'm glad I got out when I did. The Meerkats have a number of leaders that lead by example and not with their mouths. I'm proud to be a part of this first-class organization."  

Some believe that the reason nobody has stepped up is the lingering effect of Kirby Newell's retirement.  "It would seem to confirm what I suspected about Kirby Newell's retirement," added Chris Cork.  "When Kirby played nobody questioned who the team leader was.  Now that he's gone, this league is looking for another leader to step up.  There seems to be a lot of wannabe leaders on the Hartebeests, but until one of them stops talking about how good of a leader they are and proves it on the field, they won't be taken seriously."

Given the swiftness of the disintegration, you have to wonder how much more havoc remains, or how much will be required to repair the damage. The clock is ticking on the Hartebeests. They had hoped to be finalizing their gameplans by this time, instead they may be investing precious time in repairing bridges and soothing egos.  

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Reggie Truitt Says "Team Turmoil" Label Fine With Him

November 8th - If the label fits, use it. This "team turmoil" that has been created is fine with me.  It might even help come game day. I was a little worried that this team would come out of the gates a little slow, thus allowing the pussykats to jump into a lead and us having to play catch up in the second half and having to start to force things. But, this eliminates that concern. I expect this team to come out "Like a bunch of crazed dogs" as our defensive line coach John Randle would say. Let's face it, the defense won it for us last year, and will win it for us this year. Granted the new rule changes definitely benefit the pussykats, but that doesn't concern us at all. However, there is no secret to it. Greg Howard is coming after you Old Man Cork, and yeah you will have single coverage on the outside. But Willy should be able to float around and double cover when needed. We just hope Tomlinson can hang and fit into our scheme of things. 

If the other team wants to use the media to try and exploit what we have going on, and create some kind of advantage in the mean time; Let 'em. I'll even help. 

Willy: Don't let your stats and numbers get to your head. Yeah you're good, but how good? Also come up with a big hit and tackle on defense. 

Tomlinson: Step it up you pud. And catch the #&^#@ ball. 

Howard: Don't worry about the big numbers on offense, you're not that caliber yet. You are the best defensive threat in the game, keep it that way. 

Henney: Show up baby, Chris Cork is going to get the ball this year. You're no legend, yet. 

Myself: You suck and you get tired. 

--Reggie Truitt

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Greg Howard Responds to His Critics  

November 11th - I don't have a response to the current postings. I think Willy was right to say that we should leave it at that. I will, however, remark on something that has been commented on by all.  To make clear to all the critics out there about last year's offensive production by me, I would like to say that I didn't have a bad offensive game. I didn't drop any enormous amount of passes, and I was thrown to. The only reason why my offensive numbers were as bad as they were was because I was being covered by Patrick Cork. Now let's all be honest, we all know that Patrick is the best defender in the game. Sure you can score on him (all 4 catches were touchdowns), but for the most part he'll shut anyone down. That's fine with me, I can live with that.  Obviously if they put their best defender on me then I must be something to worry about.  Think about that Meerkats.  Patrick shut me down, but Henney exploded, Reg had 12 catches and let us not forget about Kevin Ryan who busted out last year.  It will be the same thing this year, only there is going to be a different Ryan in town boys, Tomlinson that is. Aside from all that, the biggest question that is on the minds of all Cork Bowl players right now is if "the scoop" really got killed in a freak cow-milking accident?  Hopefully, we'll find out soon. 

"Don't remove tag under penalty of law" 

Greg

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Greg Howard arrived to camp in the best shape in years. It is obvious to the H'Beests that his focus is on point. The team is thrilled with Howard's defensive goals, and everyone is aware of his threat on offense. If he touches the ball, he usually scores.

Quarterback Willy Truitt has worked with all team members on new schemes and plays. He is confident that the H'Beests will come out of the gates smokin'. With so many receiving options, Willy is having trouble sleeping at night. He has just started his throwing program to build up arm strength. He predicts that he will attempt more passes than ever before, and wants the be able to put the same velocity behind the ball in the 4th quarter as the first.

2001 MVP Jeff Henney came to camp all smiles. The team captain is not even thinking about trying to back-up his performance last year. He knows that everything will fall into place once again. Any pressures for this cat are obviously external. You have heard of people being as cool as the other side of the pillow, well yeah.... that's what he is.

Newly acquired free-agent Ryan Tomlinson is simply glad to finally re-join Willy Truitt in a winning organization. While RT's past commitment has been questioned by professionals in the league, he has come to the realization that it is time for him to reach his potential. Playing alongside proven veterans Reggie Truitt, Greg Howard, Willy Truitt, and 2001 MVP Jeff Henney gives 'RT' the best supporting cast he has ever played with.

Reggie Truitt was excited at the meetings because of the intensity shown by all team members. Once again Reggie is heading the 'D', and sees no reason that the H'Beests can't repeat their defensive performance from 2001. While it is most focused on defense, the team is committed to Reggie on offense as well. Willy wants to try Reggie in a couple of different formations that could possibly give him a fresh new-look on offense.

Finally, team members were fitted for their jerseys and given proper medical attention to take care of any lingering injuries. Just in case of future injuries, they were all given several prescriptions of Vicodin from team doctor Tim Reis. Dr. Reis also briefed the team on proper apparel for several different weather conditions, including snow, rain, and monsoons.

Team Hartebeest will take the field December 14th, 2002 at Corklestick Park. Tickets are available by calling 1.888.HBEESTS. or 1.888.CORKBWL.

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Henney Predicts No Sophomore Slump

November 18th - "Overrated....flash in the pan...sophomore slump" - all phrases I have been haunted by for 11 months.  Cork Bowl XII will give the critics a chance to consider if lightning can really strike in the same place twice.

Now, to clarify the roles of my teammates, as I see 'em.  Clearly, Willy and Reggie are the veterans and leaders of the Hartebeests, while Greg is the spark plug and Tomlinson is the X-factor.  Fortunately, I am in a position to be the 2nd or 3rd option at WR and if old man Cork (Chris, that is, not Tony) gets double digit receptions, I'll forfeit my recent signing bonus/contract increase (which some have claimed kept Kevin Ryan from the Hartebeests).  You'll soon find out  that I'm worth it.

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Chris Cork Responds to Latest Hartebeest Talk

November 19th - I've read recent Cork Bowl comments with much interest. The most intriguing items I found were: 

1) "If Greg Howard touches the ball he usually scores" - I'm not so sure that conditional qualities are the sort of thing that you're looking for in a Cork Bowl player. For instance, "if the Bears had a quarterback that could throw they might win a game or two". I'm not sure that inspires great confidence. 

2) Some obscure reference to lightning strikes at Cork Bowl - apparently someone isn't reading their Old Farmer's Almanac, otherwise he would know that there is no lightning forecast for Dec 14. So not only will it not strike in the same place, it won't be striking at all. 

3) Tomlinson and potential - What if Tomlinson HAS reached his potential? Just a thought.... 

4) Lastly, take a look at "Greg". This is the sort of smile we'll be seeing on the faces of the Meerkats Dec 14. http://pw1.netcom.com/~chingesh/SAHunt2.html

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Willy Truitt says "Scoop This"

November 22nd - Scoop.... I find YOU laughable. What Cork Bowl games have you been watching??? My arm strenght/qb style has twice been compared to that of Brett Favre. The first time that I am aware of was by one Jay Jared. Mr. Jared obviously is a sports fanatic, and a loyal Green Bay Packer fan... if he says I throw the ball like Brett Favre, then I'll take it.  Secondly, sure-fire Cork Bowl Hall-of-Famer Tony Cork has referred to my arm strength as "slinging the ball" several times to be 'Favresque'. I take this with much weight because.. (a) he is also a terrific QB, and I believe there is credibility from us within the QB fraternity, and (b) Coach is so old that he has seen every QB to ever play the game of football, so if there was someone better to compare me to... he certainly has the encyclopedia right "upstairs".

So I challenge your Mr. Scoop.... where is your credibility? To me -- you have NONE, therefore I am dubbing you, the Jesse Jackson of Cork Bowl.

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Hartebeest Update

December 5th - Team officials have everything completed and are ready for gameday. Representative Dave Meggett had this to say about this year's operations, "It has been great.  After last year's preparations, I didn't think they could get any better, but once again I have been proven wrong by this fabulous staff."  All has been well the last month-plus around the Hartebeest camp after a early fall season full of turmoil.  Meggett said that the team has moved on and did not worry at all about the early bickering.  "Sure you don't like to hear it, but these guys are professionals and have been playing together for several years now.  Those of us upstairs just monitored it and obviously it was all in good nature, and we'll leave it at that. This team has a heck of a core, and sometimes it is good to have dissention. It encourages more thinking and challenges from each team member. 'Groupthink' can be hazardous. I encourage all team members to always voice their opinions, whatever they may be."

Team meteorologist Jesse Walker of WTWO Newschannel 2 - Terre Haute has briefed the team along with Dr. Tim Reis (Carbondale, IL), on what to expect for gametime temperatures and conditions. Currently, it is expected to be a high of 42 degrees, and a low of 24 for Saturday the 14th. Gametime temperature should be around 35-38 degrees, dry with a wind of  7-12 mph out of the West-Southwest.  Dr. Reis urges team members to wear plenty of clothing, probably multiple layers. If you were born in the months November-April it is suggested that long-johns be worn.  If you were born between May-September, then long johns and an additional underlayer is urged. This strategic system in the Medical Community is known as ReisSmartSystem (RSS), (patent pending).  

Further developments will be available via the Cork Bowl website, as well as on the AP wire.

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Greg Howard Lashes Out at Cork Family

December 6th - I was sitting around thinking about the game recently and realized that there is no way that the Meerkats can beat the Hartebeasts. Looking at all the matchups of the game, I don't see one where the Hartebeasts are overwhelmed. I personally am going to feel bad though when we beat the Cork family on their own field. Maybe after we get done kicking their butts we should change the name of the field?! Ok maybe not but after this game I think that the Cork dynasty will finally be put down for good, well at least the old man will be. Oh yeah, as for the Scoop, I've noticed a lot of players commenting on him. Maybe he would get a little more respect from us if he ever said anything good about any of us. All he talks about is how bad we all are and how good Kirby Newell used to be. The key words in that being "used to be" .  He doesn't play anymore, get off of him. 

Don't remove tag under penalty of law 

Greg Howard

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Greg Howard Attacks "The Scoop" Again

December 10th - The Scoop is obviously stupid. I stated that it would be nice if he said anything nice about ANYBODY! not just me.  I'm used to the fact that "the scoop" as well as Kirby Newell are always going to be hard on me because they're jealous of me. That's ok, I can live with that. All I'm saying is stop criticizing everyone when neither one of you are even going to be at the game. Now, as for that game, I think that is the only thing the "scoop" got right - the Hartebeests will win this year, but I feel it will be by a little more than the predicted score.

Don't remove tag under penalty of law 

Greg

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Cork Family Says Greg Howard Drops the Ball…Again

December 11th - Once again Greg has dropped the ball, only this time it wasn’t on the field.  His outlandish remarks about the Cork family in general are so inaccurate that they are laughable.  Changing the name of the field?  Please.  The commissioner is not fond of players challenging authority.  After his cheapshot on Colonel last year, Greg should be thanking his lucky stars that the commish is letting him play this year.  He gave him one reprieve, he won't give any more.  Not only that, but Greg has spent so much time complaining that “The Scoop” is mean that he hasn’t been focusing on the game itself.  If outside opinions effect you that much, how mentally weak can you be?  How fragile is your self-perception? Does Cork Bowl need to hire a motivational speaker before the game?  Maybe Matt Foley?

We all can attest to the fact that the “Scoop” has more than a little hostility toward current Cork Bowl players.  Nobody knows why, it’s just that way.  Kind of like how Billy Packer seems to hate everything about college basketball, yet he continues to dedicate his life to it.  Who knows?  None of the Meerkats went crying to mommy when the “Scoop” called us old and washed up.  None of us are complaining that he has the Hartebeests favored in this year’s game.  Sure we don’t agree with it, but our opinions aren’t going to change the “Scoop’s” mind. 

Greg, you may not see any matchups where your H-Beests are overwhelmed.  To paraphrase Matt Foley, "Your ojos not so good..."  That's your opinion.  But what you may not know is that we don't have to have any big mismatches (although you do have Tomlinson). We have better players who will make bigger plays.  It will be a game of mistakes, just like all Cork Bowls and we look forward to capitalizing on yours.  You may be faster and stronger, you may have the top quarterback statistically on your team, and you may have all the weapons you need to win this year’s game, but that doesn’t mean you will.  Games are won on the field, between the lines.  We don’t want to be the best like you guys do, we ARE the best.  Maybe not physically, maybe not in the public's eyes, but we will be the best where it matters most – the scoreboard.

I’m out like the style of the “Scoop’s” clothes.

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Future Mrs. Henney Has High Expectations for Postgame Coverage

December 14th -

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