The Puke Game
Disclaimer:And this is a Jen solo act. You can tell 'cause it is kinda demented the whole way through. It may be a little over the top which is why I have some of the parts written in as unheard or whispered. Another work for creative writing. I don't think the class warmed up to it, but my teacher laughed through it. She's a little nutty like me. Kyo may be a little insane in this one as well. It's a fun role though. Depending on how it is acted, Shinya could either be withdrawn or a real jerk. I was going for withdrawn. Die's just playful Die. This whole play is based on a story I was beginning to work on about murders. It would've included autopsies and real descriptive scenes but it's just way too long and i'm no good at that long stuff. Maybe i'll work on it a lil 'cause Kyo is real cute in it and we need some good Kyo material. No offense to Mana or Gackt fans. They're just fictional characters. There may be a few innacuracies throughout this as well. I've never jammed an oboe down someone's throat nor have I seen it. Some things may be next to impossible so this is definately one of those fictional pieces.
Stats:
Rating: Pg-13, adult material
Setting: Living Room
Characters: Die, Kyo, Shinya, Toshiya
Pairings: N/A
2 Chairs stage left, one desk/bench behind with magazines. Shinya sits in one chair reading book intently. Die and Kyo are stage right. Kyo is playing a video game in his lap. Both are sitting Indian style watching kyo�s video game on the television, looking forward.
30 seconds of silence
Die looks over at Shinya quietly and thinks for about ten seconds then turns back. He turns to Kyo and speaks to him.
Die- What do you think he�s reading that�s so interesting?
Kyo- I don�t know (watching video game)
Die sits awhile longer
Die- He�s so quiet.
Kyo- mmmm (Kyo mumbles watching video game)
Die sits awhile thinking then a smirk crosses his face
Die- Hehe. (chuckling to himself) Hey, Kyo.
Kyo- Yeah (not paying attention)
Die- Kyo! (pulls out cartridge from video game)
Kyo- I was playing that! That was awful rude!
Die- I got a business proposition.
Kyo- Oh no! Not one of your stupid games again.
Die- Come on! This one is a lot better than the last one. It�s waaaaaaaaay more fun.
Kyo- (sarcastically then turns to homicidal rambling maniac as monologue progresses) What could possibly be more fun than getting Toshiya and Kaoru drunk, braiding their hair together, watching them stumble around for a bit, fall in the pool, and nearly drown? How could ANYTHING be more entertaining than watching your friends nearly kill themselves at your fault. PLEASE TELL ME! I�m dying to know! Quick! Before I go into cardiac arrest!
Die- (calmly) Okay. (waits for dramatic effect) I bet you can�t get Shinya to puke all over the place by talking to him. I bet you $100.
Kyo- (ponders this) Well, you see Die, I�m not an idiot. I know my limits. I can�t exactly rouse a dead corpse.
Die- Who said anything about a corpse?
Kyo- Shinya doesn�t listen to me. How do you think I�m gonna go about making him sick if I can�t even make him listen? Can�t I just run over there and gut a cat or something?
Die- That defeats the fun of the game. You not up to it? Your personality just not revolting enough?
Kyo- Let me tell you my personality is pretty damn repulsive. I could make a German man puke. $200.
Die-You so sure?
Kyo- $300, An unhealthy level of disgust. I have the perfect story.
Die- Okay.
Kyo- Okay. (sits there)
Die- Well, go.
Kyo- Oh yeah, damn. I forgot it involved moving.
Kyo gets up lazily and wanders over to Shinya. Die goes and sits behind on a bench pretending to read a magazine. Kyo sits down next to Shinya.
Kyo- Hey Shinya how are you doing today on this bright, happy, cheerful, jubilant day of all days to be alive?
Shinya- Eh. (reading and paying no attention)
Kyo- You listening?
Shinya- Eh. (reading, no attention)
Kyo- Whatcha reading?
No response from shinya.
Kyo-(During whole monologue shinya ignores Kyo.) Shinya? Shinya, I have something important to tell you. (waits for response and gets none) Shinya, (slowly and meaningful) Aishiteru. (no response) Okay Shinya. I could do this all day Shinya! (getting louder) So SHINYA! Hey, I bet you can�t say my name ten times real fast ne? Not gonna take me up on my offer? I bet I could say your name ten times fast. (makes attempt real real fast) Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya Shinya! Hmmm? Hey! Look at me Shinya! I�m trying to tell you something. (takes away book)
Shinya- I was reading that! That was awful rude of you.
Kyo- I wanna talk with you. We never talk anymore.
Shinya- Don�t start feeling the need to now. Are you dying of Cancer or something horrible?
Kyo- No, why?
Shinya- Well, then we�ve got plenty if time to chat later. May I please have my book back?
Kyo- No you may not! (keeps book) Don�t you know this is a serious issue? Any moment now we could die! A meteor could be coming right at us from the direction of the sun and we wouldn�t even know till it hit us �cause our telescopes can�t see it. Some freakish outbreak of Ebola could make us sneeze and our brains just pop right out of our ears. And we never got the chance to sit down and chat like normal people do. Normal friends chat all the time. At least they can go to the grave happy. Is that what you want Shinya? You want me to die an unhappy brainless man? All I want is some time to chat with my most beloved friend and he won�t even listen to one word. (turns to die and hands him the book) Tough situation eh Die?
Shinya- Die, May I please have�..oh it isn�t even worth the breath. (starts to get up)
Kyo- Hey wait (pulls him back down into chair) I wouldn�t leave if I were you. You wouldn�t want to go into the afterlife without a nice chat with Kyo.
Shinya- How so?
Kyo- I got an interesting story for you I think you�ll like a lot.
Shinya- (giving in) Fine.
Kyo- Did you hear about the Yamaha murders?
Shinya- No, and I really don�t want to either. The only reason you ever pick up the news is for something perverse or grotesque, and I don�t like to mettle in such situations.
Kyo- You�re such a pussy sometimes.
Shinya- (matter-of-factly) No, I�m not!
Kyo- As I was saying. The yamaha murders. You�d be very interested in them.
Shinya- How so?
Kyo- It�s one of those creative homicidal maniacs that did this one. Real genius he is.
Shinya- I�m not getting interested any time soon.
Kyo- Here, you listen to classical music ne?
Shinya- Yep.
Kyo- First murder, the maniac busted out this guys ear drums with Mahler. Ear drum all over the place. You see, what he did was plant these ear piece microphones inside the man�s ear. Real nifty things that fit real snug into the ear. He turned on some Mahler and blasted the volume and *pouf*, eardrum all over the place. The guy gets a brain hemorrhage and dies. They open the skull of this guy and there�s brain goo splattered all over the inside of it. Classical music killed him hehe! (laughing) Isn�t that funny ha!
Shinya- Which Symphony?
Kyo- Oh for heaven�s sake I don�t know! But the thing is this was only the first murder and as the murders progressed they got more creative.
Shinya- How so? Did he Beethoven them to death?
Kyo- No, no. (rubs hands together) Oh this is soo good! I never even thought of this stuff. The second murder, some real good violinist named Mana. Come to think of it she kinda looked like you Shinya.
Shinya- Doubtful.
Die- No, Shinya is pretti�.er I mean Mana looks like she got into some bad drag. They don�t look alike unless you�re partially blind or numb in one eye.
Kyo- Shh! This Mana plays the violin. The maniac man ties him to the conducting podium set up in Carnegie with his own violin strings, and then slices his body up into little chunks with his violin bow. Chunks of Mana here and there. A few weeks later one of the timpanists found a petrified flesh chunk rattling around in his timpani.
Shinya- Ohh such a shame. Violin bows are so expensive too.
Kyo looks at Die questioningly, and Die shrugs bewildered.
Shinya- Thas it?
Kyo- No there are more murders in weeks to come. The next guy was some ladies man sportscaster names Hide. He�s found on his kitchen floor with spilled milk all over the place. He�s clutching the milk carton in his hand and it takes the coroner�s two days to get it out of his tight grasp. They try to find a reason for death. It looked to be strangulation, but there were no handprints around the neck of the body. They search over the body and shine a light down the throat of the dead guy and (laughs uncontrollably) hahahahahahhaha!
Shinya- AND?
Kyo- The guy has an oboe jammed down his throat! Can you imagine? How does this guy manage to shove an oboe down someone�s throat?
Shinya- I haven�t a clue.
Kyo- But it gets better. Oh, does it ever. The next murder was unspeakable among the press for a good couple of weeks. People weren�t allowed to print it.
Shinya- Why?
Kyo- It was a real posh prick of a person named Gackt. He owned a big company that made beauty products and clothing. He was well known and had a good business reputation. You see, what the guy did was so grotesque and humiliating, the press wasn�t allowed to print it for two weeks.
Shinya- What was it?
Kyo- I�m not gonna tell you the whole story. But the part I can tell yuh is a good portion of it. The gackt guy gets skinned alive okay? His skin is then stretched across a head rim of a drum to make a drum of sorts. A human skin drum! Oh, this guy is such a genius I envy him.
Shinya- What�s the part you can�t tell?
Kyo- What he did with the deskinned portion of him.
Shinya- Why not?
Kyo- There are children around. (points to die)
Die- I�m not listening. Don�t let me stop you. Not listening, lalala. Not listening, hmm hmmmmm hmm..
Kyo- We can just go the next murder.
Shinya- No you can�t! You can�t leave me hanging!
Kyo- Shinya, I promise the next murder will make you forget all the other murders.
Shinya- Try me. And if it doesn�t, you tell me the rest of the other murder.
The next monologue has parts cued to whisper to shinya so the audience does not hear them quite well. These parts may or may not be whispered depending on the audience etc� whispered parts are underlined. If you want the audience to hear the part do not whisper it loudly. State it as if it were common knowledge, as you state the rest of the material. It's either whisperd too quietly to be heard or not whispered at all.
Kyo-(looks at Die mischievously) This mailman, I forget his name, he�s the next target. Real nice guy who never did anything wrong. Makes you question the murderer�s motives. The guy�s a GENIOUS! The man is attacked in the morning after eating scrambled eggs. The coroner�s found this out as did the investigating team on scene. You see, his stomach was ripped out and you could see its contents. The coroner�s found out it was scrambled eggs, orange juice, toast with butter and a lot of grape jelly. Apparently this guy liked grape jelly a lot. What the murderer did was, well, kinda flipped the guy inside out. He ripped him open and took out all his organs. You know what sound it makes? The sound when you rip out the organs from the body? They call it a pelvic slurp cause it makes a big wet slurp sound. He got out all these organs and cut lines up and down the guys arms and legs and peeled them off to the bone. Oh this is just too awesome. So his insides are outside and he has this trombone. He takes the trombone tubing and places it in this new carpet of skin and flesh, kinda replacing the intestines. He bends it up real well and gets some more trombone tubing. He then hooks this tubing up to a pipe that leads like an esophagus up to the mouth where�
Shinya- Oh please, that is enough thank you.
Kyo- You didn�t hear the funny part yet!
Shinya- I think I�m going to be sick.
Toshiya runs in stage right carrying in a gross pile of steaming substance on a platter.
Toshiya- I made fried squid! Look boys!
runs up and shoves squid in Shinya�s face. Shinya looks at and smells the squid.
Shinya- Oh gross BLAAAAAHHH!!! (and puke all over the place)
Kyo- Toshiya! Baka! Now who wins the 300?
Toshiya- Gomen.
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