Back to Dir En Grey
You'll notice we had no idea who we were writing about. Die was bubbly? Die should've been Melon (he's got those leather outfits that fit the occupation so well). KaoruxDie is a strange pairing. We wouldn't have let Toshiya go. Toshiya not affectionate too? Ha! Melissa definately wouldn't have allowed Toshiya to do what he did to Kyo(read and find out ha!). Does Totchi even have sibs? I'll jus hafta do more research (mwah). Oh and we had Kyo drinking? He hates drinking. At least he had a low tollerance in the story, implied. So forgive us for the uncharacteristic ways of the band. I guess you could call this an alternate universe fic or somethin?
When we made the final copy we had a scrapbook and a picture of Hunny Melon. We needed a cute Japanese woman who looked young but semi-serious and we chose a pic of a J-pop diva called Namie Amuro. We had no idea who this was but she looked like she could be called Hunny Melon, not to offend anyone who listens to her. The pic we used is here. The guys in our class liked it a lot. They were scared when we told them that all the other pictures we used were actually men. They're just so good looking though eh? How could we resist writing about them? Then after we wrote the story we actually learned some about the band. This is turning out to be a long disclaimer. Again we apologize for any innacuracies and also we apologize if we offend anyone. We were pretty nice in the fic. We try (we really do, 'cause evil jus comes so naturally to us). The ending is wretched 'cause we had to end it quickly or it would've been a novel. It makes me gag everytime I read it. My fault. Blah! on with the fic.Melon is my mate. I didn�t choose him. Heck no! You know the story. Big, strong, half-naked woman saves an even prettier, fragiler, and yes nakeder man. Woman finds out man is incapable of civilized living, incapacitated. Smart, generous, beautiful woman takes in cutesy, clumsy, stupid ape-like man to be her �lover�. He�s really more like a pet. Even more like a houseplant. So they�re mates, or something relative to that. I just call him my mate to keep face in society. When I go to look for employment and my employer asks �Who is this really fine looking, effeminate, china doll man who lives with you anyway?�, and I say �He�s my pet Melon�, they laugh and ask, �Are you kidding?� Then I have to say no, because really I�m not, and they stop laughing. So I just tell them that he�s my mate, or �fiancee�, which is a new word they picked up from the French and have grown attached to. It always gets a good response.
But I don�t have to worry about employment now. Melon and I have our own business. Melon and I moved to Japan, looking to find stardome as J-rockers, and searching for Melon�s shadowy past. When Melon got attacked by opossums he lost his memory and a good deal of his intelligence. We didn�t know where this search would take us.
We heard a lot about this rock group called Dir En Grey, and decided the best way to get into the J-rock scene was to become real close friends with them. It was more of Melon�s idea. He liked their �look�. We staged this real good chance meeting. We got the address of Die�s and Kaoru�s apartment. We knew they shared an apartment together because they were so close. They sang intimately on-stage together, and off-stage people saw them at this one restaurant a lot. We tapped into their phone lines and waited for Kaoru and Die to order their Friday night meal. They always ordered on Friday night, or so our sources said. They left their address with the delivery guy.
We moved into the building in 3 days. We bought a wolf to execute our brilliant plan. Wolves have such a keen sense of smell and this one was invaluable to our scheme. It had been difficult to convince the landlord to let us keep a wolf in the apartment, but Melon was able to convince him. Melon is very good at convincing people. He uses some unorthodox methods, but they work.
Every day before a performance Kaoru puts his shoes outside his door as some sort of good luck ritual. We trained the wolf to thirst for the smell of his shoes by stealing one and coating it in delicious meat chunks. When he was frothing at the mouth for another shoe we let him loose and he found his way into Die and Kaoru�s apartment. This way when we came looking for him we�d find him there and get to know the two rockers a little better. It was bonding through burglary, of a shoe that is.
Immediately Die woke up because we could hear him cussing through the sound proof walls that separated our bedrooms. Well, he was screaming Japanese but we could�ve only guessed at the translation. Melon was very good at guessing Japanese for some reason. We heard a few thumps and a growl and got worried, so I followed our wolf'� drool and trail to the door of their apartment and knocked. Melon sent me because he said I was a better actor and a little bit nicer with words. For a na�ve man he is very intuitive.
Kaoru answered the door. I nearly fainted by the unveiling of the Godlike creature before me in his tight red boxer briefs, bright fuscia hair frazzled. If that wasn�t enough, his equally celestial significant other followed behind him, spitting out Japanese expletives.
�Hi my name is Hunny Melon� I told them. �I�m looking for my puppy Grey. Have you seen him wandering the hallways or anywhere? Me and my fiancee are very worried because he has been lost for 2 days.� Of course that was a lie. �He is like a son to us.� That was a lie too. He was like an accomplice to us.
�Does he have large eyes, large ears, large teeth, and looks rather wolfish?� asked Kaoru as he hushed Die�s cursing with a pinch.
�Yes! His eyes are yellow too!� I said, pretending to be interested in the dog.
�We have your wolf lady. He ate our shoes!� Die fumed.
�Oh no! Really? I�m so sorry. Where is he?� I butted my way into their apartment, which was the initial plan. I didn�t want to stand around in the hallways with two underwear clad men and make small talk. �I�ll pay for any damages he has caused. I�m so very sorry! Grey where are you? Grey, you�ve been a very naughty puppy!�
One thing led to another and I got Kaoru in my house for a cup of tea and some milano cookies. I may not negotiate using Melon�s methods, but I do have a way with words. Kaoru told me about his job and his likes and dislikes, which included the landlord.
�I�m sorry Melon isn�t home. He really loves to compose music. It�s a pity he is so busy, because you two might get together and compose some really great music.� I said as I blew some steam off my tea.
�How did you ever convince that ass of a landlord to let you keep the wolf? And how do you plan on keeping him with all these outbreaks? The prick wouldn�t let us keep a fuzzy pink diva doormat, and it won�t bite anything.�
�My melon is a very convincing young man. His methods are a little unusual, maybe illegal, but he gets problems taken care of quickly.�
�Convincing hmmm? What do you mean by his methods?� and he did this sort of ridiculous but efficient eyebrow motion when he said methods.
�Well, ever since the opossum attack that rendered him stupid, he decided to make sure that would never happen again, and have a little fun if it did. So he studied up on medieval Europe and Asian torture methods and defense classes. It�s more or less to retaliate against the marble-eyed demons.�
�Asian torture? How long has he been studying?�
�Since we�ve been together, oh I�d say 2 years now.�
�What kind of torture?�
�Isolation, water, color and senses, just about any kind you can imagine, and even though he may not be intelligent, he is very good at psychological torture. He�s had a few conversations with military professionals and government agents. He�s so dedicated. I love him.� like a green-thumb loves her ripe tomatoes.
�Color torture? That�s a very unknown method. He must really know his stuff. I�d like meet this melon character and go over some business propositions with him.� he said as he added more tea to his sugar.
I nibbled on my milano a bit, thinking over what he could possibly have in mind. I didn�t come up with much. �Well Melon is a busy man. Right now he is searching for his roots. He�s rarely home, and I doubt you�ll be able to see him for a long time. Maybe you should tell me what you have in mind and I�ll relay the message to him.�
So we sat there sipping tea and discussing Dir En Grey�s uncomfortable position in the music industry, and how they got there, as well as how they�d stay there. �It takes a little convincing to get a commercial backer for a group of guys who wear makeup, dress in drag, and are prettier than half their female fans. Were popular with the fans, both women and men, but not with the business. Sometimes we need a bit of�a safety wall.� And he looked at me with that goofy eyebrow look when he said safety wall. It was efficient. I knew what he was getting at. So we had a deal and Melon and I were in business. Dir En Grey would give us what we needed and we would get rid of what they didn�t need. We got into the rock business, but not quite in the way we expected.
After a few weeks, business was doing well for Melon and I, but the guys were curious about the identity of their mysterious benefactor. �Why do we never get to meet Melon? He�s the reason we have been able to run so efficiently. I�d like to meet the man face to face and shake his hand.� Kaoru argued with me over lunch with Die and Shinya.
�Well he�s a busy man.� Another lie. I was so deep in lies that I was paving a straight road to hell. He actually didn�t want to meet Dir En Grey. Something about it being bad for business. He also had a weird feeling about them. He still liked their style though.
�Why have I never met Kyo?� I asked. Kyo was another member of their band who had joined when Toshiya up and left Dir En Grey, never to be heard from again. He was a replacement of sorts but the band talked about Toshiya like a lost brother, and obviously wasn�t too fond of Kyo�s presence.
�Let�s not discuss Kyo.� Die said agrivated.
�How come whenever I mention him you guys clam up or change the subject?�
�We don�t! He�s just a busy man like your Melon. We hardly ever see him and there�s nothing to discuss about him.� Die said managing a more agrivated look.
�You lie� I said accusingly.
�So do you� he said right back.
This was one of those moments when you don�t continue the argument. I just sat there with my hands folded in my lap glaring at Die. He stared right back at me his tell-all eyes covered by quills of bright red hair. We both knew the other�s bluff, but we also knew when to draw the line at the truth.
Kaoru told me he had another job later that week. It was important and probably the best job he�d ever given us. This one was a psychological brainwash job. You can scare a person enough to make them tell you everything you ever wanted to know. You can also scare them to the point beyond that, where they forget a great amount of information. If all else fails, you kill the person. That�s the weak way out, and professionals try to avoid that. We weren�t professionals, but we loved to think of ourselves as professionals.
Kaoru handed over a blindfolded, ear plugged, gagged man. He didn�t give us any information about the man. It�s not a good idea to get to know your victim. He sat in our house deaf, blind and mute for a couple of hours until Melon called and told me to bring him down to the basement, which is just the right atmosphere for psychological torture or jars of preserves.
Melon was there, waiting with an eye clamp, a few flashlights, a spotlight, some pointy looking objects, a doll, and a box of odds. He sat the young Japanese man down in a chair and pulled the blindfold off his eyes and the plugs out of his ears. In some situations it was more effective torture if the victim could experience every sense of it. The victim had a boyish charm. His blond hair hung shaggy around his face. He had round cheeks and almond eyes that were deep enough to hide anything in any situation. He wriggled around from the discomfort of the spotlight shining into his sensitive eyes and tried to squirm out of the chair. We tied him to the chair quickly and professionally.
Melon bent over the struggling man and peered into his eyes. Immediately the man�s whole body stiffened and he started mumbling something through the gag. His eyes widened as he tried to convey his surprised message. Melon didn�t care for what he had to say. He was just another job, another dinner on the table.
�Hey, Hunny, he�s kind of cute. I�d feel kind of bad killing him, wouldn�t you?� he asked me. He leaned over closer to the man who was now breathing heavily through the gag, his cheeks puffing hard around the tight cotton. �You hear that? You don�t give us any trouble, ok? I don�t want to kill you, but if you misbehave, I�ll be forced to. You understand? So behave yourself.�
Melon turned to the box for the eye clamps resting on the top. He pinned back the man�s eyelids and dropped some liquid into them from a brown bottle. The victim started to rest immediately, but still had a wild-eyed look, anticipating the torture he was going to face.
�I�m going to take off your gag now.� Melon told the frightened man. �Don�t scream or I�ll reach in the box, grab a knife and carve out your vocal chords. I need to ask you a few questions.� He took off the gag and the man immediately began talking.
�Totchi-chan, Totchi-chan. What are you doing? How can you do this? Are you still mad at me?� the man asked, bewildered. �Please forgive me, Toshiya, but you�re taking this too far.�
Melon�s expression hardened. �My name is Melon. Stop babbling or I�ll carve you, I will.�
The blond man shook his head. �Your name is Toshiya. Don�t kid around, Totchi-chan. I still love you. Why are you doing this? Why did you leave me, Totchi-chan?�
Melon�s face started to look a little confused, and he told him, �I think you have me confused with someone else. Don�t be trying to talk your way out of this.�
�Totchi-chan, shut up!� The man looked surprised. �You can�t joke with me. I always loved you. I didn�t mean to hurt you. I didn�t know she was your sister, Totchi-chan, and I was really drunk and lonely, Totchi. Totchi-chan, you have to understand.�
�Stop calling me that!� Melon was starting to look a little wild around the eyes. �I�m the one who�s supposed to be giving the psychological torture, here!�
�Totchi-chan, Totchi-chan, please stop saying these things. Stop lying. I said I�m sorry. What more do you want? My life?� He gave Melon a serious look. �Will that make you happy? Revenge? It will only leave you empty, Totchi. Trust me, Totchi-chan. I know.�
�I want you to shut up.� And with that Melon took out the knife and slit the boy�s neck, his blood spurting out all over Melon�s face and clothes. He had a strange, slightly haunted look on his face.
�Melon, you didn�t have to do that!� I yelled at him. I couldn�t believe he had let his anger take over so quickly. He usually got through with these jobs with no problems.
He saw the questioning look in my eyes. �I�m sorry, Hunny. But he was really creeping me out. I almost started believing him. He gave me such a familiar feeling, and his voice was so familiar. I had to kill him before he got a hold of me and I wouldn�t be able to go through with this job.�
�But did Kaoru ask you to kill him? I thought that he wanted a brainwashing and psychological torture?� I asked.
Melon shook his head. �He didn�t say it outright, but he was definitely hinting at it. This guy was really screwing up their image, or something. He didn�t tell me much, but he made sure that I knew that I had to eliminate him, or else he would still cause them problems. I was planning on having a little fun with him first, but he just wouldn�t shut up.�
�You can clean up the mess then. Get rid of the body, too.� I gave him a disgusted look. �I�ll go tell Kaoru the job is done. I hope you didn�t do anything that will ruin our business.�
I got to Kaoru and he was mighty happy with the results of the job. He didn�t want to seem too happy or heartless, but I could tell by the glow in his eyes and the tune in his voice that he was overjoyed.
�I have to meet Melon and thank him. I also have to apologize for making you deal with that egotistical worm of a man. I honestly wasn�t expecting you to get very far with him without hanging him by his entrails or something.� Kaoru started out the door towards our apartment.
�You shouldn�t speak with Melon right now.� I said quickly. �I think he�s rather upset with the whole situation.� He kept walking, despite my words. �That man kept mumbling something about Totchi-chan. Do you know who that is?� I asked him in a desperate attempt to keep him talking instead of walking over to the apartment.
�Oh yes.� He stopped and looked at the ground. �I�m surprised that he mentioned it. He and Toshiya had a relationship for a while. They were so in love, and then Kyo screwed up somewhere along the way, so badly that Toshiya moved away.�
�What do you mean, Kyo?� I asked, puzzled at the first time Kaoru had ever volunteered information about Kyo.
�He was the one you guys just offed. I didn�t want to tell you because I thought you wouldn�t go through with killing such a famous person so closely linked to our band. But he was becoming a psychological mess. Ever since Toshiya left, he�s been drinking and sleeping around and getting in fights. It was really bad publicity. He had to be put out of his misery. It was for his own good, really.� Kaoru sighed. �It was really hard, watching him suffer from day to day like he did, and the band was falling apart.�
�But now you�re missing a band member.� I pointed out. �What are you going to do about that?�
�That is what I wanted to talk to Melon about.� He put his hand on the doorknob. �I�m sure he�ll accept, we have a lot to offer him.�
I tried to step in between him and the door, but I didn�t succeed in stopping him as he simply slid around me. Melon had his head down on the table, his long shiny hair spilling out over his arms and down the side of the table. He didn�t lift his head as Kaoru sauntered in.
�The great and powerful Melon. Finally we meet.� Kaoru said, lifting his hands toward the heavens in exultation.
�Humph.� Melon grunted from behind his curtain of silken hair.
�I�m sorry if Kyo was any trouble for you.� Kaoru continued. �He had trouble letting go of the past. Dir En Grey is forever in your debt.�
�Kyo?� he asked, without raising his head. �Your own band member?� he grumbled out.
�Yes, it was a shame. It was for the best, though. He was pretty screwed up.� Kaoru answered regretfully.
�So I realized.� Melon lifted his head from his arms on the table. �He kept on calling me��
�Toshiya!� Kaoru cut him off in amazement. �Totchi-chan? Totchi-chan!�
Melon nodded. �Yes, that�s exactly what he called me.�
But Kaoru wasn�t listening anymore. �Totchi-chan, we missed you so much!� Kaoru ran up to Melon and bent over to put his arms around him.
Melon sat there, neither struggling with the hug nor responding, just looking at me with this look on his face that said, �is the whole world going to hell or are we missing something?� I was wondering the same thing.
�Is this some kind of conspiracy?� Melon asked as he pulled away from Kaoru and looked into his warm brown eyes for an answer.
�What do you mean, Totchi-chan? Do you not recognize me? You don�t even remember Kyo? Oh my God, Kyo! Oh, what have I done?!� Kaoru looked horrified.
�Do you mean that my Melon is your Toshiya?� I asked Kaoru.
�Yes! He must be! The resemblance is uncanny.�
Melon was shaking his head emphatically. �No, I don�t think so. I could never dress that way, let alone love another man. Kyo was just babbling.�
�No, no! You�re Toshiya! I�ll prove it to you.� And an over excited Kaoru ran out of our apartment and back to his. I could never guess what he was going to get, but he returned with Die. Die nearly fainted when he saw Melon. It was like seeing a ghost, I suppose.
�Totchi-chan! Oh, I missed you so much. Oh, Totchi-chan, let me embrace you!� and Die ran up to Melon to give him a hug.
Melon isn�t that affectionate, and he was getting kind of tired of all these men hugging him and calling him affectionate names.
�Get off of me!� Melon yelled angrily. �I�m not your Toshiya. Stop playing with my mind!�
�Toshiya, shut up! You�re Toshiya Toshiya Toshiya Toshiya Toshiya!� Die yelled out happily and pranced around the room.
�If you don�t shut up I�ll pound you!� Melon yelled.
�Oh, Toshiya, you�re so sweet, and such a joker.� Die said.
�That�s it.� And with that Toshiya, I mean Melon, grabbed Die and pinned him to the wall. �Shut up with the Toshiya. My name is Melon. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a steady job�well, maybe not that steady, but I�m definitely not Toshiya!�
�Toshiya, I don�t understand!� Die cried out, and Melon punched him in the stomach. He turned away from Die to walk back to the table, but Die pounced on him and knocked him down. Melon�s head hit the table and he was knocked out. Kaoru and Die rushed around like crazy, trying to revive him, and I just stood there laughing at the whole situation. It was probably the insanity. Eventually Melon came to, but it was no longer Melon.
�Kaoru, Die? I�I love you all and I�m sorry about leaving you!� Toshiya yelled as he hugged a now confused Die. �Oh, this is all so wonderful. Where is Kyo? I have been meaning to apologize to him. I have always loved him and I forgive him for everything.�
�But Melon, I thought you loved me.� I was more than a bit confused. Not that Melon�s love was a great loss, but it was comforting.
�Who�who are you? Have we met?� Toshiya asked, confused.
�Don�t you remember anything, about the opossums and me saving you and�� And I stopped, realizing it was hopeless. He was not Melon any longer, but Toshiya, and a man can only live one life or he�s sure to be driven insane.
�Kyo? Kyo? Where are you?� Toshiya was calling out.
My eyes widened in realization. Toshiya did not remember that Kyo was dead, and that he had in fact killed the man that he loved. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. Toshiya had a confused look on his face by now, and Kaoru and Die wore somber expressions. I decided that it was up to me to be frank with the poor guy.
�Melon or Toshiya, whatever you want me to call you. I�ve something to tell you about Kyo. It�s time to move on.�