Fan Fic
Lifeline
© Stef
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Riiiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiing riiiiiiiiiiiiing
�He�s dead!� my eyes flung open as I flew forward in bed. �Wha..?� my husband Charlie groaned as I thumped him in the chest accidentally whilst searching for where I�d left the cordless phone the night before. Riiiing riiiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiing �Oh he�s dead, he�s dead he�s dead!� I moaned and slid over Charlie�s lifeless body, reaching for the phone which was flashing on his bedside table, �Hello?!� I answered frantically and held the phone to my ear, straddling Charlie�s tired body. �Hello, Mrs Simpson?� �Yes, that�s me!� I answered swiftly and punched Charlie in the arm, trying to wake him up fully so he would be able to console me when the nurse uttered those dreaded words. �It�s about Matt�� A lump rose in my throat, �M-Matt�he�s�he�s�� �He�s asking for you Mrs Simpson, I know it�s late but we really need you down here. We can't control him.� �Oh right, of course. I will be there as soon as I can. Give me ten minutes.� I hung up and stared down at my husband�s annoyed face, �I need to go to�� �Matt. Of course, go find Matt, it�s three o�clock in the fucking morning Stef but please go running off in to the night for another man.� Charlie shoved me off of him and rolled over so that his back was facing me. �Charlie, I have to he�s�� �Dying, yes I know. Just go Stef and don�t make too much noise.� �Charlie�that�s not fair, he�s very ill�� �I said go.� Charlie mumbled calmly in to his pillow. I recognised the tone: cold and unchangeable. He rarely used it but when he did I knew not to argue. �Ok, I will be back�soon, I promise.� I murmured and threw my coat around my bare shoulders, picking up my handbag on the way down the stairs. �Stef wait.� Charlie called and hurried down the stairs after me. I spun around to see him and frowned, why wouldn�t he just let me go? �Make sure you�re back for six, I need a full breakfast. I have a busy day tomorrow.� �Charlie! Matt needs me, I�m going and quite frankly I don�t care what time I get�� I heard it before I could see or even feel it. The sound of Charlie�s slap startled me before the wave of pain struck. �You will be home for six and you will have learnt some manners by then, understood?� I nodded tearfully and scurried out of the door and down the street before he could �apologise� and tell me how much he loved me. I pushed open the light blue wooden door to room 24, floor 6 of High Oak�s rehabilitation centre in London. The watery hazel eyes of Matt Willis stared back at me, his face breaking out in to a weak smile as I shut the door behind myself, �Sorry.� He mumbled apologetically as I perched softly on the end of his immaculately made hospital bed. �That�s okay sweetie, what�s wrong?� I asked and slid my coat from my shoulders, dropping it down on the floor. �What happened to your cheek? It�s all red.� I glanced in the mirror from across the room and cringed, my cheek had swollen up and turned a dark shade of crimson. I wished I could tell Matt the truth, but what good would come of it? I used to tell him everything but if I told him now he would have forgotten by the morning, �Just a little fall, don�t worry about me darling.� �Why are you in your pyjamas?� he quizzed, genuinely unaware of the unearthly hour in which he had had one of his �turns�. �Hun, it�s about half three in the morning.� I explained light heartedly, not wanting to make him feel too guilty. �It hurt.� His eyes grew wider and his lips trembled slightly as he spoke, the latest of his attacks had scared him more than usual. �I know it did sweetie, I know.� I slid up the bed and wrapped my arms around his frail body, only a fraction of the size it had been only half a year ago. �I couldn�t breathe and�and my head was pounding, it felt�it felt�� he mentally searched for a word but couldn�t think of one so just groaned loudly in to my neck, �Bad.� I ran my fingers reassuringly through his hair with one hand and stroked his back gently with my other, �Have you stopped drinking?� Matt nodded proudly and pulled away slightly, to look in to my eyes, �I haven�t had a drink for a week now.� He spoke with such innocence. His tone lively yet with a trace of inner defeat. �What about the drugs?� I asked sternly and traced the outline of his strong jaw with my index finger. �I�� Matt shook his head sadly, �It�s too hard, Stef I can't do it.� �Well until you stop you are going to keep getting these attacks and if you have any more you could d�� I stopped myself quickly; unable to utter the word that so desperately needed to be said. �It�s�I mean I�it�s just not that easy Stef! I can't live without them but when I take them I am in so much pain.� I bowed my head miserably, a feeling of total helplessness rushed over my body and drained me of the will to fight him, what could I do? Thanks to a rock and roll lifestyle at such a young age (and the misuse of alcohol and drugs) my best friend had had a stroke at the age of twenty-five and now suffered from chronic amnesia. Doctors had informed me that it was highly unlikely that his entire memory would ever return and that I was fortunate that he could even remember who I was. �Stef will you lie with me?� Matt whispered and pulled me down on to his still heaving chest. He looked such a state, like a young child who had just thrown a tantrum. Tear stained cheeks, scruffy hair and twisted clothes. I hugged my arms around his warm body and looked up in to his hollow, lifeless eyes. Oh what I would give just to see them sparkling again, to be able to look deep in to his soul, to have his gaze penetrate mine with such a force I would have to look away� But nothing like that happened when I looked in to his eyes now, all I could see was a hazy blur with hidden depths that could never be explored. Not until Matt had the guts to look anyway. When Matt had come round from his coma he barely recognised himself let alone the people around him. His management company had been forced to end his music career for him and the remainder of the band, Busted, had to carry on without him. At the time I had been dating Charlie Simpson but had known Matt my entire life, much to Charlie�s annoyance Matt and I had a very strong friendship that even amnesia couldn�t conquer. On hearing Matt�s breath steady I slid off the bed and picked up my coat, kissing Matt lightly on the forehead before slipping unnoticed out of the room. I arrived home at quarter to six and breathed a sigh of relief that there was no sign of Charlie. I wandered in to the kitchen to start on his breakfast and gasped loudly at the sight that met my eyes. �Sorry.� Charlie whispered sincerely and led me in to the middle of the kitchen where the table was fully laid for the breakfast, which he was in the process of cooking on the stove and in the microwave. I remained silent as he slid a chair down behind me and lightly pushed me in to it, taking the coat from my shoulders as he did. You�d think I�d be used to his �sorry I�� breakfast�s but it�s still hard to take in. I looked down at my wrist to where the scars still lay. Deep red slashes from the time I had accidentally knocked the table whilst he was �concentrating on business�. My eyes travelled downwards to my thighs which were covered in small scratch�s and little �holes� from where I had been stabbed with, pens, pencils, knives, forks, scissors�you name it. �I made your egg sunny side up�I know you don�t like it poached.� Charlie beamed down at me as he slid the freshly cooked egg on to the plate in front of me. �Th-thank�s.� I croaked uneasily and watched as he hurried round the kitchen to find me some orange juice. His strong frame and his rippling muscles shone in the early morning light and his brown hair, which was matted to his head, moved slightly as his head looked around the kitchen for a clean glass. �I will do the washing-up later, I swear.� I promised and groaned inwardly at the state of our recently decorated pale green kitchen. Cutlery, plates and glasses were strewn around all over the place, in the sink, on the surfaces, on top of the microwave, on the table�everywhere that there was once space had been filled by a piece of dirty crockery. �Don�t worry babe, I will do it for ya, just this once, how�s that?� I nodded, knowing full well that his guilt would pass within minutes of me finishing my breakfast and I would end up cleaning a lot more than just the kitchen. �Mummy, why is daddy not at work?� Jesse looked up at me with those big innocent eyes and I felt my stomach churn. �Daddy decided to clean the living room today hun.� I mumbled and poured some milk over his cereals, �Eat up, you need to get to school.� My four-year-old son bore no resemblance to his father. Sure he had brown hair and huge dark eyes but that was where the similarities ended. Jesse had a heart of gold, he would be the one to sit with me in the middle of the night when Matt�s state deteriorated, he was the one who had gone with me to the doctor�s surgery when it was feared that I may have cancer. It was Jesse who helped me with the washing, cleaning and cooking. Jesse Jesse Jesse. Riiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiing �He�s dead!� I cried and flew to the phone, �HELLO?!� �Er�mum, it�s the door!� Jesse sighed and shook his head, �I�ll get it.� He bounded out of the kitchen to answer the door and I just stared down at the receiver in my hand, the cold, droning tone somewhat of a comfort to me. �Mum it�s Cliff�s mum, I�m going, see you after school.� �What?� I hung up and spun my body round the doorway to look at Jesse who was holding the hand of Clifford Miller�s mother. �You�re picking me up today, remember? It�s on the rota.� Jesse blew me a kiss and dragged Mrs Miller out of the door, �Will you take me to see Uncle Matt after school?� I shook my head, �You know daddy won�t let you.� Jesse frowned and ran up to me, signalling for me to crouch down to his height, �It can be our little secret.� He stroked my lips softly with his index finger and trotted off to catch up with Mrs Miller who was now loading Clifford back in to the car. As I watched the Miller�s car pull out of the driveway I found my knees shaking slightly. Jesse was fully aware that Charlie had banned his from seeing Matt. Why would he suddenly choose to disobey his father? Charlie had refused to let Jesse see Matt after Matt had turned up drunk at Jesse�s fourth birthday party two months earlier. He had destroyed the cake and all the balloons before stripping off down to his boxer shorts and singing the national anthem on top of the dining room table. �JESSE!� Matt�s face broke in to a room-brightening grin when he saw Jesse running up behind me. Jesse shrieked happily and flew in to Matt�s awaiting arms, �Uncle Matt!� Matt smiled at me over Jesse�s tiny shoulder. His face said it all, although Matt was never sure of what he had done wrong (due to the fact he had no memory of his behaviour) he missed Jesse greatly and was overjoyed to be seeing him again after what seemed like such a long time. �Uncle Matt when are you gonna get better? I want you to take me to see the Man-U game next week!� Matt looked up in to his eyes and sighed miserably, �I�m trying Jess but it�s not that easy I mean I�� �They have a new kit and everything!� Jesse chirped, oblivious to the pain in Matt�s voice. �I promise you I�ll try harder to get well�� �Mummy�s allowed to take you out for day trips though, isn�t she? That would be grand, we could all�� �Jesse hun, I�m not allowed to do that anymore.� I cut in and lifted my son from Matt�s tired arms. �Why not?� Jesse asked, confused by the sadness that had filled the room. �Daddy said�� �Charlie.� Matt mumbled under his breath. Now Matt had no recollection of all the nights I used to run to him after Charlie had had one of his mood swings, he had no memory of how I used to cry for hours and hours before falling asleep in his strong arms�Matt couldn�t remember why but he loathed Charlie. The mere mention of his name made Matt cringe with hatred towards a man he had never met. But of course he had met Charlie, he just couldn�t remember� �Can�t you talk to daddy?� Jesse begged. �Jesse you know what your father�s like when he�s got his mind set to something.� Jesse nodded dejectedly and slid out of my arms and on to the bed next to Matt who seemed to be deep in thought for the first time in ages. �Does Charlie have brown hair?� Matt asked quietly. I nodded, a smile creeping across my face, �Hey, that�s good, you�re beginning to remember things.� �Mum can I got and get a chocolate from the machine outside?� I handed him some money and he ran out of the room, I looked over to Matt who was concentrating hard on the white wall opposite his bed, �Are you okay?� I murmured, concerned. Matt nodded slowly and bit down on his lip, �I�ve been having these dreams the past few nights�did I know anyone called Jared?� I shook my head silently. �Oh.� Matt shut his eyes tightly, �Jan�Jer� �NO!� He slammed his fists in to the bedside table and his eyes flew open, �God I wish I could remember his name!� �James?� I offered, trying to suppress a giggle. �YES!� Matt grinned broadly, �How did you know? Do I know him? Who is he?� I smiled softly, �James was your best friend in the band�remember the band I told you about�� �Busted.� �Yes that one, James was your best mate.� I explained and threw my arms around his neck, �I�m so happy you�re remembering stuff, it will only be a matter of time before you can come out of�� �No it won't.� Matt interrupted and hung his head, �I can�t leave addicted to the drugs.� I sighed, he was right. He looked so upset I couldn�t help myself, �Tell you what, I�ll take you to see James.� Matt face lit up and he looked up again, �Really? When? Will Charlie..? Oh god, Stef thank you!� �S�okay honey, we can go tomorrow, maybe and never mind about...� I hugged him again and glanced at my watch, �Shit, Matt I have to go home. Charlie will need his dinner cooked soon.� I gave him an apologetic look as we pulled apart just as Jesse came back in to the room. �Guess what Jesse man, your mam�s taking me out!� Jesse cheered and grinned happily at me, then at Matt then back to me again, �WICKED! When? When? When? Oh mummy can I come too, please can I mum, please..?� �Jesse hush for a few minutes, I don�t think it would be a good�� �Sure you can Jess, it wouldn�t be a day trip without ya!� Matt scooped the excited little boy in to his arms and my heart sunk down to my feet. How could I break his heart and tell him that his daddy would rather die than let him see his �uncle� Matt. �Where have you been?� Charlie demanded when Jesse and I arrived home two hours later. �Oh daddy, mummy took me to see�a movie.� Jesse quickly shuffled out of the room, looking down at the floor. Charlie turned to glare at me, �What movie?� he asked calmly. �Ah�you know that new kids one�with the genie and the�monkey�with that talking tree�� I bit my lip and scrambled in to the kitchen. �Oh right of course, the one with the genie, monkey and tree�I saw that last week.� He cried sarcastically and spun me round to face him, �Stef I told you that Matt has to keep away from Jesse.� I nodded, �Yes Charlie but�� �No but�s Stef. If I find out that Jesse has seen Matt again I will�� �You will what?!� I cut in bravely. Charlie�s face leaned in to mine, his eyes boring in to me, �Never you mind what I will do�trust me, it�s best if you just keep Jesse away from that man.� I gulped loudly and managed to escape his grasp, �I�m not letting you bully me in to this Charlie, Matt loves Jesse and Jesse loves�� my sentence was cut short by Charlie�s fist slamming in to my nose. �Don�t you dare chat back to me woman!� Charlie growled and lifted me off the floor, �You will obey me or you will pay. Consider this a preview of what will happen next time.� I felt his arms drop from underneath me and the floor thud down hard in to my back as Charlie fled the room. End of subject� Riiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiing �He�s dead!� I yelped and grabbed at the phone, �Hello?!� �Hello Mrs Simpson this is nurse Radcliff, sorry to disturb you but Matt�s having one of his turns and is ranting on about someone called James?� �Ah yes, he remembered today that his best friend was called James.� I beamed proudly. �Right�okay�so�� �Would you like me to come round?� I offered just as the line went dead. �You will do nothing of the sort.� Charlie whispered in my ear as he took the phone from my hand and placed it softly down in to the cradle. �Charlie it was important, Matt�s ill, I mean he could be�� �Dying, yes I know.� He turned to face me and tutted lightly, �He has you wrapped around that little finger of his.� �Charlie! That�s not fair, I�m looking after him, he has no one else!� �He has his family!� Charlie cried, his hands tightening their grip on my shoulders. �He doesn�t remember them yet! He only knows me and I�m the one he wants when he�s ill, I'm the one he asks them to call and I�m the one who�� �Goes gallivanting off in to the night every time he throws a drunken tantrum!� �NO!� I shrieked and tried in vain to loosen his grip on my shoulders, which were now aching painfully as he shook me firmly. �Stef you can�t keep running to him every time he over doses on drink and drugs or he will never get better! He knows that all he has to do to see you is pick up the bottle or snort some�� �DON�T!� I sobbed and finally managed to struggled free of his grasp, �He�s not like that Charlie, he isn�t!� �Stef as long as you are living under my roof you will obey my rules and I am telling you that you are not to see that man again until he is better. End of discussion.� He shoved past me and up the stairs. �You can�t do that.� I called after him, half hoping he wouldn�t hear. But he did. He spun on his heel and flew towards me; I let out a loud sob and ducked as his fist hurtled towards my face. Charlie�s fist hit the wall with an echoing thud, �Bitch!� he cried and grabbed my fiercely with his free hand, tugging me in to his panting body, �If you refuse to listen to me Stef I will make sure you can�t physically get out of this house to do so.� He growled in to my ear. Tears spilled from my eyes as he slammed me in to the wall, �Understood?� I nodded slowly as his hand weaved through my hair tightly before punching my head in to the wall. Pain ran through my body as my head was repeatedly thrust in to the wall. Not physical pain but emotional pain. My heart ached from the shame of what he was doing to me; I loved him so much. I would do anything for him; didn�t he understand that? Charlie pulled me away from the wall and threw me down on to the floor. He looked down at me and frowned, �You look a fuckin� state!� �Wonder why�� I mumbled. �You never learn! Just keep your god-damned mouth shut!� �Mummy?� Charlie and I turned to see Jesse standing in the doorway, tears streaming down his face. �Jesse honey, I told you that when mummy and daddy are talking you have to stay in your bedroom.� I murmured as he started to move cautiously towards me. �But I needed a drink.� Charlie took Jesse in his arms and carried his to the kitchen, �Lets get you some juice okay, then you can go up to bed and leave your mother and I to talk, okay?� As Charlie�s voice dulled I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I smiled softly when I saw the state of my face. My bottom lip was torn and my nose was bruised, other than that I looked pretty much normal. He hadn�t hurt me properly, just a little. Nothing broken and very little bleeding. �Nighty night mummy.� Jesse kissed my cheek lightly and ran up the stairs, not looking back, and slamming his bedroom door behind him. �Oh sweetheart, look at you. I am so sorry.� Charlie wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing lightly in to my shoulder. �Hey don�t worry babe.� I stroked his back reassuringly, he had a temper problem but he was still my husband and I still loved him more than life itself. �I�m so sorry Stef, let me make it up to you.� He took my hand in his and led me up to the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind us. He kissed my lips delicately and pushed me lightly on to the bed. I let him make love to me for the first time in a very long time. We rarely made love as we rarely had sex. And when we did that�s what it was, sex. Not even enjoyable sex either � sex when Charlie felt the need. Some may call it rape, Matt always did, but I called it marriage. Give and take was so important with marriage, just because I wasn�t feeling horny didn�t mean my husband had to go without. The next day I picked Jesse up and dropped him off at the child minders before popping round to see how Matt was feeling �the morning after� so to speak. �Stef!� Matt smiled meekly from the bed. �I�m so sorry I couldn�t make it last night, Charlie�� �Charlie.� Matt nodded understandingly. No more words were needed, he just knew that I had tried but it was beyond my control. �So�how are you feeling this morning?� I asked sympathetically and perched on the windowsill. �Not bad, my head thumps and I�ve puked half my guts out but�not bad at all.� I giggled softly at his blunt matter-of-fact tone. �What happened to your face?� �I fuckin� tripped didn�t I?� I giggled again, this time the sound I created was more forced, �Fell down the stairs, cut my lip and now my nose is swollen.� �Should I get it seen to? Maybe I can call the nurse in? She�s really lovely Stef you�ll�� �No! Don�t be so ridiculous, I'm not dying, I'm not even in that much pain.� �I�d feel better if you get it looked at, it looks pretty nasty�� �Matt please, just stop fussing. I thought we were gonna go see James today.� Matt nodded excitedly and swung his thin legs out of the bed. He seemed to have lost even more weight than the last time I had seen him. �Okay baby, I'm gonna go sign all the forms I need to sign to get you outta here for a few hours, you get dressed in to something more sociable than that awful hospital dress!� Matt nodded again and began peeling the dressing gown from his feeble body. �Wait for me to leave!� I laughed and shut the door behind me. I sighed and slid down the closed door, he was deteriorating drastically and he still hadn�t remembered the one thing that could save me�and possibly him too. The phone in my pocket buzzed and started humming its pathetic tone, �Yallo?� �Stef where are you? It is half seven. I am bloody starving.� My eyes flew to the clock in terror, he was right it was half past seven and I was still at James�s house with Matt. �I�m giving you ten minutes Stef to get home or you are gonna really�� I hung up quickly, cutting off my husband, mid-sentence. �Stef you look really pale.� James observed and stared at my trembling hand that carried my mobile phone. �Yeah I just realised�I left Jess at the child minders, shit I am so forgetful!� I stood up abruptly and threw Matt an apologetic look, �Sweetie do you mind if James takes you back to the hospital?� I turned to James, �That is okay isn�t it?� Both men nodded, �Sure it�s okay Stef, you just get to Jesse and I�m sure Matt and I will be fine.� I looked back to Matt who was, to my surprise, okay with James�s idea. Matt never usually liked being around �strangers� for too long, he must really remember James. �Thank you, both of you.� I grinned and kissed Matt on the lips softly, �I will see you after the weekend okay?� Matt nodded cheerfully and I gave James a quick peck too, �I won�t forget this James, thanks.� I arrived home to find the lights had been turned down to low, Charlie only did this when he was really pissed off with me. �Charlie? J-Jesse? Anyone home?� I asked, knowing full well that Charlie would be home all right, and awake. In fact he was probably watching me as I moved through down the hall and to the living room to turn the light on. �Don�t!� I jumped at Charlie�s strict voice from inside the living room. �Charlie it�s dark, we need a light on.� I protested and reached for the switch again. �I like the dark, it leaves more to the imagination.� Charlie murmured huskily, his voice sounded closer than before. �Um�okay.� �Where were you Stef?� he was much closer this time, I could feel his warm breath against my neck as his words came out in short sharp bursts. �I�was seeing a friend.� �You don�t have any friends Stef.� Charlie reminded me painfully. Of course I had no friends, I had been made to give them all up as soon as I had gotten married. Charlie sighed huskily in to my neck, his hands clamping around my forearms, �You disobeyed me.� �Charlie this isn�t fair! He needs me!� I protested as Charlie pinned me up against the kitchen door. �WELL WHAT ABOUT ME STEF? I NEED YOU TOO!� He slapped my face swiftly, so quick that I didn�t feel the sting until a couple of seconds later, by which time his grip had tightened considerably. �Charlie�Charlie please, don�t�� I sobbed as a fist found my stomach. �I told you not to see that man again, you have no respect for me!� I was flung on to the floor and before I knew it he was towering above me, holding a gun. �Where did you get that from?� I gasped as Charlie twisted the black metal object around in his hands. �I have my contacts�now, listen to me woman�� he pointed the gun down at me, his trigger finger twitched slowly towards the trigger, ��If I find out that you have seen Matt again I will kill you, is that understood?� he spat and knelt over me, pressing the gun firmly against my temple. I nodded slowly, �Y-yes.� Charlie smiled and slipped the gun in to his jacket pocket, �Good.� He shook his head sadly at me before strolling in to the living room to turn the T.V on. The next morning I awoke early and threw some clean clothes in to a suitcase before rushing into Jesse�s room to wake him too. �Mummy what�s going on?� Jesse asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes as I began to dress him. �We�re going to go find uncle Matt.� I whispered secretively, trying to hide my tear stained face from him. �But its time for school.� Jesse mumbled groggily. �No sweetie, it�s Saturday, put some clothes on�hurry.� �Why are you whispering?� he quizzed as I began throwing some of his clothes in to my suitcase. �Because daddy is asleep and I don�t want to wa�Jesse please, shhh�I will tell you everything later.� My words came out quickly as the growing desperation to get out the house before Charlie�s alarm clock went off began to show in my voice. I picked Jesse up, knowing he would be too loud on the stairs, and heaved the suitcase over my other shoulder; it was heavy but the thought of freedom spurred me on. I quietly opened the front door and rushed out to the jeep in the driveway, swinging open the door and putting Jesse in, slamming the door shut behind him. �Stef! What the fuck are you doing?!� Charlie cried from the doorway, his voice bellowing through the street, shattering the early morning silence. �I�m leaving you Charlie, I�m taking Jesse and leaving.� �No you bloody well are not.� He grabbed the case from me and swung the car door open, grabbing Jesse from his car-seat. �Daddy why are you shouting?� �Shut up Jesse and go to your room!� Charlie boomed and threw him indoors. �CHARLIE STOP IT!� I shrieked and followed him inside the house where pulled the gun out of his pocket and swung round to face me, gun pointing at my face. �Jesse go to your room.� He ordered but Jesse wouldn�t go, he stood on the bottom stair and stared in disbelief as Charlie whacked me round the head with the gun. I flew across the hall and in to the living room, stumbling over the rug and landing in front of the sofa. Charlie had followed me in to the room; Jesse was standing in the doorway. �Jess baby, please go up to your room.� I begged as Charlie�s foot found my stomach. Jesse shook his head and shut his eyes tightly as Charlie slammed the gun down against my cheek, �You�ll never leave me, I won�t let you�you�re mine!� I could feel blood trickling down my cheek, �JESSE GO TO YOUR ROOM!� I pleaded, tears streaming down my face. Jesse finally fled the room just as Charlie loaded the gun in front of my face. I let out a loud cry and lunged at him, grabbing the gun from him and throwing him off his balance, causing him to fall to the floor below me. I held the gun out at him, my body shaking uncontrollably, my hand hardly holding the gun for trembling so much. �Oh give me a break, what�s the point Stef? It�s not like you have the guts!� he growled from the floor. I sniffed quietly and looked down at him, he was so angry. His face was bright red, sweat dripped from his forehead and his eyes had clouded over with hatred like they always did when he yelled at me. �You can�t do it Stef, you know why? Because you�re a wimp, a pathetic, stupid, ugly wimp.� His voice made me cringe, sure, his words were bad but it was the sound of his voice that made me feel physically sick. �Face it Stef, you�re stuck with me forever�you and me�forever�� �NO!� I screamed and without a second thought I had pulled the trigger, firing the gun directly at my husbands head. I watched as his body pulsed forward slightly before slumping down on the white carpet, blood trickling from his forehead. A direct hit. �STEF!� Matt ran towards me, a look of complete shock draining across his pale face. I feel in to his arms sobbing, �I killed him Matt I killed him, I killed my husband�� I sunk to my knees and rested my head in my hands, my body shaking, �Wake up Charlie I�m sorry I�m so sorry�please Charlie say something, anything�� �Stef he�s dead.� Matt whispered and took the gun from my shaky hands, rubbing the gun all over with his shaky hands, looking down at it in disbelief. I watched as the police dragged Matt away in to their flashing car. He had taken the blame for everything. He had told the officers that he had shot Charlie. He told them that Charlie had found out about our affair and had threatened to kill him so Matt had beaten him to it� As the police had carried him away Matt had looked over at me and smiled, �I remember.� He whispered and blew me a kiss as the two policemen had led him in to their car. I fell to the floor and hugged my arms around my legs, dropping my head in to my knees and sobbing loudly, my stomach heaving so heavily I had to run to the toilet, thinking I was going to throw up. �Mummy? What�s wrong?� I turned to see Jesse standing cautiously in the doorway to the toilet, holding his teddy rabbit by one ear and scuffling his feet across the floor. �Oh baby mummy�s okay�come here�� I sobbed and pulled him towards me, wrapping my arms around his little body and lifting him on to my lap. �Where did daddy go?� I felt my heart break as I rocked him slowly back and forth. �Mummy, daddy wasn�t very nice was he?� I let out a small sob as my head shook, �No.� I looked in to his big blue eyes and wiped away the tears from his cheeks, �I have something to tell you honey�about your daddy.� �Don�t cry mummy.� Jesse brushed his little fingers against my cheek, presumably wiping away the tears that had been dripping from my eyes. �Your daddy wasn�t the man who lived with us.� I whispered and kissed his forehead lightly, �Your daddy is actually Matt.� Jesse looked up at me, shock rushed over his face as the power of my words registered, �Uncle Matt?� I nodded silently. �I liked him better anyway.� He whispered secretively and clung to me tightly as a fresh batch of tears sprung to my eyes. �You�re gonna get out of here Matt, they�re gonna hear about how awful Charlie was and they�re gonna let you out.� I sobbed and held Matt�s hand tightly. Matt looked quietly around the small grey cell and smiled at me, �Don�t worry Stef. I�ll be okay.� I sighed and slowly looked up to meet his gaze, �Why did you take the rap for me?� He shrugged, �I don�t know�maybe it was seeing you so scared and helpless or maybe it was knowing what a pig he had been to you, it wouldn�t have been fair for you to get punished for that, or maybe it was knowing that I don�t have long left to live anyway, why ruin the rest of your life when mine would be a lot shorter�� his voice trailed off and he scooted closer, ��Or maybe it was the memory�s that have been flooding back to me the past few days�I remember everything Stef, everything!� he smiled cheerfully, momentarily forgetting our whereabouts. �W-what did you actually remember?� �I remembered how much he used to hurt you, the nights you would call me from the bathroom, crying down the phone�I can still hear him banging on the door shouting at you to hang up. I also remembered how I held your hand tightly when you had to have blood tests when you were pregnant�I remembered getting you pregnant.� He laughed slightly and kissed my shaky hand, �I remember the night we first slept together, Charlie had just beaten the shit out of you and you had run round to my house�� ��You wiped away the tears�and the blood.� I smiled tenderly and ran my hand across his pale face. �That night is so firmly imprinted in my mind I'm surprised I could ever forget it.� �I love you Matt.� I sniffled and threw my arms around his neck, �I�m sorry I ever went back to Charlie but when you came round after�I mean you�you couldn�t even remember my name, you just recognised me. It was too hard to keep up our relationship without�and Charlie was�it wasn�t possible Matt I tried, I wanted to I did but I�I mean Jesse�� �Shh�Shhh�� Matt�s soothing voice cut my distorted sentence off sharply, �I love you too.� Riiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing �He�s dead!� I sobbed loudly, snapping out of a deep sleep to roll over in bed and reach for the phone. �Hello?� a deep male voice from next to me picked up the phone, �Yes I�ll tell her, thank you�good night.� I jumped at hearing that familiar voice. �Stef sweetie, that was your mum, she says she can come to the wedding.� Matt snuggled down next to me and kissed my neck softly. �Oh god Matt, I thought�I mean I forgot�� I gave him a watery smile and ran my fingers through his silky soft hair, �When do you have to do that community service?� I asked, changing the subject rapidly as my heart rate returned to normal. �Not until next weekend.� He answered sleepily and gave my neck another lazy kiss. �I�m so pleased the court case is over, I was so scared the jury would find you guilty.� �I know babe but they didn�t did they, now chill out and let me give you a back massage.� He rolled me on to my front and straddled my back, rubbing his hands up and down slowly. �And you can stop yelling �he�s dead� every time the phone rings�you�re beginning to freak me out now.� Matt giggled softly. �Reflex.� I mumbled apologetically. �I could understand if I was still taking the drugs but�never mind, just relax�everything is okay now.� |