Fan Fic
As You Are
Part 15 - Healing
© Stef
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"Chris! Give me a hug!" James, Stef and Ki were at Finchley Airport. They had their first long period off for seven months now and they really needed that holiday. The boy ran towards the little group and grinned. He jumped up at James who caught him and placed him on his shoulders. James was surprised at how big his brother had become. He was so much taller then the last time. "Hey buddy, I think you're becoming a real man! You're almost too heavy for me!" Chris answered, "I know! I'm six years old!" James thought about having a child once again.
Stef looked at him with a grin on her face. "Hey, sweetie! Is it possible that you want to be a father as well? I always see that expression on your face when you play with Chris!" James smiled back and answered, "Let's discuss that later!" Stef still grinned and said, "You'd be a marvellous father for our children." Those words felt so nice coming from Stef. He gave her a loving glance and a kiss on the cheek. Chris said, "James is my brother, no-one's father and I wanna sit on your shoulders, Stef!" Stef took the kid from James's shoulders and James pretended to be hurt and said in a childish tone, "Nobody loves me!" "Stef loves you!" somebody said and as he turned around he saw his little sister. Mel opened her arms and said "Don't I get a big brother hug?" When they hugged, Mel whispered, "I'm so glad to have you back! I haven't seen you for ages and since that phone call I had the worst imaginations about how you might be feeling. But you look brilliant!" James blushed and his sister tickled him. "Hey, still the same old guy!" He smiled and answered. "Yes, I have a wonderful psychologist - Stewart - and I'm really proud that I'm off that stuff now. I just don't know how to explain it to Mum and Dad. They know about the tablets but they don't know the reason. But we don't have to talk about that now. What about your love-life?" Mel sighed, "Don't talk about that! I'm so happy to be single again!" James smiled "That poor guy. He won't ever get a wonderful girl like you again!" James's sister blushed deeply. James's dad was there to welcome him and he said with a smile, "James, we missed you like hell! You can't imagine how hard it is to know that you have problems and not to be able to help! But, hey, you did it!" James smiled back and hugged him. "No, I'm still fighting. But with Stef I have the best partner against it, haven't I?" He'd shouted that in her direction and Stef had grinned happily. "Sure!" They laughed and Kevin shook his head. "You can't see how much you've changed in the last few months! It's incredible! Not only you but also your relationship with Stef! The last time you were here it was totally different. You didn't dare show how much you loved her, but now..." Stef beamed and said "Yes, I've never felt more loved than in the last weeks! We've been such a team!" James answered, "Hey, we've always been a team!" Stef kissed him and said, "Hey, you know how I mean that." Mel looked away. James wasn't hurt. He knew that it wasn't easy for her and she was doing her best. Stef's family was a little late and James could see how happy Stef was when Mary finally arrived. She ran into her arms and they hugged for minutes. James grinned and followed her slowly. Mary looked up and said with a smiling face, "James! You look good again! I've seen a few pictures of your gigs in Tokyo and I was very concerned! Liam said I should show them to your family but I thought it'd be better if I threw them away because... I know that you went through a hard time and I don't know... it just seemed better that way! We all were already concerned enough." James nodded. He'd already seen pictures like that in the press. The whole world knew that he had been addicted and they'd reported about it for several weeks. Now James and Stef and the other lads didn't care anymore. Sometimes James saw Mattie angrily throwing away the newspaper, and he knew that it was an article about them, but after a while it wasn't anything special any more and with the pictures of him when he was full of soothing pills in his mind, he wouldn't dare to take them again and that was the positive aspect of the whole photo story. Ki came over to say goodbye. He hugged James now and frowned. "Stay just as you are, OK? Don't make any stupid mistakes!" James sighed. They were all so concerned that he'd do something stupid. But he knew that they were right. Sure, he felt so much better now, but he hadn't been at home for a while, and didn't know how a meeting with Eric and Dick would affect him. ******** James walked along the seaside and smelt the clean, salty air. He beamed all over his face. He loved his life. Everything was so wonderful, and everyone was treating him normally again. The best thing was that this voice seemed to have disappeared. In Tokyo he'd heard it for the last time and with this therapy, he felt safe. He was really proud that he'd done it. But he was so much prouder of Stef. She was so amazing and caring and had the best voice on earth. When she sang James felt more than shivers down his spine, he almost forgot to breathe. Her eyes were so mysterious that he thought he'd always find something different in them. But what he always found was the love for him. James didn't have to touch Stef to know that it was real love, and he sensed that it would last eternally. When he'd been beaten up and had felt all alone he'd imagined how it would be to feel free and now he knew. This freedom was so overwhelming that he almost had to scream out loud. While he was looking at the shore of the ocean, he let out the highest and loudest scream of his life and laughed from deep down inside. God, how he loved to be him! That happy and successful singer of a boy group with the most sensitive and gorgeous girlfriend a man could wish for. This feeling inside made him run. Run, run, run, it said to him and he felt as if he was a bird. When he realized that he was running directly to the city, to the Carlton Caf�, he beamed even more. "Stef, Stef, let me in, Stef!" James shouted when he knocked on the door. It was almost like it had been in the past, but now he wasn't running away from somebody, but TO somebody. The light went on and a worried looking Stef rushed to the door. When she opened it, she asked, "What's up? Is somebody chasing you?" James grinned and shook his head. "No, I had to see you!" Immediately Stef's expression changed and she smiled. "God, you scared me! Don't do that to me again, OK?" James moved closer and nodded, then he whispered, "Kiss me!" As James sat down on a chair, Stef went to the refrigerator and fetched some Coke. She stood there with her back to James. He was so fascinated by the way she moved, that he was very surprised when Stef turned around and looked at him. "Yes or no?" James smiled, and said, "Sorry! I wasn't listening!" She came over to the table with the two glasses of Coke and took James's left hand. Then she whispered, "God, I'm so happy to have the old James back! No, you're even more gorgeous after all of this - and I can't remember a day with you when you were smiling so much!" Then Stef did something that made James feel as if he could jump to the moon and back because he was so happy: she sang. Just for him. And although he knew the words by heart, they seemed to be written just for them: Everybody Knows "It's never too hard to find the words The words to say to you You make it so easy just to talk The way we talk things through You're never too tired to care Never too busy to just to be there And when I smile, my feelings show So everybody, everybody knows And everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one never doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine Even people in love said I'm a fool For loving you too much But we were the exception to the rule For us it's not enough They used to say we were out of touch Now everybody wants to be like us I'm not afraid to let it show So everybody, everybody knows Everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine Like yours and mine That bridges all divides A love to conquer time When everybody knows Everybody knows this love's for sure There's no searching anymore And no one ever doubts you're mine, I'm yours It's the one thing that's for sure And everyone we know says all the time They wish they had a love like yours and mine." When James was lying in bed that evening he thought about the last months and days and knew that he had become so much stronger because of what he'd gone through. He was sure that he couldn't have made it without the lads by his side, without Stef by his side. Yes, he needed his family, he needed Busted - the lads were his best friends - and more than everything he needed Stef. ********* "Mum, please!" James begged his mum to stay calm. He took her hand and tried his best to calm her down. She was in a rage and he hadn't seen her like that before. His dad, Mel and his mum were sitting at the huge table because James had thought that day would be the right one to tell them everything about two people they thought they knew. He just had told them the facts because it was already hard enough for everyone. His mum, who was sitting on the other side of the table, gave James a look that showed him that she didn't understand why he remained so untouched by his own story. He smiled at her. "Mum, it's over now!" She burst into tears and said, "Oh my God, my baby! How could I overlook it?" James felt uneasy. He hadn't seen his mum crying before, and he didn't know what to do. After a short moment he stood up, walked around the table and took her in his arms. When he looked up again, his dad wasn't there anymore and Mel's face was white. She stared at him and whispered, "That was the thing you were talking about! What you wanted to tell me when I could understand it! And I always thought you liked each other!" James shrugged and said, "Now everybody knows everything. I just have to tell myself that I have the best parents, brothers and sisters a person could wish for and that's all that counts." Mel smiled and added, "And Stef, of course!" James nodded and after a while his mum said, "James, I'm really sorry that I didn't notice anything! I've been far too busy with the older and younger ones... God, what kind of a mother am I?" James looked at her with knitted brows and stroked her hair. "Mum, you are the best! I never felt as if you'd treated me differently. Stop thinking that, OK? I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for people like you. You are the person I love most!" ********* "How could you? Don't ever dare to set one step in our house again! No, I don't want to hear your excuses, I believe in my son's words! Eric, stop it!" James lay in his bed and couldn't sleep because his father was on the phone and shouting very loudly. And he felt a little lost without Stef by his side. She was at home because James had told her that he wanted to handle this. What was she doing at that moment? Was she lying in bed, thinking of him? Was she already asleep? Was she talking to her mum? James realised that he couldn't live a life without her anymore. Now that they had been apart for half a day, he already missed her so much that he wanted to run to the pedestrian precinct, where the caf� was, but he knew that there were days to come where it wouldn't be possible for them to see each other and he had to learn to face such a situation. His dad looked carefully through the door, and when he saw that James was awake, he came in and sat down on the bed. James couldn't remember the last time he'd done that. It had to be about ten years ago. James sat up and looked at him. "Don't be angry with them! They don't deserve to have you even thinking of them!" Kevin looked at his son and said "James, you can't mean what you're saying! They have bullied you and that's still not over for you! You're still fighting and I can see that. And you want me to sit here and to do nothing?" James nodded "Yes, that's what I want! Just ignore them. Act as if they don't even exist. The last time they were here, I made the first step, and now I'm stronger than I've ever been before in my life. Trust me!" His dad nodded "I try my best!" and stood up again. "OK, I'll go back to your mum. She doesn't feel very well." James frowned. "It's because of me, isn't it?" Kevin turned away and answered, "No, James, it's not your fault!" "So why can't you say that when you look at me?" His dad paused. "OK, it's because of you. But it's not your fault! She is just so angry with herself and your cousins and of course she's concerned. Nobody knows what will happen when you see them. And if you're truthful to yourself you will realize that as well." James nodded and mumbled, "Tell her that I love her." His father said "Good Night!" and walked out of his room. ********* James ran to the door when he spotted Stef outside the window. She had a black eye and she was very shocked. When he opened the door, he pulled her nearer and whispered, "God, what have they done to you? How could they beat you up?" The fear came up again and he felt himself starting to shiver. Stef pulled him gently outside and said, "Shhhh, it's OK, James. It's really OK!" They started walking slowly down the road, as it was easier for them to talk outside. Stef hugged him tight again and said "I'll try to explain..." James looked at her anxiously and listened. "I was in the Caf� when I saw Dick in front of our huge window and I felt so angry, that I had to go outside and talk to him. I told him that he was the most repulsive person I'd ever met. Obviously, he didn't like that and said... well...some insults about you. I told him he was wrong and that he should take it back. He laughed and said that we were just two members of a crap band. I just lost control! I slapped him, and he punched me, right in the eye, then walked off! I'm really sorry, James!" James just nodded. His head was spinning because he couldn't imagine somebody hurting his girlfriend so cruelly. She continued "It was my fault. I shouldn't have done that. I think I need help as well. You know, it's not as easy for me as I pretend it is... I remember you saying something about a therapy for couples..." James beamed and asked incredulously "Here in Finchley? We're already the talk of the town!" Stef laughed and answered, "So� it doesn't matter anymore, does it? Mrs Donovan will be glad..." James felt so happy and kissed her gently and passionately. He didn't care that old Mrs. Donovan in her small corner shop was watching them! |