Fan Fic
As You Are
Part 1 - Good Day, James?
© Stef
|
James was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was late in the night but he wasn't in the position to sleep. It wasn't because he was concerned. No, not this time. The feeling he had was one he hadn't felt for a long period and it was even a little strange to him: he was happy! Himself, James Bourne, from Finchley! His heart was beating fast as he thought of the previous day.
Early in the morning his alarm clock had shaken him out of such a nice dream that he'd taken it and slammed it at the door, shouting, "The first good dream for weeks and what are YOU doing? Why can't you just yell all the other nights?" As he had remembered what the dream was about his mood had turned, and he had to smile. Just the memories of it made him feel warm and comfortable. When he closed his eyes, he saw it again in his mind's eye. "James!" His love was shouting, running towards him and opening her arms, "I missed you so much, my love! Please don't ever do it to me again! Don't leave me! Stay with me." Then they kissed passionately and his love whispered, "I love you as you are! With my heart and soul..." As they hugged and held each other tight, James heard a loud sound... And that was his stupid alarm clock. The sound of the appliance thrown at the door had to have been heard by his mate, because 2 minutes later James had heard a knock on his door. Sighing he had stood up and asked who was at the door. "It's me, everything OK?" It was Mattie! James had to smile, because his friend was concerned. Usually there weren't many people around him who really cared. It wasn't their fault, he knew that. It was he - he'd been an actor for almost his whole life. Now that he thought of it he had to admit that he could even fool his best friend. He pretended that he was strong and that all the bullying in school hadn't harmed him. It had - sometimes it still did, but only when times were really bad. He smiled once again as his thoughts drifted away to Stef, his best friend. He often hated himself for not being honest to her, because she was always honest to him. She always had been. No matter what had happened to her, James had always been the first person she would talk to, and he felt proud that Stef trusted him that much. Then he felt even more ashamed that he was too much of a coward to tell her...Tell her what? That he was scared of the dark...to be beaten up again? To lose his friends all at once? To be alone? No, he couldn't tell her. It was too ridiculous to bother her with. He had enough sorrows himself. Again he had to sigh. He told himself, "You're twenty one, old enough to be taking care of yourself. Besides, why are you complaining? You've got everything you always wanted: you're singing in a band - although the music isn't quite your style, you can live with it - you are famous, very successful, your best friend is in the band with you and you have found three wonderful personalities in the other lads. Everything's all right! Believe it!" James took a deep breath. Why did he always push the happy feeling away? Again he'd done it! The strange one had come back once more. He forced himself to think of the day. Perhaps he'd feel fine again soon. Where had he stopped? - Oh yes, Mattie! As James had opened the door, his blonde mate had stood in front of him, with knitted brows. "I heard a crash! Was it you?" James's face had turned red. "Sorry, that was the clock!" Mattie had looked relieved. "Was it too early for Mr 'Wake me for lunch'?" His eyes twinkled. When you saw Matt looking like that you couldn't but grin! James had nodded. "Yeah, always the same! Guess I have to buy a new one!" Matt had grinned, "Which is an opportunity for you to go shopping until your feet hurt, isn't it?" James laughed, "You got it. And I'm pretty sure that Charlie won't miss a chance to spend the money from the last gig for one shirt that looks, 'Aw, so amazing'!" Matt had looked at him with a smile on his face. "You're in a good mood today. Any reason?" He was curious; James's mood had been terrible the weeks before. For 24 days, the voice inside him had been punishing him, telling him he was nothing but a jerk and nobody would love him. He had counted them with the hope that every day would be the last but didn't want to bother Mattie or the other band members - especially Stef, who had been very exhausted the last few weeks. He just hoped this period would be over soon, just as it had been a few times before. And so it was. That was one of the things he was concerned about: the periods with the demon inside his head had become longer. But now that it was better, he felt as if it had been the last time. It had to be! "James?" Matt had asked and James had looked at him. "Oh, yeah� sorry, I was daydreaming. Don't know why I'm so happy today. I slept great, and we'll have the first afternoon off for months...that stuff, you know?" Mattie had nodded and added, "So, I'll let you get dressed now!" With that he had left a smiling James alone. At breakfast his mood had been so fantastic that Stef had smiled at him, and said, "Who are you? And what have you done to my friend with his short temper in the mornings?" James grinned, "Ah, you mean that sweet guy. That handsome one...What was his name? James right? Think I've lost him on my way to you, honey!" Stef laughed. It was the first time for months that he'd called her "honey". When they had been young - about 16 or 17 - they had loved to call each other names like "honey" or "sweetheart", just to see the expression on the faces of the people from Finchley. It was a small city, where tongues were loose, and gossip flowed easily. They used to laugh at how shocked they were. "Have you seen Mrs Donovan's face?" The most daring thing they had ever done was walking into the chemist's, hand in hand, and asking old Mrs. Donovan for a pregnancy test! The look on her face had been so amazingly funny that it was all they could do not to burst out laughing. Imagine becoming a father before marriage in Finchley! Impossible! James didn't even dare to think about the consequences. Although he'd started thinking about it, when he and Stef had fooled them, walking hand-in-hand, fake kissing passionately in the park, pretending very obviously to sneak down alleyways. They had always loved doing things like that. Often when he had thought, "This is the worst thing to do! It's the top!" there had come more incredible suggestions from his blonde-haired friend with her amazing voice. When Stef sang, he always felt goosebumps and sometimes he was so deeply moved that he hardly could go on singing himself. James was so proud of her. "What are you thinking?" Stef had looked at him with a smile. She had had some toast with strawberry jam while James had eaten bacon and scrambled eggs. "Nothing, just remembering our fun back in Finchley -sweetie!" Stef had grinned and reached out for James's left hand, which had been placed next to his plate. "Honey, you're cute!" A thrill had gone through the blond lad and he'd felt even better than before - until Fletch, their manager, had walked towards them. "Hey, you two! Do you want any rumours? Please stop this bullshit. I know it's a joke but all these people here don't!" Stef's mood had been too good. "Fletch, why are you THAT sure that it's a joke? Can't you imagine us being together?" While saying that she had stroked James's arm. The feeling of his dream had come back to James. The warmth. The comfort. His eyes had begun to twinkle and Fletch had looked VERY confused. "What are you trying to tell me, guys?" Stef's eyes twinkled as she laughed. "That you shouldn't believe us too much, mmm, sweetie?" James had looked at Stef and started to laugh. Busted had a very relaxed morning. There was only one photo shoot and they'd been through it faster than expected because everyone had been in good spirits. The photographer had been satisfied. The only thing that had caused a few difficulties had been the fact that he'd also needed romantic ones, with more serious looking faces. Every time he'd been satisfied with the light and the position one of them had burst out laughing and that had spoiled the rest. James had been lying on the floor, his hair messed up and not able to move because he'd been laughing too much. Charlie had helped him up. "Hey, James! Good day for you? I was concerned the last weeks cause you were so strange..." James found an excuse. "Oh, I just needed some sleep! It wasn't easy with all these time zones! My body never has got used to it properly and I wonder if it ever will!" Charlie had smiled "Yeah, I know what you mean! Want to go shopping this afternoon? Matt told me you'd need a new alarm clock - once again!" James grinned, "What does that mean? It's the third one in two years!" "No, you just stopped counting!" Stef interrupted. "I've seen you destroying four! Remember, we shared a flat. You can fool anyone but not your best friend!" James had given in "Okay, okay, you're right! What would the alarm clock industry do without me?" The afternoon with Charlie had been wonderful. They'd taken a lot of money with the intention to spend it all in the shops of Cologne. As they had only had one Top Ten Hit in Germany yet, they weren't recognised too often. Some girls had wanted an autograph or a picture and some even just a short chat and they'd really enjoyed it. James had tried to use his German a bit and said "Guten Tag" ("Good day"). The girls had been impressed and told him that his pronunciation was cute. He'd thanked them in German, "Danke sch�n" and they'd been even more pleased. After the girls had left, Charlie had given him a pat on the shoulder. "Hey, you really impressed them. How was that with the 'Danke'? You have to teach me, it's good to meet sweet girls! Germany is full of those blondes, tall ones with blue eyes!" James had shrugged "Better ask Matt, I never was very good in German! It was too boring for me. But now that I got to know Claudia Schiffer, I think I should have listened better! - And by the way: You don't need it anymore. YOU have all you need. I'm always so jealous at you and Georgina!" Charlie had grinned and drifted away. James tapped on Stef's door. "Anyone in?" Just a second later the door had been opened and Stef had let him in. "Any plans for tonight? I've heard Cologne is a nice town to party!" she'd asked James. He replied, "I thought I'd watch Jay Leno. They have CNBC here. I can't go one step more." Stef had laughed and nodded. "Okay, then I'll stay here as well. Nothing against the lads, but a party without YOU isn't a party! James had laughed too and so they'd spent an evening in Stef's room, watching Jay Leno, drinking Coke and just enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. It was midnight when James finally got up from Stef's bed and went to his room. He hadn't really wanted to go because he'd felt so nice with Stef around, but his mate had been trying hard not to sleep and he knew that Stef really had been exhausted by the flight from New York to Cologne the previous day. Now he was lying on his bed, staring at this ceiling and trying to calm himself down. The day had been so perfect! |