How to know if you’ve been living in Mexico too long…

You know you've been living too long in Mexico when........ 

•	A wedding is at 8:00 pm, you get there at 10:00 pm and nobody has arrived yet. 
•	You will often have lunch and dinner at the same restaurant on the same day... without actually leaving. 
•	You believe a shot of tequila cures everything. 
•	You have more prescription drugs in your toiletry bag than Eckerd (or Boots) does and you don't have an actual prescription for a single one. 
•	You bring along small cans of chilies when travelling to Europe. 
•	Leaving the office at 5:00 pm means working "half day". 
•	Returning to the office after "la comida" on Friday means you're a "pinche criado" 
•	You blame the traffic on the rich. 
•	You blame the crime on the poor. 
•	You blame the PRI for almost everything else. 
•	You blame "los pinches gringos" for whatever's left. 
•	The word "Puente" means five-day weekend. 
•	You enjoy drinking beer with lime, salt, ice and Tabasco sauce and still think it's the Orange Juice in the morning that gives you heartburn. 
•	"Licenciado" is a proper name. 
•	If you order the tacos and your friend orders the enchiladas, you're positive the waiter will get it backwards. 
•	You go "pssssst" to catch a waiter's attention... in New York City. 
•	You refer to "@" as "Arroba" but have no clue what it means. 
•	You use the word "este" as a conversational filter... in English. 
•	You say "Bueno" when answering a telephone... in English. 
•	You say "Mande" when someone calls you... in English. 
•	You keep on addressing good friends as barnyard animals. ("Buey" and "Cabrón" are the animals most often employed).
•	You refer to a salesman as "maestro"... at Saks Fifth Avenue. 
•	You eat tacos, enchiladas, morcilla, moronga, and médula, but believe hamburgers are unhealthy. 
•	When someone tells you "I'll call you", you assume that he won't. 
•	You know "a ver cuando nos vemos" actually means "I really don't care if I don't see you anytime soon".
•	"Tomorrow" means "not right now", "never" or "screw you". 
•	Calling in sick on Monday is proper behaviour. 
•	You keep a 20-dollar bill taped to the back of your driver's license. 
•	If you want 50 people to show up for your party, you invite 150. 
•	You call an 80-year-old waiter "joven". 
•	You call a twenty-year-old waiter "viejo". 
•	You call everyone else "hermano", "mano" or "manito". 
•	But you call your real brother "pendejo". 
•	You never refer to a friend's mother as simply "su madre", but always qualify by saying "su señora madre" or "su querida madre", to avoid a misunderstanding which could get you a "madrazo". 
•	You assume women fall into three categories: virgins, whores or your mother. 
•	You assume your daughters are virgins because they get home before you do at night. 
•	You profess, "como Mexico no hay dos", but secretly wish Mexico City was more like San Antonio. 
•	You think the next "sexenio" will be better.