"This is so embarrassing." ~ Agent Leyla Harrison

This episode is an example of what's wrong with The X-Files.  Its frustrating, infuriating, and it trivializes everything that the show used to stand for and exemplify. Let me give you an example:

Saturday afternoon, "E.B.E." came on in syndication.  I love that episode and even though I've seen it an innumerable amount of times, I still sit and watch it in as much rapt excitement as I did the very first time I saw all those years ago.  Maybe its the presence of Deep Throat, or maybe its the presence of a paranoid, obsessed, and admirable Mulder coupled with an astute, inquisitive, and ultimately skeptical/rational Scully, or maybe its the script-- you know, its actually consistent and coherent (it IS Morgan & Wong, after all).  All of these things make for one hell of a good episode.

Now, let's compare that with "Alone."  In "Alone," we get an idiotic and annoying Mulder coupled with a whiny, hormonal Scully, topped of with our new addition, Doggett, in his saviour-of-the-world, everyone-loves-and-trusts-me form.  Add a laughably cheesy and melodramatic script on top of that, and throw in references to good episodes and what have you got? Something that really pisses me off.

In a way, I feel that this episode trivializes everything that the show used to be.  If a new fan (one who had only seen this season, say) had asked me this morning the significance of the penny-dime or the Queequag name tag or the liver eating mutant or the Apollo 11 key chain or such, I might have burst into tears and ran screaming into the bathroom. I'm not ready to explain the importance of such things (except the penny-dime... that doesn't really count) to someone who doesn't appreciate them. I'm not ready for those things to symbolize how far we've fallen-- because that's what they've done. I couldn't help but think about "Quagmire" or "Sueeze/Tooms" last night and I kept thinking, look at how far we've come! But its in the wrong direction! From "E.B.E." to "Alone..." what would Deep Throat say to "Mulder" and "Scully" if he were still around.

I know what I'd tell them. I'd tell them to get off their asses and get down to investigating some real X-Files, to look and act intelligent, and above all to TRUST NO ONE!!!!!

And that's what pissed me off the most about this one: its official now that Doggett will take over the X-Files, but he doesn't know how to do it. He is so far from where Mulder was in seasons 1-5, its pathetic that we're expected to accept Doggett as Mulder's replacement (and let's face it, thats what 1013 wants). The key chain-' giving thing infuriated me, along with Scully's speech about how it symbolized partnership and such... gag me with a grapefruit spoon...

Aside from all that, the story and plot of this one sucked as well.  At least Spotzy is consistent in his lacklusterness.

Rating: 0 lounge chairs out of 5

Note about the next 2 weeks: Kill me now.