At around, 1 pm, my Dad arrives from the office just to eat in the house and to scold me because I went home late. But as soon as he goes back to the office, I have received a couple of text messages from my friends asking me to go and hang out in their house which I certainly obliged to text back.
By 3 in the afternoon while the sun is still up and scourging, I would go out and hit the road and go where my feet will take me first. Sometimes I would drop by a friend to accompany me in my window shopping or unhesitantly cancel all my appointment just to play mahjong. If there is no drinking session, I would go and fetch my mom in her office and force her to go on shopping. As soon as we arrive home, I would call my friends to come to the house for a drink which turns out to be an exclusive party. My parents never minds what we're doing for they prefer me to stay at home rather than in other people's house.
As morning comes, my mom already knows that my room is full so she prepares a big breakfast for us before she leaves. My room is decorated with my paintings and my biggest headress serves as my centerpiece decoration in my wall. In the far right corner of my room is my photo galleries where my biggest graduation picture is posted while below it is a bunch of photos from my various contests. In the left side of my room stood some of my trophies and CD collections, beside it, is my television and my study table where my books rests. As for me, my room is wide but when my friends sleep over, we are one heck of a sardines in a can, but it's quite enjoyable and fun because we've got one night full of stories, laughter, and even pillow fight. If ever they are in the house, we would go jogging early in the morning. we would hit the road before daylight so as to catch the sunrise in mcarthur park. After our rest, we would certainly hit the seashores and relax in the cool and placid morning water of the sea while watching the great sunrise.
Sometimes my make up artist would text me to prepare my things because we would participate in a pageant. Prepared as always as I am, I would then go and pack my bag and enthusiastically go to his house. We can go as far as Samar and as near as my place just for the pageant. As the night came, we are all prepared to hit the stage and do our craft as flawless as always been. I have no problems smiling and projecting and doing my stuff in front of people wearing a swimsuit with no stockings nor body make up.
Later in the night as we got the titles and awards, we would stroll down the place, enjoy some small quiet talks with the folks and wait for the 1st trip back to town. Not to brag really but I have fully established my name in my city. Name that I have enculcated in the mind of Leyte�os. I am well known in the Gay community as a Beauty Queen, preciously holding my throne since 1999 when I first joined some pageants.
That's where I started to cross dress and to confidently feel that I belong in this Gay world. Taking supplements to enhance my looks and charm and most of all my aura, I continued to struggle and fight. As I change continuously my image to be adorable, I was reaping fruits from my labor and gaining honors and distinctions, municipalities by municipalities, cities by cities and region by region, gaining more than 48 trophies and countless sashes almost all of which were major titles.
As I continue this career, I have also continued gaining friends and making connections. I am the only one who carries this name that's why I am easily recognized. Although it is not easy to be in this kind of world, I still enjoy the applause and cheers of the audience. It is quite fulfilling to hear great appreciations from people you don't know. The way you make them smile and entertain is a very big deal for me because as a self-taught performer, I can basically say that I'm worthy here especially we are being appreciated by our performance. I then say to myself, my dream has come true.
As you can see, back in my childhood years, I dreamt of becoming a Queen waving to the audience while I stride the stage with my glittering gown and with a crown on my head, a scepter and a bouquet in my arms, with myriads of people watching and taking pictures of me, waving and shouting Hail to the Queen. All these has come true, all these I experienced, all these now long gone.
Those were the days before I came here in Manila, the land of dreams to a lot of promdi. A lot of opportunities to all dreamers, conquerors, scavengers, realists, defenders, ideologists, and basically all walks of life. To some, they call it home, others call it an arena, some call it a battle field and few call it a training ground But, I surely calls it home. I remember March of 2004, my mom cried because I will be leaving her, I was even bribed by my Dad just for me to stay but they failed. Even before my flight schedule, I would see my mom crying in my room looking at my pictures. I know its very sad to leave them but I don't want to lose and waste my time for pesky good times. I continuously explained to them that I will try to search for my life in Manila and if everything goes wrong, there is nothing to lose, I can go back home. I don't want to be a pain in the neck anymore. I don't want to be a parasite. Eventhough my life will never be the same again, I'm still hopeful that I will get a nice future if I have a will,and that's basically what I've got, The Will, the Determination and my Dream.
It was not very easy to be living alone in the world of strangers and unfamiliar places of Manila. It was very difficult to deal with people with different upbringings and characters. People with different lifestyles and views. Some are very broad-minded and some are regionalists. But the question is how will we able to cope up with this difference, with this new trends, lifestyles and priorities. You'll never know who to trust to or who you can consider a friend. I cried during my first few days here. I fought and I survived.
Now, Manila has taught me to be insensitive, to be independent and to be self-reliant. It has given me so many insights to learn and to be a survivor in the real world. These values has been inculcated for me to be able to be a person ready for the challenge Manila will be giving me. These were not taught at home but this were the greatest tools that I can use to face the realities of life. Together with the memories and sacrifices I have made in my life back in Tacloban.
Last year, I celebrated my birthday with my friends. Though it was not that grand like the previous year but having them in my special ocassion made me feel satisfied. I truly enjoyed that time for almost everyone was there. We had a lot of beer drinking and food munching to enjoy to. I never had a gift but I had a moment with someone else. It was coincident but it was great. A nice gift per say. Hehehe. There were no silent moments especially that everyone was eagerly talking. There were lots of stories shared, lots of nice jokes that was cracked, lots of spoofs and sexperiences that was told. Everyone was having a good time.
This is the first time that I will be celebrating my birthday away from those people closest to my heart. Too bad that I have to be away from them for the reason that I have to make up with the time of being in the working class.
I do know that these sacrifices that I am making right now will surely pay off but the question is when? When will I be able to tell myself that I have overcome those pain, those sacrifices and those lonely days. When can I say that I am fully free from the boredom of depression and solitarity confinement. When can I smile free of guilt and problems and when will I say that I'm happy and satisfied.
Questions remains to be unanswered, hang loose in my mind. I don't know who's gonna answer this but I do know it will be answered soon. Maybe by the passing of time, by destiny or simply by the choices I make.
Being away from my friends is surely a great sacrifice. For now that I'm alone in this world of strangers, I'm starting from scratch in building my own league of true friends. I don't know if this will be the exact same way that I have back home but I do hope that I can get those who are as gregarious and as jovial like what I have before. I am not trying to compare as to who is the most jovial and as to who is the most gregarious, I just want to be in a company that I was used to.
I used to be in a company of persons with no hang ups in life. Those who enjoy lifes' simple pleasure. Those who have no limitations. Those who are gregarious and as crazy as I am. They are also graduates of lifes' tradegies, joys and pains. Basically, they are also empowered with so much experiences either alone or with the group. Those down-trodden times that they have experienced are worth to give up but they have fought, laughed and survived.
I never had problems with them, I never had any issues either. I never had any misunderstandings with them because everyone is open for clarifications, open for secrets and open for feedbacks. All the time we have so much fun, laughing on shallow jokes or simply hanging around with each others' company.
My friends back home can be considered more than my brothers. My parents consider them as one of their sons' and daughters since I'm an only child. They are always welcome at home and always invited to attend to whatever gatherings we have. Sometimes even if I'm not around in the house, they can always go there to sleep and even just to hang out. I just miss their company. I do hope that our friendship eventhough I'm not around will still continue to flourish. I know that they will find new friends as time goes by and so am I but I do hope that they will still consider me as one of their closest friends, so am I to them.