A Few Cards Short of A Full Deck
A new collectible card game is sweeping the nation: Psych Doc Deck©.
Each Player tries to to create a deck of cards which will cure their patient
while their opponent tries to drive them insane. Players spend hours trying
to select cards which will protect their sanity. During the course of a
game, they must choose from among a wide variety of Doctor, Medication, Lab Test, Therapy, Insurance, Research, Legal, and Support Group cards. This reporter decided to see what's behind this latest craze.
Simon Fried, spokesperson for Doc Masters declared his company's
goals at a press conference on the front steps of Napa State Hospitial:
We hope to sell over 1 billion of our full color, embossed,
limited edition, collectible game cards by the end of the year. At this
point our sales projections indicate we will achieve our goal by Friday,
October 13 (almost smack dab in the middle of Mental Health Awareness Month).
Please don't think our company is trying to capitalize on those poor people
with mental illness. A full 3.5% of our profits will go directly to non-profit
organizations for people who are mentally ill. In fact, each card has a
toll free Suicide Prevention Hotline number printed on the lower right hand
corner in bold red letters for any player who is depressed by the deck they've
been dealt.
This author was impressed by the intensity of the game when he listened in on the Psych Doc Deck© Suicide Prevention Hotline as part of our inside look into the lurid world
of Psych Doc gamers. One of the gamers who we'll call Pat (we chose not
to use the player's real name to protect their privacy and sexual identity)
called late one Monday morning. In a nasal whiny voice Pat lamented:
I was doing real well until Jung slapped a 5150 card on me after I drew a Manic Episode. I looked through all of my Medication cards, but couldn't find any Lithium, Tegretol, Depakote, or even a lousy Haldol card.
In desperation I tried to counter with a Patient's Right's Handbook, but Jung countered with a Confusion so I couldn't play my Patient's Right's Handbook to make the call that would spring me.
Things got worse from there when Jung put down an Initiate Conservatorship with a sneer on his face. I thought I would be okay with my Supportive Family, but Jung countered with a Boot Strap Therapy. It wasn't too long before Jung piled on Razor Blade, OD, and Noose. Before I could even read about the special abilities on the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act, Conservatorship Granted and Institutionalized were slammed down on the table to end the game.
At this point your reporter could no longer handle the emotional
out pouring from Pat and returned home to watch a rerun of Beverly Hills
90210. Please carefully read the warning label on the back of the deck before
letting your child play with Psych Doc Deck©. You wouldn't want them to end up on the wrong end of the Psych Doc Deck© Suicide Prevention Hotline.