States I've Been in and What I Thought of Them:

Alabama: Only saw the southern part.  I was unimpressed.
Arizona: Hot, dry, made my skin flakey.  I went to military schools there a couple times.  I had a roommate who turned into a great friend.  I had another roommate who had the worst smelling feet I've ever encountered.  The EPA should have declared that guy's feet a Super Fund site.
California: I was born there.  It'll always be home.  Great mountains, the beach, the hot, dry central valley. Great looking women.  Ah...
Colorado: Beautiful mountains.  Flat, ugly plains.
Delaware: Had to help my Army roommate move from there.  The state was okay, but the roommate was a real idiot.  He had a really ugly wife and he left empty tuna fish cans in the trash can.
District of Columbia: I was stationed near there when I was in my early 20's.  I had a lot of fun.  I went back about 8 years later, it seemed really dirty.  Maybe Clinton should get out and sweep.
Florida: I was in the northern part which was great.  Wonderful beaches and nice weather.  Let's send all of our old people there.  Let's send Elian back to Cuba though.
Georgia: Another southern state.  Former prisoners established it.  Let's make it a penal colony.
Hawaii: I only saw the airport.  It was nice though.
Idaho: There are some beautiful areas.  Unfortunately, there's a bunch of white supremists and ex-LA cops there.  Is there a connection?
Illinois: One of the mid-western "I" states.  There's no difference between any of them.  Let's make one big state and call it "Illdiwa."  It even sounds Indian-ish.
Indiana: See above.
Iowa: See above.  Oh, noted as the home state of Radar.
Kansas:  3.2 beer.  'Nuf said.
Kentucky: I went to school at Fort Knox there.  Also drove up to Louisville.  They pronounce it "Lou-ul-vull."  What's up with that?  I liked the forests there.  We got to play army in the woods and blow up a lot of pyrotechnics.  Unfortunately, I had to share my shelter half (tent) with a really stinky guy.  Girls, watch out for these guys...there seems to be a lot of them.
Louisiana: I didn't experience Mardi Gras, so I'll withhold my comment until I do.
Maryland: I had a lot of fun there.  The Army put me up in a nice hotel for 3 months and I got to see a lot of the state.  Surprisingly, there's a wide variety of things there for such a small state.  And you don't have to try too hard to get crabs there!
Massachusetts: Boston's a fun city.  I know several people from the state and they're all very nice.  Huh...I'll have to think of something I hate about it.
Minnesota: Thousands of lakes. A lot of woods.  The Mall of America.  I used to go there to get my Super Lotto ticket.  I never won, so I hate the state.
Mississippi: I hate this state because of that stupid song they made us learn in grammar school.  M-I-S-S-I----ah!  Who gives a damn!
Montana: Plains.  Mountains.  No speed limit.  Freemen.
Nevada: Hot and dry.  Legal gambling.  Legal prostitution.  No matter what, you get screwed.
New Mexico: A desert state.  It seemed alright.
North Carolina: North of South Carolina.  I think that's its claim to fame.
North Dakota: Flat.  Blizzards.  Sub-zero for weeks on end.  I was the only idiot who went running throughout winter.  Man, you haven't lived until you freeze your vital extremities (you know what I mean) then experience the thaw in the shower afterwards. I know I'm going to Heaven, because I've already been to Hell.
Ohio: I'm going to lump this one in with the "I" states.  The name could be "Illdiwaio."
Oregon: They hate all out-of-staters.  Plus, you can't pump your own gas there.  I hate them.
Pennsylvania: I think pencils come from there.
South Carolina: It's got red dirt.  It's hot and humid in the summer.  There are incredible lightning storms.  It gets extremely cold in the winter.  I went to basic training there.  I got to experience it from about 4 am until 11 pm for many months.  That's too much time to have to experience any place.
Texas: A very large state.  They want to be their own republic again.  Let's let them.
Utah: I stopped at a gas station and went to the rest room.  Above the dispenser for the ass gaskets, someone had written "Mormon halos."  I thought it was funny.
Virginia: I was stationed there and had a lot of fun.  There's ice storms and high humidity though.  I still don't understand why it doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
Washington: I live here now.  It's rainy, but extremely beautiful when the weather's good.  The traffic is hell.  Let's get a light rail built!
West Virginia: I believe it suffers from a limited gene pool. 
Wyoming: Home of my Mom.  I saw Casper and Yellow Stone.  My brother skidded on his face in Casper.  That was cool.  Yellow Stone was great!  We fed the bears.  They find vegitarians to be tasty.