My Latest Adventure Page

Are you ready for the thrills and chills of my lastest adventure?  Well, hold on to your knickers, because it's a wild and wooley ride!  Ready?  My latest adventure is...

Replacing the toilet seat.

SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE CONCLUSION TO THIS AMAZING TALE OF COURAGE IN THE FACE OF OVERWHELMING ODDS!

  Hey, it is an adventure.  I bought a new toilet seat today, because the current seat is made of wood (ooh, splinters) and it's loose.  I was afraid that a visitor might, during the heat of...uh, well...going, fall off the woobly throne.  That would necessitate a rescue...and a potentially ugly one at that!  And what if he or she was on the plumper side?  The klutz, er, I mean, unfortunate one, may get wedged between the toilet and the sink.  Oh, the humanity!  I don't have the equipment for such a rescue.  Perhaps a block and tackle system.  Man, I don't have that technology!  We'd have to call the fire department and break out the jaws of life.
   Okay, I was gone for a moment.  I'm back now.  The problem I'm having with replacing the toilet seat is that the nuts and bolts holding the old seat are rusted and I can't turn them.  Damn you, seat!  Damn you to hell!  And I don't have the proper tool!  Oh, sorry.  Well, that's pretty much the nuts and bolts of the story.  Tune back for further developments.
   To be continued...

The tale continues...
   I procured a Vise-Grip and pumped myself up for the trial I knew I faced.  With a screwdriver, hammer, WD-40, and my new Vise-Grip-of-Death, I boldly approached the demon-possessed toilet seat.  I applied WD-40 in the shape of a cross while chanting:  "the power of lubricant compels you!"  I then secured the Vise-Grip to the wing nut.  Next, I tried to fit the screwdriver into the bolt.  Damn!  It needed to be a flathead screwdriver!  So I got one.  I fit the screwdriver in place and began to turn.  Applying the force of twenty men, I slowly turned the bolt while holding the wing nut in place.  Begrudgingly, the wing nut yielded and I was able to unscrew the bolt, freeing the left side of the toilet seat.  I looked at it and saw that it was good.  There remained only the one other bolt.  Using the same technique, I attempted to loosen it.  This bolt, however, would not be loosened.  It resisted.  I perspired.  It wouldn't budge.  I cursed.  The wing nut appeared to be fused to the bolt.  I began beating it with the hammer.  Finally, it turned ever so slightly.  Grunting and encouraged, I twisted the screwdriver.  Twisting.  Twisting.  Twisting.  Eventually, I reached the point where the bolt turned freely and the wing nut fell, clattering to the ground.  Striking a manly pose, I admired my handiwork.  I had accomplished what few others could ever do.  Then I put on the new toilet seat and sat on it.  It's nice.