I'll try to type up the story in cheesy composition 101 form for dramatic purposes. This type of story probably won't fit the format for your show but here it goes just for kicks:
As a soft mist punctures the air, the hastily tearing sound of plastic pierces the eardrum. You are completely surrounded
by organic material. It is everywhere. There are so many choices but only one will suffice: a watermelon.
Our story begins in the produce section of a local grocery store. Paul and Scott are partaking in an event that has never
been done before...ever (well at least not in the 21st century). They are going to wear a half of a watermelon on top of
their cranium to a Dave Matthew's concert. Oh the fun they will have. This is only the beginning. Truly, this is only the
beginning. If you haven't noticed, I am only in the second paragraph.
Back to the produce section. Scott and Paul carefully examine each and every possible "Concert Helmet" for the perfect
dimensions. Here is a list of things to consider when purchasing The Watermelon.
1. The circumference of your head....duh.
2. No dirt marks (well, at least not too many. Image is everything)
3. Cost. Make sure the cost of your watermelon is exactly one-sixth of the price of your ticket or less. If it is more, the
porcelain Scooby-Doo piggy bank that you have had from the third grade will have to be sacrificed.
Once the watermelon was purchased by Paul and Scott, they scurried back to the sculpting room: the kitchen. Scott
begins the process by cutting the watermelon in half as Paul contemplates bringing along a third party animal: his parakeet
Roadie. The pacing began. As the pacing continued, Scott scooped out all of the melon so that only the rind is left. Make
sure there is no pink stuff left or it will ruin your hairdo for the evening. The two did not find any good recipes for 5 lbs
of watermelon so they tossed it.
The final step in creating the "Concert Helmet" is to dry out the insides of the watermelon. Possible drying techniques:
hair dryer, clothes dryer, or breathing in to it real hard. If the delicate cycle is not an option try the good ol' sunshine.
They chose sunshine. It's not like it is a depleting resource in Florida.
Our journey-goers pack up their goodies and headed for West Palm. By the way, Paul decides to bring Roadie after a
long hard 43 seconds of rationalizing out the situation.
The arena was in sight when they began to anticipate the mouth-watering taste of a juicy char-grilled cheeseburger. They
made their way into the parking area with all two of the windows open, arms dangling along the door panel, grins from
ear to ear with watermelons on their heads. The response was predictable. Short glances and whispers of ridicule. Oh,
how they wish they had the courage to wear one. They made their way out of the vehicle and headed right for the
compressed meat products.
As one prepared all of the fixings', the other started the grill. Scott suddenly realized that he has forgotten a spatula. But
the new Floridians and former yankees have a notorious idea. (Paul had tried to sell his ice scrapper as a back scratcher
when he ran out of gas just weeks earlier). He jumps into air, which caused drastic shifting of his helmet. While only
being able to see clearly through one eye, Paul exclaims, "We can use your ice scraper. It will be perfect." Scott excitedly
agrees, "Right on!".
Hunger began to close in on our tropical-hat-wearing freaks and they decide to put the burgers on before the coals are
ready. Can we say, "Patience is a virtue". I knew you could. Paul and Scott couldn't. The burgers are complete and they
simultaneously bite into their marvelous piece of ......YUUUUUUUCK! It tasted like lighter fluid. Oh the horror! So
what do our compassionate and sincere gentleman do. They offer a young lady parked next to them a burger. It was
chemistry.
Our two lofty bachelors spend the remaining time before the concert speaking to three young attractive women with
watermelons on their head, eating fluid burgers lined with a delicate plastic coating.
They make their way to the entrance gates. Their "Concert Helmets" played an integral role for distraction as Roadie is hidden under Paul's shirt and waits patiently for the light of day. Yes, Paul has successfully snuck a bird into a Dave Matthew's concert.
Many questioned our two hunks with fruit on their head, "Why the watermelon on your head." Their responses were:
1. Because it keeps your head cool.
2. It provides nutrients for your hair follicles.
3. Because the Chiquita banana lady never did.
4. "Ohhhhh, I do. How did that get there?"
Scott and Paul made their way down the main aisle as others looked on, amazed, just like the day when a person
discovers how to be voluntarily in control of their own farts. As they strolled down the aisle like nothing was out of the
ordinary, a slender but husky man approaches them with a camera, "Hey, can I get a picture of you guys for Dave
Matthew's website?" The watermelon-headers move together without any hesitation and smiled like they just beat the
Legend of Zelda . They did not realize fruit would gain so much attention.
Scott decides to venture to the bathroom before the show starts. As he approached the urinal he ponders over what he
could say to the guys tinkling next to him, "I bet you have never peed next to a guy with a watermelon on his head." But
he doesn't say it. He did not want his evening to end next to a urinal.
While Scott is excreting his bodily fluids Paul is approached by several large security guards. Paul was not intimidated.
He had his explanation about the watermelon's medical use in stimulating the hair follicles to provide nutrients for his
scurvy. Instead all that comes out of his mouth is , "Uhhh, It's my new hat". The Guard responded with, "Sir that bird cannot be in here." Apparently it was the bird that had violated concert stadium codes.
On the way back from aiming at a little pink disk, Scott confronts Paul and is told that he has to put back the parakeet.
Then it happened. Direct contact with a superstar. While Paul brings back the parakeet, Dave Matthew's arrives on stage
to introduce the first band. Dave acknowledges the lone melonhead in the front. Success. Paul knew this was going to be
a night to remember so he brought the tape recorder.
Dave and the crew put on a spectacular performance. Dave was clearly distracted by the melons, and continued to look at them
while he played. All the while, Paul and Scott were listening and jamming to the music, their heads began to ache. The
fluid burgers were kicking in. Some may have tension headaches, others may have a headache from watching too much TV or being out in the sun too much, but a real headache is from eating a burger with toxic chemicals on it. The taste
never leaves and your head pounds like a Sumo wrestler entering the ring. The two realize and giggle that somewhere, in
the midst of the sweaty West Palm Beach crowd, stood the young lady we gave a burger to with the same symptoms.
What humor! The humor didn't stop there. If you would call it humor. Maybe the day after.
Scott and Paul were trying to enjoy the show with the melons on their heads but this woman behind them had to scream like she was about to deliver a 13 lb 5 oz baby every 10 minutes. Even Dave mocked her after each song.
But fortunately the multi functionality of the watermelon kicked in. A simple shift in the melon could block and muffle the
high pitched "this is my first time at a concert" scream.
The songs were fabulous and Scott and Paul couldn't have asked for a better show....when all of a sudden, without
warning, Dave totally alters his final song for....ddddddahh...Scott & Paul. At the end of the song, "What would you
say" Dave re-designs it by saying, "What would you say, this is for the melonheads in the front row this time,
brother!!!!".
No one will ever quite know to what extent how a watermelon on someone's head can alter the streams of time. For Scott & Paul it was just an ordinary Saturday evening.
Story By Scott Hill
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

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