ten_years_agoTEN YEARS AGO
Oh it's been ten years
since I graduated from high school
full of visions of my greatness
with no thoughts of being a fool
What hopes I had in mind
of making the world a better place
with the idea of being kind
in a world full of hate
Oh yes I was full of myself
for I knew I could do anything
but in my deepest heart
I could hear my fear singing
My whole world was changing
no more rigid schedules for me
I was ready to be on my own
but was it really to be
I had a lovely girlfriend
Melody of the red hair
our love I thought would never end
for each of us our love was special
But there were things coming
that I didn't see back then
hopes back then were simple
I thought I could handle anything
Melody soon left my heart
we were too far apart
I loved her so very much
but somehow we lost touch
I fell in love again
on the rebound from that
I prayed that love would remain
but I had lost faith
Too little time
switched to too much time
we really didn't feel love
but struggled with our loneliness
But Dori was special to me
for with her I could be myself
no games or worries what others saw
I was safe in her company
Good things somehow don't last
and soon our time together was passed
what hopes she started in my heart
remained until I was ready for it too part
Ten years ago and I am still single
lonely sometime wishing for a wife
but really happy with Jesus
but somehow I dream of Melody
Ten years a long time
a part of my lifetime
hopes dreams realities
all are fitted inside of a decade
Funny now that I write
of what has happened
so many things in sight
I'm different and the same
I finally found work
a place for my temperament
after years of wasted efforts
in college I am working
Somehow I had a rough ride
and had to swallow my pride
it hurt me deep inside
but I tried not to show it on the outside
I failed in college
the one who could do anything
but I somehow found myself
and got to know me better
My love for music
didn't mean I could sing
like I thought I could
ten years ago
Try as I might
I couldn't sing right
disappointment at another failure
almost drove me to quitting life
But new life filled me up
as God revealed a new talent
that He gave in my life
something He wanted me to do
Spread hope in my poetry
of the glories I see
just in every day settings
it means much to me
Ten years ago I couldn't write
poetry even though I tried
now I can write of anything in sight
and the joys I find in the outside
And most important to me
is I found a purpose in life
it is giving a lift to others
in anyway that I can
One way is through these poems
and the second way is being a fool
a clown to cause others to laugh
and teach just a little bit
A clown and a poet
an artist when I care
what else am I when I let
my life's love flow when I dare
In everything I love God
and His son Jesus
I trusted Him eleven years ago
in ten years my love for Him grew
Ten years ago I graduated
I have been close to death and
even closer to life and love
and I am still alive
I have been battered and beaten
and close friends have died
in my loneliness I cried
and been comforted by God's love
Ten years is a long time
and I know more than I did then
I know more of myself and of life
and I know where I am going when I die
Paul Vernon Deffendall
May 29, 1990
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