Legacy : November 26, 1997
Still waters on the
river I call Time
but the troubles still
are not held at bay
and changes made
hold the keys of life
my life at least as
I struggle for some sense
of equilibrium in this world
knowing I’ll change myself
before the world will change
changes come calling
no matter how I try
to hold things constant
although all changes are
not totally harmful
like a long anticipated
move to a new home
on my own but
not totally independent
it’s been almost two
months since I’ve moved
awakening to the trials
and tribulations of
running a limited budget
managing some semblance
of respectability and a
somewhat amazing ability
just to listen even when
people don’t fell like talking
it’s all very interesting
and a little bit scary
adding pressure to stay
on a job I despise
loose a job, loose an apartment
and there’s no way back
I’m just making enough
to keep my head above water
and doing what I can
to feel some dignity
about my college loans
I’m only able to pay
enough to hold the hounds
of hell at bay
oh well such is life
and such is the price
of being independent
ripples of the past
gently rock my boat
a feeling of renewal
about an old friend
who I tried to help
coming back into my life
no that’s too tame
I loved this girl
this warrior of life
who gifted me with
pleasures and pain
some of which still
burns in a realm
long lost to me
but a return
I don’t know right now
I will love a rekindling
but certain conditions
need to be met
I will not turn
my back on Donna
my special rose
who I love deeply
whose special magic
calms my wondering soul
in a way no other
person have ever done
sweet gentle
whose trust is hard
to reclaim but once
was she faithful
she believes in me
and my ability
she’s my star in the
midst of a bleak night
I hope we have forever
as friends carrying
the special love only two
close friends can carry
I may not know what
will happen to me next
with rumors of a lost
friend a lost lover
stirring on the edge
of my reality more than
she’s done for years
I risked my life for
Patricia going into hiding
because she needed help
and we made love
but in the end she
seemingly betrayed my efforts
but did she have a choice
did she sacrifice herself
to keep me safe
I’ll never know the answer
without another meeting
that will come about
she did give me a
piece of her soul to keep
and left me in possession
of two of her prized
stuffed animals
it’s been hard though
I’ve kept everything
that she ever wrote me
in the end I’ll do nothing
because Patricia needs to
decide her own destiny
I’ll be there if she
needs and wants me
and I will take action
to ready myself for
what the future holds
this story is not
finished or known yet
it has been interesting
to say the least
these changes in my life
at least it hasn’t
been too boring
the decision to move
was well planned out
and I was partially packed
waiting for the proper time
so I was ready when
the opportunity blossomed
to add some excitement
the van broke down
I had to beg and borrow
vehicles to move my stuff
so what else is new
nothing ever goes without
some problems cropping up for me
legacies of life
I know of these
and I will continue
no matter the odds
to reach my goals
and to leave the record
of thoughts and actions
down on paper to be
found one day but by whom
friends come and go
on their own journeys
although I might wish
that some would stay around
things happen and
people drift apart
and together again
part of friendship means
allowing people to
come and go freely
we don’t own them
and life is really
just a blink in
eternity’s eye
what does all of
this private musing
set down mean
I wish I knew
so many questions
are laid before me
and life is one’s journey
to find their answers
and the road they travel
is always filled with
so many surprises
how one reacts to them
shapes the road ahead
shapes their whole life
down the river
of which I call time
Paul Vernon Deffendall
November 26, 1997
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