April, 2001: We are, of course, still waiting. Rumours abound about referral times. They either say things are speeding up in China, or they say things are slowing down. I learned a long time ago not to listen to "My friend's friend's agency's contact in China, who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who works at the CCAA, told me . . . ." and it amazes me how, after being disappointed so many times over referrals coming more quickly and discovering that the rumours are totally untrue, people stubbornly insist on regarding any story floating around as the gospel truth. When they find out the rumours aren't true, they whine and shriek and gnash their teeth, which seems so odd to me. It's not like we're entitled to adopt children from China. I think we need to remember this is a great privilege and as such, we are in no position to rail against the process or the universe in general. I am as impatient as everyone else. I've wanted a daughter for so long; I imagine holding her in my arms and I dream about gazing into her beautiful eyes. I can picture Matthew's dark blond head bent over her dark brown head and see them cuddling together on the rocking chair. Our daughter will be a gift and gifts come in their time-- not ours. Sadly, the forces that are at work in the universe are unaffected by our righteous indignation. Besides, when our children are put in our arms, we will get the little soul intended for each and every one of us. When I'm feeling really desperate, I remember an applicable quotation from a Stephen King book that I am in the process of teaching to my Grade 11 General English class: "It's God's nature to come on in the bottom of the Ninth." ( The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon). There are some situations we don't get to control; we survive by having faith and by believing that, eventually, things will turn out for the best. It's futile to do anything other than accept that calmly and with grace, even though it may be difficult!
May, 2001 - My mother, three sisters and I had our yearly Mother's Day outing to Niagara Falls last Saturday. Mom is 80 years old now, so for the last couple of years, we've brought a wheelchair with us so that she can cruise when we walk around Niagara-on-the-Lake and the gardens at the horticultural centre. We've been doing this for over twenty years and although there have been a couple of occasions when one or even two of us has been sick and missed it, that's happened very infrequently. It's a wonderful day for just "us girls" and we always have such a good time. (My sister Lynne remarked that we used to talk a lot about men on this particular excursion; but now, as we've all all aged, we talk about our health problems!) My mother and sisters also decided I should change my daughter's name. Originally, I had told my mother I wanted to call the baby "Tamsin." I thought it was a beautiful name, just perfect for a little Chinese girl. (I'd had a Chinese friend in high school, whose last name was "Tam.") My friend told me she'd only ever taught one little girl with that name and that she had been a lovely child. Also, I was delighted to discover that "Tamsin" is a Cornish name-- the feminine form of "Thomas." I remember thinking: "Ah hah! a connection! My grandad's-- mother's father's-- name was Thomas!" But, when I'd told my mother all this, she said she didn't like the name. She said everybody would call my daughter "Tammy" and that she didn't like that name either. Shortly afterwards, Rob and I decided upon "Faith" and mom said she thought it was pretty. Well, when my sisters asked (yet again) what I was going to call the baby and I replied "Faith," they said they didn't like it much. (News to me!) Then, out of the blue, my mother said: "I thought you were going to call her that name that means my dad's name. I was honoured when you told me that!" "But you said you didn't like it," I protested. "I didn't say that," she insisted. "I think it's a lovely name." My sisters all agreed and so, Jenna Faith (Chinese Name) McGhie, to be called "Faith," became Tamsin Faith (Chinese Name) McGhie, to be called "Tamsin." (Good thing I still love the name "Tamsin," because I pretty much had my heart set on "Faith.") We ended our day with dinner in the Skylon Tower (beautiful!) and got home around 8:30 p.m. Rob, Matthew and I are going to Niagara Falls again today, to stay overnight. Matthew was very disappointed that he couldn't go with his Nanna and aunties last Saturday (he went to Grandma's with daddy instead) and we pretty much promised him we'd take him this Saturday. It's a lovely day outside, so we'll have a great time.
Yulin called a couple of weeks ago to say that she still expects July referrals for our group. Until she tells me otherwise, that's what I'll assume.
Rob, Matthew and I did have a lovely time at Niagara Falls. We went shopping at the Roots, Nine West and Kodiak outlets and had lunch at the Rain Forest Cafe. Awesome! It really is like being inside a jungle rainforest and the animatronic apes, python, jaguar, elephants and birds were amazing. We agreed though, that we like staying above the main strip, rather than below. If we can go again for a weekend in the summer, we'll stay at the Americana Hotel. (It's close to the outlet shopping mall anyway!) Once again I'm thinking: "Tamsin will be with us this time next year when we come here." Amazing thought.
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