Behind the Scenes of Lord of the Rings

 

(Well today the fellowship is filming a rather interesting scene in Bree involving the putting out of candles with the fingers…not that that is really interesting at all, but you know these things are never really meant to be about anything interesting so here it goes)

 

“Ok guys can we get through this scene without cracking up AGAIN?” Peter asked, stressed by the days proceedings.

Viggo laughed, “It’s Christmas AGAIN!”

The hobbits laughed while everyone else was silent, watching the amazing display of stupidity.  Jean and Steph watched as Jean stood with her new boyfriend the Ringwraith guy.

“Could they possibly get any stupider?” Steph asked.

Jean looked at Steph as if she had asked a stupid question, “Yes!”

Steph rolled her eyes and said, “We were never that stupid were we?”

Jean laughed and said sarcastically, “Yeah right Steph we were completely normal people!”

Jean laughed again and nearly fell over from the new onset of hysterical laughter.  Steph watched and smiled and remembered a couple of choice moments when they had been together and had come up with various comments about snuffing out candles.  Steph laughed at the thought and motioned Viggo to come over.

“Ok you know how you snuff the candles with your fingers?” Steph asked laughing.

Viggo snorted and said, “Yeah what about it?”

Steph began laughing and looked at Jean who laughed louder, “Make sure you do it cause you save me a fortune in breaths!”

Viggo looked at Steph as if she were a martian.

“What?” he asked.

Steph and Jean were laughing so hard at their stupid joke, and blowing their breath out forcefully at nothing.  Everyone watched the scene and shook their heads simultaneously, way beyond the level of scared.

“Whoa this just hit the level of mental hospital.” Elijah said.

“This just hit the level of electro-shock therapy.” Viggo said softly.

Jean and Steph finally stopped and looked around.

“Well we thought it was funny.”
They walked away from the set and turned their attention to the roaring Sauron guy.

“So do you roar for a living?” Jean asked.

Everyone rolled their eyes again.

“Ok guys lets get this show on the road or I will kick all of you people’s girlfriends out with the fans!” Peter exclaimed turning his attention to the scene.

The camera began rolling as Peter screeched “ACTION!” at the top of his lungs.

The scene began to play with Aragorn dragging Frodo into the room in the Inn and beginning to talk to him about his situation.

“I can avoid being see…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!!” Viggo said as he snuffed out the candles with his two fingers.

“Oh my God what now?” Peter asked smacking his head with his hand.

“I FINALLY GET THE JOKE!” Viggo said laughing insanely.

Everyone watched as the third victim fell into the clutches of the bad joke of the day.

“Oh my God I do not get this joke you guys!” Peter shouted, getting highly irritated at being left out of the joke.

“AND YOU NEVER WILL!” Jean, Steph, and Viggo shouted all at the same time.

“Well then I hereby banish you from being here for the rest of the day!  I sentence you to hang out with the groupies!” Peter shouted.

Everyone in the room gasped.

“You can’t do that I am King and besides this is my scene you dumbass!” Viggo shouted.

“I don’t care, I can film YOUR scene tomorrow shit for brains!” he exclaimed back.

“Well your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!” Viggo shouted back.

“Oh my God talk to the hand!” Peter shouted.

The three filed out into the crowd of groupies.

“OH MY GOD ITS ARAGORN!!!!” A group of horny women shouted, “Let’s get his clothes and sell them on EBAY!”

“Oh my God…” Viggo said, his eyes wide with fear, “Everyone to the Corolla!”

Suddenly Amanda and Orlando emerged from the building along with Epp and Billy, Dominic, and Elijah.

“If they can’t be in the studio we won’t be!” They all shouted, and began attacking the groupies.

An all-out war began in the middle of the studio parking lot and everyone was participating either with teeth or some kind of fist.  The battle continued as Andy and the rest of the cast joined in and took the battle to a full out war.  Peter watched and sighed as Steph and Jean beat up a particularly ugly woman trying to hump Viggo’s leg.  The Ringwraith guy was screeching at the top of his lungs and running around and whapping people.  Everyone else was simply fighting tooth and nail for no apparent reason, which gave the war a comedic value…I suppose. J

Peter on the one-hand had two choices: he could stop the battle, or he could allow it to go on.  Considering he needed his actors with all their body parts, he took the megaphone and exclaimed:

“STOPPPPPPPP IT YOU INSIPID FOOOLS!”

Everyone stopped and looked up at Peter.

“Stop fighting you idiots and lets all go back into the studio!”

Everyone started to file back into the studio, including the fans until Peter stopped them and set security on them, a bunch of no neck dudes fresh out of prison.  Everyone walked back inside and sat down on the floor, smiling and happily bleeding in about fifteen different areas.  Steph was tending to her own wounds as Viggo tended to his, and Jean helped dust off her husband’s cloak as he cured the one injury he had sustained by putting a band-aid on his finger.  Everyone glared at him because he hadn’t gotten beat up at all.  Andy was running around screaming “PRECIOUS PRECIOUS THEY TOOK THE PRECIOUS!” while everyone unanimously ignored him.  Amanda stood next to Orlando and were comparing battle wounds along with the other four hobbits.  Peter shook his head and said to them all,

“Let’s just have a lunch break and we will get on with the Bree scene later.”

Everyone rejoiced and headed outside, sticking their tongues out at the now detained fans, and groupies.  Viggo did a butt dance in front of a particularly pissed woman, and then picked up a large traffic cone and caused a scramble inside the circle of psychos.  Everyone ran with glee and filed into their various vehicles, headed out to a lunch in the mountain air.  Viggo however needed to take his car somewhere and get something from a couple of different places so he took Steph, Jean, Epp, and Amanda out on his outing.

“Oh oh where are we going?” Amanda asked excitedly.

“To the mental ward!” Viggo shouted happily.

“YEYYYYY!!!” the whole car sang out.

“Actually I lied we are going in town to terrorize some people and buy some flowers.” Viggo said.

“Oh man….” Amanda said unhappily, “I thought we were gonna go visit a mental ward!”

“Maybe tomorrow.” Viggo said smiling.

“YEYYYYY!” everyone echoed in the car again.

Steph and Jean smiled and thought of their days running around ESU in circles continuously.

“Ah how I would love to go back and visit all the hos in ESU…” Epp said remembering her hoish days in Eastern State University.

“I would just love to visit ESU again!” Steph said excitedly.

“What is ESU?” Viggo asked.

“It’s Eastern State University.” Amanda replied.

“And what exactly is it really?  A mental ward?” he asked.

“More or less.” Steph said.

“It’s a mental ward.” Epp added.

“But its more of a joke.” Jean added.

“It’s a cross country joke.” Steph concluded.

“But it can be applied to all of our insane activity.” Amanda said.

Viggo pulled up into the parking lot.

“Ok you guys don’t hurt anyone while I go inside.” Viggo said hopping out of the car.

Viggo ran inside a bathrobe draped around his costume.

“Oh God not that stupid bathrobe again.” Steph said sighing.

“I think its kind of cute!” Amanda said.

Steph growled and pointed at Viggo, “MINE!”

This started a whole chorus of ‘mine!’ which reiterated throughout the car, followed by a lot of hysterical laughter.  Viggo returned and handed Steph the flowers.

“Are these for me?” Steph asked somewhat flattered.

“No…” Viggo said lighting a cigarette.

Steph glared.

“Well yes…er…no…er YES!” he said exhaling smoke through his nose and smiling.

He then started coughing and smiled as he put the car into reverse.

“Well its back to the studio.” Viggo said sighing.

“AWWWWW!!!!!” Everyone whined simultaneously.

“Yeah I know, but if you want I will drive you by the mental ward!” he shouted excitedly.

“REALLY??” they all asked.

“Really really….” Viggo said smiling, and blew out another breath of smoke.

“I love this man.” Steph said smiling.

Viggo smiled.

“But I don’t love this smoke.” She said and threw the cig out the window.

“HEY! I was happy being addicted to that!” he shouted.

“HAHAH MAYBE YOU NEED TO GO TO THE MENTAL WARD!” Jean shouted, “You are addicted.”

“I am addicted to oranges.” Epp said.

“I am addicted to cheese.” Steph said happily.

“I am addicted to hot boys.” Amand said.

“We are all addicted to hot boys man.” Steph said.

Viggo smiled.

“I am addicted to LORD OF THE RINGS!” Jean shouted.

Everyone cheered together, “We all are!”

“I was addicted to cigarettes until someone took mine away…” Viggo said sadly.

“Shrewd.” Steph replied sarcastically.