E-palling has become a major hobby for me. It slowly developed over time as I gradually became more and more of an e-mail addict. Now I got it real bad. With a website which I consistently point too, I decided I should write an essay on being an e-paller and what all those newbies need to be aware of, both about me and the hobby in general. Much of this goes for snail mail pen pals also! I will first begin by relating e-palling to myself.
My History
Throughout my childhood and teenage years I have always liked storytelling. At one point I was thinking of becoming a writer, but my Preceptor aspect of myself couldn�t get past the point of writing short stories. I chose writing over oral storytelling because of my extreme introverted nature.
When I worked myself up though school and computers were becoming a household item, my father eventually brought a computer. However we didn�t get internet access till much later after enough polite fits from me. Eventually he agreed and I, for the first time, started enjoying the World Wide Web. My addiction to e-mail didn�t develop till later.
After a while, when my craze for the World Wide Web started subsiding, I became more open to using e-mail. I still didn�t use it often enough till I begin earning my AAS degree in programming at Robert Morris College. There you had to use e-mail like crazy and that is when my addiction started.
Later I left RMC because they didn�t have a bachelor program I liked until a year later. So I started job hunting with my Associates� and begin missing receiving e-mails. That is when I begin hunting around for an e-pal. I started at my �Survival Job�. I briefly had one with one co-worker, but we were both new at e-palling we usually tease each other for our bad behavior. I complained once she was using it as a chat program, overloading my mailbox with a two sentence e-mail every minute. Later she complained about my nagging due to her not e-mailing enough. We both learn the hard way but we learned several viable lessons.
She left when her expecting date with motherhood drew closer and I begin to miss those e-mails again. Shortly after this is when I returned to RMC for my bachelors. This was also when I first seriously considering wither or not to develop a relationship and HOW to do it. If your curious, read my essay �On Love and Relationships� from my website. Suffice it to say, I ended up asking several women for an e-palship during this time. Yes, I was also open to having a male e-pal! But in the long run, it didn�t happen.
So on the fourth quarter, the start of my senior year and the quarter my brand new website is on line, I went looking internationally. Strangely enough, one of the first persons I contacted, a Canadian, ended up being a fairly good e-pal. This person likes to comment on what I say but didn�t add too much to our conservations. Our e-mails got shorter and shorter. Eventually she said she was going on a two week vacation. She has yet to contact me. I learn some more lessons the hard way (and I hate learning the hard way!) and went on another craze searching for e-pals again. This time I created a template, hunted for as many sites as possible, and went nuts sending e-mail.
I contacted many South Koreans because I was interested in doing a paper on their country. Many didn�t contact me and those who did stopped. I think it is because of their lack of experience with English. One e-mail I received complains that to type a letter in English takes too long for him. I was also still looking for a woman just to be friends with and thankfully found one Russian also wanting a male friend who won�t pursue her for relationship purposes. We are still e-palling, but then again, as of me typing this (mid-September, 2002), she is my ONLY e-pal!
I also ended up enjoying reading the variety of reasons people are searching for pen pals. Usually it comes down to friendship and culture exchange; it is the specifics that are interesting. I once saw several Brazilians post one after another for an English class. I also read posts where people from the United States wanted to culture exchange for an Anthropology class. I read one post from Switzerland from someone who said �I like to collect sand.� Many friendship posts do so because they are away from home, friendless, and want to use pen pal sites to find a friend. Or perhaps they are looking for someone in particular. I have contacted several 17 and 18 year olds looking for someone in their mid twenties to talk about what they are about to experience in their 20s. Another post had someone that sounded outgoing and adventurous. According to her post, she said her reason to look for a pen pal, something she never done before, was because she just broke her back.
Me? I am looking for three main things. First, since I became engrossed with South Korea, I am still looking for an e-pal there. I am not however searching as hard as I have been. Second, I grew a liking for culture exchange, so I am still contacting anyone looking for that as long as there English is understandable for me. Third, I am also looking for someone for friendship purposes here in the United States. This is actually hard because many want international friends.
The Joys
There is quite a bit to enjoy from pen palling, both e-mail and snail mail. Through culture exchange, you can learn a lot from cultures you might not even learn about. Doing this for a class assignment is certainly a good idea. Sure, you can also go to Usenet soc.culture.* newsgroups , but I actually like to get it from someone I come to know and get cultural perspective from them.
Learning things new may not just be cultural. People have different interests and, who knows, you might develop a few new ones thanks your pen pal. There is also those who want to know more about a certain subject and want to talk to someone for such information.
Even if your primarily e-pals, if you develop enough trust in a good e-pal, you may want to exchange gifts like a snail-pal does. If there is one thing I don�t like about e-palling, it is this. There is nothing like touching something that you may never have received if it wasn�t for a friend from oversees.
A good aspect from pen palling is cooperation, which is true with any good friendship. Your pen pal may know other things or have access to other resources which can help you out with something. This could be related to culture exchange or a similar interest.
Finally, there is just that good feeling you get when you see a letter in your mailbox showing that someone took the time to write a message for you to read that isn�t like all that spam clogging your mailbox.
The Pains
Despite the enjoyment I get from e-palling, there is quite a bit of aggravation that accompanies it. Perhaps the most important of which is the �romance� problem. Do not, under any circumstances, look for a relationship through a pen pal site. Just don�t. Try a dating service, but not Interpals.net. I am tired of reading posts where people are SCREAMING WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY that they are receiving marriage proposals from some obscure nation.
This also goes for unwanted help. Don�t ask for money or visas. Any decent person will either get mad or just laugh at your stupidity and delete it as the spam that it is.
After the initial meeting, there are other pains. One frequent complaint I read on posts is when someone is aggravated with people who stop e-mailing after the second to fourth e-mail. As a rule of thumb, when both people exchange two e-mails, they become e-pals. For the first letter each it is okay to not respond; you are still getting to know the other person. After the second you should treat the other person with more respect.
But what if you decide to stop e-mailing? If the e-palship is still young, just say that you took the time to get to know him or her and he/she isn�t exactly what you were looking for. Or if it is because of some personal problem on your side, just state it and say if you want to continue the e-palship later. But don�t say nothing and leave your e-pal hanging.
Another problem is when the other person is hanging. It is aggravating when the other person doesn�t know what is going on with his e-pal. If it is due to an emergency, it is a good idea to find some time to quickly e-mail something like this: �I am having a (personal problem/emergency/whatever) and won�t be able to contact you for some time.� That way the person will know your still there and will patiently wait for the emergency to subside.
Suggestions for Newbies
Pen palling as a hobby online begins with all of those pen pal sites. What makes a good pen pal site includes the following:
Of all the sites I have been on (ten to twenty!), I like Interpals.net the most. My only complaint is the lack of an informal page, as for as I can tell. However it is good to have several sites to log on too to increase the available pool of potential e-pals.
After picking a site or sites, you can do one of three things: create a post (recommended if your looking for something specific), read posts (recommended if your just looking for general friendship or culture exchange), or both. A good post will have the following:
One problem is not saying enough (no interest) or too much (turn readers off). A good first letter for someone reading a post should do the following:
After that, the poster needs to send a letter if interested; you don�t have to respond. Be sure to say what you like about the potential e-pal, what you don�t understand, and any corrections if he misinterpreted something. By now, both had sent one e-mail each. The reader then sends a response letter if he DOES want an e-palship and does it like a typical e-mail. Otherwise, he can ignore it. The poster then likewise decides if he wants an e-palship and if so sends another one. If so, the e-palship has started. The only exception to this 2 letter rule is if there is some confusion on a certain important thing. If so, be sure to state that you are not sure yet about being an e-pal till this issue is resolved.
There is one other thing that is worth warning about once the e-palship has started: religion, politics, and sex. If you want to bring these subjects up, be very careful. The first two is alright for culture exchange, but do so for an educational reason. If you want to exchange opinions, be tolerant of the other�s beliefs. The only legitimate reason to bring sex up is if one knows something important the other wants to know. If your e-pal is your opposite sex, not in a relationship, and not discussing sex in an educational format, you are taking an enormous risk. At the very least, ask permission and respect the other�s decision.
What Make a Good Pen Pal
Obviously, the most important thing is to enjoy writing/typing letters. If you don�t, there is no point! Finding quality time is also a big help. My experience with other e-pals shows that Sunday seems popular. However it is common for many of us to stay up till midnight typing away and chewing our selves out because of it. I once sent a 6-page e-mail to my Russian and the following morning I was shocked how horrible the last couple of pages were. I sent it between 12:20 and 12:30 A.M.
To like reading is the runner up. Besides, one can get more enjoyment from a longer letter than a short one because there is more in it. I like to print out my most favorite e-mails and read it when I am bored.
Be sure to include new and fresh material. This is to keep the conservation moving. Don�t make the mistake of saying too much too soon. The problem with that Canadian e-pal I mentioned earlier is that she wasn�t contributing anything fresh. She was just commenting on what I was bringing up.
If you do develop a great pen palship with someone, do something different! If you�re an e-pal, send something through snail mail, like a package of souvenirs. Be creative.
Finally, be tolerant. This goes back to the warning about politics and religion I mentioned before. Don�t e-mail someone from Asia if you hate Asians. If you want someone from a particular political affiliation, faith, or culture, contact those types of people only or make a post.
Brian Ogan
www.geocities.com/patriciointp/
Because international culture exchange is so much into the hobby of e-palling, here is a few links that might benefit international e-palships.
http://www.worldtimeserver.com/: The World Time Server allows you to view the time zone as it relates to the UTC (Universal Time Clock). Find your time zone and your e-pal time zone to determine how many hours apart you are. For example, Illinois is -0500 UTC during daylight savings time. South Korea is +0900 UTC Standard Time. So they are 14 hours ahead of me during daylight savings time.
http://babelfish.altavista.com/: This webpage can translate certain languages to other ones. It does this through an input box or you can input an URL and translate an entire webpage. It is not perfect, but it is better than nothing.
http://www.xe.com/ucc/:
For those who are curious or looking into cost of living, this site will convert one currency to another. For example, as of typing this one U.S. dollar (USD) is 31.66 Russian Rubles (RUR).