| Twelve Days of Christmas on Babylon 5
This was written by Inquisitor On the nth day of Christmas, my Satai gave to me: A great machine on Epsilon 3. 2 Cryptic Vorlons 3 White Stars 4 Scanning Teeps 5 Seasons PLEASE!!! 6 Centauri.......uh................gods. 7 Rangers ranging 8 Lurkers lurking 9 Narns a fighting 10 Jumpgates jumping 11 Keepers keeping 12 Minbari rituals Londo Posted by Inquisitor on April 24, 1998 at 10:18:28: Disclaimer: Author not responsible for any nightmares this may cause. You have been warned. Centauri Prime. Londo Mollari awakes to see two blurry figures standing above him. Londo: "Great Maker! What is going on here?! G'kar! Guards!" Drakh 1: "It's time to put our plans for you into action." Punches him, knocking him out. Drakh 2: "Yes, sleep some more, Londo." Londo wakes to find himself in some unknown underground base. Two Drakh and a familiar figure enter the room. Londo: "Where am I? Mr. Morden! How can this be? I had you killed!" Morden: "Yes, Londo. But Sheridan isn't the only one who can come back from the dead. They cloned me. And soon I'm going to pay you back for what you did. But for now, I'm in their service. However, you Drakh screwed up my eyesight. I can't see any of you clearly." Drakh 1: "There is nothing wrong with your vision. We all appear that way." Drakh 2: "Yes. It makes for some interesting family reunions." Drakh 1: "Enough talk. Now we go." Londo and Morden, accompanied by the two Drakh, travel to an area of the base resembling the Zocalo on Babylon 5, stopping at a small building. Outside, a sign reads: Drakh in the Box. Keepers installed while U wait. They proceed inside, where they meet a Drakh shopkeeper. Drakh 1: "We require a keeper to be installed on our friend here immediately!" Shopkeeper: "I'm sorry but we're out of new keepers. Try again tomorrow." Drakh 2: "But we need one now! How about a used keeper?" Shopkeeper: "We have one in stock, but it's a bit defective." Drakh 1: "Defective? Well it will have to do." Shopkeeper: "Well it doesn't have an eye." Morden: "Doesn't the eye compose much of its body." Shopkeeper: "Yes, so you should probably wait for a brand new one. We normally have a wide variety of eye colors to choose from, including baby blue, but some Pak'ma'ra broke into our last shipment. Thought they were dead body parts." Drakh 2: "No! This will not do. We need a keeper and we need it now!" Drakh 1: "Relax. I've got it covered. Go get the boss and tell him to bring the other package." The 2nd Drakh leaves. After a few minutes, he returns with another Drakh, pushing an unconscious G'kar, in a motorized chair. Drakh 1: "Prepare the keeper for installation." Shopkeeper: "But how do you expect a blind keeper to function?" Leader of the Drakh: "You will take the artificial eye from this Narn and transplant it in the keeper." Shopkeeper: "Well, that could work, but you don't understand, this keeper is cursed. Someone came in here last week with it, threw it on the floor, and tried to stomp it to death. When that failed, he plucked out its eye, yelled 'get rid of this cursed thing!' and ran out." Drakh 1: "Do you think you could pick him out of a lineup?" Shopkeeper: "Are you kidding?!!" Leader of the Drakh: "Never mind. Just install it. Now!" Londo: "NO!!! You can't do this--" Leader of the Drakh: "and sedate him!" The 2nd Drakh pulls out a syringe and in moments Londo is once again asleep. Shopkeeper: "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you. Our warranty won't apply and the eye transplant will cost extra. You want eye drops with that?" Leader of the Drakh: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Morden: "This happens on my world, too." Leader of the Drakh: "Enough! Just do it!" After about twenty minutes, the operation is completed, and Londo begins to regain consciousness. Suddenly the keeper's eye opens, revealing its newly implanted eyeball. An eerie voice sings out. Keeper: "I love you. You love me. We were truly meant to be. Now were linked together forever yes its true. Now won't you do my bidding too?" Londo: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leader of the Drakh: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Drakh Leader quickly runs out of the building. Drakh 1: "And they call him the Leader of the Drakh?!" Morden: "I seem to recall a tale about an Earth being named Barney who walked into a room full of green Drazi armed with clubs, who beat him into starstuff. His soul must have been reborn into this keeper. Goodbye, Londo. I have no need to take revenge on you now. After all, how could I top this?" Keeper: "Now Londo, let's destroy the Alliance...and then we can be friends!" Londo: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shopkeeper: "I'm outta here!" Overheard at the Centauri Palace later that night. Centauri Guard 1: "Have you heard about what's going on with the Emperor?" Centauri Guard 2: "I heard that he was seen running around the courtyard yelling 'My keeper is Barney! My keeper is Barney!'" Centauri Guard 1: "With every passing day, I think more and more that maybe Cartagia wasn't so bad after all." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ oAiii!!! Spork squad, I beseech thee... G'Kar Junior 18:37:53 4/24/98 (1)
oIt's an Endless, Endless, Endless, Endless War, pt. 2 Vir 13:29:24 4/24/98 (1)
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