First of all, let me clarify - Submit simply means ‘follow the leader’. It does not mean you have to agree with everything. It doesn’t mean you are a doormat. It doesn’t mean that the husband is some kind of a god that you are to serve. It simply means ‘follow his leading’.

The term submit was a military term meaning to come under someone’s command. It meant that everyone knew their place in the chain of command.

Let me also say that what your wants and needs in a relationship is very much like the list of what the wife needs, with a few variations. Given that men and women are vastly different creatures, there will be some natural differences. He will not feel as emotional about many of those needs as the wife will.

But a man needs respect. He needs to feel he is valuable (even irreplaceable) to his woman.

Yes, he needs affection. He may respond to it differently, but he needs it nonetheless.

He needs praise; he needs tenderness (he’s not as tough as he acts); he needs to know you believe in him. (In fact, this may be one of his greatest needs from you.)

He needs for you to listen to him.

He needs communication, although he doesn’t need it the same way you do. He needs his freedom; he needs romance (not just sex); he needs your friendship.

He needs for you to keep yourself together. (He really can’t handle it too well when you go all emotional on him.)

He needs fun, flexibility, dependability.

He needs some mystique. (Keep him guessing.)

He needs your devotion, your time.

Let me throw out some tidbits of advice to the ladies here, and then get to the meat of my message.

Ladies, keep him interested. Pour on the charm. Let him feel that you can’t live without him. He needs that. (Now. Fellas, having said that, let me assure you that you are not the only fish in the sea.)

Keep him guessing. Surprise him from time to time. Let him know there is more to you than meets the eye.

Be the aggressor every once in a while. He may feel that you are just responding to his romantic advances out of obligation. He needs to know that you enjoy him, too.

Just as I tell the men, I say also to the ladies, keep the romance going. Don’t give him a reason, or a chance, to notice other women. Let him know it doesn’t get any better than this. Protect your marriage.

Now, to the main idea of this passage:

God has made male and female different. We have different roles, different make-ups. Our society has confused the roles, but that doesn’t change the way we are made.

Men are still goal oriented conquerors, and women are still sensitive and domestic natured.

Yes, men and women are equal, but they are not the same. They are not constructed the same way - outside or in.

The idea of submission simply refers to position - chain of command. God has put it in a certain order; His order is good; and we have no business tampering with it.

Ladies, let your husband be the leader.

The write of Proverbs says,

To contend means to wrestle for control. Contention always causes problems, because there can only be one leader, and that leader should not have to struggle for the leadership. When we recognize God’s order and work within it, we can live harmoniously.

Don’t contend with your husband for control. When he tries to lead, you try to follow. Make it easy for him. Make it a joy to be your leader.

There are men I know who will never have a chance to be the spiritual leader in their homes, because their wives are too comfortable with the position and have no intention of giving it up. When the wife seizes control of the home, there are always problems.

Many women will way, "But pastor, he won’t lead us." Are you expecting him to? Does he know you expect him to be the leader?

Ladies, don’t be too quick to jump in there. I realize that, if he won’t lead, somebody has to. But do you give him a chance.

I used to caution my son, "Don’t forget to do this; be sure to do that; etc…" He finally said, "Dad, I wish you’d give me a chance to think of these things myself. Give me a little credit." I got the message. He was growing up. He needed to take up the reins himself. I needed to stop jumping in ahead of him and give him a chance.

Your husband probably will not say that to you. You need to give him time to lead. He may not jump in there as quickly as you would like, but be patient. He just may be a blossoming leader ready to take off. Don’t get out there ahead of him.

Tell him, "Honey, you know you are supposed to be the spiritual leader of our home. I would like for you to lead us. I’m going to wait for you to lead."

Who knows? He may think you have no confidence in him, because you can do it so well without him. Let him know that it’s his responsibility to lead. Pray for God to make him the leader he is supposed to be.

When all else fails, pull out the big guns. Force the leadership on him. Start asking his advice on everything you do. Ask him advice in spiritual matters. Ask him what certain Bible verses mean. Ask him what God wants for your family. Ask him some questions he cannot answer, and let him know you are waiting for an answer - that you need an answer from him - and that you’d like for him to find out the answer for you.

I don’t know exactly what it means, but I know that Jesus’ mother forced his hand at the wedding when he turned the water into wine. He said there was nothing he could do, and she pretty much said ‘you have to do something’.

Knowing that you are waiting for him to lead may just push him into it. It’s certainly worth a try. You are the most influential person in his life whether you know it or not.

Now, note that I am not saying that you should follow him into sin, or away from God, or out of church. We should never follow anyone into those things. But when he tries to lead, let him; when he doesn’t lead; expect him to; and when he will not lead, force him to.

It may be the only way you can get your house in order.