By Their Fruits They Are Known

It Is Not Good…
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him

[24] Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Matt. 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

Ephesians 5:22-33

[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. [25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; [26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, [27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. [28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. [29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Let us establish some truths from the beginning -

Marriage is the union of two people - one male and one female. That is the way God designed it. It is two and no more than two. God made the helpmeet from the mans rib, not ribs.
It is male and female - not two people of the same gender. It is obvious that it cannot work that way. The human race will soon disappear if we keep going that way.
Marriage is forever - till death. Divorce is not an option except in the case of adultery - and then it is permissible, not mandatory. If the offending party repents and changes his of her ways, the marriage can be repaired.
What constitutes marriage?

A permanent commitment.

An exclusive emotional and sexual bond.

A partnership - in every area of life.

A legal binding agreement. (Now I realize that God performed the first marriage, but after that there was a recognized commitment and relationship between a man and a woman sanctioned by the surrounding society.

What consummates a marriage? (Def. - Consummate - to make complete; to finish the process.) The sexual union. There is a bond formed through this act that goes beyond just the physical. There is a spiritual connection that takes place. (see 1 Cor. 6:16 "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.") This relationship is the most intimate of all possible human relationships. It is to be an exclusive relationship between two people who are committed to one another for life. (Understand this - you are only supposed to have one sexual partner in your lifetime, unless your spouse dies and you marry another.)
Sex outside of marriage is sinful, cheap, and damaging spiritually, emotionally, and physically. To give yourself to this kind of activity is a great injustice to yourself and your partner.
Sexual activity of any kind between two people of the same gender is an abomination to the Lord. (Lev. 18: 22 "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.")
A common law marriage is not a real marriage. (In many states, it is not recognized.) Let me illustrate: You may attend classes, but if you are not enrolled in the school, you cannot graduate. You can go to work and do your share of the work, but if you are not on the payroll, you won't get paid.

Common law is cheating. It is a non-commitment. In practice you are married, but in reality you are not, because you have not made a recognizable pledge or vow to one another. In essence, you single but living with the benefits of marriage illegally. If you don't have the heart to stand before witnesses and pledge your commitment, I would question your commitment.

And don't tell me that marriage is a man-made institution. God invented marriage. It was his idea. He said it was not good that man should be alone, so he invented marriage. We may have dressed up the ceremony somewhat over the years; and we may have some traditional customs that are not necessarily Biblical, but by and large, the ceremony, whether simple or flamboyant, is still a necessary process.

And yes, God performed the first marriage, but it was legalized through the act of sexual union. So, if you want to use that argument, then you are legally married to everybody you've ever had sexual relations with - and I don't think we want to go there.

On the other hand, a marriage license and common address does not make a marriage. You may have a 'legally recognized marriage', but are you sharing your life with that other person. Are you just 'married', or are you partnered together.

In a marriage, each partner must be committed to the other's highest good. That is, you must be ready to sacrificially help the other attain life's best for them. You must be committed to you spouse's success as a person, as a professional, and as a child of God. (By professional, I mean whatever line of work that person is involved in, be it executive, factory worker, or homemaker.)

Your marriage will only be as strong your ability to manage conflict. Anybody can fall in love. But not everybody can stay in love and live together for life.

You will only get out of marriage what you put into it. Now you may have been married for 20 years or more, but are you still pursuing the relationship? You can settle with 'putting up with' each other, or you can pursue the relationship and partnership that makes a real marriage.

The writer of Proverbs counsels -

Ecclesiastes 9

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of thy life of vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all thy days of vanity: for that is thy portion in life, and in thy labor wherein thou laborest under the sun.

Yes, marriage is supposed to be enjoyable - for both parties.

Marriage is not -

A contest or a competition to see

Who is right or wrong most often.

Or who gets the last word in.
Or who takes the blame.
Or who gets their way.
Or who can come up with the best put down on the other.
Or who can out insult the other.
Or who can lay the most guilt on the other.
Or who can inflict the greatest wound to the other.
Or who can win the most arguments.
Or even who can be the best spouse.

If any of that describes your relationship, then no matter who is to blame for it, you are being cheated of one of life's greatest blessings.

If that describes your marriage, then you are not living in a marriage but in a prison. And the goal is not to escape but to turn that prison into a sanctuary.

Don't ever think that because you are married to someone you still have their heart. You have to keep winning that. Do whatever you have to do to see to it that you share more than a name and address - share your lives with one another.

And if you're the only one who's trying, then at least somebody is trying. Keep at it.

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