Before your session prepare a "True/False" pop quiz for your students. There should be five statements on the quiz, taken from the five main point headings from the lesson below - indicated in the lesson outline by being bracketed in *asterisks*. Begin by handing out the True/False Quiz, encourage teens to work through these five statements and determine whether each is true of false.

After the teens have a chance to work through the quiz, go over the statements with them.

Lesson Outline:

*God doesn't want you to have sex.*

Actually, this statement is mostly false, although there is a grain of truth. The fact is, God doesn't want you to have sex right now. However, God designed sex for you. Sex isn't bad, dirty or sinful. Sex was part of the perfect design of God.

Read Genesis 2:18-22. God created man and then God noticed that alone, man was incomplete, so God created woman so they could have a loving relationship. Sex was a part of that relationship from the very beginning.

However, God created sex for marriage. The Bible clearly teaches that sex outside marriage is wrong, and later in the lesson we'll talk about some of the consequences that follow a decision to have sex outside marriage. But the fact remains, God designed sex for you - but only for when you are married.

*The primary reason God created sex is for reproduction.*

Really, I'm not sure whether this is true or not, although I suspect it is false. God did create sex for reproduction, but that wasn't the only reason he created it.

Read Genesis 1:27-28. These verses talk about God creating male and female. And after creating male and female he told them to have children and govern over the earth. Like I said, God created sex for having children.

Read Genesis 2:23-24. These verses talk about God's design for marriage. God created men and women for this special relationship between husband and wife - and part of that relationship is the special union that exists between them. Sex is part of that union. It creates a bond between husband and wife, making them one flesh. Not only did God create sex for reproduction, but also for union.

Read Proverbs 5:18-19. These verses talk about the pleasure that a husband and wife find in each other. "Captivated" is the word the author uses. A husband and wife not only find reproduction and union in sex, but pleasure as well - and that is exactly how God intended it.

*God designed sex for people in mature, loving relationships; not for casual encounters.*

Read Proverbs 5:15-20. We already talked about how these verses talk about the pleasure a husband and wife find in sex. But these verses also warn against seeking that pleasure in other people. The author of proverbs says "You don't want other people having sex with your husband or your wife, so don't go having sex with theirs." Clearly, we're not supposed to have sex in casual relationships.

But what the media tells us is that while sex isn't for casual relationships it is for people in mature, loving relationships. The message to teens is "You're too young to have sex, don't do it until you are ready." But "mature" and "loving" aren't the criteria the God gives for appropriate sex - "marriage" is. The truth isn't that you are too young to have sex, but that you are too single to have sex. Sex, as God designed it, is for husband and wife only.

And to be honest, this is where a lot of the True Love Waits curriculum fails. There was a study released in the January 2001 issue of the American Journal of Sociology that found that purity pledges, like the one promoted by TLW, does actually succeed in delaying the onset of sexual activity among teens. However, it doesn't appear that it necessary helps teens wait until they are married, but rather only until they are a little older. It seems like you guys are hearing us say "You're too young for sex." But while that may be true, it isn't God's truth. God's truth is you are too single for sex. It doesn't matter how mature you may be or how "in love" you really are - if you aren't married, sex isn't for you.

*If I have sex, I have to worry about pregnancy and STD's.*

This one is certainly true. A sexually active teenage girl who has unprotected sex has a 90% chance of getting pregnant in the first year. (Alan Guttemacher Institute) Most teen pregnancies will occur in the first three months after a girl loses her virginity. (Mueller, Understanding Today's Youth Culture) Half of all girls will get pregnant before they turn 21. And every 90 seconds a teenage girl becomes a mother in the US. (McDowell and Hostetler, Handbook on Counselling Youth)

Every 20 seconds an American teen gets an STD. That's right, this year alone, about 2.5 million of your peers will get an STD. (CDC) After 1 act of unprotected sex a teenage woman has a 1% chance of getting HIV, a 30% chance of getting genital herpes and a 50% chance of getting gonorrhea.

But while pregnancy and disease are two really big risks associated with sexual activity, there are other consequences as well. Sex changes things.

Sex changes our current relationships.

We talked already about how sex was designed by God to create a union between a husband and a wife. Sex creates a bond between people. Like a piece of duct tape it connects people together. (At this point put a good sized piece of duct tape on your arm.) The problem is, the whole purpose of dating is to find the person you're supposed to bond with, and to find out whether or not that person is really right for you. If you have sex you are creating a strong bond between two people who aren't ready to be united like that yet.

What is more, sex also replaces the real bonding activity that is supposed to take place in dating. Pretty soon sex becomes the center of your activities together and instead of spending time dating, talking, having fun, and exploring one another's personality you are simply strengthening the premature bond. Not only are you doing what you aren't supposed to, but you're also not doing what you are supposed to.

Sex also changes the end of your relationship

Remember the duct tape. Sex is a bond and what happens when a bond is broken. (At this point have someone rip the duct tape off your arm.) It hurts. Now, almost every break-up hurts, but adding the bond of sex to a relationship only makes it more painful when the time to break up comes.

What is more, because it hurts so much to end a relationship that has the bond of sex involved, a lot of times relationships last longer than they are supposed to. Sometimes dating reveals personality traits and characteristics that make it clear that this is not the right person for you to marry. But because the bond of sex is there, the relationship struggles forward. And the longer it lasts the harder it is to end.

And once the relationship is over, the hurt and pain of sex still remains. The guilt over knowing that you've done something you should have remains. The feeling of emptiness now that this partner has left you haunts you. And often the realization that the relationship was more about sex than it was about love leaves people feeling used. One young woman explained it this way. After several sexual relationships with different guys she was left feeling like a urinal on a bathroom wall. Guy after guy had come to her, not really caring for her, and simply used her to relieve themselves. (Mueller)

Sex changes future relationships

First off, as you walk into every future relationship, you will carry the baggage of your past sexual relationships with you. Instead of entering a relationship with a clean slate you go into a relationship with guilt, shame and a feeling of having been used. You don't want you new boyfriend or girlfriend to ever find out. You know you messed up in the past. You know you were used. And this baggage effects your future relationships.

What is more you walk into a relationship with a shorter fuse. (Here I made two large, actually huge, sticks of "dynamite" (Actually just empty red cylinders) and bought some fuse from a local hardware store.) You see, there are a lot of exciting things you can do, other than sex, that really make relationships fun and adventurous. There's the first time you ever went on a double date. There's the first time you ever went out alone. There's the first time you ever held hands. The first time you ever kissed. And on and on and on. There are a lot of things that make the relationship fun and exciting long before you ever get to the place where you decide to have sex. (Light a long length of fuse and see how long it takes to burn. Hint: Water proof fuse burns longer that regular fuse.)

However, every decision you make in a relationship shortens your fuse. And you never really get that fuse back. You can only have on first double date. You can only ever have one first date. You can only ever have one first kiss. Every step you take in terms of physical intimacy shortens that fuse. But as long as you are moving to marriage, you'll probably have enough fuse to make it until your wedding to keep things exciting and satisfying. However, let's say you're dating Sandy. You have a date. (Cut off a length of fuse from the other stick.) You hold hands. (Cut off another length of fuse.) You give her a peck on the lips. (Cut off another length of fuse.) Now, notice how much shorter your fuse is now.

But things don't go as well as you had hoped they would and you and Sandy break up. After a while you start dating Susan. Now, you still have a first date with her. And you still hold hands the first time. But these things just aren't as exciting any more. You've done them all before. The excitement doesn't really start until you get back to where your fuse is. And what's more, because that's where the excitement is you're in a bigger hurry to get there. You progress through the stages of physical intimacy faster and faster. And with each relationship the fuse gets shorter and shorter. And with each new boyfriend or girlfriend, the hurry to get to the fuse gets more and more urgent. And the pressure to have sex gets stronger and stronger.

That's why not having sex isn't the only important thing about physical intimacy in your relationships with others. Every step of the way shortens your fuse. And the longer you keep your fuse the more excitement there will be when you finally find the right person and move toward marriage with him or her. And the longer you keep your fuse, you'll find yourself in less of a hurry to get on to the step of actually having sex.

Guys, gals, remember this now: you never get your fuse back - once it's lit, the excitement fades. Take your time now, or you won't have enough fuse to make it to marriage.

What's more, if you have sex before marriage, once you finally get to marriage the bond of sex will be weaker. Just like our piece of duct tape. The more times I put it on and rip it off, the less sticky it becomes. Eventually it hardly sticks anymore. The premature bond of premarital sex actually weakens the intended bonding of sex inside marriage.

Sex changes your relationship with God.

Sin creates a separation between us and God. And the sin of premarital sex ruins nor only our relationships with other people, but it ruins our relationship with Him. And this is perhaps the worst danger of sex of them all.

*Condoms have a failure rate of 15% when used to prevent pregnancy. But the HIV virus is 500 times smaller than a sperm, so condoms are even less effective in preventing AIDS.*

Actually while the facts in this statement are true - condoms as contraceptives do have a failure rate of about 15% and the HIV virus is actually much much smaller than a sperm cell, it is not true that condoms are less effective in preventing AIDS. When it comes to preventing the transmission of HIV, when used consistently and correctly, condoms have a failure rate of about 13%. Condoms are very effective in preventing STD's. (Alan Guttemacher Institute)

However, you should also know that no condom is 100% effective. How much of a risk of AIDS is enough to make you think twice about having premarital sex?

What is more, teens are not 100% consistent in using condoms. In fact 78% of teens say they used no protection the first time they had sex, and only 46% claim to use it every time.

But what I really want you to notice is perhaps the most destructive results of premarital sex are not physical, but rather emotional, relational and spiritual. Remember sex changes things. It changes our current relationship. It changes the end of our relationship. It changes our future relationships. And it changes our relationship with God.

And catch this now - while condoms may, with varying degrees of effectiveness, protect your body, there is no condom on earth that can protect your heart, your mind or your soul.

Close the session with an invitation for teens to seek a restored relationship with God if there is anything that has separated them from Him.

Lesson by Rev. Bradley Buhro
January 2001; All rights reserved
Permission is granted to reproduce this lesson for use in a local church or school setting.