no pride
'Mom, i'm thinking of tearing out my insides and cutting
them into little bits...'
no joy
'Mom, i lost five pounds this week.'
and the sort of encouragement that makes people climb mountains is given out like sickening candy.
a list
'I ate...a...b...c...d...'
so secrets are shared,
stories are told
and lessons are unlearned.
if an apple a day kept living away...
if fears didn't hide themselves in white coats...
if empty tummies didn't swallow hearts...
what to do when losing grip
what to use as a foothold
old selves make ready to brace every fall
i hate them and i love them all.
and i told my blue eyed bird,
she said move on, said the right words
then pulled all her feathers out...
it was never me she lied about.
and i looked at the walls
they told me not to talk
said here is a way through...
but their liquid was solid silver,
and though i never moved,
it twisted me and broke me
til i turned a reddish blue.
i would waste away if i could
put my hair in a little box,
cut off my hands for good.