JULYARCHIVES

Friday, August 3, 2001
"You Go Girl!"
Okay�I'm not going to let some run-in with a middle-aged man looking for a good time scare me away! I'm here for a reason-to convince Mr. Crane to take Ethan back into the Crane family and that's exactly what I'm going to do! This is probably the single most important thing I've ever done in my life. After all, if I can do this than Ethan will know how much I care about him. He'll know I'd do anything for him and I'll gain his trust back. All right�I don't have a minute to waste. It's time to gather up all of my courage and meet Mr. Crane face to face!

Thursday, August 2, 2001
"Dressed for Success?"
I hope I made the right decision with this dress. It's definitely a little on the�revealing side. I guess it's not that bad though--it's certainly not anything Jennifer Lopez would wear! I know having dinner with Mr. Crane is not exactly the best way to spend my time (Luis would have a heart attack if he knew!), but I definitely have a good reason. I have to get him to reinstate Ethan into the Crane family. I know I'll be able to do it-like Mama says�once I get something into my mind, nothing can stop me! So, I just have to keep his mind off the dress and on the business at hand�and then everything will be perfect.

Wednesday, August 1, 2001
"Dream a Little Dream"
Once I can convince Mr. Crane to take Ethan back into the Crane family, everything will be perfect�I just know it. He'll believe in me again and know that I would do anything in the world for him. And then, we can finally get married and live happily ever after. Maybe we'll even start a family right away�just like we've dreamed of. I can picture our beautiful baby now-Tara if it's a girl and Jack if it's a boy. Oh God, it would be like something out of a fairy tale. My dream has to come true-it just has to. And the only way to make it happen is to find Mr. Crane in Bermuda...

Tuesday, July 31, 2001
"Bermuda, Here I Come!"
Well, just a few minutes until I board the plane for Bermuda. This sure is different than the last time I was going to that beautiful island. I remember it like it was yesterday. Ethan and I were on the private Crane jet. It was the first time I'd ever taken an airplane before and I was a little nervous. (Okay, a lot)! But Ethan was so sweet and kind and gentle�and he made me feel so safe. I knew that when I was with him, nothing bad could happen. And once we were there, it was the most magical time of my life. Candlelight dinners�dancing under the stars�feeling the warm night air when we explored the island�it was heaven on earth. But this time it's totally different. I'm heading to Bermuda without Ethan. And even though it's the worst feeling in the world�I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm going to earn back Ethan's love-if it's the last thing I do!

Monday, July 30, 2001
"Whitney is a Girl's Best Friend"
I have to think of a place to go. I can't stay out here on the streets forever�but I just can't go back home and face all the terrible things that have happened. And I certainly can't go to Ethan�he probably never wants to see me again. (He definitely doesn't want to marry me-I heard him say that loud and clear). So that leaves only one place to go�Whitney's house. I know when everything else blows up in my life; I can always count on Whitney's love and support. Not to mention Whitney is the most rational, practical person I know-she'll help me decide what I'm going to do next. Of course, not that it really matters-because it's not like I have a future without Ethan. Okay, I've got to sneak into Whitney's room. I don't want anyone else to see me. I'm not ready to face the world...

Friday, July 27, 2001
"Back to the Future"
I wish I had a time machine. I would go back in time to the minute I found Ethan's paternity papers and tell him the truth right away. If I had only done that, none of this would be happening. Ethan and I would have said our vows by now, and we'd be husband and wife. Instead, I've ruined my life and Ethan's life�not to mention the pain I've caused Mrs. Crane and Grace and Sam Bennett. How can I ever show my face again to the people I love? Most of all, how can I ever face Ethan again?

Thursday, July 26, 2001
"Runaway Bride"
I have to get out of here. I have to get away�far away from this horrible pain. But somehow I have a feeling, no matter how far I run, no matter where I go-this hurt will never go away.

Wednesday, July 25, 2001
"Shattered Dreams"
Did I really just hear those words out of Ethan's mouth? Did he really just say he can't marry me? Oh God�it's like my heart has been shattered into a million pieces! What do you do when everything you've ever dreamed of is ripped away from you? How do you go on? I'm not so sure I can�I honestly don't know how I'm going to live without Ethan.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001
"A Simple Prayer"
Please Lord; give me the strength to get through this. I need Your help, now more than ever. Let it be Your way to give me guidance to face my darkest hour. Help me show Ethan he can love me and believe in me again. Please God, hear my prayer.

Monday, July 23, 2001
"Fairy Tales Don't Come True"
This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. How could the most wonderful day of my life turn into the most horrible day imaginable? I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest�I can't even breathe. I know everyone must be thinking terrible things about me since I ran out of the church, but I just couldn't take it. Knowing how Ethan would feel if I told him I knew he wasn't a Crane�I couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes. I had to get out of there. I know I should have told Ethan the truth right away, but I swear on all that is sacred that I only wanted to protect him. I knew how much it would hurt him to lose the Crane name. And now my secret is about to cost me everything-my love, my happiness, Ethan. I thought today would end with my having everything I've ever wanted in the world. But now, I'm going to be left with nothing. Dear God�how will I live without Ethan?

Friday, July 20, 2001
"Kiss Me"
On my wedding day, I can't help but think of the words Ethan and I once sang to each other. When I sang to him, I didn't think it was possible to love him anymore than I did--but today, on our wedding day, I love him a thousand times more. I dedicate these words to Ethan on this special day:
Let me close my eyes
Let me see
Give me hope tonight
Give me me
Touch my heart I cry
and I live
I live alone tonight
I dream

Thursday, July 19, 2001
"Another Top Ten List"
In honor of my wedding day, I hereby present�Ethan and Theresa's Top Ten Greatest Moments! (In no particular order�)
Making love on the beach!
Snowball fight at the Crane cabin
Singing "Kiss Me" to each other
Our first real kiss on the wharf
Ethan's proposal on Christmas Eve
Our first "sort of" date-the Cinderella ballet
Our first "real" date at the boardwalk
Dancing under the stars in Bermuda
Winning "Best Couple" at the charity wedding event (along with Chad and Whitney)
The very first time Ethan told me he loves me

Tuesday, July 17, 2001
"�And I'm Going to Get Married"
I'm at the Church. And that means�it's almost time! In just a little while, I'm going to walk into the church as Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald and walk out as Mrs. Ethan Winthrop. It's almost too incredible to believe�but I know absolutely nothing can go wrong now. Well, except maybe breaking a nail, but that doesn't count! Speaking of, I better go make a few last minute touch-ups before it's time to walk down the aisle!

Monday, July 16, 2001
"Going to the Chapel�"
Wow. I'm actually standing here wearing my wedding dress! Putting the gown on was definitely one of the most magical moments of my life. I will cherish that memory forever�knowing that this is the dress I'll be wearing when I marry the love of my life. One thing's for sure�it's true what they say-a girl never feels as beautiful as when she's wearing her wedding gown! Come to think of it, I should probably stop writing before I get my dress dirty! What a disaster that would be!

Friday, July 13, 2001
"Showered With Gifts"
Wow! I must be the luckiest bride in the world! I thought you were only supposed to get gifts after the wedding�but here I am getting presents before it even starts! Oh my God�the earrings from Ivy are so beautiful. They will look incredible with my gown. I can't wait to put them on. And the mantilla from Tia Cristina and Tio Francisco�every time I look at it, my eyes well with tears. It's means so much to me to have a family heirloom to wear on my wedding day. And speaking of family, I'm so happy my dear Tia and Tio could share this day with me. Only one thing would make today truly perfect-if Papa and Antonio were here. Then, everything would be complete. But you know what? I'm not even going to think like that-only happy thoughts are allowed right now. After all, this is going to be the happiest day of my life!

Thursday, July 12, 2001
"The BIG Day"
Oh my God! It just hit me�I mean really hit me�that today's my wedding day! Today is the day I've dreamed of for my whole entire life! Come to think of it�what am I doing writing in my diary? There's so much to be done-I don't even know where to start!

Wednesday, July 11, 2001
"Heaven on Earth"
Last night with Ethan was the most amazing night of my life. But the funny thing is, I know tonight, our wedding night, will be even more amazing. It seems like from now on, every day and every night is going to be better than the next�just because Ethan and I will be together. Speaking of wonderful days and nights, I absolutely can't wait for our honeymoon. It's hard to imagine�just Ethan and me with no distractions. It will be like we're the only two people in the world. We'll have nothing to focus on but each other and our incredible love. Talk about paradise!

Tuesday, July 10, 2001
"Speechless"
For the first time ever, my diary doesn't seem enough to express what I'm feeling right now. It's like there aren't enough words in the universe. Making love to Ethan was wonderful�but wonderful in a different kind of way than I expected. When you watch TV, it's like the earth stops when two people make love for the first time. But that's not the way it was�it was more quiet, more intimate. Am I even making sense right now? All I know is I've never felt more connected to someone. To me, that was the most special part of making love to Ethan�the connection. It's like now we have a deep, undying bond that can never, ever be broken.

Monday, July 9, 2001
"The Name Game"
Mrs. Ethan Winthrop. Mrs. Theresa Winthrop. Mrs. Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Winthrop. Just thought I'd do a little practicing while Ethan picks up our Chinese food dinner! One thing is for sure-no matter which name I use they all sound great. Actually, they sound perfect!

Friday, July 6, 2001
"When You Wish Upon a Star"
So, I was just flipping through old entries of my diary�and I have a confession to make. If I had a nickel for every time I said I was going to marry Ethan, I would be a very, very rich woman! Okay, okay, I was a broken record�but it came true, didn't it? And speaking of, if I had a nickel for every time Whitney or Mama told me to stop living in a dream world, I'd also be a very, very rich woman! Ha! I showed them, didn't I? I know something we can definitely all agree on�I am living, breathing proof that fairy tales can come true! My fairy tale is Ethan. And tomorrow he will become my Prince Charming�forever.

Thursday, July 5, 2001
"Looks Like We've Made It"
It always amazes me when I think about how far Ethan and I have come in such a short time. One year ago was the prom boat disaster. And I mean disaster in more ways than one! (Let's not even get into the fact that the boat sank and nearly killed all of us! By the way, did they ever even figure out what caused that freaky storm in the first place? Hmmm�) Anyway, that was the night that I finally told Ethan I loved him�and didn't exactly get the response I wanted. He definitely didn't proclaim his undying love for me that evening. What a nightmare! But, I don't ever have to think about that again. Now, Ethan loves me more than anything in the world�and tomorrow we will pledge to love each other till death do us part! (And as long as there are no more prom boat fiascoes, that will definitely be a long time away)!

Wednesday, July 4, 2001
"Put on a Happy Face"
Sheridan and I definitely deserve Academy Awards for tonight's performance! I thought I would die when I saw Ethan's face after I kissed him! He looked as if he was going to call off the wedding on the spot! It's amazing that I managed to keep a straight face. Seriously, that whole situation made me remember how much fun Ethan and I have. I think that's why we fell in love in the first place�because we laugh so much together. I can remember so many times when we've just laughed and laughed�our snowball fight at the cabin, playing games at the arcade, even just washing dishes together! It makes me so happy knowing that this is only the beginning. Starting tomorrow Ethan and I will share a lifetime of laughter together.

Tuesday, July 3, 2001
"Let's Get This Party Started!"
Thank God Sheridan is okay. She really scared me when she fainted before. I mean, the four of us have come way too far�we have to make it down that aisle tomorrow. Although somehow I have a feeling Luis would carry her to the altar if he had to! I have no doubt about it--this wedding is going to happen no matter what! Well, that's enough writing for now�the strippers Kay hired should be here any time. I swear, that girl is too much! But she does have a point�what would a shower/bachelorette party be without strippers?

Monday, July 2, 2001
"Theresa's Secret?"
Every time I turn around another one of my dreams is coming true. Now it's my bridal shower! I remember going to showers when I was younger and wishing that one day I would have my very own shower. Here I am�and it's better than I could have imagined! I swear, I thought Mama was going to faint when she saw some of the sexy lingerie I got! To be honest, I couldn't believe some of it either! One thing's for sure�I can't wait to see the look on Ethan's face when he sees me in these. I wonder which one will be his favorite. I guess I'll just have to try them all on for him and let him make a very informed decision!