AUGUSTARCHIVES

Friday, August 31, 2001

"Love Conquers All"
No! There must be some mistake. The boat with Ethan, Luis, and Chad can't have gone under. They have to come back to us...they have to be alive. My love for Ethan is strong enough to conquer anything-including this storm. I won't accept this-I just won't!

Thursday, August 30, 2001

"Maybe They'll Melt?"
Just when I thought things couldn't get any scarier on this island...Rebecca and Gwen showed up! How did they even get here with the storm being as bad as it is? Well, I guess since they are both witches they probably just hopped on their broomsticks! But that's beside the point right about now. The fact is that this "situation" with Julian is complicated enough without throwing those two into the mix. The last thing I need is Rebecca and Gwen finding out the truth before I can tell Ethan for myself (because I have no doubts that he's alive and is going to come back to me)!

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

"The Proof is in the Pictures"
This has to be the worst day of my life. First waking up next to Julian...after marrying and having sex (yuck!) with him. Then Luis and Sheridan are in a horrible boat explosion and Sheridan could be dead. Now Ethan, Luis, and Chad are out in this dangerous storm looking for Sheridan. And to top everything off, the Justice of the Peace gave me these disgusting photos from my wedding to Julian! I swear, part of me was hoping this was all a nightmare and I would wake up...but now that I've seen these photos I know everything last night was definitely real. I wish I could just burn these photos and make everything go away...the wedding, the wedding night , and especially the danger out at sea. But photos or no photos, I can't erase what's happened.

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

"What Goes Around Comes Around?"
Could this really be all my fault? I've always believed in fate...and that everything happens for a reason. Could the boat explosion be my fault for doing something so terrible...and then lying about it? And that would mean that Ethan, Luis, and Chad being in danger out at sea right now is also my fault�because they would never be out there if the boat hadn't exploded. What if my horrible actions set all of this in motion? The crazy thing is that I came down here to Bermuda in order to start taking responsibility for my own actions�I wanted to "right" the wrong I did in not telling Ethan the truth about his paternity. But instead, I've done just the opposite. I've done something even more terrible and I definitely didn't take responsibility for it. And now because of me, four people I love could die.

Monday, August 27, 2001

"Danger Zone"
Why does it seem like every time I turn around the lives of people I love are in danger? Not too long ago, Ethan, Luis, and Chad were battling the demons in the Bennett house...and now they're setting sail in this terrible storm to find Sheridan. Believe me, I want them to find Sheridan alive more than anything, but I also can't bear the thought of something happening to my brother, my good friend, and the man I love. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish such terrible things didn't have to happen all the time. I wish everyone I love could be safe and sound. But until Sheridan is found, I know that's too much to ask for...

Friday, August 24, 2001

"Putting it in Perspective"
Dear God, this can't be happening! Sheridan gone...Luis badly hurt? I would think this was another dream...but I just saw Luis unconscious with my very own eyes. He can't die-I don't know what I would do without him. And I know Sheridan can't be dead-she can't be. When she came back to us last Christmas, it was such a miracle. She survived death once before...that means she can do it again. You know what? All of a sudden my problems seem really small in comparison to what's happened with Sheridan and Luis. I'm alive and so is Ethan. What else really matters?

Thursday, August 23, 2001

"Women Who Marry Their Fianc�s' Fathers"
Oh God...I don't feel well all of a sudden. Then again, why should I feel well? My life is a total mess...and on top of that I probably drank enough champagne last night for the whole town of Harmony! Here's the thing...I know I have to tell Ethan the truth like Whitney said but I just don't know how. How do you say the words, "I can't marry you because I married the man who you always thought was your father. And by the way, I also slept with him." I can't just come out and say it like that-it makes the whole situation sound like an episode of "The Larry Winger Show." Then again, this is like an episode of "The Larry Winger Show." Oh...I'm getting dizzy just thinking about all of this. I have to lie down

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

"About Last Night"
Well, Whitney should be happy because for once I'm listening to her advice. I was so sure I shouldn't tell Ethan the truth...but after talking to Whitney I know I have to. What she said actually makes sense-maybe Ethan will forgive me for what happened last night, but he definitely wouldn't forgive me for keeping another secret. The last secret I kept from him nearly ruined our relationship for good...and I can't let that happen again, no matter what! I know this isn't going to be easy-in fact, it's probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But the fact is, this is the right thing to do. Now, if I could only figure out how the heck I'm going to drop this bombshell...

Tuesday, August 21, 2001

"Here Comes the Bride...Again?"
Okay, I have no choice but to marry Ethan. I can't believe I even just wrote that sentence-never in a million years did I think I'd actually be forced to marry Ethan. Why does my life just keeping getting stranger and stranger-it's like some reality show gone crazy! Anyway, I'm just going to do what Julian told me to (again, I never thought I'd say those words)! I'm going to go down to the chapel and marry Ethan. Then, Julian will arrange for an annulment and I can marry Ethan for real down in Harmony. You know what's the weirdest part about all of this? I used to dream about my wedding day! But right now, if I never see a wedding again I'll be happy...especially my own!

Monday, August 20, 2001

"Our Lips are Sealed"
I swear, I think my stomach dropped about five feet when that Bruce guy referred to me as Julian's "new bride." Of course, it's true (Oh God!) but Ethan can never, ever know that! If I had any doubts before about keeping the truth from Ethan, they are gone now. Seeing the look on his face for that split second of confusion was just plain torture. He looked like he'd been punched in the stomach...like his whole world had fallen apart. That definitely settles it...he can never find out that I'm Mrs. Julian Crane! And for that matter, neither can anyone else. Talk about embarrassing!

Friday, August 17, 2001

"From Bad to Worse"
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...they officially have! I can't believe Ethan is here. I mean, this is too weird! I never thought I'd live to see the day when I wouldn't be happy to see the love of my life...but that day has definitely arrived! If Ethan finds out what happened (I don't even think I can bring myself to write it down again) he's going to freak out! And not just a little freak out that he'll eventually get over-he will kill Julian AND never want to see me again! Plus he'll probably wind up in jail for killing Julian! Ethan showing up here is definitely the worst thing that ever could have happened! There�s only one thing to do-hide here on the balcony and pray he doesn't find me. Then maybe I can put this mess behind me and never have to think about Julian again!

Thursday, August 16, 2001

"Here Comes the�Bride?"
I just had the most terrible, awful, horrible, disgusting thought! What if this is what the fortuneteller at the carnival meant when she said I would be Mrs. Crane? Oh God, this can't be happening! She couldn't have meant Mrs. Julian Crane�could she?

Wednesday, August 15, 2001

"Things That Go Bump in the Night"
Julian can't be right! There's no way I could have done you-know-what with him! I mean, there's just so much wrong with that I don't even know where to begin! First of all, I love Ethan and have never wanted to make love to anyone but Ethan. Second of all, Julian is old enough to be my father! Third of all, he used to actually be Ethan's father. Fourth of all�it's just�well, it's just plain disgusting. I could go on and on with everything that's wrong with this picture! For all the reasons listed above (plus a zillion more) it had to be a dream! Or I guess I should say nightmare�

Tuesday, August 14, 2001

"What Nightmares Are Made Of"
No, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOO! This absolutely, positively must be a nightmare. I can't possibly have just woken up in the same bed as JULIAN CRANE! But here I am�and there he is�a big giant, horrible lump in the bed! No, I refuse to believe it-maybe I'm still drunk from last night. Okay, I'm going to close my eyes, count to ten, and when I open them again he's going to be gone! He just has to be...

Monday, August 13, 2001

"Hate is a Many Splendored Thing"
You've really done it this time, Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald! How exactly do I manage to get myself into these situations? This definitely qualifies as a national disaster! Here I am, three sheets to the wind (is that the right expression?) hiding in Julian's bathroom so my brother doesn't find me! I think this even tops the time I was with Ethan at the Cinderella ballet and I had to make a quick getaway from Luis. Of course, that was back when Luis hated Ethan (which he doesn't anymore) but he definitely still hates Julian! In fact, I think Luis hates Julian about as much as Noel hates Ben on "Felicity"... oh God, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore... I'm starting to compare my life to "Felicity." I think I better sit down!

Friday, August 10, 2001
"You Go, Girl!"
Okay�you've spent enough time in the bathroom, Theresa. It's time to go out there and make your final move to convince Julian to take Ethan back! Wait a minute�what is my final move? Oh well, I guess I'll just wing it. After all, I've done a fine job so far-Julian has been more than interested in everything I've said! So I'll just keep following my instinct-it hasn't failed me yet! Very soon, Julian will do what I want and I'll be the happiest girl in the world!

Thursday, August 9, 2001
"An Almost Happy Ending"
Yikes! Good thing I came into the bathroom to freshen up�I'm a mess! (At least I think I am�the room is spinning a little too much for me to be sure). Anyway, I've almost convinced Julian-I can feel him starting to give in to me. And once I get my way, then Ethan can be on the next plane down here. In less than twenty-four hours, we can be husband and wife. And I will finally be Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Winthrop Crane! (Boy�that's a lot of names)!

Wednesday, August 8, 2001
"Spinning out of Control"
Oh boy, I better convince Julian quickly to take Ethan back into the Crane family. The room is definitely starting to spin. And now that I think about it, I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. God only knows if what I'm writing in this diary is going to make any sense tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 7, 2001
"Keeping My Wits"
I just slipped away to the bathroom to powder my nose�and thought I'd take a quick break to gather my thoughts. But the thing is, I'm having a little bit of trouble gathering my thoughts�they seem to be lost! I guess maybe I've had a little too much champagne. I better tell Julian that for the rest of the night, I'll stick to soda!

Monday, August 6, 2001
"Mission: Almost Accomplished"
Mr. Crane-I mean Julian--just went to take a phone call, so I should have just enough time to collect myself. I must say, this is going better than I expected. He seems really eager to talk to me. Come to think of it, maybe he's a little too eager�nope; I'm not even going to go there. The truth is, I think he's eager because he never really wanted to kick Ethan out of the Crane family in the first place. He probably just did what he felt he had to do�even though deep down he never stopped loving Ethan. And now that I've come to him with this suggestion, maybe he's realizing that this is the right thing to do�and that's why he's so eager to hear what I have to say. Yes, that's definitely it! I bet within the next hour I will have convinced Julian to take Ethan back into the Crane family!