Of Porcupines
& Sprinklers
By Twig
Part 4


Rated PG-13

Summary: Sheridan and Luis have a date. But does all go as planned? Of course not!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters on Passions. If they were mine, Luis and Sheridan would already be married. However, they do not belong to me, they belong to NBC and the creators of the show. I am merely using them for my own enjoyment. So please, don't sue me.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lobster Shack

Sheridan watched as the doors opened, and a couple walked in and sat down.

"Luis," she hissed, "Isn't that-"

Luis turned and glanced over at the table, "Eve and TC Russell. I should go say hello"

"Oh, let them enjoy their dinner in peace," Sheridan admonished, "our waitress is coming back."

No sooner were her words spoken before the waitress hurried over, bearing two huge lobsters on plates, which she presented to Sheridan and Luis with a flourish.

"Enjoy your meal," she said, and hurried off.

Sheridan poked her lobster with a fork, which incidentally glanced off the hard shell, flew through the air, and struck Luis square between the eyes.

"OW!"

"Luis!" she exclaimed, jumping up and hurrying over to him. He opened one eye and glared up at her, rubbing his head.

"Ow," he said again.

"Luis, I'm so sorry!" Sheridan cooed, hovering over him.

He shooed her away, "Sheridan, are you *trying* to kill me?"

"No! I think I'm just a bit clumsy today."

"A bit," he agreed, handing her back her fork.

Sheridan, moving much more cautiously, took a bite of her dinner.

Luis, eyeing her warily, followed suit. After several more moments passed without incident, they both relaxed, believing the worst to be over. As she reached over to take Luis's hand, something caught her eye.

"JULIAN!"

He scowled, "No, it's Luis."

"No!" Sheridan hissed, turning Luis's head towards the door, where her brother had just made his grand entrance. "He can't see you here! Hide!"

Luis, lacking any grand escape route, ducked under the table, concealed by the red checkered tablecloth.

Julian had eyes only for Eve Russell. He crept up behind her table, careful to keep himself out of TC's line of vision. Taking a sip from his ever-present flask to garner courage, Julian began to make his way over to the object of his affection.

"Julian!" Sheridan snapped as he walked past her, "what are you doing here?"

Julian jumped at his sister's voice, "Sheridan?"

She merely raised an eyebrow.

"I'm ah" Julian sputtered, "I'm attending to some very important business.

What are you doing here?"

"I'm on a date."

"With whom?"

"It's ah a blind date. Gwen set it up. Some friend of hers from the office."

Julian smirked, "Ah, I see."

"You see what?"

"I don't see your date around here. Where is he? I'd like to meet him."

"I think it's a little soon to be introducing him to the family,"

Sheridan said disdainfully, "Anyhow, I wouldn't want to keep you from your business."

Julian scowled at her, sucking down more liquor, "Of course! The business!"

He stood, frozen, knowing that he couldn't make a move on Eve with his sister sitting right there.

"Damn," he said under his breath.

"What was that?" Sheridan asked sweetly.

"I was wondering as to the whereabouts of your date."

"If you MUST know, he went to the bathroom to wash his hands."

"I was just by there," Julian protested, "I didn't see anyone."

Sheridan pouted, "You mean he ditched me?"

"Poor Sheridan. So unlucky in love," Julian did his best to sound sincere, internally laughing at the mental anguish he was certain to be unleashing on his sister.

Sheridan shot him a withering glare, "In that case WAITRESS!"

The waitress hurried over, "Is something wrong?"

"I want this food wrapped up," Sheridan said coldly, "I'll be taking it home."

"Is everything all right?"

"I've been dumped by my date," she did her best to sound angry.

"No," the waitress was confused, "I saw him go und-"

"Just wrap the food, all right?" Sheridan snapped.

The waitress nodded and hurried off with the plates.

Julian attempted to inch away, "Well, I suppose I've done enough for the night-"

"Not so fast," Sheridan grumbled, "Since my date has hightailed it out of here, you're driving me home."

Julian glanced helplessly at Eve, who was happily oblivious, chatting with TC. "I But the business"

"The business can wait," she said crossly, handing him the bill, "Do you mind?"

"We're *paying* for this food?"

"Did you expect to get it for free?"

Julian sighed and handed his credit card to the impatient waitress.

"Thank you Mr. Crane," the waitress said, a slightly biting edge to her voice.

"Oooh," Julian said, admiring her as she walked away.

Sheridan pretended not to notice, fighting the urge to whack her brother in the head. But she feared that she'd done enough of that for the evening, and she doubted that inflicting yet another head injury would improve her shaky standing with Luis.

Speaking of Luis

Luis crouched under the table, cursing his luck. (next time, I'll pick a place where Julian Crane isn't going to show up) he thought to himself. He attempted to move, hitting his already sore head on the top of the table.

"What was that?" Julian asked Sheridan, watching the table shake.

"Nothing," she said quickly, moving to block his view of the table, "Um one leg on the table was too short. It keeps tilting."

"Oh," Julian said, convinced.

The waitress returned with his credit card and receipt, which he grudgingly accepted.

"These prices are criminal," he grumbled, putting his card back in his wallet.

"Oh please," Sheridan scoffed, grabbing her pocketbook and the cartons containing her and Luis's dinner.

"Ah" Julian said suddenly, "You haven't seen Deputy Do Right around here, have you?"

Sheridan froze, "You mean Luis?"

"Who else would I possibly be talking about?"

"No, I haven't seen him," she said carefully, keeping a smile plastered on her face.

"Are you sure?" Julian gulped down some more liquid from his seemingly bottomless flask. "I saw his patrol car outside."

"Ah I guess he must be next door."

"You haven't spoken to him?"

Sheridan shook her head firmly, "Not since his last night as my bodyguard.

I'm glad to be rid of him."

"Well," Julian nodded, "That's good to know. Those Lopez-Fitzgeralds have always been a bother."

Without answering, Sheridan rolled her eyes and headed out the door. Julian stumbled slightly, and finally followed her out, tossing one last, lovelorn gaze at Eve Russell.

Luis, still under the table, ran the exchange over and over in his mind, sighing in defeat. Julian Crane had interceded in their plans yet again. As soon as he was sure he had given Sheridan and Julian enough time to make their exit, Luis crawled on his hands and knees out from under the table, emerging from under the tablecloth.

"Ahhh!"

Luis had crawled right in front of TC Russell, who was on his way to the bathroom. TC stumbled over his friend, toppling forward. His head hit a nearby table.

"TC!" Luis exclaimed, jumping up, his knees cracking.

TC groaned, sitting up. Eve rushed over, horrified.

"TC!" she cried, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," TC waved them off, "Luis, what the hell were you doing under that table?"

Luis sighed, "Long story. I'm sure I'll tell you about it eventually."

TC nodded, and then narrowed his eyes, "Luis, what happened to your head? And your hair?!"

Luis just shook his head glumly.

Eve hovered over her husband, "TC, are you sure you're okay? You hit your head pretty hard against that table."

"Tell me about it," TC laughed, rubbing at his head, "I'm fine Eve. My bad leg hurts a bit, but other than that I'm as good as new."

Eve laughed in relief.

"I'm really sorry about that TC," Luis stammered, backing away, "If you guys don't mind, I'm in a hurry-"

TC waved him away, "Go on. If it was important enough for you to be lurking beneath the tables at the Lobster Shack, it must be something good."

Luis nodded, and grabbing a rose out of a vase on a nearby table, he bolted out the door.

"I think," Eve commented once he was out of earshot, "That Luis is in love."

TC grinned, "I think you may be right."

<<<~~~>>>
Crane Mansion

Julian, more than slightly tipsy, staggered in the front door and stumbled right over his wife, who was picking red paper hearts off of her feather boa.

"Ivy? What on earth happened to you?"

Ivy glared at him, still stewing over the day's earlier events. Before she could stop herself, her mind wandered over what had happened that day at Grace's antique shop

<<<~~~>>>
Antique Shop
Earlier that Day

"Okay," Ivy said glumly, finally finished hanging the sickening paper hearts on the wall. She handed the remaining papers to Sam, who was doing his best to ignore her.

"Oh it's beautiful!" Grace exclaimed, hugging her husband close, "Oh, Sam, don't you love it?"

The three stared up at the wall, which was covered floor to ceiling with paper hearts containing either SAM or GRACE, written in black pen.

"Are you sure you couldn't fit any more?" Grace asked, troubled, as she studied the amount of papers Sam clutched in his hand.

"Believe me, if I tape one more paper to that wall, it'll collapse," Ivy said with a sigh.

"Well, we wouldn't want that to happen, would we Sam?" Grace asked her husband with a totally oblivious laugh.

Sam nodded grimly, "That would be terrible honey."

Grace hung her head, "I hate to think all of those will go to waste."

"I'm sure we'll live," Ivy snapped, shorter than she'd intended to be.

Fortunately, Grace did not seem to notice her impatience.

"Oh Ivy! I have a wonderful idea!" she exclaimed, snatching the papers from Sam.

Ivy backed away nervously, "What do you have in mind?"

Grace grinned, "You'll see."

Moments later, Ivy stood, covered from head to toe in the little paper hearts that Sam and Grace had so gleefully adorned her in.

"You look so great!" Grace exclaimed, reaching out to touch one of the hearts that proclaimed SAM. "Everyone will love it!"

"Everyone?" Ivy asked in a small, terrified voice.

"Yes," Sam grinned from ear to ear, "Everyone. You'll attract them to the store!"

"Me?"

And then the sickeningly sappy duo were pushing their unusually attired third party out the store entrance.

"Just wave at the passerby," Grace instructed.

She and Sam moved to go back into the shop.

"Sam!" Ivy yelled desperately.

Sam merely smirked at her, "You had this coming Ivy. Maybe this will convince you that I will never want to be with you."

And then he was gone, leaving her at the mercy of the masses.

<<<~~~>>>
Crane Mansion
Present time

Ivy shivered at the memory, realizing for the first time that Julian was still staring at her.

"Well darling," he slurred, "I'm waiting."

"Please, hold your breath," she instructed him, stomping off. Julian rolled his eyes at her and bent to examine the rumpled hearts on the floor.

"Grace Sam" he shuddered, "Oh god! The Bennetts! Lord knows, if I were married to Grace, I'd have killed her long ago. There are just some things people married for years just don't do"

He continued his grumblings as he poured himself a glass of scotch.

Ivy stood in front of the door to Ethan's room, praying that he had recovered from his head injury. She slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open.

"Ethan?"

Ethan was sprawled on his stomach on the bed. But it wasn't his prone form that caught his attention. It was the state of the walls. It appeared that Ethan had not stopped at just one collage. His room was completely covered, floor to ceiling, with pictures of Theresa.

"ETHAN!" she shrieked, covering her mouth.

Ethan stirred, "Wha?" he mumbled, his voice thick and sleep-heavy.

She crossed the room to his bedside, "Ethan, what did you do to the walls?"

"I made some T'reesa collages," he murmured, burying his face in the pillow.

"Some? Ethan what's gotten into you?"

"I couldn't find enough T'reesa pictures to make a collage, so I scanned them into my computer and printed lots of 'em." he rambled on.

Ivy glanced up at the walls, millions of Theresa's staring down at her. She shivered.

"Take them down! Do you want your father to see them? Or Gwen?"

Ethan's only response was a loud snore.

Shaking her head, Ivy left the room, once more locking the door behind her.

Maybe Ethan would sleep it off, she decided.

<<<~~~>>>
Crane Cottage

Sheridan sat glumly on the couch, glaring at the carton which held the remainder of her and Luis's lobster dinner. As the minutes ticked by, she began to wonder if he'd realized that he was supposed to follow her.

"Oh god," she said to herself, "I hope he didn't think I was serious with the comments I made back there."

Before she could cast further doubt on herself, there was a soft knock at the door.

"Luis," she said with a smile, flinging it open.

Luis stood there, looking handsome despite his butchered hair. "Hi," he said softly, presenting her with a rose.

Sheridan, still in her rumpled dress; hair matted to her head, accepted the rose with a dazzling smile, "Thank you."

He shrugged awkwardly.

"I was almost afraid you wouldn't come," Sheridan laughed nervously. He shrugged again, "I was delayed. You can add another head injury to your toll for the evening."

"Who?" she asked, alarmed.

Luis laughed, "TC Russell. I scared the hell out of him when I crawled out from under the table. He tripped over me and hit his head."

"Is he all right?"

"He'll live."

Sheridan held up the Styrofoam cartons, "Speaking of living, are we gonna eat, or what? I'm starving here!"

Luis laughed and joined her on the couch. They opened their cases and dug in.

"You know Luis," she said, chewing thoughtfully, "Despite our little um problems this is turning out to be quite a nice evening."

"You want to know something funny?"

"What?"

Luis grinned at her, "I was just thinking the same thing."

This time, there was no one to interrupt their kiss.

<<<~~~>>>
Epilogue

Theresa stood in the doorway of Ethan's room, gazing at the pictures of herself in shock and wonder. Whitney stood behind her, shaking her head.

"Theresa, I know what you're going to say, but Mrs. Crane told us that Ethan wasn't feeling well when he did this-"

Theresa cut her off, "It's fate," she said, her eyes filled with tears of joy. "It's fate."

"Sure it is," Whitney said with a sigh.

THE END



Story Wrote by TWIG Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.
You can write TWIG at [email protected]

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