NOTICE :  I was a big fan of the Cordelia and Xander relationship but I really think I'm past that phase.  It's more Gunn or Lindsey for Cordelia and Anya with Xander.  So I outgrew it before I finshed this fic so it's maybe considered a "dead fic"  Email me, tell me what you think and if i should finish it or scrap it completely.

“Xander Harris.  Why do you always have to be so....” Cordelia said as they walked through the park hand in hand.

“Caring, great, fantastic ?”

“No.  Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass ?”

“Cuz that’s the way I’m made hunny,” he grinned.  “Would you still date me if I was poor?”

“You are poor.  Sorry, pre-Xander Cordelia spilling in there.  And of course I would.”

“Would you still date me if I wasn’t as devilishy good looking ?”

“Would you still be able to speak if I ripped your tongue out ?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes it’s a yes.  Can we go home now ?  I’m cold.”

Xander took off his jacket and draped around her shoulders.  “All you need is that and my touch of magic to warm up.”

Cordelia smiled.  She kissed him lightly on the lips and pulled away.

“Thanks Casanova.  But I really want to go home.  My mom and dad are out of town and we could put some music on and shimmy.”

“Shimmying it is.  Quick to the Xander mobile !”

They arrived at Cordelia’s house and Xander looked around.  He had never seen such a nice house before.  Cordelia took his jacket off her shoulders and hung it on the hook.

“Nice house,” Xander commented.

“It is,” Cordelia said warmly, kissing Xander again.  Xander held her and kissed her back.  They stopped.

“I should, um, put on music.”

“Music is good,” Xander said in his Xander-like way.  Cordelia put on a slow song and pressed the button that made it be heard in her own room.  State of the art.

“The music’s up in my room.  Come on,” she said taking his hand and he followed her upstairs.  She opened the door and he looked in.

“Alien teritory ?” She asked.

“Na.  I’ve been loadsa girls bedrooms.  One two three girls bedrooms.  My cousins, Willow’s and Buffy’s.”

“Buffy’s ?” Cordelia said disheartened at the mention of her name.  She turned away.

“Hey, hey Cor,” Xander said taking her hand.  “I know what you are thinkin’.  Am I still in love with Buffy ?  No I’m not.  OK ?  I’ve only ever been in love once.  And I still am.  With you.  I.. I love you Cordelia.”

Cordelias eyes glistened and shone.  She had been waiting to hear that for an while.

“I love you, Xander,” she told him for the first time.  She kissed him tenderly and he touched her face.  Cordelia unbuttoned his shirt.

“Cor...” Xander said softly.

“Oh god - I’m sorry.  I thought - I thought we were y’know.”

“It’s OK.  I just wanted to know that you know what you’re doing.  Everything OK ?  Good.  Then lets proceed,” he said kissing her.  “And for the record this is new for you too right ?  We're both just feeling our way through this right ?  One of us don't have an unfair advantage or anything ?  This is all new.”

“Yeah, it is,” she replied and kissed him back.  Xander held the back of her head and slowly lowered her to the bed.

Cordelia woke up slowly and rolled over as dawn broke over Sunnydale's horizon.  She opened her eyes slowly and saw a smiling Xander lying next to her.  She sat up.

Wait a minute.... Cordelia thought.  I have nothing on.  Why have I got nothing on ... Ohhh.  I remember we....

"You sleep for like ever," Xander grinned.  He kissed her nose.

"We did didn't we ?"

"You betcha.  We did."

"Was it..."

"It was beautiful," he promised.

"Xander, stop sounding like a Hallmark greeting.  That is so like you."

"You're stepping on the whole Hallmark moment here," he reminded her.  "That is so like you."

She playfully punched his shoulder and the lay her hand on his bicep.  He had unusaully large muscles.  Very unlike a school boy.  He was strong and mature and so cute in the morning daylight.  She smiled in her happy thoughts and lay on her back.

"Thank God today's Saturday," Cordelia said.

"Cuz we get to... lie in ?"

"No, shopping.  And you get to come."

"Will there be spandex cat suits ?"

"Private showing," she said kissing him once more.  Cordelia slid out the bed and wrapped her silk robe round her.  "Just going for a shower."

"Want company ?" He joked.  Cordelia picked up the nearest teddy and threw it at him.

Xander strode into the library and Willow and Buffy looked up.

"So what gruesome horrible murdery demon has the hellmouth cooked up for us this week?"  Xander asked in a tone that was very non-like the question he was asking.

Buffy studied Xander closely, looking him up and down.  She grinned.

"You had sex last night !" She accused.

"What ?" Willow said in a high pitch.  Giles appeared from the back holding a book.

"What's going on ?"

"Xander had sex last night" she told him.

"Oh," he said uninterested and returned to his book.  Once he had processed then information, his head snapped up.  "What?  You?"

"Well did you?" Buffy asked eagerly.

"Not saying a word," he grinned impishly.  He sat down in the chair.

"True gentleman," Buffy remarked.  "It was with Cordelia right?"

He shot her a 'Do you think it was anyone else?' look.

"What?" Willow repeated in a higher pitch.  She was still in shock.

"So any demons or anything you need me to kick ass?"

"Putting me out of a job here Xand," Buffy smiled.

"No.  Nothing unusual as yet," Giles said.

"Good.  Gone.  Have to report home and then off to the mall with my lovely girlfriend," he said jumping up from the chair.

"OK... bye," Buffy said to his shadow.

"What?" Willow said again.

Cordelia stood by the escaltor which is in front of the entrance to the mall.  Xander phoned her cell saying he'd be five minutes.  He was now 20 minutes late.

"Xander," she breathed.  "Don't do this."

Then her boyfriend, looking strangely broodish but handsome boyfriend came through the automated doors.

"Xander.  Remember me, Cordelia.  I'm your girlfriend and you're 20 minutes late."

He walked straight up to her, not saying anything.  He stood right in front of her.  Feelings of distraught and anguish etched on his face.

"Xander, what's wrong ?"

"Cor, w-we have to talk," he choked.

"What ?"

The pair were sitting down at the cafe in the mall.  Xander had a can of coke in front of him and Cordelia, a diet soda.  He hadn't said anything until ow.  Cordelia's patience was stretched taut.

"So, Xander," she said softly touching her hand.  "What is it ?  What's wrong ?"

"Cordelia," he said looking into her eyes.  "I've, um, there's something happened."

"What ?  Is it Buffy, Willow, Oz..... Giles ?"

"Nothing like that.  My dad, my dads been transfered - to Boston.  We're moving in the next 3 weeks.  I'm leavin Sunnydale."

Cordelia felt numb, like she'd been slapped.  She stared down and felt the tears welling up.

"Does... Do they know ?  Giles and everyone ?"

"No.  I wanted to tell you first."

"Oh."

Xander touched her cheek and tilted her chin upwards. He seen the tears falling down her face.  He took a clean tissue and wiped them away.

"I'm so.. sorry Cor," he whispered.

Cordelia leaned forward and put her hands around Xanders neck and cried.

Xander walked into the library holding Cordelia's hand.  He looked at the ground then to Cordelia.  She nodded sadly.

"Hey Xander, Cordy," Buffy said.  She seen the expression, so did Willow.

"What's wrong ?" Willow asked.

"Guys," Xanders started.  He faux-laughed.  "It's the funniest thing.  My dad got a transfer, to Boston, and I'm going with him.  Leaving Sunnydale."

"Missing the funny," Buffy mumbled.

Willow walked up to Xander, tears flowing fiercely flowing down her face.

"You're leaving," she said simply.

"Will," Xander said softly.  He put out a hand to comfort her.

"Don't touch me.  You're leaving, and you told her first.  You told Cordelia before us.  She's more important to you than we are."

Xander just looked at her.

"Since you two got together and decided to have the sex--"

"One time !"

"How does she know ?" Cordelia asked Xander.

"Buffy has a sex radar apparantly," he shrugged.

"Can we on topic ?" Buffy asked.  "Boston ?"

"Yup.  East coast bound the Harris family."

"I believe that's off topicing the real issue," Willow protested.  "We've known each other since Diapers were all the rage and you used to hate her !  Someone you hate is more important to you than us."

"Will.." He said reaching forward to comfort her again.

"No Xander.  No 'Will' this time in a How-can-you-resist-me voice.  You can't 'Will' you're way out of this OK ?  How could you do this ?"
Willow pushed past Xander and ran through the library doors.

"I need to go after Willow," Buffy said jumping down.  "Talk later."

Willow leaned on the sink and stared into the mirror.  Her eyes were puffy and red and tears stained her pale cheeks.  The door opened.

"Will," Buffy said slowly walking over to where the redhead was standing.  She stood behind Willow and when Willow looked up she could she her best friend staring at Willows mirror image with sorrow.  She turned round to face the Slayer.

"He's leaving Buffy," she said her voice displaying all the hurt and angst she had ever had over Xander Harris.  "He never noticed and he never wanted to.  He doesn't care anymore."

"It's not his fault his dad got transfered," she reminded gently.

"No but it's mine that he's with her.  He'll never know.  It hurts Buffy, so much.." she said as her best friend embraced her.  She sobbed hurtfully onto Buffy's shoulder.

"I know Will.  I feel it too."

"How can you when Xander was in love with you and he's never even looked at me that way," she said softly.  Willow continued to cry.

Buffy walked back into the library solo.

"Where's Willow ?" Xander asked standing up.

"Bathroom," Buffy said glancing at him.  "Giles can I phone my mom ?  Will needs to go home but I don't think she can walk."

"I'll drive her home," Giles suggested.

"Thanks.  She's getting some stuff from her locker."

Willow dragged the trash can near to her locker and opened it up.  She stared at the door.  There were lots of pictures of the whole gang together and some of Oz and willow alone.

Oz.

She loved Oz.  He was everything to her but the past few hours he had faded slightly into the background.  She took down the picture and placed it in her bag.

Xander was something completely different to her.

Xander was her first love.

She took out a photo with her and Xander messing about.

She tore it in two.  She stared at Xander for a long minute and then threw him in the trash can.  She peered over the edge and still saw his face smiling cheekily up at her.  Then Willow tore up her own half into a bazillion little pieces and scattered them in the trash.

Willow took out a silver locket from a small leather pouch in the back of her locker.  She opened it.  It was a picture of Xander in 9th grade.  He had matured so much.  Her gaze focused on the locker door pictures and she saw Cordelia standing next to Xander and Xander next to herself. As if convincing her, she threw the locket in the bin in disgust.  She ripped all the photos of the locker door in a split second rage.

The only one that survived was the photo with Buffy, Xander and her standing at the docks railings all close together with Xander in the middle.

She wasn't just losing her first love.

She was losing her best friend.

Xander walked out the library doors and seen Willow at her locker with the trash can nearby.

"Hey Will.  Doin some spring cleaning ?  in Autumn ?  So it's Autumn cleaning," he opened the conversation with.  Xander always thought that opening with a joke or funny pun relaxed him and his nerves.

She just looked up and glared at him.

"Look Will I know your angry I didn't come to you first and I'm sorry.  But i can't not move.  I mean where would I live ?  Move into Angel, Spike and Drus old lair ?  But I don't wanna lose you Willow.  You mean more to me than anything.  You're my best friend and..."

"Just stop Xander," Willow said looking into the trash can at his photo.  "Tell Cordelia that ?  'You're the only one, you're the only one' ?"

"Willow this isn't about her right now.  It's about you and me.  You know I love you Will.  I don't w.."

"But you don't - really," she interupted.  "I mean in a guy friend who knows about girl stuff way, sure yeah.  But not in the other way.  You never noticed Xander.  Me.  I've watched you be in love with Miss Bite-your-head, Buffy, mouldly mummy girl and Cordelia.  Buffy excluded, the Hellmouth really screws up your idea of a girlfriend.  I watched you obsess over them, go babbly over all of them and you never noticed me.  You never noticed I was in love with you."

"Willow..."

"Or I was.  Then I met Oz.  But your different Xander.  And to know you never looked at me that way, it hurts.  Now you're leaving," she said dumping a photo frame with her and Xander in the bin and slamming her locker door.  She could here the glass shatter.

"Willow," Xander tried to say.  His throat closed up.  Willow walked up to him with her backpack on.

"Goodbye Xander," she said sadly, looking at him.  She walked past him

Xander picked up the phone again and dialled Willows number.  She wasn't at school Monday.  No bronzing, no fightin' the monsters with Buffy.  She wasn't answering the phone and he'd left a ton of messages.  His dad told him that they were going ahead to stay at his Aunt Stephanies this Wednesday and the furniture was being sent up by professional packers.

Wow.  Today was Monday.  One more full day on the Hellmouth.

He had to reach Willow.

Hey this is the phone of Willow Rosenberg.  After the beepin's done, leave a message and i'll get back to you.  Here it comes -

BEEEEPPPPPPP

Xander left his message.

Willow lay in her bed thinking about Xander - again.  The phone rang.  She rolled over to let the machine get it.

"Hey Will.  Xander again.  I really need to talk to you Willow.  Please.  I can't leave without talking to you.  My dad announced they're speeding it up.  i'm leaving on Wednesday.  (Silence)  I miss you."

Willow dove over to grab the phone in time but he had already hung up.

Xander stood outside Cordelias window and threw small stones at it.

"Hey !" She shouted as she opened it.  "Oh, it's you," she smiled down at him.

"Wanna go some place ?" Xander begged.  "Have Uncle Roarys Chevvy."

"Be down in ten."

Cordelia sat in the passenger seat with a blindfold on.  Xander was taking her somewhere.

"Xander Harris.  This isn't one of these kinky stupid things is it ?"

"No.  No kink."

"Damn," she joked.

"Nearly there."  He drove up into a space and then stopped.  "Here."

He removed Cordys blindfold and she opened her eyes.  She saw the whole town of Sunnydale lit up.  Xander have driven her to a mountanious edge overlooking the town.  The nearby trees had been decorated with white fairy lights and the whole place looked beautiful.

"Lookout point was too cliche," he shrugged.  Then he brought out a red rose.  "For you my love," he grinned.

She took it, still amazed at what Xander had done.  There was a tag around it.

Cordelia.  I will always be with you no matter how many miles are between us.  My heart always, Xander.

"You did all this ?  For me ?" She asked.

"And- and," he said leaning over the back seat.  He brought out a bag.  "Picnic.  Or my version of it.  I have all I could get at the last minute.  I have apples, doritos and dip.  You're dip girl."

"You are the sweetest," she told him, leaning over to kiss him.

"I know.  Just like to hear it once in a while," he grinned.  "And, I have music.  Mix of Barry White and Al Green cuz I know you secretly love that stuff to make out to.  Not that i came up here to make out.  I just wanted it to be special."  He opened a tub of cut fruit.  "Apple slice ?"

"Sure."  He took one out and fed it to her.  Then kissed her.  "This is perfect."

Later on, Cordelia lay in Xander's arms listening to Al Greens 'How Can you Mend A Broken Heart?'

"Xander," Cordelia said slowly.  "I know you're leaving and it might hurt us more to.. get closer.  But.."

"Say no more," he said kissing her.  "But in a car ?"

"Don't kick the gearshift," she giggled refering to their sub-war of words in sex ed. class about a year ago when they were secretly making out.
 

SO FAR...
 
 

NOTE :  I was a big fan of the Cordelia and Xander relationship but I really think I'm past that phase.  It's more Gunn or Lindsey for Cordelia and Anya with Xander.  So I outgrew it before I finshed this fic so it's maybe considered a "dead fic"  Email me, tell me what you think and if i should finish it or scrap it completely.