Synopsis
DRINKING IN LA - Angel finds Spike making a visit to his city.  Spike fled as soon as Buffy was dead and now he's back, mustering the courage to go back to Sunnydale to face the fact she's dead.  Wesley and Fred flirt.

Authors Notes
Ooh.  Spike. And what to do with him..

Regular Cast
David Boreanaz as Angel
Charisma Carpenter as Cordelia Chase
Alexis Denisof as Wesley Wyndam Price
J. August Richards as Charles Gunn
Amy Acker as Fred

Guest Cast
Andy Hallet as The Host/Lorne
James Marsters as Spike

PREVIOUSLY ON ANGEL and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
 

Angel upon seeing Willow in 'There's No Place like Plrz Glrb.'
ANGEL:    "There's no place like.. Willow?"
ANGEL:    "It's Buffy."

Spike attacking Willow from 'The Initiative'
SPIKE:    "Can't bite.. Can't even hit people."

Buffy chained to the wall facing Spike from 'Crush'.
BUFFY:    "Spike.. The only chance you had with me.. was when I was unconscious."

Spike from 'The Gift'
SPIKE:    "I know you'll never love me.. I know I'm a monster.  But you treat me like a     man."

Angel at Buffy's grave in 'Living With Loss'
ANGEL:  "I don't really believe you're gone Buffy.  Not you.  You're not gone.... I love you.."

Cordelia from 'Timebomb'
CORDELIA:    "You miss her, but you won't talk about her.  You tried to kill yourself.  Buffy's dead Angel! And God, you must be hurting but please you can't--"

Final shot from Timebomb: Cordelia with her arms around Angel's neck.  He squeezes her waist to him and held her for dear life as they cry quietly together.
 

TEASER

Cordelia swept in Angel Investigations with a hurried grace and threw her coat on the rounded chair.  She turned to Wesley going over some case files with Fred.

"Angel up yet or is he still.. from yesterday mornings events..?" Cordelia asked edgily.  She studied Fred's face for some sign.  "God, I knew I shouldn't have even left him for that stupid commercial!" She threw her hands up and sighed.

"Woah woah woah," Gunn calmed her from the side.  "It's OK Cor.  He's fine."

"Have you seen him?  Where is he?  Has he had anything to drink?" Cordelia bombarded him with questions.

"He hasn't had anything we know of," Wesley conceded.  "But I saw him a few hours ago as he went down to the basement."

"Did he go out?"

Wesley shook his head.  "He's training."
 
 

Angel followed through smoothly with his broadsword, moving round in ballet-esque circles. Slowly he concentrated and visualized the opponent fighting him.  Swiftly he ducked and dodged the feigned blows.  Then he kicked in motion, moving quickly to block a blow and end up with his blade at the challengers throat.

It was then he remembered he was fighting against himself.  He was always fighting against himself.

Angel pushed away from the wall he had backed his 'opponent' onto and dropped the sword to the ground.  Sighing, he went to collect his throwing knives.  Toeing the line level with his dart board. He threw them in quick succession, stabbing the board viciously with so much aerial power.

All as near to the centre as he could manage.

His head turned as the door opened.  Cordelia.

"Hey.  I'm just in," she notified him, closing the door behind.  "Brought some lunch."

Angel tried to smile, taking the mug delicately from her.  He sniffed it apprehensively.

"Unspiced.  Promise," Cordelia rolled her eyes.  She reached out and touched his shoulder bared by the white vest he was wearing.  He didn't flinch when she touched him.  "How are you?"  Angel winced a little as met her gaze for an answer.  "Honestly.  Or I'll kick your ass.  Worse than that - I'll sing."

It raised a smile.

"Or let you sing.  Whatever gets you going."

The smile faded to a mock scowl.  She expected an answer.  Angel held his mug tightly and shrugged like a five year old.

"OK."

He finally brought himself to look up at her.  Cordelia smiled sadly.

"Liar."
 

ACT ONE
 

Cordelia and Angel sat in the coldness of the basement opposite each other, Angel still holding his lunch and avoiding her eye contact.

"I really wish you would let this out.  The other morning when you.. and then we.. was a step but.." Cordelia sighed, unsure what to say or do.  "Please talk to me."

"I don't know what to say to you," Angel whispered.

"Honestly Angel I don't know what I expect you to say--" Cordelia pushed her hair through her fingers, letting her gaze wander downwards to the floor.  "What do you want me to do for you?"

After a few seconds, they both looked at each other and Angel replied sombrely, "make this go away."
 
 

"Y'know, I think that's such a tragedy with Buffy," Fred murmured to Wesley beside her.

"Hmm?"

"I mean there Angel is, gonna turn human soon enough some day and the girl he's in love with and couldn't be with until he was was human goes and dies," Fred shook her head sadly.  "It's just all so unfair."

"Yes.. yes it is," Wesley sighed.  "Buffy was.. an extraordinary girl.. As well as a Slayer."  he smiled, recalling fond memories.

..Giles says please...  ..And if I'm good I get a cookie..

"It would have been nice to meet her since everybody's so good about her now," Fred said.  "I mean, anyone that Angel's in love with must be special."

"Buffy had quite a few admirers," Wesley laughed.  "But only one true love I suppose."

"And Angel's the true love.  Who else?"

"Well, there was Xander.  Buffy's close friend who I'm told had taken quite a fancy to her when she first moved.  Quite a few dates in high school if Giles is to be believed.  Then there's Riley, Buffy's boyfriend after Angel left Sunnydale that Angel intensely dislikes.  Then there's.. well... Giles told me and I didn't quite believe it.."
 
 

A figure cloaked in a leather duster was thrown out of a side door of a pub and into the half day lit alley.  Smoke rose from the top of the figure and it groaned in pain, almost tempted to stay put.  Instead, it rose and ran for the nearest manhole, shifting back the cover and jumping inside.  Instead of landing gracefully, it landed awkwardly in the sewage water, splashing everywhere and rolled out of the circle of light from above.

Taking in deep gulps of breath the figure adjusted positioning against the side and put his hand inside his jacket to pull out cigarettes.  Jamming one in his mouth and he started to cry in a maniacal laughter, he flicked open the lighter.

It lit his cigarette and illuminated his face.  His strong jaw line and definitive cheekbones.  His boyish blue eyes and his mass of messed and curled peroxide Billy-Idolish blonde hair on top.  He tasted blood on his lip.  His own.  He licked hungrily at it through more tears.  Deciding he wasn't drunk enough, he took out the stolen bottle from the place he'd been kicked out of and drank from it.

God, if only they could see me now, he thought.  Spike - William the Bloody - crying over the Slayer and swimming in deep depression because of that bitch.

"My bloody beautiful brave bitch Buffy," he said out loud.  He laughed through tears like a dying hyena again before feeling his head hit the water covered ground beside him.
 
 

"Oh.  Does.. Does Angel know?" Fred asked.

Wesley put down the book he was studying thoughtfully, and gazed towards the basement door.

"I doubt it.  If he did, Angel would have.. Well I don't know what he would do to his grand childe when he damn near killed Riley - who was human."

"Oh."
 
 

Spike looked up from his position in the sewers and held his head as his hangover started to wear off.

"Oh bugger," he swore hoarsely, finding his bottle empty.  He looked up through the now dark manhole and saw a slice of the new moon.  He stumbled to his feet and clung onto the side wall and then steadied himself on the ladder.  Shaking his head free of the hold of drink, he hauled himself out of the sewer and back to the alley he'd been kicked out into.

Standing up straight and bathed in the night, Spike turned around to the noise of a scream.  It was a LA vamp feeding on a pretty blonde girl.  Spike reached inside for a stake and strode up to the vampire.  He grabbed a fistful of it's jacket and spun it round, pressing the stake to the heart.  He froze

"What the bloody hell am I doing.." Spike murmured, slowly releasing his hold on the vampire and the grip on the stake.  The carved piece of wood slowly tumbled to the ground.  It looked confused, but as it was young, it ran away and over the railings behind.  The girl fell from the missed support of the vampire and into Spike's arms.

Her blonde hair messed as Spike pushed it back, half expecting to find Buffy's peaceful face looking up at him.  It wasn't and Spike's lip began to tremble again.  He forced back any tears that would fall and then got angry with himself.

"What the bloody HELL is wrong with me!" Spike roared to the empty alley as he clutched the girl in his arms.  His face changed and fangs elongated as he said it.  He looked down at the girl.

Sleeping.  Peaceful.  Dead.

Spike tossed her hair to one side, and lowered his mouth to the opposite side the vamp was feeding from.  He sank his fangs mournfully into her cold, soft neck and fed from the warmish red liquid spilling out.

He gripped her closer to him, pulling his dead victim to his chest ready to devour all of her.
 
 

Spike lit another cigarette and strolled out of the alley, leaving the body behind.

"You're who I think you are, aren't you?"

Spike turned and saw the vampire he'd almost killed beside a wall looking confused and nervous. Fledging, he snorted.

"Yeah?  And who's that?"

"William the Bloody.  Spike.  The vampire who killed two Slayers.  The vampire that kills other vampires?"

"Yeah well," Spike stepped forward to face the vampire.  "I do that cuz I can't hurt humans.  Gotta get my kicks from somewhere."

"But you just fed on my kill," the vampire pointed out, wiping his bloodied hand against his stone wash jeans.

"Yeah.  Your kill.  She was already dead.  There was no way I could help her--" Spike started before biting his lip.  Dammit.  "So I helped myself."

"You wanted to help her?" The vampire asked.

"No!  Course not!  Did I want to bloody help her.." Spike rubbed his head, acting as if the prospect was impossible.

"So what?  You can't kill but you can feed on the kill?"

Spike shrugged and started to walk away, not wanting to waste any more time when he could be miserable. Oh bloody hell, I'm turning out like..

"So what if I killed for you?"

Spike stopped and turned around.

"Then what?  You feed it to me and then change my nappy?  No thanks.  I'm not looking for mummying."

"It wouldn't be like that!" The vampire protested.  "It's just.. My Sire was killed and I really.. Suck at this whole.. thing.  The whole hunting, killing thing.  I just kill to feed.  And I don't wanna be like that.  I wanna go down in history as a Great, a legend.."  Spike rolled his eyes.  "Like you.  Or Angelus."

Spike snarled and grabbed a hold of the vampires windpipe.

"You don't wanna end up like Angelus.  Unless you want your own business cards and office in town Helpin' the helpless."

The vampire started laughing.  Spike threw his grip back and released.  "What's so bloody funny?"

"That.  That rage.  The turning thing.  I want to do that.  I want to be like that."

"So what?  I teach you in my infinite wisdom all I know and you.. what?  Kill whoever I want and give them to me?"

The vampire nodded.

Spike shrugged.  "I don't have anything else to do."  He put an arm around the vampire and led him out of the alley.  "So what's your name?"

"Tim."

"Tim?  Tim?  What possessed your mum to give you such a buggering poofy name?  We're gonna have to give you a new one."
 
 

ACT TWO
 
 

In a demon bar, unlike one's in Sunnydale where he could be thrown out, Spike pushed the nuts towards his new protégé.  He's never really had one before.  Wasn't his style.  Left the Yoda stuff up to Angelus while he got on with the killing -- and usually he killed most of Angelus's childe's within a year.  Except Dru.

Spike threw a handful of nuts into his mouth, crunched them and wondered where she was right now.

"So a new name huh?" Tim asked, letting the blood from the glass swirl down his throat.

"Uh.. Yeah," Spike came back to thought.  "Yeah.  New name.  Mine was William before I was turned and.."

"You got Spike because you killed a bunch of people after you were turned with railroad spikes!" Tim added gleeful.

"Aren't you the fanboy?"

"As soon as I was turned, after feeding and everything for the first time, my Sire was killed.  And I don't have a clue what I'm doing, how to avoid vampire hunters, Slayers or anything so I just stayed in mostly, coming out at night to feed.  TV bored me as a human so I took to reading.  I got a bunch of books from this freaky shop in town.  I read everything I could about real vampires.  Like you."

"And let me guess, I was your favourite?" Spike rolled his eyes.

"Mm, not exactly.  An-"

"Don't tell me who was then," Spike finished in a hard tone.  Tim nodded, studying the way Spike was acting perfectly to replicate it for himself.  "Truth is Tim, the bad is something you are, you feel, than something you can pick up and study."

"Oh."

"But having a better name than Timmy the bleeding Sailor helps."

"I've been thinking about that.  What about.. Korn?"

"Korn?" Spike blinked.

"Yeah.  Korn."

"Isn't that.. A band?"

"Well, yeah.  Was never much into that kinda stuff but the name's cool," Tim grinned.

"Korn?" Spike rolled his eyes.  "Fine.  Korn you are."

"Cool.  So this... thing we're gonna do."

"I'm gonna teach you to be the best vamp you can be, and as payment for my services, we'll go out, I'll pick a human or two and you'll kill them losing as little blood as possible."

"Right then," Korn nodded.

"Now first," Spike cleared his throat, waving for another whisky.  "We need to talk about the outfit."
 
 

Cordelia closed the basement door and yawned.

"How is he?" Fred asked her.

Sleepily, Cordelia looked up at them and lazily smiled.  "He's Angel.  He's broody and he's --- in agony!" She shrieked, holding her head and falling to the ground.

She seen blurred images of a familiar blonde vampire accompanying a not so familiar brunette.  They were ripping through a demon bar before more flashes of the street flooded her mind.  The vampire was breaking necks while the familiar drank from them.  Cordelia felt a crushing hole of despair.  Like he was drowning grief.

When the visions stopped she could hardly breathe and found Angel had lifted her up onto the round couch.

"Are you OK?" Angel asked softly without much conviction.

"What was it?" Gunn ran over from the weapons.

"Spike.  It was Spike," Cordelia looked at Angel.

"You're sure?" Wesley asked.

"Who's Spike?" Gunn and Fred chimed in.

"Yuh-huh.  Unmistakable smell of cigarettes, blood, beer and.. He'd been crying.."

"Crying?" Wesley raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah.  He's-He's in mourning for.." Cordelia trailed off watching Angel's darkening face.  "But also on a killing spree.  He and a buddy smashed up a bar."

"But he can't hurt anyone anyway."

"A demon bar.  Then they went for dinner along the front.  Unnamed seemed to be breaking necks and Spike was drinking them.  A binge type thing."

"So two vamps on a blood pub crawl?  Lets go," Gunn spun his axe.

"Surely there's something more to it," Wesley sighed.

"It's Spike.  That's why Cordy got the vision," Angel said quietly.  "They must finally want me to kill him."
 
 

"This is so cool!" Korn yelled to the empty beach as Spike finished draining his fourth in an hour.  "God, I love L.A.!"

"Yeah.  S'great," Spike mumbled, drinking out of a scotch bottle and still tasting the blood on his lips from the last victim.

"OK what now?"

"Now.. Now.." Spike swayed, finding the bottle was empty and throwing it against the ground.  Spike jumped off the paved walkway and onto the sand below.  He lay back and watched the night.  And the stars.

"Come on Spike!  We've got so much more to do!" Korn shrank out of vampire face.

"Yeah yeah.. Well you need to find a lair.." Spike slurred.

"Got one."

Spike pushes himself up.  "What?  A bloody one bedroom flat overlooking the sea?"

"Well.."

"Something dark," Spike said loudly, hitting the sand with his head.  "Quiet.  Underground crypt.  In a cemetery.  Come to think of it--Just bloody move to Sunnydale.. Bleeding Hellmouth and more vamps than you can count.."

"Sunnydale?  You mean the place where the Slayer is?"

"Yeah, she's there all right," Spike said faintly.  He squirmed slightly, rolling in his leather jacket to rub the sand away lazily.  "She's there.  She's there."
 
 

"Yeah, nothing wrong with that," Cordelia dropped her hands at her side.

"No.. Of course not.." Wesley eyed Cordelia carefully.  "Though it would be safer if one of us did it Angel."

"How's that?" Fred said.

"Spike has a chip that prevents him from being any harm to humans in his head.  He gets.. intense pain in his head if he acts on evil intent towards a non-demon."

"Despite the fact he's now getting just-dead victims to feed on."

"Let's split up," Gunn interrupted.  "Me and Cor, Fred and Wes and Angel you go Batman."

"So I'd be safer fighting Spike than Angel?" Fred squeaked.

"Essentially - yes.  Spike could not hurt you in turn.  With Angel.  He can.." Wesley was interrupted.

"And that doesn't matter," Angel said, taking his jacket off a peg.  "I should of done this years ago."
 
 

An hour later, Spike braced himself against the wall of a club.  He lit a cigarette and watched the boy at work.  Spike had just taught him some classic techniques to entice a woman out to the alley and kill her.  He watched.  The girl struggled as fangs tore flesh and blood spilled from her neck.

Spike touched the side of his mouth to check if it was dry from an earlier meal.  Meal, not kill.  It was the kill he had always thrived on and now he was like some kind of vulture.

Is this how he wanted to live?  It was.  Before her.

Before falling in love with her everything was like this and all he wanted was for things to be like this.  But Spike was changing and for the day he'd had to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that it was wrong.  The killing feeding blood and life of the past few hours was wrong, and it wasn't what he promised Buffy.

Spike's thoughts wandered to Dawn.  Last he talked to her was to say goodbye.  The only one he said goodbye to.  Last time he seen her, well, she was with--

"Hello Spike."
 
 

ACT THREE
 
 
 

A voice at his shoulder.

"Hello Spike."

Unmistakable voice.  Spike rolled his eyes and threw his cigarette down.

"Enjoying the show?"

"Seen it all before."

"That the vamp catching your meals for you?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Have my ways Spike."

Spike turned to face him.  His grandsire.. Formerly the great Angelus the untouchable.  Before he could open his mouth, Korn bounded over like a German Shepherd.

"Cool Spike.  That was perfect.  And I always thought that approach was too clichled..Wait.  Woah.  Is this who I think it is?" Korn breathed out slowly.

"Yeah.. The great sodding poof Angel," Spike spat.  Angel's gaze remained fixed and almost empty.  Spike caught a look of it for the first time that night and was put off and actually frightened by it.

"Wow man, I am such a big fan of yours.  The biggest.  I mean you're my favourite and I loved that time in Venice where you and Darla--"

The story was never finished because without taking his eyes off Spike, Angel stabbed Korn through the heart with his stake.  He combusted into dust and flaked onto Spikes shoulder.

Spike turned to brush it off and when he turned his head back, it was met with a fist.

Spike fell to the floor, holding his nose but stumbled back up again.  The bad blood, vodka and scotch were catching up with him now.

"Blood Hell Angelus!"

Angel brandished the stake and walked closer to his grand-childe.

"I should of done this centuries ago.." Angel growled low.  "Then you never could of touched her."

Spike's high brow fell as everything fell into place.  "Oh right.  I got the game now.  You are gonna do harmless me here because I love Bu--"

Angel threw another punch to Spike's face and he staggered back onto the alley wall.

"Don't."

"Don't what?  Don't love her?" Spike yelled.  "Bit bloody late and don't you think I tried that?  Do you have any idea what it is to be in love with her when you know it's the last thing you should do?"

"Yes."

"Oh.  Right," Spike paused.  "Well.. You weren't evil."

"I was."

"Yeah but Angelus never loved her."

Angel froze.

"Oh bleeding Hell!  Look you weren't there!  You didn't see her.. Her body.." Spike crumpled into an emotional wreck.  He slumped down against the wall, his hands covering his face.  To be from one extreme to the other was irregular Spike behaviour so Angel stepped back.  He realised.  Spike really did feel something for her.

Angel stood over Spike in the alley, still gripping the stake.  Spike looked up, angrily tear stricken.

"Well?  Go on then!  It's what you came here to do!  You've been waiting centuries you said!  So kill me!  There's nothing here anyway.."

Angel grabbed a fistful of Spike and dragged him upwards without much struggle from the vampire.  He pressed the stake and Spikes eyes angrily dared him to.

"I may not be in Heaven with her, but at least I'll be dead."

Angel's grip relaxed for some reason and loosened.  Something in Spike kick-started and he shoved Angel away.  Angel landed on the floor of the alley and looked up just in time to see Spike taking off for the rooftops.
 
 

Cordelia and Gunn were in the downtown part of LA, neighbourhood close to Gunn's so he knew his way about.

"I don't see Spike hanging about here," Cordelia sighed.  "It felt like he was going.. Top of the line, glitzy side of LA.  They fed on a cabaret singer earlier.  Flashy stuff..  not here."

"And here's not flashy?"

"No."

"Yeah.  OK then where do you have in mind?"

"Near the beaches.  Can't catch a tan but it's commercial and LA enough."
 
 

Spike jumped from the club rooftop down into another alley far from the one he left Angel in.  If he was going to die, he didn't want it to be on the end of a stake.  Any less, Angel's stake.

He saw some demons and jumped down behind them.  The were tall and well built but he overheard them talking about a club.  Spike turned and saw the figure of Angel stalking the rooftops.  Quickly, he mingled with the crowd and moved in the direction they were going.
 
 

Spike pulled himself from the demon crowd after they entered the club.  Spike looked above the door.  Caritas.

Cautiously he entered, noting the No Violence signs on the wall.  The club was full of demons and some humans alike.  There was a karoke up at the front.

"Oh bleeding Hell.."  Spike leaned against the bar before being surprised by a voice.

"Can I get you something sir?"

He turned to see a barman arranging bottles under the counter.

"I.. um.." Spike checked through his pockets for some change.

"On the house.  From the owner over there," the barman nodded towards a green demon with red horns wearing a deep blue suit and silk blue tie intently watching the performer who was murdering a classic.  As Spike received his drink - unknown to him - the demon turned to hhim, smiling broadly.  Then he walked over.

"William The Bloody.. How are things?"

"I-I-I.. How..?"

"Your aura, hunny."

"My what?"

"Your.. Never mind.  I'm the Host of Caritas, Lorne."

"Spike."

"I know that too.  But something tells me Will is closer to you right now than Spike," Lorne sipped his Sea Breeze.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike said half aggressively.

"That you're more human now than you've ever been before," Lorne said.

"What the--"

"Busy night tonight," Lorne interrupted Spike coolly.  "Lots of people waiting to sing."

"You just all go crazy for karoke down here don't you?"

"Well most of them come for a reading."

"You do kiddies books?  Any Harry Potter?" Spike joked.

"Readings of their aura's.  Their destiny's.  I can see them when they sing."

"Oh.. Right.. So what about this bloke?" Spike pointed.

"I can't tell you another persons reading."

"Or maybe you just don't know and it's all a big con."

"Clever sweetie," Lorne rolled his eyes.  "But you'll not get anything out of me that way.  But I can get something out of you if you get up there.  Even though you're practically screaming."

"I am not."

"So, will you sing?  What number?  Any favourites?"

"I'm not going up there!" Spike spat.

"Love number?  Sorrow?  Or a bit of rockout?"

"I am not bleeding singing!"
 
 

ACT FOUR
 
 

Spike looked down at the screen at his feet and growled low.

"And time can do so much.." He barely sang and cleared his throat nervously.
 
 

Angel looked around and found Caritas.  With any luck, the Host should be able to help in finding Spike.  Killing Spike, he would do on his own.  He walked down the stairs, hearing someone now in full swing at the karoke doing Unchained Melody.

"Woah.. My love.. My darling.."

Angel smiled before he turned the corner and was presented with the figure on the stage.

"I've hungered.. For your touch.. A long.. lonely time.."

"Spike," Angel snarled.  He took off in the direction of the vampire before Lorne put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"At least let him finish the number, Romeo," Lorne pleaded, teasing his straw with his lips.  Angel sighed loudly and crossed his arms.  Lorne passed him another ready made Seabreeze with an umbrella in it.

"I'm prescient!  I knew you were coming," he smiled.

Angel didn't smile.

"Go on Angel, come out of the cloud of gloom and put up an umbrella," Lorne gestured to the colourful umbrella.  Angel shook his head, chuckling and sipped the drink before making a face.

"Now your friend there hasn't got a bad voice but a whole lot of pain going on."

Angel didn't speak.

He watched Spike appeal to the 3 suited women at the side of the stage, like he was a rock singer or film star.  Then Spike looked round and caught Angel's eye, nearly dropping the mike.  Instead of hightailing it out of there, Spike smiled at Angel.  When his grandsire shot him a confused look, Spike nodded to the No Violence sign behind.  Angel shook his head and put a cold hand to his forehead.

When finished, rapturous applause ensued and Spike grinned wildly.

"What?  He wasn't that good!"

"The words sour and grapes have never fit so well together until now," quipped Lorne.  Spike stepped down and over to the Host.

"Hated it at first but then got in the swing of things.  Not bad for a karoke virgin huh?  So, my fortune then," Spike stood beside the bar.

"You don't have one."

"What?" Spike sat up straight.  "What the bloody hell do you mean I don't have one?  Is your emotional feeler thing broken or what?"

"After sunrise today, it's all unclear.  Hazy."

"One might say.. Dusty," Angel smiled quietly.

"Cool your boots Champion," Lorne held out a hand.  "It's up to him how hazy the future becomes.  He's not going out on the end of your stake hunny."

"Y'know Spike, for once we agree," Angel turned to Lorne.  "Your feeler thingy is broken."

"Yeah--What?" Spike backed away.

"I might not be able to kill you in Caritas Spike, but I will kill you," Angel promised.

"Look at how bloody upset I am!" Spike said sarcastically.  "So WHAT!?"

Spike grabbed his jacket, pulled it roughly on and pushed past Angel to head for the exit.  Angel moved to follow him, pausing at Lorne's words.

"I would think very carefully about what you're about to do."

"He's a vampire."

"So are you.  And he exists because of you.  A massive part of his is you.  I saw that when he was singing.  He hates you hunny but your not so friendly side was his hero.  His idol."

"Yeah well he's gone."

"And so is she Angel.  Saw that too."

Angel stayed silent for a long time before Lorne spoke again.  "If you're going after him, I'd go now."

Angel sighed and took off up the stairs.
 
 

Wesley and Fred went back to the car after exhausting yet another source.

"Where could he be Wesley?" Fred sighed, opening the car door.  "I mean we've tried all of your contacts and he seems to be nowhere."

"I know.  William the Bloody on a rampage would be a little more public.  Maybe.. I don't know.."

"We should call Cordelia and Gunn.  See how they've been getting on."

"Yes, good idea."
 
 

Gunn threw a vampire up against the wall and pushed a stake against his skin.

"Do you know anything!?" He yelled.

"Yes yes!  I'll tell you please!"

"Then do tell!  Watcha waiting for?  Tea and crumpets?"

"He was--"

The cell phone rang and Cordelia pulled it out of her pocket and flipped it open.

"Hello... Yeah.. We might have something Wes..  Don't know yet.. Call you back.. Heard from Angel?  Thought not.. He'd have gone to Caritas.. OK.. Or Meryl.. OK.. Bye.."

Gunn looked at her.

"Nothing yet.  Keep pummelling," Cordelia waved a hand.

"You heard the lady!  Talk!"

Cordelia rolled her eyes.  "You are so noir..."
 

Angel found Spike five minutes later on a rooftop, his slender body making a silhouette in the early dangerous light as he watched over the sea towards the lightening horizon.

"This is what that great green poof meant wasn't it?  That I die?" Spike said, knowing his grandsire was there.

"Lorne.  And he said it was hazy.  Because you're stupid enough to do something like this... Then again, so am I."

"Yeah?  When'd you last wait for the sunrise then Angel?" Spike snapped, turning around.

"This time, about 48 hours ago actually."

"Oh."

"Yeah - Oh.  You never think Spike.  All you think about is you.  The hell with the fact shes dead.  You're just thinking how it affects you!" Angel roared, facing his grand-childe.

"I'm never gonna see her again!  Or fight with her or he-hear how she hates me.."

"There you go again!  All you you you!  I'm never gonna be able to see her again either.  Or kiss her or hold her or tell her I love her but the first thing I thought about when I heard she was dead was her.  I thought she's missing out on a whole great life ahead of her and she's never gonna be able to talk again and she's never gonna be able to fight again and that's what kills me!"

"Be selfish for once Angelus!  If you loved her, you'd be thinking about all those things you just said for you because if you loved her--"

"You don't know WHAT LOVE IS!" Angel screamed in tears.  He was using Spike as a punch bag for everything inside and letting go so completely.

"Yes I DO!"

Angel bit his tongue and tries to calm himself.  "No.  You don't.  I left because I loved her.  Because i was thinking of her.  I gave back my humanity for her.  I was thinking of her.  In love, you put that person before yourself.  I always put Buffy before me.  Always.  Don't tell me you know what love is.  Because if you did, that would make me sick."

"Why?  Because I don't have a soul like you?  Perfect you."

"You're concept of love is so twisted that it would make me sick.  You say you loved Dru and I remember you showing it by chaining her up and using whips on her.  I heard my Drusilla cry all night Spike.  All goddamn night and you wouldn't ever stop."

"Why didn't you stop me then, if that was so bad?  And wrong?  And not your definition of love?"

"You know why.  I was Angelus."

"Yeah?  And?  Angelus loved too.  You wouldn't admit it though - that makes you too alike."

"We are alike. We're the same person Spike, you don't get any more similarities."

"That's right.  It was Buffy who always liked to draw the nice clear white line down the middle of you.  And Angelus loved all right."

"Who?  Darla?  We were never in love.  We told each other that fact as often.  Pure lust and raw passion Spike.  That's all we were."

"Maybe not Darla.  And maybe not Dru.  I thought maybe.. me," Spike uncharacteristically reddened.  "But Angelus was infatuated with someone so completely it was a dirty love.  When he came back."

"What?  Four years ago?"

Spike nodded.  Angel blinked and his lungs collapsed as he flew into a blind rage.

"Buffy?  You think Angelus was in love with Buffy?"

Spike said nothing.  His eyes confirmed it.  Angel gritted his teeth and then swung his right fist at his jaw.  Spike crumpled to the ground from the sheer force.  It stung his eyes to tears and paralysed his jaw momentarily.

"What's wrong Sire?  Not liking honesty?" Spike grinned, getting up.

"I'm leaving you to burn.  And I find out you're not in a pile of dust, I'm coming back for you," Angel muttered, heading for the edge of the building.

"Yeah, Buffy'd like that."

Angel froze and turned slowly.  "Will, you say her name once more and I swear to God I won't kill you, but kept you chained against a wall where I'll slowly revisit every torture method in memory possible."

Spike opened his mouth to retaliate but the closed it.  He glanced at Angel barely trying to control himself by clenching and unclenching his fists.

"I saw you all snug in the Summers house," Spike said simply.  "I left morning after Glory and everything..  Went to a little place few miles from Sunnydale and middle of nowhere. But I came back few days later because I promised to keep Dawn safe.  And I saw you.  Holding that little girl in your arms.  Telling her about Buffy.  Protecting her like i was supposed to.  Only I realised something Angelus."

"What?"

"I was never supposed to.  I was just filling your place til you got your bloody act together and came back for them.  Heard Dawn say as much.  That kid bloody loves you.  And big sis.  You're supposed to be there.  Not here.  Not a champion.  But their hero.  And I'm so much of a screw up I failed completely to protect them both.  Can't ever replace you."

Spike faced the sea again.

"Don't know why I even tried."

Angel cocked his head to the right and watched him.  The genuine tears of sadness and loss.

"Spike. Do what you want to do.  You kill someone again, or hurt anyone, and I'll come after you.  But I'm so tired."

Orange flecks of sun appeared.

"Tired of crying and sleeping and living and fighting that I just don't.. have... it anymore.  So, there you go."  Angel turned to jumped down in the darkness waiting to provide shelter for him.  He smiled sadly, wondering if this was the last he'd see of his once favourite Boy-Childe.  Dru sired him, but Spike was always his.

"I'll see you around, Will."

Angel jumped into the darkness and uncovered the manhole.  He knew Spike had but minutes left.
 
 

Spike listened to the silence and the waves surrounding his ears.  Was this it?  Could this be it?  The end of William the Bloody?  Too pathetic to live anymore?  Too weak.

Was that him?

If he could see his reflection, he knew he wouldn't be staring back.

Could there be a world without Spike?  This chip wouldn't be shoved up his head forever.  When it was gone, he'd be Spike again.  And the world would tremble.  He could laugh and love again.  Another Slayer dead.  It was Buffy, but another Slayer dead, he told himself.  

I'm stronger than this.

Spike half smiled and waved a hand.  "Bugger this."

With that, he ran off the roof opposite way from Angel and into a nearby building.