*Knight In Shining Armour Complex
**Woe Is Me; Buffy Loves Another Complex

When you talk
Does it seem like he's not even listening to a word you say?

"There seemed to be a sudden rise of new vampires in the area.  Like someone was building an army.  I tracked all the places where the bodies were discovered and they were centred around a warehouse left unused when a clothing company went bankrupt.  I'm faxing you the map just now."

"Well researched Finn.  We'll take it from here."

"Yes sir.  What about.. Do you need me to suit up for this one?"

"Give yourself a break Finn and go home to the girlfriend," the Sergeant chuckled.  "She still doesn't know.. About your renewed involvement with the Military."

"No Sir."

"Good.  Keep it that way."

"That would be the best thing to do."

"It is good to have you back Agent Finn.  We've had three major HST gang kill/captures due to your information."

"It's good to be back.  And know I can do something."

"Agent Miller's been hinting at a possible full return.  Are you up to it Finn?  Higher people have welcomed this.  You're not going to disappoint them are you?"

"Are you.. Offering me.. my life back?"

"You're one of us FInn.  You belong with us.  Not there playing second fiddle to the Slayer.  Consider it."

"I will Sir.  Thank you Sir," he nodded.

"Thanks Finn.  Bye."

Riley replaced the phone with a click as Buffy opened the door.

"Hi," she said softly as she pushed the door shut.

"Hi," Riley tried to smile.  He pushed the map he had faxed to the army off the table behind him as Buffy embraced him in a kiss.  "How's your mom?" He asked gently as he slipped out from between Buffy and the table.

"She's um, she's better.  She told me to get out of the hospital.  Get some air.. Some boyfriend-age."

Riley nodded and sat on his bed.  "I see."

"You.. see?" Buffy ventured.

"Yeah.  It's good that she's all right."

"There's still.. After.  She's got medication and check-ups.  She's not out of the woods yet," Buffy told him standing between his knees.

"She's a Summers.  She'll be fine," Riley said in a low voice, moving from his bed over to the radio.  Buffy turned and sat where he had been moments before on the bed.

"What's wrong with you?  You're so jumpy.  Like you.. don't want me to touch you."

"I'm just.. A little energetic.  How about we shoot some hoops?" He suggested taking down his basketball.

"Sure if we were in fourth grade and you pulled my hair and ran away as a sign that you liked me.  There are better ways to.. Work of energy.. And tension," she said slipping off her suede jacket.

"Or we could train.  You've not been training a lot recently.  Glory's always about and.."

Buffy walked up to him and pressed herself against him and the door.  She reached up and kissed him delicately, growing deeper before he held her at arms length and broke the kiss.

"I just remembered I'm meeting someone about.. A psychology thing," he nodded taking down his jacket and folding it over his arms.  "I'll walk you to the Magic Shop."

"Or i could wait here for you," Buffy suggested plainly.

"I'll be a while."

"OK," Buffy said slowly, retrieving her jacket and walking out the door Riley held open for her.

Does he leave when you need him the most
Does his friends get all your time

Riley squeezed his eyes shut and rolled down his turtleneck sleeve tightly over his arm.  He felt the blood seep through onto the white bandage as he left the vampire brothel, making his way down the stairs.  He saw his breath staining the air white and reached into his pocket to find his beeper.  He turned it on and looked through to find he had a lot of new messages.  All from Buffy.

"Dammit," he hissed and bit his lip, running down the alley.

"Riley where have you been?" Buffy said frantically as she got up off the seat she was sitting restlessly in.  "I beeped you like five hours ago.  Oh and every ten minutes since then."

"I know.  Sorry.  I got caught up," he said directing his stare away from her.

"Caught up in a net where you couldn't reach a phone?" Buffy snapped.

"I'm sorry Buffy.  I was still at that meeting."

"Because they don't have pay phones there."

"How is she?" He asked softly, ignoring Buffy's rage.

"She had a little dizziness and started to hear stuff again," Buffy sighed rubbing her arms.  "They took her up to surgery three hours ago.  They won't tell me anything."

"No news is good news."

"Is it?  How about you actually help instead of being proverb boy?" Buffy snarled and walked back to Dawn who was sleeping on chairs.  Buffy lifted Dawn's head on to her knee and stroked her hair. Riley sat the other side of Buffy.

Riley stared straight ahead, focusing his attention on a young couple sitting together, hugging each other.  He had his arm protectively around her waist and shoulders, pulling her closer as, Riley assumed, the doctor in front of them gave them some bad news.  She broke down in sobs of tears and he cried at upon seeing her in so much pain.  He bit his lip and then surrounded her in another hug as she gripped him closely, deathly scared of letting go.  Like she would lose another she loved.

Riley turned his head and seen Buffy staring hypnotically at the couple.  A tears formed in the corner of her eye but she quickly brushed it away and coughed.

"Are you cold?" Riley asked gently.

"No.  But Dawn might be," she told him, her tone hard and strong.  Riley took off his jacket and folded it neatly around Dawn's upper body.  She stirred in her sleep and then sighed before drifting peacefully off again.

"Riley," Buffy said turning her head to him.  She paused and noticed what he was wearing.  A black turtleneck.  He wore a blue one yesterday and a beige one the day before.  It was winter but it wasn't that chilly in California.  "Are you cold?"

"No.  I gave Dawn my jacket," he reminded her softly.

"N-No.  I mean your turtleneck.  You've wore a turtles neck the past couple of days."

"Buffy.."

"No Riley don't interrupt me.  I've been a Slayer for what?  Six years or so.  I know how to hide a bite.  Either a bandage, a turtleneck or a neck scarf."

"Buffy you're being ridiculous," Riley said standing up.  Buffy slowly eased Dawn off her knee and moved towards Riley.  He leapt back.

"Riley I'm serious.  Let me see!"

"There's nothing to see.  I just like turtlenecks lately.  Next time I change style, I'll notify you well in advance and go for a full body examination."

"Let me see!" Buffy said as the doctor came up behind her.

"Ms Summers?"

"Sorry," she quickly apologized to the doctor, spinning round.  "Any news?"

"She's out of surgery and in the recovery unit.  It's looking good," he nodded holding the Summers, Joyce file in his hands.

"You said that last time you were done invading her brain," Buffy pointed out.

"I understand you're upset.."

"You don't understand a thing!"

Riley put his hands on Buffy's shoulders.  "She's a little on edge."  Buffy turned round and hit his arms off her.

"Get off me!  My mother was just through brain surgery.  I think I'm gonna be a little more than on edge.  Right now I'm currently free falling off said edge."

"She's not going to be awake for some time.  Go out, get some air," the doctor advised.

"I've got all the air I need, thanks," Buffy snapped.  "Right now I just want to see my mom."

"When she wakes up, you can see her.  It's important she rests.  It's crucial she rests."

"Buffy, let's take Dawn to the park," Riley suggested.

"At night?"

"Let's take her to the Magic Box.  Think of her Buffy.  She's just as scared as you.  And fourteen years old.  The hospital isn't her favourite place to be."

"It's not mine either," Buffy told him.

"OK.  So let's take a breather.  She's through the surgery, few hours until she wakes up.  We can go get a burger, come back in time for her waking."

"OK," Buffy nodded.  "All right."

"How--" Willow started to ask.  She, Xander, Giles, Anya and Tara had been waiting to hear news since Buffy insisted she was OK and Riley would turn up.  They had left her three hours ago at Buffy's insistence, hoping Riley wouldn't be much longer.  Willow wondered how long he had been.

( If you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel )

"She's out of surgery.  We took a rest while the anaesthetic wears off," Buffy said walking down the steps, curling Dawn under her arm.  "Why don't you go through to the bed next door."

"I've already slept in the hospital for like ever," Dawn told her sister.

"I know.  Maybe you could do with some more rest.  Now we know she's OK.  You'll sleep better."

"Oh i get it.  You want me out the way so you can talk about secret scooby stuff."

"Please Dawn?" Buffy asked her wearily.  Dawn sighed and nodded.  "Thank you." Buffy pulled her closer and kissed her forehead lightly.

"What was that for?" She asked quietly.

"For not bombarding me with twenty hundred questions as usual."

"Well I'm wiped.  Expect normal service to pick up tomorrow," she smiled faintly and walked through to Buffy's training room.

"Any Glory shaped breakthrough?" Buffy asked, her expression desperate.  Five exasperated faces told her they hadn't found anything.  "OK.  What about the Key?"

Again, blank and sorry faces looked up at her.

"I need a little air," Buffy announced.  "I think my left lung just collapsed."

She stole a look at Giles who nodded back at her.  She opened the door, jingling the bell and stood outside the magic shop, letting the door swing shut.  Everyone sat in silence, reading on, trying to find something.

"So anything?" Riley broke the silence with.

Willow looked up at him, tired and faintly annoyed.  "Yes in the time between Buffy asking us that and her leaving, we managed to find something about Glory."

Riley put his head down and nodded.  "Fair point."

"We're still batting zero on the Glory team," Xander said trying to break the hostility.  "Or is that against the Glory team?"

"Go Team Against Glory," Anya put in.  Xander smiled and squeezed her hand.  "Well that's assuming she knows how to play baseball."

"She's really strong," tara mused.  "Maybe she hits the ball too far and misses the whole point of the game.  Not out of the park far, out of the planet far."

"I'm gonna go see Buffy," Riley told them.  He put his head out the front door and found Buffy against a wall.  He went over to her and bent down.

"Hey."

"Hey," she returned, pushing up.  He stood tall again as well.

"About Glory.  I was just thinking.." Riley said biting his lip.  "She's um, well she's powerful.  And the seven of us don't have the.. man power.  A team to back us up.  And if the Initiative was around.."

"But it's not Riley.  This is independence.  No council to back you up, no massive government facility with an ultimately evil plan.  Nothing.  The seven of us - we are the team.  So just.. get used to it."

"We don't have to Buffy.  The Initiative isn't around but the army is.  And it could help us."

"Help us what?  They would wanna know everything.  The Beast.. Whatever she wants.. the Key.  They'll want to take her away and put her in a white lab and stick needle in her like some needle sticking place.."

"Who Buffy?  Who are you talking about?  The Key?"

"Uh.. Yeah. Assuming it's a person.  It could be anything.  But if it's a person.. The government would want it..  He, She whatever.  And that can't happen. I don't like outsiders knowing things," she dismissed.

"What if they don't wanna pick apart demons?  What if they wanna make the place safer?  Then, would you let them help?"

"Riley you're talking like a negotiator.  You don't know what they're doing or their orders.  Last contact you had was when they took that thing out of you."

"Yeah.. I know," Riley lied.  "What if--"

"Just get over it Riley.  They can't help."

"Can't or you won't let them?  Beginning to know what it feels like," he mumbled.

"Oh get a job. Something - if you're so bored with saving the world.  I've been doing this since I was fifteen and I didn't realize it was dull."

"Buffy what is happening to you?  To us?" Riley exclaimed.

"Oh I forgot it's all my fault!"

"Well you're too wrapped up in other things to give a damn about where we're headed!"

"Oh sorry, my mother's in the hospital after major brain surgery for the second time and I really don't have the time or the energy to massage your ego."

"Think that's it Buffy?  Why won't you let me.. Let me in?"

"Because I already did that!"

"Not with me."

"No," Buffy said slowly.  "But las-last time.  I did.  Everything.  Every bit of me.  And he still left.  So tell me Riley what's to stop you doing the same?"

"So we're talking about Angel?" He said holding his arms out.

"No we're talking about Parker," she snapped sarcastically.

"Why don't you just let him go!? Get the Hell on with your life!"

"Because I can't.  I physically can't let go.  You have no idea what it's like Riley.  If i let go I'd have to stop caring altogether.  And give up.  Stop fighting."

"What?  You still have Dawn and the gang.  Your mom.  Not to mention your Now Boyfriend who's heart is probably wrecked under the wheels of that van over there," Riley growled pointing at a white van.  "What don't you have to fight for?"

"This is it!  This is what I'm supposed to have!  A human boyfriend, a gang who loves said boyfriend and a mom who approves of him.  A normal life.  You're it Riley!  My normal life embodied.  And you know what?  To Hell with it!  If my normal life includes a normal boyfriend who shows up five hours after I called him when I really needed him when my not so normal vampire boyfriend would run across rooftops to be there for me then I don't want a normal life.  If my normal boyfriend lies to me when I sooo know he's been bit by a vampire, probably on a Solo Tough Guy patrol whereas my other creature of the night boyfriend would be honest with me even when it meant telling me unbearable things he did when he was evil and didn't want me to see that side of him then I'm not sure a normal life is what i want."

"You never answered my question."

"Because you're not ready to hear the answer."

"Maybe I don't need to be ready Buffy.  Maybe you just need to be straight with me."

"Like you are with me?"

"Don't changed the subject!"

"So you can--"

"I'm not talking about--"

"Oh yes--"

"What are you fighting for!?" He hollered over her.

"Angel!" She screamed back on impulse.  Then she covered her mouth.  "Happy Riley?" She said finally.  "I'm fighting because one day, I think I'll be able to have my normal life with Angel.  Something beautiful and magical will happen and that's what I fight for.  To make it to that day."

Riley took a few steps back.  He stuck his tongue in the roof of his mouth and looked upwards feeling tears fill his eyes like acid.  "Angel," he said in a gravely voice.  "You're still in love with him."  Buffy looked down and hugged her chest.  "Then what the Hell are we doing together?"

"Having a normal life," Buffy answered, her eyes feeling heavy and full.  "Riley?" She said reaching out to put a hand on his arm.  He threw it off and turned to walk away.  "Riley!"

"Just.. Leave me alone Buffy.  Just.. please."

She nodded and couldn't watch him walk away.  She opened the door and watched everyone quickly shuffle back in their seats and concentrate on the page.  They had seen the whole thing.

"Inconspicuous guys, really," she told them.  Willow stood up.

"Buffy are you.."

"Fine.  It's Riley.  He'll be back."

"You think?" Willow challenged.  "What if.."

"I've had enough what if's for today.  Right now I don't care.  I want my mom home and well and I want to know why Glory wants the Key and shut her down."

They all nodded and went back to research.

There was another person across the street, hiding the the shadows of the rooftops who heard the argument.  He watched the Slayer go in the Magic Box and saw her blond haired boyfriend march off in the opposite direction.  He took another look at the Magic Shop door and headed the other way in the direction of the boy.

Riley sat on the swing and kicked his legs into the sandpit, scattering the sand grains into the evening breeze.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No not at all," Riley said, not turning round to the man behind him.  "Just collecting my thoughts."

"So I see," the man said, hands in his pockets.  He walked round to the swing beside Riley and sat down, chuckling to himself.

"So what are you doing back in town?"

"Usual, Riley.  I come back every Friday night."

RIley snapped his head to look at him.  "What?  Why?  Since when?"

"Think I could go a whole week wondering if she's all right?  I've been doing this since Thanksgiving after I left.  I know I'm a glutton for punishment."

"Does Buffy know?"

"She knows.  I didn't tell her; no body told her.  She just knows."

"Oh.  So witness out little argument did you Angel?  Enjoy yourself?" He growled.

"Yes and no," Angel smirked, swinging back and forth slightly.

"Come again?"

"I knew everything she said without her having to say it out loud.  It shouldn't have been for my benefit.  I'll always love Buffy even more each day and it'll hurt each day I come back here a little more.  A big part of me enjoyed it Riley because I know she still feels the same way she did last time I held her.  But a big part of me didn't like it because.. You."

Riley blinked.  "Me?"

"Well you know I hate you, that's pretty much a given," Angel said licking his lips.  "But I left her so she could have a normal life.  She still says she doesn't want this normal life.  I know she doesn't.   And that means my sacrifice is almost in vain."

"Almost?"

"Well if I don't talk to her or be near to her, there's no chance of Angelus coming back.  The only good side of the deal," Angel shrugged.  "You have no idea what it's like looking from the outside at all the pain she's in.  Her mom, Dawn, the K---"  Angel froze when he realize that Buffy hadn't told him about Dawn being the Key.  "This whole Glory thing.  And you.  You have everything I want.  I am so jealous of you I don't know where to begin."

"Jealous?  You're jealous?"

"You can do all these things with her and you have no idea how lucky you are.  Not lottery lucky Riley.  Nothing near lottery lucky.  Think of the biggest odds in the world, triple it and you're still no where near.  Well, that's to me anyway.  Look at you.  And Parker.  You take it for granted.. Her for granted.  When you shouldn't.  You should worship the ground she walks on Riley because that's what she deserves."

"Yeah well I guess I don't love her like you do," Riley spat bitterly.

"No you don't.  No one could.  And that's something else screwing me up," Angel laughed.  "And I want to turn you into so many different new shapes and colours for treating her badly when you have no excuse."

"And you did?"

"I'm a 247 year old vampire with a Soul who's forced to push her away because it'll bring back everyone's worst nightmare.  You're a human who's getting bite jobs off vampire whores because he feels all neglected.  Weigh it," Angel stared hard at him.

"How do--"

"I know Riley.  I lurk.  I also have an illegitimate childe Spike who also lurks.  We get around."

"Don't--"

"The only reason I'm not telling Buffy is because of Joyce.  And Dawn.  And it'll hurt her so much.  And I'll have to live with breaking her just that little bit more.  And I can't do that anymore Riley.  I can't be the one to do that."

"So what are you talking to me for?  Are you trying to get us back together?"

Angel let out a spontaneous laugh and then covered his mouth, shaking his head.

"No.  No.  I'm here to slap you if you treat her wrong again.  And by slap i mean eviscerate.  And I will tell Buffy about the government Initiative meetings or whatever you've been having unless you tell her."

"Now?"

"She's got more important things on I think you'll agree."

Riley nodded sombrely.  "So what?"

"Answer me this honestly," Angel said.  "Are you gonna leave her?"

"She's just waiting for you anyway--"

"That's not what i asked."

Riley sighed.  "They offered me my job back.  At the army."

"And?"

"And I want to be a part of something."

"You're a part of Buffy!" Angel nearly cried.  "Isn't that enough?   It's everything.  Jesus Riley do they teach common sense in Iowa?"

"Yeah they do," Riley glared.  "But I'm not a part of Buffy.  I'm not a part of anything here.  Graham was right.  I belong with them.   Where I can do good. Here, I'm what?  Finn Spare Parts Limited?  Buffy doesn't love me.  Not really.  She wishes she could.. and she tries to.  And she's too easy to fall in love with herself.  There should be a health warning."   Angel nodded in agreement.

"So.."

"So I think I'm going to take it.  Once her moms better, I'll leave town."

Angel ruffled his hair gently so he didn't put it out of style.  "Do it right Riley.  And do it fast.  You don't know what you're giving up.  What you have."

"No.  I don't know.  Because Buffy and i have never had it.  That thing..  Little part of Buffy's not enough for me."

Angel nodded in understanding and Riley got up and started to walk away.

"Hey Finn!"

"Yeah?"

"I never got to tell you how much I enjoyed kicking your ass last year," Angel smirked, holding onto the swing's chains.  Riley laughed.  "Oh and I would do it again because you left Buffy alone at the hospital for five hours but I'm having way too much fun on this swing here. So just hope I'm never in the laceration mood when there's not a swing set nearby."

Riley laughed again and walked out of the park leaving Buffy's Soulmate rocking gently on the swing.

Angel walked back to his car which was parked at the mansion so Buffy couldn't spot it, and thought about his conversation with Riley.  So Buffy's heart would be broken - again - and he had a part in it. ; He heard some noises; trash cans crashing to the ground, a struggle, bangs and thought he may as well save a life when he was here.

He ran down the alley near the Bronze and saw three men in chain mail and armour fighting someone.  He launched himself into the nearest 'knight' and threw him out of the way and into the wall where he knocked out cold.  Angel grabbed the sword of the knights and held it at his throat.  He quickly looked and saw the other knight fly into the dumpster.

Then he saw Buffy.  She exhaled and then caught sight of him.  Angel growled and grabbed hold of the remaining knight, throwing a fist into his face, sending him unconscious.

"Hi," Buffy said softly.

"Hey," Angel said uncomfortably.  He reached forward and gingerly touched a cut on Buffy's head.  She hissed and drew back a little.  He took a woven hanker chief out of his pocket and held it against her head.  Buffy reached up and placed her fingers over his, taking hold of the pressure.

"Thanks."

"No problem.  What.. who were they?"

"Knights of Byza-something.  Bad guys looking for.."

"The Key?"

"Yeah.  Somebody misplaced it and everyone's on this big scavenger--"

"I know about Glory and the Key and.. Dawn," Angel said slowly.  "I know."

"How can you know?"

"You know me," Angel nodded his head looking anywhere but her eyes.

"Yeah I do."

"So I have to go--"

"Why are you here?"

"You know," Angel told her again.  "Friday and all."

"Yeah I know," Buffy smiled softly.  "You're OK?  You're taking care of yourself?"

"I'm gonna grow up to be a big strong vampire, getting to bed on time and all," Angel teased.  "And you?  With college and slaying?"

"Yeah I'm doing pretty good.  College is collegey and slaying is.. Slayery.. And i'm suddenly losing a grasp of all adjectives."

"And Riley?"

"What's about him?" Buffy asked curiously.  She remembered they time Angel asked her about Scott, unaware he broke up with her a week earlier.

"Is he..?"

"Still around.  Not for long cuz the male species are allergic to Buffy.  But something's going on.  I don't have the energy to care."

"And your mom?"

"She's just out emergency surgery.  I was on my way over to check on her."

"What about Dawn?"

"Sleeping."

Angel nodded.  He dropped the sword gently.  "Buffy.. I.. mi--" He paused and closed his eyes.  "I hope she gets better.  Your mom."

"Thank you."  Angel started to walk away in the direction of the mansion.  "Angel?"

"Yeah?" Angel said quickly, turning round.

"Cou-- Would you come with me, to the hospital?"

"Sure."

"No mom.  I can stay all night."

"Buffy," Joyce smiled at her daughter.  "We both know there's world in peril evil going on."

"Mom there's always world in peril evil going on.  Doesn't mean I can't stay here with you."

"The doctor said rest and as much as I love seeing you, you're not the most rest-inducing of people Buffy.  Just looking at you makes me tired, all jumpy and energetic."

"Mom.." Buffy said leaning forward in her chair.

"I don't need twenty four hour daughter care.  You can go out.. Slay things.  Make sure everyones safe."

"Mom.."

"Go," Joyce insisted.

"OK.  A few more minutes and I'll disappear," Buffy agreed knowing she wouldn't win.  "But I absolutely forbid you from watching trashy soap operas in my absence."

"OK.  Is Riley outside there?  Ask him to come in."

"It's not Riley, mom," Buffy nodded.

"Oh.  I thought I heard you talk to someone."

"You did.  It's Angel," Buffy confessed, twisting a piece of the hospital curtain cord through her fingers.

"Angel?  Your ex-boyfriend Angel?  Angel vampire Angel?" Joyce asked shocked, in a low whisper.

"He's a lot more than my ex-boyfriend mom," Buffy reminded her.

Joyce looked into her daughters misty eyes and reached out a hand to her.  "Come over here Buffy."

Buffy took her mothers hand and sat down on the bed next to her.

"I want you to be honest.  Tell me what you feel about Riley.. And about Angel."

"Mom.."

"No mom. I want to know.  Are you in love with Riley?"

Buffy stared at her mom for a while, furrowed brow.  "I love him."

"No.  That's not what i asked.  You love Giles.  You love Xander.  You love Willow.  Are you in love with him?"

"No," Buffy whispered finally.  "No.  But he's makes me.. He's normal and human and--"

"Safe and easy?" Joyce asked raising her eyebrows.  Then she shook her head.  "I didn't mean easy in a.. sex way you know?"

"I know," Buffy nodded.

"So, what about Angel?" Joyce asked with difficulty.  "Are you in love with Angel?  Are you still in love with Angel?"

"Mom.." Buffy said in a low voice.

"Buffy."

"Can't you still just by.. looking at me?"

"I can," Joyce confirmed.  "But for your benefit I want you to say it outloud."

"I'm always in love with Angel mom.  Nothing'll shake that."

"So why are you leading Riley on?"

"Mom I thought you didn't like Angel."

"That's not it.  I like him."

"Yeah you like him.  You sort of tolerate him.  everyone does. Giles, Willow..  You all like Angel; just not with me.  Not in love with me," Buffy said softly.

"You can understand why Buffy.  His Soul--"

"Yeah I know the dance.  More than anything I wish that being with Angel could be less than difficult," Buffy whimpered.  "Just to have one day with him..  But one day is never enough.  It's never gonna be enough mom."  Joyce's face crumpled and she pulled her daughter toi her in an emotional hug.  Buffy silently cried and shook as Joyce stroked her hair.

"Buffy listen to me," Joyce said taking Buffy's hands.  "This whole tumour thing..  It's made me think.  A lot.  About why he left.."

"He left me so I could have a normal life.  So he says."

"He left, in part, because I asked him to.  And I'm so sorry for that now Buffy because I look at you  now.. I look in your eyes when Riley has his arms around you.  And you're not all there.  You're not with him. You're not thinking about anything but Angel. After i saw.. Angelus and he told me that.. You two had.. Let's not go into that.  Anyway.  During then, he was still all i saw in your eyes.  And tonight, I saw that look back, shining in your eyes," Joyce smiled sadly pushing a strand of Buffy's blonde hair back from her green eyes.  "Nothing'll ever shake that."

"Mom, I love you," Buffy said softly through some tears breaking like waves on her cheeks.

"My Buffy.  I love you too.  I want what's best for you.  I want you to be happy.  Does being with Angel make you happy?"

"Yes.  Him too.  And that's exactly the problem."

"Things are never fair," Joyce nodded.  "You had a fight with Riley?"  Buffy nodded.  "What about?"

"Angel.  He asked me what I was fighting for and I told him it was because one day I believed we'd - Angel and I- get the chance to be together.  Then he left.  Something's going on with him.  I think he got bit by  a vampire and he's keeping things from me.  Safe and easy huh?"

"Buffy you have to decide.  I had this dream.. Freaky I know.  It was muddled.  And... I just know you have to do what makes yout happy- who you need.  Just choose and everything will work itself out."

"When'd you become Prophectic Mom?"

"It comes with Mom Of The Slayer package honey."  Buffy nodded and wiped away a rivulet of tears on her face.

"B-But what if.. I mean it's Angel?  You guys.. Giles, Willow you.. You don't--"

"It is Angel, honey," Joyce told her. "I think your few minutes are up."

"OK.  I love you," Buffy said wrapping her arms around Joyces neck.  "I'll bring Dawn by in the morning."

Angel stood up from one of the chairs as he saw Buffy close the door over and say more goodbyes to her mom.

"How is she?" Angel asked, his hands in his pockets.  Buffy looked paler than usual under this hospital lighting.  Her eyes were puffy and pink, her cheeks almost tear streacked.  She seemed thinner and unsteady on her feet.

"Better.  Better," Buffy repeated.  "Thanks for coming with me Angel."

"No--No problem at all," he said politely.  Buffy felt her face flush with anger.  He was acting like they were nothing more than friends, or aquitanciances.  Every moment, every touch they shared had never happened.  She resisted the urge to scream when she realized that he was just uncomfortable.

"I'll walk you home.. Or to the Magic Shop before I go," Angel said. "I think I have enough time."

"Thanks.  Magick shop.  Have to get Dawn."

"OK," Angel agreed and let her go in front of him out the hospital corridor.

My love is all I have to give
Without you I don't think I can live

They walked for the most part in silence until Buffy spoke.

"Did you see me earlier?  In front of the magick Shop?  Arguing with Riley?" She questioned.  Angel grimaced and nodded.

"I didn't mean to spy.  Just lurk.  I was waiting to see if you were OK and you both were out there.  Sorry."

Buffy nodded, accepting his apology.  She knew that he came back on Friday nights.  For some reason.  But hearing him admit it, she was surprisingly calm.  Then she flushed red with embarassment.

"I guess you heard the um.. part.  That I was--"

"Fighting for," Angel nodded.  "Yeah I heard that."

"Truth is Angel," Buffy stopped and turned to him.  He backtracked slowly and faced her.  "I'm being to lose faith.  I don't think we'll ever get that day."

Oh but we did..

"And if I can't believe in that.." Buffy sighed brokenly.  "I don't have anything real left to believe in."

"Believe it Buffy," Angel said gently.  "We'll get to it some day."

"Some day after I'm dead?"

Angel's face darkened.  "You know I hate when you talk like that."

"I know."

"And for now you have so much.  Your friends, Dawn, your mom, Riley.."

Not for long, Buffy.

Ha, not for long Angel.  He's gonna leave me like *you* did.

"Riley.  The same Riley you hate?  The same Riley who didn't show up for five hours when I really needed someone because he was at some fake meeting.  The same Riley who got bit on patrol and lied to me turning into Turtle Neck Model of the Year 2001?  The same Riley who I just told that I was still in love with you?"

"Yeah," Angel replied weakly.

"It's a case of who breaks up with who first Angel.  You know, my mom just told me why you left.  She asked you to."

"Oh."

"Yeah Oh.  You know what else she let me in on?"

"She regrets teaching you to walk and talk?"

Buffy drew Angel a look.  "No.  She told me she had some dream of something.  That I have to choose."

"Choose what Buffy?  You can choose to be with Riley or without.  We're not an option," he said quietly.

"Do you love me anymore Angel?  Does anything make you feel anymore?"

"Yeah," he spat out.  "Coming back here.  Which is stupid and a mistake.  But I have to.  I have to come back."

"Why?"

"To make sure you're OK."

"Hello?  Telephone?"

"Oh yeah.  That'd be great.  The phone.  Like you'd tell me if you were hurt anyway.  And last I recall, phones don't let me see you.  That's why i come back."

"You don't hope I'll go 'Hey Angel come out of those bushes, I've dumped Riley and give us a kiss?'" Buffy asked sarcastically.

"I dream about that.  I want it to happen.  But I know it can't.  I know we can't.  So I keep at a distance."

"Yeah.  Well that's tired," Buffy sighed.  She leaned forward and up to place her lips on Angel's for a gentle kiss.  She pulled back and looked at him.  "Tell me you don't want that."

"Buffy," Angel murmured, pulling her body closer for another kiss, deeper and more passionate than the first.  He finally tore himself away and kissed her neck.

"Do you trust me?"

"With everything."

"I think you'll hate me for this.  I know you will," Angel shook his head.  "Despise me at least.  But I have to tell you.  Riley's been having meetings with the military.  He told me that they offered him his old job back."

"I knew," Buffy confessed chewing her lip.  "I knew he was meeting them again.  Helping them. I've been to three vamp nests lately all cleaned up and dusted out; like the Initiative used to do.  Riley knew about them.  He told the army then poof, no vamps.  I wanted him to tell me.  But mostly I didn't care.  My mom was.. y'know."

"I know," Angel said relieved that hadn't went as bad as he had thought.  "That's not the only meeting he's been having."

"What else?"

"He has be bitten.  Not on patrol," Angel said licking his lips nervously.  "Spike told me so i wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not.  So I checked it out myself.  I wanted him to tell you.  This is his problem.  But when he treats you the way he does, it's mine."

"What has he done?"

"Vampire brothels.  People are willing victims.  They pay for vampires to bite them.  they get off on the rush of adrenaline and danger.  Riley's been going to the one on near the docks.  Paying vampire whores to bit him.  Check his neck, his arm, there's scars.  It's um, addictive..." Angel trailed off looking at Buffy's expression.  Betrayal, hurt and regret.

"Attention?  Is that why he's doing it?  He went all schtizo when Dracula bit me--"

"DRACULA BIT YOU?!" Angel roared making Buffy flinch.  "That two-bit wannabe vampire loser bit you?  he drank you?  Where I did?"

"Yeah," Buffy said slowly.  "You know him?"

"Yeah I know him!  Back in Angelus days, Spike and I played with him a little.  Spike took bets on how long he would last.  I dusted his ass but obviously he comes BACK.  You know his name wasn't Dracula.  He changed it after the goddamn book came out.  That was about me you know, the book.  Stoker and I, we met, I nearly killed him.  Then that goddamn LOSER was just a fledgling.  Son of a whore.  And the Goddamn demon was trying to make it about him.  And now he had his TEETH in you?"

"Yeah," Buffy repeated, shell shocked.

"That's it.  I'm hunting him down.  I'm collecting his ashes up in a little box, separating them so that prick can't come from the dead like he does all the time," Angel snarled, pacing in front of Buffy.

"Over-protective much?"

"Sorry," Angel closed his eyes trying to calm down.  "He bit you.  I'll kill him.  We'll move on."

"Yeah."

"So Riley?"

"Oh he's voted off the island."

"Buffy maybe--"

"He's been lying to me for too long.  He's been letting vampires suck off him. There's no way I ever want him to touch me again."

"A seco--"

"No Angel.  I have to choose right?  I choose you.  Angel, I want you."

"I can't give me to you Buffy," he told her.  "No matter how much I want to."

Buffy placed a hand over his still chest and kissed him slowly.  "I love you."

"I love you."

As they kissed, Buffy felt images flash through her head
 

(I love you. I try not to but I can't stop)

(Me too.  I can't either..)

(Close your eyes)

(Death is your gift)

(I don't like him)

(You're not thinking about anything but Angel)

(I love you)

(I love you)

(death is your gift)

(..love you)

(..Is your gift)

(Love)

(Is your gift)

(Love is your gift)

And a final image.  Of the First Slayer.  She stood in the desert, the sun beating down on her, warming her skin.  She turned her head to Buffy.

Love has saved you both.  It is your gift to him.

Her thoughts so loud Buffy felt them vibrate through her skin.

"What gift?"

Gift of love and of life.  A living vampire
 

Buffy sucked in breath and pulled back from Angel.

"Did you feel that?"

"Yes," he nodded, keeling over.  He wheezed several times and looked up at Buffy with a beautiful smile.  "Feel this."

Buffy placed a hand on his cheek.  It was warm and glowing with life.  He chest rose and fell.  His heart rejuvenated into life.  Thudding against his rib cage.

"Choose and everything works itself out," Buffy remembered.

"Buffy!" Riley's voice shouted from across the street.  He instantly noticed Angel and growled.  "I have to talk to you."

"About what?  Your Initiative meetings or your vampire whores?" Buffy asked plainly.  Riley looked at Angel kneeling over and pushed him up against the wall, with his arm across Angels throat.

"You said you wouldn't tell her because of Joyce!  You said!" Riley exclaimed.  Angel snarled and grabbed Riley's jacket, twisting him round so he was against the wall.

"Angel!" Buffy yelped.  Angel turned his head to Buffy, letting Riley go slowly.  She walked to Angel and felt his feral features.  The bumps around his eyes.  His fangs protruding sharply out of his mouth.  "I thought you were alive.." She trailed off.

Angel jumped back and felt his face.  Then he slid his vampire visage out of sight and breathed heavily.  he felt his heart.

"Buffy I *am* alive.  And a vampire.  OK I'm confused," he held one hand to his head.

"She said living vampire," Buffy noted.  "You're alive but a vampire?"

"But which parts?  Do you have a cross?" Angel asked.  Buffy pulled her tiny gold cross out from her shirt and unclipped it. She offered it to Angel.

"Feel scared or weird about it?"

Angel grinned and shook his head.  He reached out and clasped it around his hand.  "It doesn't hurt.  It doesn't scare me."

"We need to get to the magick shop.  Test you with holy water and in the morning, sunlight.  Just your hand though.  So if you.. Y'know.. Then you'll be OK."

"Willow still has the curse.. so we could test that," Angel smirked.  Buffy grinned and playfully hit his arm.

"An-gel.  I never took you for a saucy kinda guy!"

"I'm feeling strangely upbeat."

"If you're alive, you can age," Buffy said excitedly.  "And have a family.  Ha!  All the reasons for leaving me all out.  And you have strength to fight.  Tell me again why you can't be with me?"

"Buffy."

"Angel," she smirked.  Angel stepped towards her to kiss her but they were interupted.

"Huh?" Riley asked.

Buffy turned and walked up to Riley.  "Are you leaving for the army?"

"But what--"

"Have you been letting vampires drink you?"

"Buffy wha--"

"I had to choose between you and Angel.  And I did.  I'm sorry.  I think.  But you obviously don't give a damn about me if you were doing the things you were behind my back."

"Buffy.. I--"

"Tell me straight Riley."

"I'm leaving tomorrow night.  I was going to tell you."

"What about the vampires?"

"I wasn't going to hurt you."

"No you weren't," Buffy nodded.  "But I chose Angel.  For whatever.  I chose him.  And I think we have a real chance.  So we're.. Well we're.."

"Over?" Riley asked.

"Yeah.  I'll never forget you Riley.  You do mean something to me.  I told you it was doomed."

Riley chuckled low.  "Yeah doomed."  He leant forward and kissed her cheek.  "Goodbye Buffy."

"Bye."

"Tell the guys.. Tell them whatever you want to.  I've got things to sort out before I leave."

Buffy nodded.  "OK."

Riley looked past Buffy to Angel.  "You were right.  Earlier.. you were right about everything.  And now it's your chance to.. To do everything you dreamed of doing."

Angel smiled.  "Maybe I'll get around to that eviseration later on, Finn."

Riley laughed and walked away, kicking his heels against the road.

Angel sighed and turned back to Buffy with a wicked grin on his face.  He reached out felt her soft hair with the back of his hand.

"So.. where were we?"
 
 

"We're the only ones standing between you and real feedback."

"Best believe that man."

"..I do.  You're all fired."